Emmitt on the Brink - Season 4: Week 2
Emmitt on the Brink.
The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.
This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter's perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.
Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt's quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.
Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!
CHRIS JOHNSON DEMANDS MORE MONEY
By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Monday, Sept. 12, 2016
Chris Johnson drew some criticism five years ago when he tweeted about his contractual situation. Johnson begged fans to pray for him, and also called out "fake Titans fans," asking them not to compare themselves to him because he doesn't have a "regular job."
Now that Johnson is in his contract year, things are starting to heat up again.
"Last time I say I do not want to get paid like the highest-paid running back in the league; I want to get paid like a play-maker," Johnson told the media. "Now, I don't want to get paid like a highest-paid play-maker; I want to get paid like the highest-paid money-maker."
And what exactly is a "money-maker?" Johnson explained that to us.
"You know, one of dem cats who done some stuff," Johnson said vaguely. "You know, like Bill Gates, who invented the computers, or Oprah, who invented TV. I invented CJ2K. Why can't I get that kinda cash? That's 'diculous if I don't."
Before we could argue with Johnson, he made an announcement.
"I use up money from my old contract to build a church," Johnson revealed. "It's called the Real Titan Fan Church. Real Titan fans can go inside and pray for CJ2K to get a new contract. But fake Titan fans not allowed in the Real Titan Fan Church cuz they'll be prayin' for me not to get that money-maker cash. That's 'diculous cuz I don't got a regular job like dem cats."
Johnson told us the minimum amount he's seeking from Tennessee is a 6-year, $140 billion contract with $70 billion guaranteed. This deal would put the Titans $139 billion over the salary cap. We pointed this out to Johnson, but he proceeded to call us "fake Titans fans" and kicked us out of the Real Titan Fan Church.
In addition to this contract being fiscally unreasonable for the Titans, it's just not practical for them to sign him for that much money. They don't use Johnson enough to warrant anywhere near that type of money even if they could afford it. Johnson didn't receive a single carry in Sunday's 49-0 loss to the Patriots. Confused head coach Mike Munchak seemed to forget that Johnson was even on his team.
"I crossed off C.Johnson by accident after the preseason cuts," Munchak revealed. "It's so confusing. I have a C.Johnson, a D.Johnson and an F.Johnson. How the hell am I supposed to tell the difference between those three?"
Maybe because C.Johnson is a 2,000-yard rusher, we answered.
"Oh, C.Johnson does rushing stuff? I forgot," Munchak said. "Even still, I think I'm going to try C.Johnson at defensive line and K.Britt at kicker next week. Maybe we'll win."
Yeah, and maybe Vince Young will become a scientist and an invent a cheap cure for cancer.
We can't wait to see how poorly the Titans fare with a 200-pound running back on their defensive front. If he doesn't make it out of this upcoming Sunday's game alive, someone will have to take over his sermons at the Real Titan Fans Church.
SUNDAY NFL COUNTDOWN TRANSCRIPT: WEEK 2
By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Sunday, Sept. 18, 2016
We've followed Emmitt's entire coaching career with the Patriots, so we would be remiss not to document his second attempt with Sunday NFL Countdown.
Here is a transcript of a segment of Sunday NFL Countdown where Emmitt and the other analysts discussed Chris Johnson's contractual situation.
Chris Berman: Welcome back to Sunday NFL Countdown, hour 43 of our 63-hour weekly broadcast. As always, I'm joined by Tom Jackson.
Tom Jackson: Boom.
Chris Berman: It's been 30 years, Tom, where have the time and our athletic figures gone?
Tom Jackson: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Chris Berman: Also here is Coach Ditka. Coach, you're looking very autumnal today.
Mike Ditka: I dress like this every... excited to talk foot... Chris Johnson asking for more...
Chris Berman: Calm down, Coach. We still have 20 hours to go. Joining us for the first time is Eric Mangini. Another coach! This is like a coaches' seminar or something!
