2013: Emmitt on the Brink - Week 10
2013: Emmitt on the Brink.
The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith.
This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter's perspective and follow the 2013 New England Patriots as they traverse the 2013 NFL season under Emmitt's guidance. This page will be updated every Thursday during the real 2008 NFL season.
Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt's quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.
Emmitt Smith name head coach of the New England Patriots in 2013!
EMMITT TO APPEAR ON REALITY TV SHOW
By Steve Sanders, Boston Beat Senior Writer
Monday, Nov. 11, 2013
Most NFL teams use their bye week to relax. Some work on improving themselves. Others organize team activities in an effort to bond together. Not the Patriots.
While the team's starting quarterback was getting into trouble at Penn State - see the story below for details - the head coach was summoned to FOX headquarters and was asked to participate in the network's newest reality TV show. Emmitt accepted the bid in a heartbeat.
Emmitt will be one of 12 celebrities to compete in Eating Cereal with the Stars.
Though critics are ranting about how unintelligible the show is, the fact remains that FOX is king of producing realty programs that draw in tens of millions of brain-dead viewers every night. It all began with American Idol and seemed innocent enough. However, FOX continued to replace quality shows like Boston Public, Prison Break and even 24, and clogged the air waves with more reality shows, including The Simple Life, Trading Spouses, Hole in the Wall, Stuck in an Elevator for Five Hours!, So You Think You Can Share a Cage with Two Polar Bears? and Swapping Children at Birth!
Aside from Emmitt, Eating Cereal with the Stars will feature Sally Struthers, a renowned food monger; Brendan Fraser, who recently won the award for fattest action hero of all time; Steven Seagal, another overrated actor; Joey Porter, a CBS studio analyst; Carl Winslow, the greatest police officer and father figure the city of Chicago has ever known; and Shannen Doherty, who may or may not have 50 STDs.
Contestants will be judged on how efficiently they open the boxes of cereal and pour the milk into their bowl. They will also be timed on how quickly they eat their cereal, but will be penalized if they spill anything, which is unfortunate for Struthers. After this is over, each contestant will have to wash their dishes as quickly as possible.
Per FOX's contract, Emmitt will have to spend all next week training with cereal-eating professionals, and will consequently miss the upcoming game against the Steelers. Bob Kraft, noting that food was the most important thing in the world, granted Emmitt a short leave of absence. Brad Childress and Romeo Crennel will co-coach the Patriots against Pittsburgh.
"I cannot wait to do the serious eating competitions," Emmitt said. "My favorite serious is Count Chocolate. He is very scary, and... I'm sorry. Count Chocolateula. Count Chocolateula. I can only hope I win the competitions, but I am afraid that Steven Cigar have my numbers."
Struthers was excited to have Emmitt as a co-contestant.
"Me am excited that Emmitt do competition with me," Struthers groaned while downing five dozen Big Macs. "But me am sorry, me going to win competition and eat all cereals!"
With trash talking like this, how can America not be amped for this new show?
MORELLI ACCUSED OF ASSAULT
By Steve Sanders, Boston Beat Senior Writer
Monday, Nov. 11, 2013
The Patriots' head coach wasn't the only member of the team in the national spotlight during the bye week. But while Emmitt was offered a deal to star in a new reality show, Anthony Morelli's actions further angered New England fans, who were already frustrated with his performance on the field.
Morelli, who spent the bye week at Penn State, has been accused of assaulting a small Asian boy during a party at Nicholas Tower, located two blocks from campus.
Sixth-year senior Wallace Applepinsky, a journalism major and owner of a football Web site, who admittedly always shows up to class late and has taken some finals inebriated, was one of many witnesses to come forward to the Boston Beat and explain what happened on Saturday night.
