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Emmitt on the Brink - Season 2: Week 13


Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter's perspective and follow the 2013-14 New England Patriots as they traverse the 2013 and 2014 NFL seasons under Emmitt's guidance. This page will be updated every Friday during the real 2009 NFL season.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt's quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.
Emmitt Smith 2014 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith name head coach of the New England Patriots on 2014!




THANKSGIVING GAME RECAPS


By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Friday, Nov. 28, 2014



LIONS LOSE YET ANOTHER THANKSGIVING GAME

Just another pitiful year for the Detroit Lions. The Green Bay Packers once again obliterated Detroit on Thanksgiving, winning 42-10.

"We tried our hardest, but just came up a bit short," head coach Jim Schwartz said. "We'll do better next time."

A few Lions definitely gave it their all, but it wasn't by choice. Schwartz apparently forced Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson to play despite knee injuries.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to walk again," Johnson said. "A week off would have really helped me, but playing in this game set my knees back three years. But I guess I'll just have to suit up next week as well."

Following a 15-yard reception in the second quarter, Johnson couldn't get up off the turf. Instead of sending the team doctors on to the field, Schwartz grabbed his whip and lashed Johnson's injured knee repeatedly until his star wideout got up. Johnson had to reenter the game one play later.

Meanwhile, Stafford took a jarring hit from Clay Matthews in the third quarter. Two of Stafford's fingers fell off during the sack. He tried to leave the game, but Schwartz raised his whip to indicate what sort of punishment his quarterback would receive for missing a play. Stafford made up his mind and took the next snap. He was sacked again.

"We love our coach, but he's very demanding," Stafford said afterward. "We know we have to play no matter what sort of injuries we have, or we'll get whipped like crazy."

Schwartz didn't address Stafford's comments, but was quick to praise left tackle Jeff Backus, who was responsible for 10 of Matthews' sacks today.

"Jeff's doing a great job," Schwartz said. "He has allowed only 117.5 sacks this year, but I'd rank him among the upper echelon of left tackles in the NFL."

And that's exactly why the Lions are doomed to suffer their 14th consecutive losing season.






ROMO CHOKES AWAY ANOTHER BIG GAME

Everyone thought it was going to be different this year.

Throughout the week, all the talk surrounded how much Tony Romo has matured this year. Romo had vowed not to see any more busty blondes until the season was over, and he told the media that he was relieved that Roy Williams, Marion Barber and DeMarcus Ware were off the team so they couldn't steal his glory.

"Man, it was tough to win with those guys," Romo coolly told the media. "I don't play well when someone steals my thunder. First it was T.O., then it was Roy, then it was Marion, and last year it was DeMarcus. It's going to be different this time."

Apparently not.

In a battle for first place in the NFC, the 9-2 Cowboys established a 34-10 lead over the 49ers. However, moments later, Mike Singletary used his psychic powers to give San Francisco a 35-34 advantage.

Charged with assembling a game-winning drive with two minutes left, Romo heaved a poorly thrown Hail Mary on 3rd-and-1. Instead of sailing toward the end zone, the ball fluttered to the 50-yard line, where a 49er defensive back intercepted it.

"I really thought that was fourth down," Romo revealed. "I guess I should have been paying attention to the game, but I was distracted because I have a date tonight! I know I usually date chicks in December, but this one's different."

TMZ reports that Romo met Dakota Fanning (now 20 years old) prior to this game, and the two hit it off.

"I only wish I met her last week, so I could have taken her to Eric Mangini's birthday party," Romo said. "But I feel like we have a lot of chemistry. We've only known each other for a few hours, but guys, I think she's the one. Screw football, I love Dakota!"


PATRIOTS IMPROVE TO 12-0

When any team makes an undefeated run, there is always a game where you luck into a victory. The Patriots escaped the clutches of the Baltimore Ravens on a Monday night back in 2007. Two years later, the Saints needed help from the officials to vanquish the Dolphins. If the Patriots finish 16-0, we'll be able to put this contest into that pantheon.

The 5-6 Carolina Panthers, who were massive road underdogs in this contest, inexplicably established a 20-0 lead. Anthony Morelli was a mess, going just 2-of-19 for -3 yards and five interceptions.