Tom Jackson: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Eric Mangini: Is Erin Andrews going to be here?
Philip Rivers: Shut up, turd!
Chris Berman: Then there's Philip Rivers, and joining us for the second time is the one and only Emmitt!
Emmitt: Thanks, Mike.
Chris Berman: Emmitt, I wanted to get your take on the Chris Johnson situation. He said he wants a $140 billion contract with $70 billion guaranteed. As a former NFL running back, how do you feel about this?
Emmitt: Well, when I was playing in the National Football Conference, I never got paid $140 billion, or even $1 billion. So do Chris Jordan deserve that kind of money? Well, if he deserve it, then he should get the billion, or maybe even a bazillion, which come after billion. But if he do not deserve it, then he should only get a trillion, which come below billion.
Eric Mangini: Emmitt, I know you're my old boss and everything, but I think trillion comes after billion, and I don't think there's a such a number as bazillion.
Philip Rivers: No one asked you, turd!
Emmitt: I learn in the University of Florida Gator State that the number go, million, trillion, billion, bazillion, zillion then gazillion, then infinicy, which mean a lot of money.
Mike Ditka: Trillion doesn't come after m... billion comes before tr... bazillion isn't a real...
Shannon Sharpe: wwio gwh oxygen esdkv bwg bdsjdvnoh grwng nfln sh30lsn fsj wphgro wns.
Chris Berman: Who is this mumbling fool, and how dare he interrupt Coach?
Tom Jackson: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Eric Mangini: He's Shannon Sharpe, he goes everywhere I go. My mom said that he has to sleep over my house tonight, so that's why he's here. He's totally ruining my vibe with Erin Andrews.
Shannon Sharpe: gwp 9 qpwoejf;s;regjnyrdglb jpn laoh agsdbvkbkgt 5og parallelogram pae jhrih rph enlb dvbbt.
Chris Berman: Well, is ESPN paying him?
Eric Mangini: No, I don't think so.
Philip Rivers: And no one will be paying you either after you give me your lunch money!
Emmitt: Anyway, back to the discussings, somebody tell me the Titan do not have enough salary crap to pay Chris Jordan, so if he cannot get the $140 bazillion from the Titan, that will be a tough pillow to swallow.
Chris Berman: Whoa, who is that red-head who just walked by? Is that Rachel "five pennies equal a" Nichols?
Tom Jackson: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Chris Berman: Hey Red, you're with me. Tom, take over for about 30 minutes.
Emmitt on the Brink Archive:
Emmitt on the Brink Home Page
Season 1, Week 1 - PATRIOTS WIN 84-0 ON SUNDAY; LOSE ON MONDAY - Sept. 12
Season 1, Week 2 - PATRIOTS WIN 11-4 AMID CONFUSION; VICK ARRESTED - Sept. 19
Season 1, Week 3 - PATRIOTS ESCAPE WITH 7-2 WIN; BENGALS FLEE STADIUM - Sept. 26