Applepinsky, who arrived to the party 30 minutes earlier, was in the bathroom prior to his scheduled game of beer pong. After finishing up his business, Applepinsky opened the bathroom door and witnessed a small Asian boy fly down the hallway. The boy's nose was gushing blood. Looking the other way, Applepinsky spotted an enraged Morelli, who repeatedly yelled, "Don't f***ing talk to me! Don't f***ing talk to me!"
"I've never seen anything like it," Applepinsky said. "Morelli's face was all red, and he was acting like he chugged about 500 beers, which I guess is normal for him. It's a good thing he was being restrained by some offensive linemen who currently played for the team, or that kid would have been dead.
Morelli's target has not been identified, but according to all sources, he wasn't anything bigger than 5-2, 125 pounds.
"That poor kid... I don't know what he said or did to Morelli, but he was about half his size," Applepinsky said. "I guess I'd have to assume that he goes to Penn State, but he seriously looked like he was 14 or 15 years old. There's a pretty good chance he was some local high school kid who snuck into this party. Maybe Morelli was pissed that a high-schooler was stealing his beer, I don't know. But that kid's nose was gushing blood, his lip was busted and he looked scared to death. I really feel bad for him."
Despite many efforts to calm Morelli down, the Patriots' starting quarterback continued to yell incoherently. He was then asked to leave the party, but he wouldn't do so, prompting the hostess to pull the fire alarm.
"He just wouldn't leave or listen to reason," Applepinsky said. "He just kept shouting nonsense no one could understand. He was forced into the hallway by his lackeys, but he eventually made his way back into the apartment.
"Hey, I don't hate the guy or anything," Applepinsky continued. "I'm just pissed off that I wasn't able to play beer pong. And I also have to wonder what the Nittany Lions... I mean Patriots are doing with a guy who can't even keep his composure when confronted by a 5-foot, 125-pound Asian kid? I find that really ridiculous, especially with a solid backup like Daryll Clark... I mean Kevin O'Connell on the bench."
Morelli, who was rumored to pull a similar stunt on Jan. 21, 2006, offered a short statement to the media, explaining his actions.
"Uhh... I dunno... Eh yo," Morelli said. "Asian guy angry me! He angry me! So I put punch in face! Haha! Uhh... Eh yo?"
It should be interesting to see if Roger Goodell punishes Morelli with a suspension and a fine. It's likely, however, that Emmitt will stick with Morelli as his starting quarterback. As Emmitt has said before, "Morelli have gold in his head."
Emmitt on the Brink Archive:
Emmitt on the Brink Home Page