"Eh yo, ball I throw one way, and ball go the other way, eh yo!" Morelli told Suzy Kolber prior to halftime. Apparently, Morelli had way too much to drink during Thanksgiving dinner. After the conversation was over, Kolber looked relieved that Morelli didn't try to kiss her.

The Panthers opened up with another touchdown drive in the third quarter. As the Gillette crowd was booing its team for the first time all season, Jake Delhomme received a call on the sidelines. Delhomme, who was giddy after throwing the touchdown, suddenly looked disturbed. His eyes scanned the stands, and for a second, it looked like he was going to break down and cry.

After a Patriots punt - all three of Morelli's passes were fired into the opposing bench - a sullen Delhomme took the field. He dropped back for his first pass and heaved it toward Patriots corner Darius Butler, who returned it for a touchdown.

"Dag nabbit," Delhomme yelled, looking to draw attention from his teammates.

On his next possession, Delhomme's pass went directly to another New England defensive back, who scored to make the game 27-14.

"Oh gee whiz, oh gee whiz," Delhomme exclaimed, flippantly waving his arms around.

The next drive featured yet another pick-six. Delhomme waited until a teammate looked at him until he started slapping his helmet with his hands.

Suddenly down six, Delhomme promised each Panther that he'd take care of the ball. Instead, it seemed like he handed the ball off to Patriots nose tackle Vince Wilfork, who rumbled in for yet another score.

Though the Patriots had the lead, Delhomme kept turning the ball over. The game ended 42-27, with the Patriots barely covering the 14-point spread.

"Dag gubbit, I just don't know what happened there," Delhomme said. "I'll try to do better next time."

Delhomme says he doesn't know what happened, but we do. We were able to lip read what Delhomme said while on the phone in the third quarter:

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you that I only made $10 million this year. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long mediocre career committing turnovers, skills that make me a nightmare for Panthers bettors. If you let my son go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. And if I don't find you, I will throw interceptions. I will fumble the ball. And I will make sure the Patriots cover this football game."

Asked about this, John Fox denied that Delhomme's performance had anything to do with his kidnapped son.

"Jake is playing well right now, and he's our best option," Fox declared. "We don't know anything about Jake Jr. All I can tell you is that he's not locked up in my basement, and we're not continuously renting children's movies so he doesn't cry and alert the neighbors. Oh no, that's definitely not happening. I would never kidnap my quarterback's son and then extort him into throwing games so I can bet against my own team. That's just ridiculous."

Emmitt, meanwhile, ignored the Delhomme-Fox controversy and concentrated on the victory.

"We have won the game fair and... uhh... the shape that have four equal side and four right angle, I can't remember the name," Emmitt said. "We are very undefeated right now. We won our 12th game. Before this win, we have 11 wins, and now we have 12. If we win next week, we will have... uhh... the number that have one more value than 12."


Emmitt on the Brink Archive:

Emmitt on the Brink Home Page
Season 1, Week 1 - PATRIOTS WIN 84-0 ON SUNDAY; LOSE ON MONDAY - Sept. 12
Season 1, Week 2 - PATRIOTS WIN 11-4 AMID CONFUSION; VICK ARRESTED - Sept. 19
Season 1, Week 3 - PATRIOTS ESCAPE WITH 7-2 WIN; BENGALS FLEE STADIUM - Sept. 26
Season 1, Week 4 - PATRIOTS-LIONS GAME MOVED TO...? - Oct. 3
Season 1, Week 5 - EMMITT'S PLAN TO NEUTRALIZE CHIEFS, TEBOWS FAILS - Oct. 10
Season 1, Week 6 - EMMITT SUSPENDS TWO COACHES; DEVISES OWN GAMEPLAN - Oct. 17
Season 1, Week 7 - AL DAVIS FINDS PROOF OF SABOTAGE; FILES GRIEVANCE - Oct. 24
Season 1, Week 8 - PATRIOTS PREPARE FOR DECLINING DOLPHINS - Oct. 31
Season 1, Week 9 - STEROID SCANDAL HITS FOXBOROUGH - Nov. 7
Season 1, Week 10 - EMMITT TO APPEAR ON REALITY TV SHOW - Nov. 14
Season 1, Week 11 - MORELLI SUSPENSION PENDING; CBS' PORTER CRITICIZES GOODELL - Nov. 21
Season 1, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY RUINED - Nov. 28
Season 1, Week 13 - CRENNEL EDGES REID IN CHARITY EVENT - Dec. 5
Season 1, Week 14 - MORE THAN 100 NFL PLAYERS TO BE SUSPENDED - Dec. 12
Season 1, Week 15 - COACH NEARLY MISSES INTERNATIONAL GAME - Dec. 19
Season 1, Week 16 - PATRIOTS FIGURE TO ROLL IN MIAMI - Dec. 26
Season 1, Week 17 - AFC PLAYOFF PREVIEW - Jan. 2
Season 1, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 9
Season 1, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 1, Week 20 - PATRIOTS TO THE SUPER BOWL! - Jan. 23
Season 1, Week 21 - DID THE PATRIOTS WIN IT ALL WITH EMMITT? - Jan. 31

