Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2017





Jerks of the Week: Jan. 16, 2017


JERK OF THE WEEK: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 2

Last time in Jerks of the Week, I published Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 1. In that entry, I wrote about taking a trip to Pennsylvania's state capital with my fiancee so she could get her real-estate license, and to also meet up with her brother Jimmy, who would be stranded in Pittsburgh for the holidays because of work. I noted that Harrisburg is a decaying city with only one attraction: the Harrisburg Mall. We entered the mall through something called 2nd & Charles, which was a cool store with tons of video game- and comic book-related stuff. Things were looking up until we entered the mall common area...

"Should we go left or right?" I asked my fiancee upon finally exiting 2nd & Charles. The left side looked pretty bleak, but there was an Auntie Anne's station, where my fiancee bought a pretzel dog. I, however, was saving my appetite for the food court.

There wasn't much else to the left, save for a big Bass Pro Shops store. I have to say that Harrisburg really takes its Bass Pro Shops seriously. Not only did they have live fish in the mall pond near the store, but the road leading up to the mall is actually called Bass Pro Shops Drive. It's like the mayor splooged all over his desk upon learning that a Bass Pro Shops was actually coming to his s***ty city, but then learned that in exchange for this, he'd have to name one of his main roads "Bass Pro Shops Drive." I can imagine him shouting over the phone, "ALL YOU WANT ME TO DO IS CHANGE A STREET NAME! SURE! THAT'S F***ING AWESOME BECAUSE I WOULD'VE SOLD MY SOUL TO HAVE YOU GUYS SET UP A STORE HERE!"

We walked through Bass Pro Shops to get to the second level of the mall, and their displays were very impressive. They had a waterfall and numerous animal heads mounted on the walls. Any PETA a**hole would've instantly suffered a brain aneurysm upon seeing this, and I consider that to be a good thing.

This was a Harrisburg Bass Pro Shops, so of course some stuff would suck. They had a practice shooting range, where you could fire 25 fake bullets at various targets for $1. I gave it a shot - get it, shot? - and I only connected on one of my 25 targets. Now, before you compare me to Jared Goof, I swear that I hit at least 10 targets. The counter simply didn't register. Some of my shots were direct hits, but it didn't give me credit for it.

After I was finished, I put down the rifle in frustration. Some teenage girl wearing a ski hat walked by and saw the score. She laughed. I wanted to yell, "F*** you, you stupid hat-wearing piece-of-s**t c**t, I didn't really get just one point, so take off your f***ing hat and shut the f*** up!" But then I realized that I probably shouldn't care what some idiot teenage girl wearing a ski cap in a Harrisburg Bass Pro Shops happens to think.




We eventually reached the food court. My fiancee actually saw the food court before I did when I went to the bathroom.

"The food court is pretty depressing," she said, attempting to warn me.

I prepared for the worst, and, well, it wasn't as horrible as she made it out to be, but it was a bit depressing. There were only four options: a Checkers, a Subway, some Chinese place, and something called Pizza Zone. There was plenty of open space on one side of the food court, which would probably be occupied if most people in Harrisburg could actually afford to shop at the mall.

Fiancee: What do you want?

Me: I want Checkers ... but I also want to try Pizza Zone! It's a freaking zone of pizza!

Fiancee: Why not get both?

Me: Great idea!

We walked to the Checkers booth first. Some teenage girl was texting behind the counter. I didn't think she'd see us, but she somehow caught a glimpse of us despite using her phone.

Checkers Girl: Whachu want?

Me: Umm... your bacon cheeseburger, what comes on that?

Checkers Girl: It come with lettuce, tomato and mayo.

Me: I don't want any of that nonsense. Just give me meat, cheese and bread.

I expected her to laugh at me calling that stuff nonsense, but her facial expression didn't even change. She put down her phone and entered the order. I tried again, talking loudly enough to my fiancee for her to overhear: "What kind of monsters put lettuce, tomato and mayo on precious bacon cheeseburgers!?"

The Checkers girl once again appeared completely stoic, almost as if Harrisburg had sucked her soul out of her body. "Anytin' else?" she asked. I ordered fries, and wandered over to Pizza Zone.

The woman at Pizza Zone was more jovial. She was in her 40s, and she actually looked like she wanted to be alive. She took my order, which ended up being something dollars and 37 cents. I reached into my pocket, knowing that I had change left over from Checkers, and I came up with two quarters and two pennies. Fifty-two cents would be good enough. I handed that to her, and she looked befuddled.

Pizza Zone Woman: Why you givin' me 52 cent, when you owed me 37 cent?

Me: I didn't have three pennies or a dime?

Pizza Zone Woman: I am so confuse right now, but the customer always right!

She opened her register, and she eventually learned that she owed me something dollars and 15 cents. Just a dime and a nickel, rather than the two quarters, one dime and three pennies I would've received had I not handed her any change at all.

Pizza Zone Woman: Here's your change, a dime and a nickel. Wow, only a dime and a nickel! What kinda voodoo this?

Me: Voodoo? I don't know.