Season 1, Week 1 - PATRIOTS WIN 84-0 ON SUNDAY; LOSE ON MONDAY - Sept. 12
Season 1, Week 2 - PATRIOTS WIN 11-4 AMID CONFUSION; VICK ARRESTED - Sept. 19
Season 1, Week 3 - PATRIOTS ESCAPE WITH 7-2 WIN; BENGALS FLEE STADIUM - Sept. 26
Season 1, Week 4 - PATRIOTS-LIONS GAME MOVED TO...? - Oct. 3
Season 1, Week 5 - EMMITT'S PLAN TO NEUTRALIZE CHIEFS, TEBOWS FAILS - Oct. 10
Season 1, Week 6 - EMMITT SUSPENDS TWO COACHES; DEVISES OWN GAMEPLAN - Oct. 17
Season 1, Week 7 - AL DAVIS FINDS PROOF OF SABOTAGE; FILES GRIEVANCE - Oct. 24
Season 1, Week 8 - PATRIOTS PREPARE FOR DECLINING DOLPHINS - Oct. 31
Season 1, Week 9 - STEROID SCANDAL HITS FOXBOROUGH - Nov. 7
Season 1, Week 10 - EMMITT TO APPEAR ON REALITY TV SHOW - Nov. 14
Season 1, Week 11 - MORELLI SUSPENSION PENDING; CBS' PORTER CRITICIZES GOODELL - Nov. 21
Season 1, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY RUINED - Nov. 28
Season 1, Week 13 - CRENNEL EDGES REID IN CHARITY EVENT - Dec. 5
Season 1, Week 14 - MORE THAN 100 NFL PLAYERS TO BE SUSPENDED - Dec. 12
Season 1, Week 15 - COACH NEARLY MISSES INTERNATIONAL GAME - Dec. 19
Season 1, Week 16 - PATRIOTS FIGURE TO ROLL IN MIAMI - Dec. 26
Season 1, Week 17 - AFC PLAYOFF PREVIEW - Jan. 2
Season 1, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 9
Season 1, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 1, Week 20 - PATRIOTS TO THE SUPER BOWL! - Jan. 23
Season 1, Week 21 - DID THE PATRIOTS WIN IT ALL WITH EMMITT? - Jan. 31
Season 2, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2014 SEASON AGAINST THE JETS - Sept. 18
Season 2, Week 2 - JERRY JONES MAKES SURPRISING ANNOUNCEMENT AT HIS WEDDING - Sept. 25
Season 2, Week 3 - MICHAEL VICK SAVES THE DAY IN EAGLES LOSS - Oct. 2
Season 2, Week 4 - AL DAVIS UNLEASHES SECRET WEAPON AGAINST PATRIOTS - Oct. 9
Season 2, Week 5 - MAJOR CHANGES PREVALENT THROUGHOUT THE LEAGUE - Oct. 16
Season 2, Week 6 - PATRIOTS WIN ON A CULTURAL NIGHT IN MIAMI - Oct. 23
Season 2, Week 7 - DANIEL SNYDER HIRES NEW COACHES - Oct. 30
Season 2, Week 8 - SEVERAL PATRIOTS TO APPEAR ON GAME SHOWS - Nov. 6
Season 2, Week 9 - FAVRE RUINS PACKER PLANS AGAIN - Nov. 13
Season 2, Week 10 - PATRIOTS COULD BE IN TROUBLE AGAIN - Nov. 20
Season 2, Week 11 - PATRIOTS HIRE FORMER NO. 1 PICK, SPY - Nov. 27
Season 2, Week 12 - MANGINI'S BIRTHDAY PARTY RUINED AGAIN - Dec. 4
Season 2, Week 13 - THANKSGIVING GAME RECAPS - Dec. 11
Season 2, Week 14 - PATS, BILLS TRAVEL TO NORTH KOREA - Dec. 18
Season 2, Week 15 - PATRIOTS PRACTICE CANCELED; LAUGHING GAS RELEASED - Dec. 26
Season 2, Week 16 - PATRIOTS ONE WIN AWAY FROM PERFECTION - Jan. 2
Season 2, Week 17 - PERFECTION AGAIN - Jan. 9
Season 2, Week 18 - PLAYOFF ROUND 1 RESULTS - Jan. 16
Season 2, Week 19 - PLAYOFF ROUND 2 RESULTS - Jan. 23
Season 2, Week 20 - PATRIOTS ADVANCE TO SUPER BOWL; WILL FACE RAMS AGAIN - Jan. 30