Season 2, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2014 SEASON AGAINST THE JETS - Sept. 18
Season 2, Week 2 - JERRY JONES MAKES SURPRISING ANNOUNCEMENT AT HIS WEDDING - Sept. 25
Season 2, Week 3 - MICHAEL VICK SAVES THE DAY IN EAGLES LOSS - Oct. 2
Season 2, Week 4 - AL DAVIS UNLEASHES SECRET WEAPON AGAINST PATRIOTS - Oct. 9
Season 2, Week 5 - MAJOR CHANGES PREVALENT THROUGHOUT THE LEAGUE - Oct. 16
Season 2, Week 6 - PATRIOTS WIN ON A CULTURAL NIGHT IN MIAMI - Oct. 23
Season 2, Week 7 - DANIEL SNYDER HIRES NEW COACHES - Oct. 30
Season 2, Week 8 - SEVERAL PATRIOTS TO APPEAR ON GAME SHOWS - Nov. 6
Season 2, Week 9 - FAVRE RUINS PACKER PLANS AGAIN - Nov. 13
Season 2, Week 10 - PATRIOTS COULD BE IN TROUBLE AGAIN - Nov. 20
Season 2, Week 11 - PATRIOTS HIRE FORMER NO. 1 PICK, SPY - Nov. 27
Season 2, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY PARTY RUINED AGAIN - Dec. 4
Season 2, Week 13 - THANKSGIVING GAME RECAPS - Dec. 11
Season 2, Week 14 - PATS, BILLS TRAVEL TO NORTH KOREA - Dec. 18
Season 2, Week 15 - PATRIOTS PRACTICE CANCELED; LAUGHING GAS RELEASED - Dec. 26
Season 2, Week 16 - PATRIOTS ONE WIN AWAY FROM PERFECTION - Jan. 2
Season 2, Week 17 - PERFECTION AGAIN - Jan. 9
Season 2, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 2, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 23
Season 2, Week 20 - PATRIOTS ADVANCE TO SUPER BOWL; WILL FACE RAMS AGAIN - Jan. 30
Season 2, Week 21 - PATRIOTS CRUISE TO EASY SUPER BOWL VICTORY; BECOME FIRST TEAM TO GO 19-0 - Feb. 14