Pizza Zone Woman: These some real shenanigans round hm'yall!

I didn't know that simple math was "voodoo" and "shenanigans," but I didn't care once I had my bacon cheeseburger, fries and Pizza Zone pizza. All three items proved to be delicious.

Despite having been accused of voodoo and being laughed at by some stupid teenager, Harrisburg suddenly didn't seem half bad!






Walking around the rest of the mall didn't take very long. There were only like 12 shops in total. One was a Victoria's Secret. They had a five-panty sale of some sort, so my fiancee picked out five. She then handed them to me.

"Here's my credit card, can you pay for these?" she asked. "I really have to go to the bathroom!"

I walked over to the register, where some average-looking blonde girl in her 20s was stationed. She looked at me holding five pairs of panties and sported a quizzical expression.

"You find everything OK?" she asked, trying hard not to laugh.

I quickly tried to defend myself, but I had so much phlegm in my mouth from the cheese and Coke I consumed that I could barely talk.

Me: Hem, hem... hem, hem... uhh... hem, hem... not mine, my fiancee's, hem, hem...

Victoria's Secret Girl: Uhh... haha OK!

Me: Hem, hem... no really, my fiancee's, hem, hem... Look, here's her credit card.

Victoria's Secret Girl: Uhh... haha sure! Did someone help you find these?

Me: Yeah, umm, some brunette girl, I mean, she helped my fiancee find these, hem, hem!

Victoria's Secret Girl: Oh, OK, yeah... haha...

Ugh. She thought I was some creepy dude with phlegm in his throat just randomly buying five pairs of panties at Victoria's Secret. I'll have you know, stupid skank, that if I were to buy five pairs of panties for my own pleasure, that I'd do so online in order to avoid embarrassment, thank you very much!

Anyway, we left the great Harrisburg Mall after that and returned to our hotel room. My fiancee napped and I worked while we waited for Jimmy to arrive. He showed up around 10 because he was caught in traffic upon leaving work.

Fiancee: Hey Jimmy, it's so great to see you! It's a shame you won't be around on Christmas!

Jimmy: I'll be home on Christmas.

Fiancee: Wait, what!?

Jimmy: I told mom I'd be home on Christmas. I told her this last week. She didn't tell you?

Fiancee: No! Wait, so we stayed in this s***ty city the whole day for no reason!?

Jimmy: Haha, I guess so!

She was not too happy about that. Fortunately, we had the rest of the night ahead of us, so we went out and enjoyed Harrisburg's fabulous night life. We looked at places that were still open around 10, so here's a list of bars/restaurants that were available to us:

  • Applebee's

    And that's it. What a great city Harrisburg is, let me tell you.

    Despite the bacon cheeseburger, fries and pizza I devoured earlier, Applebee's sounded pretty good. They have fantastic appetizers, after all!

    Our waitress was semi-cute, so I thought Jimmy might be into her. He seemed like he might have been, until she casually slipped in the fact that she had a boyfriend into the conversation.

    "What a stupid, worthless bi**h," he said while she walked away. "How am I supposed to hit on her if she has a boyfriend?"

    She paused, almost as if she heard what he said. I wasn't quite sure until the end of our meal when she gave us our bill.

    We ordered four appetizers - cheeseburger egg rolls, pretzels with cheese, the big sampler, and some nachos - as well as some soup and salad. We expected the bill to be fairly cheap, since the menu said that there were half-priced apps from 8 p.m. to midnight on Friday nights. This was definitely within that time frame, and yet, the bill was a very high total.

    We called the waitress over, and asked her if there was some sort of error.

    "No," she said sternly, looking right at Jimmy. "If you look at the asterisk, it says it's only half-priced for select apps. It's actually all apps except cheeseburger egg rolls, pretzels with cheese, the big sampler, and nachos."

    Wow. The four apps we ordered were the only four that weren't half-priced. How convenient!

    You know, I'd say that this sort of shady, spiteful way to treat customers would end up hurting Applebee's business, but considering that it's the only place open in the entire city of Harrisburg after 10 o'clock, I'd say they are pretty safe.

    LOADING COMMENTS...



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    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
    Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
    Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
    Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
    Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
    Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
    Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
    Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
    Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
    Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
    Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
    Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
    Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
    Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
    Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
    Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
    Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
    Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
    Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
    Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
    Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
    Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
    Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
    Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
    Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
    Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
    Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
    Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
    Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
    Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
    Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
    Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
    Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
    Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
    Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
    Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
    Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
    Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
    Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
    Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Women's Basketball, Celebrity Man, Facebook Morons
    Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
    Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
    Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
    Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
    Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
    Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
    Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
    Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
    Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
    Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
    Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
    Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
    Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
    Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
    Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
    Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
    Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
    Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
    Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
    Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype, Ben Roethlisberger and His Accuser
    Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
    Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
    Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
    Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
    Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
    Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
    Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
    Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
    Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
    Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
    Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
    Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
    Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
    Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
    Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
    Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
    Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
    Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
    Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
    Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
    Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
    Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
    Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
    Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




    NFL Picks - Sept. 21


    2018 NFL Mock Draft - Sept. 21


    Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 6


    2018 NBA Mock Draft - Aug. 23


    2019 NFL Mock Draft - June 1


    NFL Power Rankings - May 5









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