Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2015





Jerks of the Week: Dec. 21, 2015


JERK OF THE WEEK: Christmas Shopping with a Baby

I have a couple of Christmas shopping stories I want to share with you, and the first one involves me shopping with a baby. If you've been reading this site for a while, one of the following thoughts may have popped into your head...

1. "Holy crap, Walt kidnapped a baby!"

OK, that's just stupid. Why would I kidnap a baby? If I haven't kidnapped a hot cheerleader yet, I sure as hell am not going to kidnap a baby.

I never got the concept of kidnapping children, anyway. Unless you're doing it for ransom, I don't see the point. Dealing with your own kids is difficult enough, so why bother with someone else's? At least your own children share the same DNA as you and can stand to inherit all of your prized belongings. But do these kidnappers really want to hand down their precious 1905 penny to someone else's child? That's just stupid.

Even trying to collect ransom seems bothersome. I can imagine this exchange...

Kidnapper: Muhahaha, I kidnapped your child. Give me $50,000, or you'll never see him again!

Mother: Nah, he's an annoying douche, I'm not paying that kind of money.

Kidnapper: OK fine, $20,000!

Mother: No. Has he begun banging pots and pans yet? That's going to be quite annoying for you.

Kidnapper: Ugh, yeah, he's doing that now. How about $5,000?

Mother: Ha! No way, Jose.

Kidnapper: What about like $200? Please?

Mother: Nope. Not worth it.

Kidnapper: OK, what if I give you $200 to take him back?

Mother: Meh...

Kidnapper: OK, OK, I'll give you $1,000 and throw in my precious 1905 penny!

Mother: Ugh, fine. But let's do the trade in a few days. I want some peace and quiet.

So, no, I didn't kidnap anyone.

2. "Holy crap, Walt has an illegitimate son!"

While this is more plausible than the first scenario, it's also unrealistic. I guess that's one of the benefits of being super socially awkward in high school and four of my six college years - I could barely talk to girls; let alone knock any of them up.

I'm not exaggerating this. My college roommate Dennis (now the site's lead developer) would urge me to talk to hot chicks at the frat parties we'd go to, and here's how that would go down...

Me: Uhh... h... hey, what's up?

Hot Chick: Nothing.

Me: I'm Walt.

Hot Chick: Don't care.

Me: Uhh... who... umm... uhh...

Hot Chick: What?

Me: Uhh... who... who do you know at this party?

Hot Chick: None of your business.

Every single conversation went like this. So, as you can see, there was no way I was impregnating any of these women.

3. "Holy crap, Walt's girlfriend's sister had to paint her house so she asked if they could watch her son for the day!"

Wow... how the hell did you know that? I have to say, that's quite impressive. Then again, I suppose I made it obvious.




I went to Neshaminy Mall a recent Saturday with my girlfriend and her 18-month-old nephew Zach to do some Christmas shopping. The first thing I noticed was that people actually smiled at me. Not everyone, but enough for me to realize that something was different. Radically different, actually - since most people tend to scowl at me, especially attractive women. And I wasn't even trying to ask them whom they happened to know!

But being with a baby was different. I guess some people assumed that I was a good father taking his son to the mall on a Saturday afternoon. Ah, if only I brought a baby with me to those frat parties. I would've scored hot chicks' numbers in no time.

Anyway, the first store we went to was Barnes & Noble. As we went in, I noticed that the mall set up Santa outside of the store, which was a change from previous years when they had Santa on the other side of the mall. In the past, I had always swung by to check out Santa's helpers, who always turned out to be fat. I surmised that the fat chick coalition realized that they could steal his cookies, which is why they had all signed up to work with him. Much like tiny fish following a shark to feast on whatever he leaves behind, fat girls will always be around Santa, without fail.

I didn't get to look at Santa's helpers because there was a massive crowd blocking my view, but don't worry, I'll have a story about this in the next Christmas shopping edition.

I found a book for my cousin in the store and brought it to the register. The cashier, a balding man in his 40s, was a little peculiar...

Cashier: Find everything OK?

Me: Yup.

Cashier: What's your name? Mike?

Me: Uhh... no, it's Walt.

Cashier: Wall? That's a strange name.

Me: No. Walt. As in Walt Disney.

Cashier: Hmm... you don't look like a Walt.

But I do look like a Mike or a Wall? What does that even mean? Why would he assume my name is Mike? Does he guess the name of every customer? I don't understand why he would ask me this.

The cashier seemed cheery until he heard the answer to his next question.

Cashier: Would you like to donate a book to the children's hospital?

Me: Nah, that's OK.

Cashier: WHAT!?

Me: Uhh...

Cashier: But the children! The poor children!

Me: I... uhh... donated a book the last time I was here.

He stared at me angrily as I paid for my purchase. He definitely didn't believe me, and I don't blame him, since it was an obvious lie.

