The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.
This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter's perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.
By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network Tuesday, Dec. 11, 2018
Chances are, you're just confused as we are. How could Aaron Hernandez be masquerading as Bill Belichick for the past five years? How did no one think that Belichick's odd behavior since 2013 was a sign that something was terribly wrong? And if the Belichick we've seen walking around and getting into trouble with the NFL is really Hernandez, then what in the world happened to the real Belichick?
Luckily, here at the NFL Bible Network, we have the best resources at our disposal to uncover any story. We received a tape Monday night capturing the interaction between Hernandez and Belichick, and how they came to switch places.
Belichick summoned Hernandez into his office in late June 2013. Hearing that Hernandez would be charged with the murder of Odin Lloyd, Belichick wanted to say his goodbyes to one of his most talented players before releasing him.
"Come on in and sit down," Belichick said, motioning to Hernandez, who was holding his nose because Belichick's hoodie reeked like cat urine. Hernandez obliged, taking a seat across from his head coach.
"Aaron," Belichick started, sighing as if he knew this would be difficult. "We're going to have to let you go. I know it's innocent before proven guilty in this country, but the evidence is damning. Plus, Mr. Kraft was complaining about how he hasn't been able to eat as many Arby's sandwiches because he's had to answer questions about you. You know how Mr. Kraft gets when he can't eat his Arby's sandwiches."
Belichick paused, waiting for Hernandez to say something. Hernandez just stared back blankly.
"Again, Aaron, I'm sorry about all of this, but we can't afford this type of distraction here," Belichick said in his usual monotone voice. "This must be difficult for you, but if you're cleared for this crime, you'll always have a home here."
Belichick waited again, but still nothing. Hernandez nonchalantly looked back at his head coach, remaining silent.
"Aaron, do you have anything to say about this?" Belichick asked.
Hernandez did not, initially. He reached into his bag and pulled out two masks. One resembled himself. The other looked like his head coach.
"These are nice aren't they?" Hernandez sniggered. "One of our Bloods members, Michael Silver from Yahoo! sports, made this during arts and crafts. Looks just like us!"
Belichick was now the one staring back in silence, as he had a completely confused expression on his face.
"I knew this day would come," Hernandez said calmly. "It's been prophesized in the Book of Bloods that one day, a football coach would betray his tight end, and I've come fully prepared."
Hernandez, grabbing a machete, quickly sliced off both of Belichick's arms. The head coach stared back in shock, whimpering, "Why... why..."
"Why?" Hernandez sneered. "Why is because you've betrayed me. Now, you will suffer my fate."
Hernandez squeezed the mask resembling himself over Belichick's head, and he donned the one that looked like the head coach.
"You will take my place in prison, and I will be the head coach of the Patriots - though not for long," Hernandez hissed. "I'm sure I'll find some way out of this - maybe I'll videotape people again!"
"But I can just tell the authorities what really happened!" Belichick declared.
"Of course you can!" Hernandez bellowed. "But then, in retaliation, I will destroy your precious videotape library. I'll burn all of the tapes. I'll burn them all!"
"No, not my videotapes!" Belichick cried. "Fine, I'll do anything!"
Days later, Belichick - wearing the Hernandez mask - was led out of his house without any arms, as seen in the famous picture:
People made jokes about the individual looking like Hernandez not having any arms in this picture, but the plan worked. With everyone focused on the missing arms, no one even noticed that the individual being cuffed was obviously wearing a mask.
AARON HERNANDEZ CONFRONTED IN COUNTRY CLUB
By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network Monday, Dec. 17, 2018
Once Emmitt discovered the horrifying truth behind Aaron Hernandez - how he's been fooling everyone into thinking he's been Bill Belichick the past five years - he made his quick escape from Hernandez's home, feigning indigestion.
"My stomach debacled itselves," Emmitt excused himself, scurrying off to his car. Emmitt sped away, but his heart raced. After all, he just discovered that the man he replaced as the head coach of the New England Patriots back in 2013 was the murderer he's been chasing all along. And not just any murderer - Hernandez, a fellow Florida Gator, was like a football brother to him.
Emmitt was driving so fast that he lost control of his car and hit a pole. He was rushed to the hospital, but the doctors, who initially deemed it to be a heart problem, told Emmitt that he had a panic attack and sent him home.
Emmitt spent the entire week in his garage, poring over all of the evidence he's collected over the past few months.
"No wonder Coach Billick have tattoo runnin' up his arm in this one picture of him in t-shirt," Emmitt said to himself. "But the big question is why is it call a t-shirt, and do they has an s-shirt or a p-shirt or a e-shirt?"
Emmitt tried Googling to find the answer, but had no luck. Meanwhile, he ignored all calls from Hernandez, who dialed in every 15 minutes.
"I hope he not very suspicions," Emmitt said aloud. "Maybe he callin' because he wonderin' why it is call a t-shirt and not a f-shirt either."
Hernandez finally confronted Emmitt on Friday. Still donning the Belichick mask, he drove to Emmitt's house and met the former Patriots' coach in the garage.
"Why you still wearin' that Coach Billick mask?" Emmitt asked. "I know it is you, the former tied end of the New Zealand Patriot, Aaron Fernandez."
Hernandez sighed, finally removing his mask.
"If you know who I am, then maybe your best course would be to tread lightly," Hernandez warned, leaving the garage, as Emmitt looked on, completely stunned.
"Wait a seconds, maybe this guy is the one who kill all the people who name Lloyd!" Emmitt remarked to himself when Hernandez was out of earshot.
Emmitt worked quickly, as there was no doubt that Hernandez was destroying evidence at a rapid pace. Based on some of the proof that Emmitt collected, he was able to determine that Hernandez's right-hand man was Aldon Smith. He had the police arrest Smith, where he talked to him privately in an interrogation room. Smith was initially unyielding, staring blankly into space. However, Emmitt had an ace up his sleeve.
"I know you friends with a kid name Little Taco," Emmitt said, which finally captured Smith's attention. "Do you know that Little Taco was poisonous?"
"Yeah, that rat-bastard Pescados did it!" Smith snapped.
"Well that not truly the case," Emmitt replied. "I have visual evident that your boss, Aaron Fernandez, poisonous Little Taco himselves."
Emmitt nudged some pictures over to Smith, who wasted no time grabbing them. His eyes shifted quickly - he was no doubt still under the influence of some blue cat urine that he cooked up recently - and his face quickly grew ruddy.
"I want to make him pay for what he did to Little Taco!" Smith shrieked.
With Smith's help, Emmitt was able to build a strong case against Hernandez. There was just one problem - they didn't have the bodies. However, Emmitt and Smith were able to hatch a plan. Smith called Hernandez, threatening to bring the bodies to the authorities to avenge Little Taco. Hernandez knew that Smith had no idea where the bodies were buried, but the calculating murderer still overreacted and drove off to the Gainesville Country Club to move the evidence.
Emmitt and Smith followed, and once they spied Hernandez digging in an area, they confronted him.
"You has been fool by my friend here Alvin Smiths," Emmitt said. "You are now under the rest. You has the right to remain silence. Anything you say will be use against you in the basketball court."
"You fools think you can take me down so easily?" Hernandez shouted. He then whistled, and a group of neo-Nazis joined him. They opened fire with their various firearms, but Emmitt and Smith ducked behind a table just in the nick of time. However, all hope seemed to be lost. Neither man had a weapon of any sort, so it was just a matter of time before Hernandez's neo-Nazis killed them.
The shots rang out, and Emmitt said some prayers to himself as he prepared to meet his maker.