Season 3, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2015 SEASON AGAINST THE DOLPHINS - Sept. 11
Season 3, Week 2 - PATRIOTS FACE AN EASY CHALLENGE AGAINST INJURED LIONS - Sept. 18
Season 3, Week 3 - PATRIOTS AWARDED WIN AS JETS STADIUM IS IN RUINS - Sept. 25
Season 3, Week 4 - PATRIOTS FACE COWBOYS' SECRET WEAPON - Oct. 2
Season 3, Week 5 - PATRIOTS LOSE VALUABLE MEMBER OF TEAM - Oct. 9
Season 3, Week 6 - PATRIOTS OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR IN HOT WATER AGAIN - Oct. 16
Season 3, Week 7 - GOODELL AIMS TO IMPROVE PLAYER SAFETY; LEAGUE ANGERED - Oct. 23
Season 3, Week 8 - EMMITT DISTRAUGHT AFTER WAR OF WORDS WITH DENVER COACH - Oct. 30
Season 3, Week 9 - MANGINI'S CELEBRATION RUINED; COACH TO MISS GAME - Nov. 6
Season 3, Week 10 - PATRIOTS QUARTERBACK TO MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCE ON ENCOURAGE - Nov. 13
Season 3, Week 11 - AL DAVIS' DARK MAGIC BACKFIRES; PATRIOTS NOW 10-0 - Nov. 20
Season 3, Week 12 - EMMITT RETURNS TO PATRIOTS AFTER INTERVIEW - Nov. 27
Season 3, Week 13 - FORMER QUARTERBACK HOLDS SYMPOSIUM - Dec. 4
Season 3, Week 14 - PATRIOTS DRAFT SON OF FORMER NFL QUARTERBACK - Dec. 11
Season 3, Week 15 - EAGLES RECEIVER LEADS ALL PLAYERS IN PRO BOWL VOTING - Dec. 18
Season 3, Week 16 - PATRIOTS-VIKINGS GAME TO BE MOVED - Dec. 25
Season 3, Week 17 - WEATHER RUINS PATRIOTS-JETS FINALE - Jan. 1
Season 3, Week 18 - PATRIOTS, RAIDERS AWAIT WINNERS OF WILD CARD ROUND - Jan. 8
Season 3, Week 19 - PATRIOTS-RAIDERS TO MEET IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR - Jan. 15
Season 3, Week 20 - OLD FOE RETURNS TO HELP PATRIOTS VANQUISH RAIDERS IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP - Jan. 22
Season 3, Week 21 - PATRIOTS REPEAT AS CHAMPIONS - Feb. 8

Season 4, Week 1 - EMMITT LOOKING FOR WORK - Sept. 11
Season 4, Week 2 - CHRIS JOHNSON WANTS MORE MONEY - Sept. 18
Season 4, Week 3 - ARIAN FOSTER INJURED, ARRESTED AND SUSPENDED - Sept. 25
Season 4, Week 4 - DESEAN JACKSON BANNED FROM NFL - Oct. 2
Season 4, Week 5 - EMMITT REPLACES HANK WILLIAMS ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL - Oct. 8
Season 4, Week 6 - ANDY REID ON THE HOT SEAT AGAIN - Oct. 15
Season 4, Week 7 - HARBAUGH, SCHWARTZ PREPARE FOR BATTLE - Oct. 22
Season 4, Week 8 - NO TEAMS SHOW UP FOR TERRELL OWENS' WORKOUT AGAIN - Oct. 29
Season 4, Week 9 - JAMARCUS RUSSELL DISCUSSES COACHING STRATEGY - Nov. 5
Season 4, Week 10 - SANDUSKY BLOWS WHISTLE ON VICK - Nov. 12
Season 4, Week 11 - VICK DOG RAPE FALLOUT - Nov. 19
Season 4, Week 12 - SUH ASSIGNED TO ANGER MANAGEMENT - Nov. 26
Season 4, Week 13 - SKITTLE WARRIORS FAIL TO ISSUE VERDICT ON STEVE JOHNSON - Dec. 3
Season 4, Week 14 - EMMITT STOPS EVIL TIM TEBOW - Dec. 10
Season 4, Week 15 - SKITTLE WARRIORS ARREST SAM HURD - Dec. 17
Season 4, Week 16 - THE BEAST IS UNLEASHED; HELL IS UPON US - Dec. 24
Season 4, Week 17 - NEW NFL LOCKOUT HAS EVERYONE MIFFED - Dec. 31