Season 2, Week 21 - PATRIOTS CRUISE TO EASY SUPER BOWL VICTORY; BECOME FIRST TEAM TO GO 19-0 - Feb. 14
Season 3, Week 1 - PATRIOTS KICK OFF 2015 SEASON AGAINST THE DOLPHINS - Sept. 11
Season 3, Week 2 - PATRIOTS FACE AN EASY CHALLENGE AGAINST INJURED LIONS - Sept. 18
Season 3, Week 3 - PATRIOTS AWARDED WIN AS JETS STADIUM IS IN RUINS - Sept. 25
Season 3, Week 4 - PATRIOTS FACE COWBOYS' SECRET WEAPON - Oct. 2
Season 3, Week 5 - PATRIOTS LOSE VALUABLE MEMBER OF TEAM - Oct. 9
Season 3, Week 6 - PATRIOTS OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR IN HOT WATER AGAIN - Oct. 16
Season 3, Week 7 - GOODELL AIMS TO IMPROVE PLAYER SAFETY; LEAGUE ANGERED - Oct. 23
Season 3, Week 8 - EMMITT DISTRAUGHT AFTER WAR OF WORDS WITH DENVER COACH - Oct. 30
Season 3, Week 9 - MANGINI'S CELEBRATION RUINED; COACH TO MISS GAME - Nov. 6
Season 3, Week 10 - PATRIOTS QUARTERBACK TO MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCE ON ENCOURAGE - Nov. 13
Season 3, Week 11 - AL DAVIS' DARK MAGIC BACKFIRES; PATRIOTS NOW 10-0 - Nov. 20
Season 3, Week 12 - EMMITT RETURNS TO PATRIOTS AFTER INTERVIEW - Nov. 27
Season 3, Week 13 - FORMER QUARTERBACK HOLDS SYMPOSIUM - Dec. 4
Season 3, Week 14 - PATRIOTS DRAFT SON OF FORMER NFL QUARTERBACK - Dec. 11
Season 3, Week 15 - EAGLES RECEIVER LEADS ALL PLAYERS IN PRO BOWL VOTING - Dec. 18
Season 3, Week 16 - PATRIOTS-VIKINGS GAME TO BE MOVED - Dec. 25
Season 3, Week 17 - WEATHER RUINS PATRIOTS-JETS FINALE - Jan. 1
Season 3, Week 18 - PATRIOTS, RAIDERS AWAIT WINNERS OF WILD CARD ROUND - Jan. 8
Season 3, Week 19 - PATRIOTS-RAIDERS TO MEET IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR - Jan. 15
Season 3, Week 20 - OLD FOE RETURNS TO HELP PATRIOTS VANQUISH RAIDERS IN AFC CHAMPIONSHIP - Jan. 22
Season 3, Week 21 - PATRIOTS REPEAT AS CHAMPIONS - Feb. 8
Season 4, Week 1 - EMMITT LOOKING FOR WORK - Sept. 11
Season 4, Week 2 - CHRIS JOHNSON WANTS MORE MONEY - Sept. 18
Season 4, Week 3 - ARIAN FOSTER INJURED, ARRESTED AND SUSPENDED - Sept. 25
Season 4, Week 4 - DESEAN JACKSON BANNED FROM NFL - Oct. 2
Season 4, Week 5 - EMMITT REPLACES HANK WILLIAMS ON MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL - Oct. 8
Season 4, Week 6 - ANDY REID ON THE HOT SEAT AGAIN - Oct. 15
Season 4, Week 7 - HARBAUGH, SCHWARTZ PREPARE FOR BATTLE - Oct. 22
Season 4, Week 8 - NO TEAMS SHOW UP FOR TERRELL OWENS' WORKOUT AGAIN - Oct. 29
Season 4, Week 9 - JAMARCUS RUSSELL DISCUSSES COACHING STRATEGY - Nov. 5
Season 4, Week 10 - SANDUSKY BLOWS WHISTLE ON VICK - Nov. 12
Season 4, Week 11 - VICK DOG RAPE FALLOUT - Nov. 19
Season 4, Week 12 - SUH ASSIGNED TO ANGER MANAGEMENT - Nov. 26
Season 4, Week 13 - SKITTLE WARRIORS FAIL TO ISSUE VERDICT ON STEVE JOHNSON - Dec. 3
Season 4, Week 14 - EMMITT STOPS EVIL TIM TEBOW - Dec. 10