Season 1, Week 4 - PATRIOTS-LIONS GAME MOVED TO...? - Oct. 3
Season 1, Week 5 - EMMITT'S PLAN TO NEUTRALIZE CHIEFS, TEBOWS FAILS - Oct. 10
Season 1, Week 6 - EMMITT SUSPENDS TWO COACHES; DEVISES OWN GAMEPLAN - Oct. 17
Season 1, Week 7 - AL DAVIS FINDS PROOF OF SABOTAGE; FILES GRIEVANCE - Oct. 24
Season 1, Week 8 - PATRIOTS PREPARE FOR DECLINING DOLPHINS - Oct. 31
Season 1, Week 9 - STEROID SCANDAL HITS FOXBOROUGH - Nov. 7
Season 1, Week 10 - EMMITT TO APPEAR ON REALITY TV SHOW - Nov. 14
Season 1, Week 11 - MORELLI SUSPENSION PENDING; CBS' PORTER CRITICIZES GOODELL - Nov. 21
Season 1, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY RUINED - Nov. 28
Season 1, Week 13 - CRENNEL EDGES REID IN CHARITY EVENT - Dec. 5
Season 1, Week 14 - MORE THAN 100 NFL PLAYERS TO BE SUSPENDED - Dec. 12
Season 1, Week 15 - COACH NEARLY MISSES INTERNATIONAL GAME - Dec. 19
Season 1, Week 16 - PATRIOTS FIGURE TO ROLL IN MIAMI - Dec. 26
Season 1, Week 17 - AFC PLAYOFF PREVIEW - Jan. 2
Season 1, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 9
Season 1, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 1, Week 20 - PATRIOTS TO THE SUPER BOWL! - Jan. 23
Season 1, Week 21 - DID THE PATRIOTS WIN IT ALL WITH EMMITT? - Jan. 31
Season 2, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2014 SEASON AGAINST THE JETS - Sept. 18
Season 2, Week 2 - JERRY JONES MAKES SURPRISING ANNOUNCEMENT AT HIS WEDDING - Sept. 25
Season 2, Week 3 - MICHAEL VICK SAVES THE DAY IN EAGLES LOSS - Oct. 2
Season 2, Week 4 - AL DAVIS UNLEASHES SECRET WEAPON AGAINST PATRIOTS - Oct. 9
Season 2, Week 5 - MAJOR CHANGES PREVALENT THROUGHOUT THE LEAGUE - Oct. 16
Season 2, Week 6 - PATRIOTS WIN ON A CULTURAL NIGHT IN MIAMI - Oct. 23
Season 2, Week 7 - DANIEL SNYDER HIRES NEW COACHES - Oct. 30
Season 2, Week 8 - SEVERAL PATRIOTS TO APPEAR ON GAME SHOWS - Nov. 6
Season 2, Week 9 - FAVRE RUINS PACKER PLANS AGAIN - Nov. 13
Season 2, Week 10 - PATRIOTS COULD BE IN TROUBLE AGAIN - Nov. 20
Season 2, Week 11 - PATRIOTS HIRE FORMER NO. 1 PICK, SPY - Nov. 27
Season 2, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY PARTY RUINED AGAIN - Dec. 4
Season 2, Week 13 - THANKSGIVING GAME RECAPS - Dec. 11
Season 2, Week 14 - PATS, BILLS TRAVEL TO NORTH KOREA - Dec. 18
Season 2, Week 15 - PATRIOTS PRACTICE CANCELED; LAUGHING GAS RELEASED - Dec. 26
Season 2, Week 16 - PATRIOTS ONE WIN AWAY FROM PERFECTION - Jan. 2
Season 2, Week 17 - PERFECTION AGAIN - Jan. 9
Season 2, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 2, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 23
Season 2, Week 20 - PATRIOTS ADVANCE TO SUPER BOWL; WILL FACE RAMS AGAIN - Jan. 30
Season 2, Week 21 - PATRIOTS CRUISE TO EASY SUPER BOWL VICTORY; BECOME FIRST TEAM TO GO 19-0 - Feb. 14
Season 3, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2015 SEASON AGAINST THE DOLPHINS - Sept. 11