Season 5, Week 1 - ALL SAINTS' GAMES SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE - Sept. 3
Season 5, Week 2 - BOUNTYGATE II SEXUAL ACTS CONTINUE - Sept. 10
Season 5, Week 3 - REPLACEMENT OFFICIAL TARGETED AS MAJOR SUSPECT IN BOUNTYGATE II - Sept. 17
Season 5, Week 4 - GREG SCHIANO GOES TOO FAR THIS TIME - Sept. 24
Season 5, Week 5 - POLICE STRIKE OVER; EMMITT HAS WARRANT IN HAND - Oct. 1
Season 5, Week 6 - ROGER GOODELL ARRESTED AND RELEASED - Oct. 8
Season 5, Week 7 - A LONG, BUT USEFUL DETOUR FOR EMMITT AND HIS CREW - Oct. 15
Season 5, Week 8 - EMMITT IS ARRESTED! - Oct. 22
Season 5, Week 9 - EMMITT FINDS A FRIEND IN JAIL - Oct. 29
Season 5, Week 10 - NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO CONVICT JONATHAN VILMA - Nov. 7
Season 5, Week 11 - ERIC MANGINI AND ASIAN ERIN ANDREWS' WEDDING - Nov. 14
Season 5, Week 12 - BOUNTYGATE II GOES BEYOND THE NFL - Nov. 21
Season 5, Week 13 - JERRY JONES FINALLY FIRES HIMSELF - Nov. 28
Season 5, Week 14 - EMMITT FINALLY ON RIGHT TRACK TO FINDING BOUNTYGATE II MASTERMIND - Dec. 5
Season 5, Week 15 - EMMITT FINALLY MEETS MASTERMIND OF BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 12
Season 5, Week 16 - EMMITT'S FRIENDS TO THE RESCUE! - Dec. 19
Season 5, Week 17 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS REWARDED FOR ENDING BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 26

Season 6, Week 1 - CONTROVERSIAL DIVISIONAL REALIGNMENT IN THE NFL - Sept. 7
Season 6, Week 2 - MORE PUNISHMENT FOR RILEY COOPER - Sept. 14
Season 6, Week 3 - BROWNS SHOCK NFL WITH ANOTHER TRADE - Sept. 21
Season 6, Week 4 - EMMITT FOUND IN THE MOST UNUSUAL PLACE - Sept. 28
Season 6, Week 5 - EMMITT MEETS WITH FBI FOR LLOYD INVESTIGATION - Oct. 5
Season 6, Week 6 - EMMITT QUESTIONS BOB KRAFT - Oct. 12
Season 6, Week 7 - THE WALKING BUCS - Oct. 19
Season 6, Week 8 - NFL ADMITS TO TWO OFFICIATING BLUNDERS - Oct. 26
Season 6, Week 9 - CONTROVERSY OVER OTHER NFL TEAM NAMES - Nov. 2
Season 6, Week 10 - MARTIN AND INCOGNITO SQUARE OFF IN TOURNAMENT - Nov. 9
Season 6, Week 11 - NFL ANNOUNCES RELOCATION OF JAGUARS - Nov. 16
Season 6, Week 12 - JOSH FREEMAN'S SECRET IS EXPOSED - Nov. 23
Season 6, Week 13 - NFL SUSPENDS MERIWEATHER, HITNER INDEFINITELY - Nov. 30
Season 6, Week 14 - DISASTER STRIKES AT LOWE FAMILY TURKEY BOWL - Dec. 7
Season 6, Week 15 - A FATEFUL BARBEQUE AT BELICHICK'S HOUSE - Dec. 14
Season 6, Week 16 - WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AARON HERNANDEZ - Dec. 21
Season 6, Week 17 - TROUBLING TIMES AHEAD - Dec. 28

Season 7, Week 1 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS ESCAPE DOWNTOWN ABBOTT - Sept. 5
Season 7, Week 2 - WHAT HAPPENED TO JOSH GORDON - Sept. 12
Season 7, Week 3 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS LOST AT SEA - Sept. 19
Season 7, Week 4 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS EXPLORE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND - Sept. 26
Season 7, Week 5 - MANZIEL REVEALS SECRET TO EMMITT - Oct. 3
Season 7, Week 6 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS FIND THEMSELVES IN MIDDLE OF GANG WAR - Oct. 10
Season 7, Week 7 - EMMITT CONFRONTS LEADER OF THE BLOODS - Oct. 17
Season 7, Week 8 - JIM IRSAY DESTROYS CRIPS' HEADQUARTERS - Oct. 24









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