Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014





Jerks of the Week: Aug. 11, 2014


JERK OF THE WEEK: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods

Remember that horrible Saturday I had when I lost my ID and credit card? Of course you do. This is Jerks of the Week, we're talking about, the most important literature you read, so you've undoubtedly memorized every article I've ever written.

In case your Internet hasn't been working, and you don't feel like clicking the link, I lost my ID and credit card while at Willow Grove Mall. I had to go to the DMV the following Tuesday - because government workers are too lazy to be functional on Mondays - but that experience wasn't as bad as I thought it would be because I was able to obtain plenty of Jerks of the Week material.

Well, guess what? One of the people who works at Willow Grove Mall sent me a letter recently, informing me that they found my ID and credit card! All I had to do was stop by with some other form of identification to pick it up. I had my new ID already, and I already canceled that credit card, so I didn't exactly need these items. However, to prevent some douche from stealing my identity, I decided that I should pick them up.

My girlfriend needed to do some shopping anyway, so we drove over to Willow Grove Mall a few Saturdays ago. The experience didn't disappoint, as I encountered many more jerks worth writing about...


Shopping for Bras:

You learn something new every day, and what I discovered this particular Saturday afternoon was how expensive bras are. My girlfriend was browsing for one in Macy's, which piqued my curiosity.

Me: How much are bras anyway, like $9.99?

Girlfriend: Walt... are you serious?

Me: What, too much? $4.99?

Girlfriend: Try more.

Me: Really? What are they, like $14.99?

My girlfriend just shook her head and showed me one of the price tags. I was so shocked I nearly pissed myself.

$39.99

What the hell? Why are they so much? I always figured bras came in like packs of five or six for that amount. If they're $40 for just one, I feel like they need to do something extra. I've given it some thought, and I've come up with three extra features bras can provide. At least one of these three needs to be implemented immediately to prevent the bra companies from further gipping women:

1. Movie projector: There should be nobs on bras that allow you to play movies. I suppose there wouldn't be any room for a DVD, but you could always download them to the bra.

2. Food replicator: I have no clue why food replicators haven't been invented yet. Perhaps we can put one in a bra. It'd be nice if you could go, "Bra, I'd like a pack of Cheetos - crunchy," and then a bag of Cheetos materializes. Why isn't anyone working on this?

3. Cell phone: Women tend to wear pants with no pockets, so for their convenience, I feel like bras should double as cell phones. They've already invented those watches that can be used as cell phones, so I feel like transforming bras into cell phones is the next logical step. If they did this, I'd consider wearing a bra. No joke.

My girlfriend eventually found what she was looking for. We went to the cashier, and I was pleased to see that there was only one person in front of us. It was some old Russian lady, who had eight or so ugly dresses on the counter. "Ugly" being an understatement. They looked like some drunken hobo threw up on random fabric. Perhaps he was as disgusted as I was about bra prices.

What initially seemed like a short wait turned into a long, arduous process. For whatever reason, the Russian woman wanted the cashier to ring up one of the dresses at a time. The cashier would then scan the tag, collect money from the Russian woman and give the change back. Then, the cashier scanned the second dress, and so on.

This in itself was frustrating, but what made it worse was that the cashier was the slowest-moving person of all time. A middle-aged black woman with a Justin Bieber lesbian haircut, the cashier literally took minutes to count the Russian woman's money and give back the change each time. I actually whispered to my girlfriend, "I feel like we're in slow motion right now." She nodded, looking like she wanted to fall asleep because she was so bored.

After what seemed like 20 minutes later, the cashier was on the Russian woman's fifth dress. That's when she dropped the change she was about to hand back. "Oops, I'm gonna have ta count that gain," she mumbled. Then, another Russian woman approached the counter with more dresses.

"I find more dress for you buy."

I nearly spazzed out. I was about to yell, "Can you f***ing imbeciles move any faster!? And why are you ringing up one f***ing dress at a time!? You idiots!"

Fortunately, at that moment, a second cashier, a fat, black woman, wobbled to the other counter. "I'll take y'all round hmy'all," she said.

Despite her weight, she moved much more quickly. My sanity greatly appreciated that. I thought we'd be trapped in Macy's for all eternity, and I'd be stuck there forever with bras that don't play movies.





Shopping for Dominatrix Items:

No, not us. Not anyone, actually. No one shopped for any sort of dominatrix items on this particular Saturday.

Someone did at one point though. A woman standing in front of us in line at another clothing store had these dominatrix heels on. I wouldn't have noticed them, but my girlfriend pointed them out. They're hard to describe because I'm a man, and I hate shoes. They had these super long heels, and they came up really high, but they were webby - is that even a word? - so that you could see parts of her leg that were covered up by normal heels.

This in itself would've been worth mentioning in here, but here's the remarkable part: Her daughter, who was about 8 years old, was wearing the same exact dominatrix heels!

My girlfriend was appalled by this. I laughed because I thought about all of the possibilities. You know those families that travel in trailers and sing across the country? Maybe that's what her family does, but except for singing for people, they have sex with paying customers all across the United States. And not just sex - dominatrix sex!

I don't feel bad for making fun of this woman - ah hell, who am I kidding, I never feel bad for making fun of anyone - because she was a complete b***h. Like the Russian woman at Macy's, she was taking forever. The cashier wasn't to blame this time; she was moving as quickly as possible. Dominatrix woman was the one causing all of the problems. After a few minutes, I finally listened in to see what was taking so long.