Season 3, Week 2 - PATRIOTS FACE AN EASY CHALLENGE AGAINST INJURED LIONS - Sept. 18
Season 3, Week 3 - PATRIOTS AWARDED WIN AS JETS STADIUM IS IN RUINS - Sept. 25
Season 3, Week 4 - PATRIOTS FACE COWBOYS' SECRET WEAPON - Oct. 2
Season 3, Week 5 - PATRIOTS LOSE VALUABLE MEMBER OF TEAM - Oct. 9
Season 3, Week 6 - PATRIOTS OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR IN HOT WATER AGAIN - Oct. 16
Season 3, Week 7 - GOODELL AIMS TO IMPROVE PLAYER SAFETY; LEAGUE ANGERED - Oct. 23
Season 3, Week 8 - EMMITT DISTRAUGHT AFTER WAR OF WORDS WITH DENVER COACH - Oct. 30
Season 3, Week 9 - MANGINI'S CELEBRATION RUINED; COACH TO MISS GAME - Nov. 6
Season 3, Week 10 - PATRIOTS QUARTERBACK TO MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCE ON ENCOURAGE - Nov. 13
Season 3, Week 11 - AL DAVIS' DARK MAGIC BACKFIRES; PATRIOTS NOW 10-0 - Nov. 20
Season 3, Week 12 - EMMITT RETURNS TO PATRIOTS AFTER INTERVIEW - Nov. 27
Season 3, Week 13 - FORMER QUARTERBACK HOLDS SYMPOSIUM - Dec. 4
Season 3, Week 14 - PATRIOTS DRAFT SON OF FORMER NFL QUARTERBACK - Dec. 11
Season 3, Week 15 - EAGLES RECEIVER LEADS ALL PLAYERS IN PRO BOWL VOTING - Dec. 18
Season 3, Week 16 - PATRIOTS-VIKINGS GAME TO BE MOVED - Dec. 25
Season 3, Week 17 - WEATHER RUINS PATRIOTS-JETS FINALE - Jan. 1
Season 3, Week 18 - PATRIOTS, RAIDERS AWAIT WINNERS OF WILD CARD ROUND - Jan. 8
Season 3, Week 19 - PATRIOTS-RAIDERS TO MEET IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR - Jan. 15
Season 3, Week 20 - OLD FOE RETURNS TO HELP PATRIOTS VANQUISH RAIDERS IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP - Jan. 22
Season 3, Week 21 - PATRIOTS REPEAT AS CHAMPIONS - Feb. 8
Season 4, Week 1 - EMMITT LOOKING FOR WORK - Sept. 11
Season 4, Week 2 - CHRIS JOHNSON WANTS MORE MONEY - Sept. 18
Season 4, Week 3 - ARIAN FOSTER INJURED, ARRESTED AND SUSPENDED - Sept. 25
Season 4, Week 4 - DESEAN JACKSON BANNED FROM NFL - Oct. 2
Season 4, Week 5 - EMMITT REPLACES HANK WILLIAMS ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL - Oct. 8
Season 4, Week 6 - ANDY REID ON THE HOT SEAT AGAIN - Oct. 15
Season 4, Week 7 - HARBAUGH, SCHWARTZ PREPARE FOR BATTLE - Oct. 22
Season 4, Week 8 - NO TEAMS SHOW UP FOR TERRELL OWENS' WORKOUT AGAIN - Oct. 29
Season 4, Week 9 - JAMARCUS RUSSELL DISCUSSES COACHING STRATEGY - Nov. 5
Season 4, Week 10 - SANDUSKY BLOWS WHISTLE ON VICK - Nov. 12
Season 4, Week 11 - VICK DOG RAPE FALLOUT - Nov. 19
Season 4, Week 12 - SUH ASSIGNED TO ANGER MANAGEMENT - Nov. 26
Season 4, Week 13 - SKITTLE WARRIORS FAIL TO ISSUE VERDICT ON STEVE JOHNSON - Dec. 3
Season 4, Week 14 - EMMITT STOPS EVIL TIM TEBOW - Dec. 10
Season 4, Week 15 - SKITTLE WARRIORS ARREST SAM HURD - Dec. 17
Season 4, Week 16 - THE BEAST IS UNLEASHED; HELL IS UPON US - Dec. 24