I hate this. I give to charity, but Barnes & Noble's book program is such a scam. They have these books ready to go to the children's hospital right behind the cash register. The company doesn't intend to sell them to customers, so why doesn't it just donate the books without having anyone else pay for it? The Barnes & Noble owners are way wealthier than anyone who comes into the store, so it would make more sense if they just gave the books away without having their weird cashiers ask for money.

Anyway, I exited the store and found my girlfriend watching her nephew on a mini carousel. He and this slightly older girl, who sat behind him, waved at each other. I'll even admit that it was pretty cute.

The father of this girl was an Italian dude with slicked-back hair, a leather jacket and a giant gold cross hanging down from his neck. He looked like a cast member of Grease. He didn't say anything of note; he just laughed the whole time and muttered, "Haha, eh yo! You havin' fun!? Eh, yo!"

As you can tell, he was kind of stupid. Still, he proved to be better company than a shaming salesman who thought my name was either Mike or Wall.






Someone even more annoying was this guy at the center of the mall who was trying to get people to fill out entry forms in order to win a free car. He approached me as I was passing by.

Free Car Salesman: Sir, can you fill this out!?

Me: Nah, my hands are kind of full.

Free Car Salesman: It's OK, sir, you tell me the answers and I'll write them! What's your name? Bob?

Me: No, my name's not Bob! Or Mike! Or Wall! It's Walt!

Free Car Salesman: Walt, that's "W-A-L-T," correct?

Me: How the hell else would you spell it?

Free Car Salesman: OK, "W-A-L-T." What's your last name?

Me: Wait, I don't want to do this. I was just saying that my name isn't Bob.

Free Car Salesman: Why not, sir? It'll only take five minutes of your time. Well worth it to have a brand new car!

Me: I don't want a brand new car!

Free Car Salesman: But it's free! Just please help me out, sir! This won't take any longer than 10 minutes!

Me: You just said five.

Free Car Salesman: I meant five! It'll only take five minutes, and then you could own a brand new car for free!

Me: No! Get away from me!

I reversed and went into Hot Topic to get away from this guy. I don't know how many times I needed to say that I didn't want a new car. First of all, I like my car. I don't want to learn to drive anything else. I feel like a man's car nowadays is like his horse from the past. Men didn't buy a new horse to ride until his old one died. Link always rode Epona. He didn't upgrade because Epona was his horse, just like my Honda Accord is my car. I could buy a fancy-shmancy car if I wanted to, but I'm not some a**hole who compensates for a small wang with an expensive car.

Second, there's no such thing as a free new car. It's not free. If you win a car, guess what? You have to pay taxes to the government so that dirty politicians can buy their fifth yacht, all while telling the sheeple that they're taking care of the poor. What a joke.

Anyway, going into Hot Topic was a good idea because I managed to find more gifts, as well as some cool t-shirts for myself. I brought them to the register, and somehow my total was $106.13. I remember the cent count specifically because the cashier, a woman who looked like a scary lesbian, asked me a question:

Scary Lesbian: Your total comes to $106.13. Would you like to round up to $107 to contribute to the Hot Topic Foundation?

Me: What's that?

Scary Lesbian: The Hot Topic foundation aims to keep art and music in public schools. Would you like to contribute the 87 cents toward this noble cause?

Noble cause? Ha! The quicker they remove art and music, the better. Music is OK, I guess, but art is the dumbest subject ever. I always hated art class when I was in school. We were taught by a scary lesbian who always scoffed at my work. Meanwhile, this cute girl sitting across from me would always play footsie with me. You might think that would be a good thing, but as an awkward 10-year-old with a mullet, I had no idea how to react to it, so I just sat in silence and never responded. Horrible times.

At any rate, like I said, I don't care if they get rid of art and music in school. Some may whine about there not being as many artists in the world, but to that I say, good riddance! We don't need many more pretentious, Starbucks-frequenting douches telling us that weird blobs on a canvas make a profound statement.

Going back to the conversation with the scary lesbian at Hot Topic...

Me: Nah, it's OK, I don't want to contribute. I did that the last time I was here.

Scary Lesbian: You contributed to something you didn't know about?

Me: Umm...uhh...?

Scary Lesbian: Sir, we need to keep art and music in schools. You need to do your part. So, let's round that up to $107, shall we?

Me: Umm... Uhh... OK...

So, to summarize, I failed to donate a book to a children's hospital, yet contributed to keeping art and music alive in public schools, which I'm completely against.

How horrible. I felt terrible about this, but at least my girlfriend's nephew had fun. He ate a small cookie and got to ride that carousel, scoring more action with a girl than I did throughout the first 22 years of my life.

LOADING COMMENTS...



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Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Sept. 20


2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 14


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


NFL Power Rankings - May 5









 





 

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