Dominatrix Woman: This is what I'm getting charged for. Right here!

Cashier: I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's not the case.

Dominatrix Woman: It is the case! Look! Thirty percent off! Where's my 30 percent off!?

Cashier: That's not what's on sale.

Dominatrix Woman: It says it's on sale! I demand my 30 percent!

Cashier: I can't give you 30 percent. That's not what's on sale.

This went on for what seemed like hours. The cashier, a chubby chick wearing some sort of weird blinking technological headset that made her look like a member of the Borg, sighed multiple times as Dominatrix Woman yelled at her. If she wasn't so sullen, I would have been terrified that she would assimilate me.

Dominatrix Woman finally relented and paid. She left, and the blonde chick standing in front of us in line stepped up to the register. Borg Cashier was right in the middle of asking if she found everything OK when Dominatrix Woman and her dominatrix daughter barged back into the store. She basically shoved the blonde chick out of the way and shoved the receipt into Borg Cashier's face.

Dominatrix Woman: Look at the receipt! It says 30 percent off, but I didn't get my 30 percent!

Borg Cashier: Ma'am, I told you already, that's not on sale. And please go to the back of the line. There are other customers.

Dominatrix Woman: I'm still holding this place in line! Look at the receipt! This doesn't add up! Five, right? Five times $12 is $50, so why am I being charged for $60?

Borg Cashier: Ma'am, please. It's not your turn.

Dominatrix Woman: I'm holding this place in line! And your math is wrong! I should not be charged for $60, and that's before the 30-percent off gets factored in!

Borg Cashier: There's no 30 percent, and five times $12 is $60. Ma'am, she wants to pay...

Dominatrix Woman: I'm holding this place in line! I need this corrected!

Borg Cashier looked like she wanted to shoot herself. I felt the same way. It seemingly took hours, but Dominatrix Woman relented, probably because she and her whore daughter had to do some sort of gang bang.

When the blonde chick finished paying, we moved up to the counter. We heard Dominatrix Woman yelling something from outside the store, but fortunately, she didn't go inside again.

Me: What the hell's her problem?

Borg Cashier: I don't know. What a b***h.

That's an understatement. This woman was extremely rude, yelled incoherently at people, demanded things she's not entitled to, butted in front of people in line, sucked at math and whored out her daughter. She's so bad that even the Borg despise her.







Shopping for Stolen Goods:

Our next stop wasn't as eventful, but noteworthy nonetheless. We were in some hippie shop that sold clothes, mugs, signs and other terrible things that hippies like.

I was mindlessly browsing when one of the store clerks, another black woman with a Justin Bieber lesbian haircut, charged toward me. I moved out of the way before she could knock me over. She brushed me aside and yelled at some middle-aged white woman at the back of the store.

Black Woman: Ma'am we don't allow low bags round hmy'all!

White Woman: Oh, I'm sorry!

Black Woman: Mhmm...

I didn't say anything, but I was both confused and irate about this.

Confused: What the hell are low bags? I asked my girlfriend, but she didn't know either. I assume they are bags that hang really low to the ground. If so, what do high bags look like? Are they bags that float above your head, or something? This is way more confusing than that whole bra situation.

Irate: Why are white people, particularly middle-aged women, always accused of stealing? It started as an innocent little stereotype, like black men all sucking at basketball, or Asians all sucking at math, or Mexicans always eating fried chicken and watermelon, but now it has gone too far. When regular white women are being stopped in stores and accused of putting stolen items in low bags, whatever the hell they are, things need to change.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh, Walt, you're just crying racism again because as a white person, you want reparations for what happened in the past." No. This goes beyond what us white people had to go through... though, I'll admit, it was pretty horrible. I still have nightmares about it. Those episodes of Moesha... oh God. No, not Moesha! No! UPN, don't do it! Don't air Moesha for five more seasons! I can't take it anymore! Someone please make it stop! I don't want to watch Moesha after Star Trek TNG reruns! Please don't, UPN, AGGGHHHH!!!

OK, so maybe my anger does have to do with reparations, but the fact remains that middle-aged white women need to stop being accused of stealing - and pronto, because I may just lose my mind.

At any rate, we recovered my ID and credit card, but before that, we stopped by the food court. We were set to have Chinese food that night for my cousin's birthday, but we were both starving and mesmerized by the cheesesteak place they had there. My girlfriend and I agreed to share a cheesesteak and bacon cheese fries.

Once the Mexican guy behind the counter sliced and diced the meat, he put it into a roll and asked us if we wanted some condiments.

Girlfriend: Can we have some lettuce?

Me: LETTUCE!?!?!? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As every fat man like me knows, lettuce is not something you put on a cheesesteak. Not in a million years, and not for a million dollars. It does not contain Vitamin X like the rest of it, so it doesn't mix well. I freaked out and nearly dived (not dove; incorrect grammar) at the Mexican guy, but he already sprinkled some lettuce on the cheesesteak. My lunch was ruined. I still had the bacon cheddar fries, but they weren't enough.

I was so depressed about this that I suddenly found myself wondering if the bra my girlfriend bought could replicate Cheetos. It doesn't. I checked.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 21


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 21


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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