Season 4, Week 15 - SKITTLE WARRIORS ARREST SAM HURD - Dec. 17
Season 4, Week 16 - THE BEAST IS UNLEASHED; HELL IS UPON US - Dec. 24
Season 4, Week 17 - NEW NFL LOCKOUT HAS EVERYONE MIFFED - Dec. 31
Season 5, Week 1 - ALL SAINTS' GAMES SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE - Sept. 3
Season 5, Week 2 - BOUNTYGATE II SEXUAL ACTS CONTINUE - Sept. 10
Season 5, Week 3 - REPLACEMENT OFFICIAL TARGETED AS MAJOR SUSPECT IN BOUNTYGATE II - Sept. 17
Season 5, Week 4 - GREG SCHIANO GOES TOO FAR THIS TIME - Sept. 24
Season 5, Week 5 - POLICE STRIKE OVER; EMMITT HAS WARRANT IN HAND - Oct. 1
Season 5, Week 6 - ROGER GOODELL ARRESTED AND RELEASED - Oct. 8
Season 5, Week 7 - A LONG, BUT USEFUL DETOUR FOR EMMITT AND HIS CREW - Oct. 15
Season 5, Week 8 - EMMITT IS ARRESTED! - Oct. 22
Season 5, Week 9 - EMMITT FINDS A FRIEND IN JAIL - Oct. 29
Season 5, Week 10 - NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO CONVICT JONATHAN VILMA - Nov. 7
Season 5, Week 11 - ERIC MANGINI AND ASIAN ERIN ANDREWS' WEDDING - Nov. 14
Season 5, Week 12 - BOUNTYGATE II GOES BEYOND THE NFL - Nov. 21
Season 5, Week 13 - JERRY JONES FINALLY FIRES HIMSELF - Nov. 28
Season 5, Week 14 - EMMITT FINALLY ON RIGHT TRACK TO FINDING BOUNTYGATE II MASTERMIND - Dec. 5
Season 5, Week 15 - EMMITT FINALLY MEETS MASTERMIND OF BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 12
Season 5, Week 16 - EMMITT'S FRIENDS TO THE RESCUE! - Dec. 19
Season 5, Week 17 - EMMITT AND FRIENDS REWARDED FOR ENDING BOUNTYGATE II - Dec. 26
Season 6, Week 1 - CONTROVERSIAL DIVISIONAL REALIGNMENT IN THE NFL - Sept. 7
Season 6, Week 2 - MORE PUNISHMENT FOR RILEY COOPER - Sept. 14
Season 6, Week 3 - BROWNS SHOCK NFL WITH ANOTHER TRADE - Sept. 21
Season 6, Week 4 - EMMITT FOUND IN THE MOST UNUSUAL PLACE - Sept. 28
Season 6, Week 5 - EMMITT MEETS WITH FBI FOR LLOYD INVESTIGATION - Oct. 5
Season 6, Week 6 - EMMITT QUESTIONS BOB KRAFT - Oct. 12
Season 6, Week 7 - THE WALKING BUCS - Oct. 19
Season 6, Week 8 - NFL ADMITS TO TWO OFFICIATING BLUNDERS - Oct. 26
Season 6, Week 9 - CONTROVERSY OVER OTHER NFL TEAM NAMES - Nov. 2
Season 6, Week 10 - MARTIN AND INCOGNITO SQUARE OFF IN TOURNAMENT - Nov. 9
Season 6, Week 11 - NFL ANNOUNCES RELOCATION OF JAGUARS - Nov. 16
Season 6, Week 12 - JOSH FREEMAN'S SECRET IS EXPOSED - Nov. 23
Season 6, Week 13 - NFL SUSPENDS MERIWEATHER, HITNER INDEFINITELY - Nov. 30
Season 6, Week 14 - DISASTER STRIKES AT LOWE FAMILY TURKEY BOWL - Dec. 7
Season 6, Week 15 - A FATEFUL BARBEQUE AT BELICHICK'S HOUSE - Dec. 14
Season 6, Week 16 - WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO AARON HERNANDEZ - Dec. 21
Season 6, Week 17 - TROUBLING TIMES AHEAD - Dec. 28
Emmitt Smith's Quotes
Emmitt Smith's 2008 NFL Mock Draft
2009 NFL Mock Draft
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