Season 4, Week 17 - NEW NFL LOCKOUT HAS EVERYONE MIFFED - Dec. 31
Season 5, Week 1 - ALL SAINTS' GAMES SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE - Sept. 3
Season 5, Week 2 - BOUNTYGATE II SEXUAL ACTS CONTINUE - Sept. 10
Season 5, Week 3 - REPLACEMENT OFFICIAL TARGETED AS MAJOR SUSPECT IN BOUNTYGATE II - Sept. 17
Season 5, Week 4 - GREG SCHIANO GOES TOO FAR THIS TIME - Sept. 24
Season 5, Week 5 - POLICE STRIKE OVER; EMMITT HAS WARRANT IN HAND - Oct. 1
Season 5, Week 6 - ROGER GOODELL ARRESTED AND RELEASED - Oct. 8
Season 5, Week 7 - A LONG, BUT USEFUL DETOUR FOR EMMITT AND HIS CREW - Oct. 15
Season 5, Week 8 - EMMITT IS ARRESTED! - Oct. 22
Season 5, Week 9 - EMMITT FINDS A FRIEND IN JAIL - Oct. 29
Season 5, Week 10 - NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO CONVICT JONATHAN VILMA - Nov. 7
Season 5, Week 11 - ERIC MANGINI AND ASIAN ERIN ANDREWS' WEDDING - Nov. 14
Season 5, Week 12 - BOUNTYGATE II GOES BEYOND THE NFL - Nov. 21
Season 5, Week 13 - JERRY JONES FINALLY FIRES HIMSELF - Nov. 28
Season 5, Week 14 - EMMITT FINALLY ON RIGHT TRACK TO FINDING BOUNTYGATE II MASTERMIND - Dec. 5
Season 5, Week 15 - EMMITT FINALLY MEETS MASTERMIND OF BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 12
Season 5, Week 16 - EMMITT'S FRIENDS TO THE RESCUE! - Dec. 19
Season 5, Week 17 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS REWARDED FOR ENDING BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 26
Season 6, Week 1 - CONTROVERSIAL DIVISIONAL REALIGNMENT IN THE NFL - Sept. 7
Season 6, Week 2 - MORE PUNISHMENT FOR RILEY COOPER - Sept. 14
Season 6, Week 3 - BROWNS SHOCK NFL WITH ANOTHER TRADE - Sept. 21
Season 6, Week 4 - EMMITT FOUND IN THE MOST UNUSUAL PLACE - Sept. 28
Season 6, Week 5 - EMMITT MEETS WITH FBI FOR LLOYD INVESTIGATION - Oct. 5
Season 6, Week 6 - EMMITT QUESTIONS BOB KRAFT - Oct. 12
Season 6, Week 7 - THE WALKING BUCS - Oct. 19
Season 6, Week 8 - NFL ADMITS TO TWO OFFICIATING BLUNDERS - Oct. 26
Season 6, Week 9 - CONTROVERSY OVER OTHER NFL TEAM NAMES - Nov. 2
Season 6, Week 10 - MARTIN AND INCOGNITO SQUARE OFF IN TOURNAMENT - Nov. 9
Season 6, Week 11 - NFL ANNOUNCES RELOCATION OF JAGUARS - Nov. 16
Season 6, Week 12 - JOSH FREEMAN'S SECRET IS EXPOSED - Nov. 23
Season 6, Week 13 - NFL SUSPENDS MERIWEATHER, HITNER INDEFINITELY - Nov. 30
Season 6, Week 14 - DISASTER STRIKES AT LOWE FAMILY TURKEY BOWL - Dec. 7
Season 6, Week 15 - A FATEFUL BARBEQUE AT BELICHICK'S HOUSE - Dec. 14
Season 6, Week 16 - WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AARON HERNANDEZ - Dec. 21
Season 6, Week 17 - TROUBLING TIMES AHEAD - Dec. 28
Fantasy Football Rankings - Aug. 29
2016 NFL Mock Draft - July 24
2015 NFL Mock Draft - July 23
2015 NBA Mock Draft - July 1
NFL Free Agents
NFL Picks - Feb. 2
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