Emmitt on the Brink – Season 11: Week 11

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EXPLAINING EMMITT’S WEEKLONG ABSENCE

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Thursday, Nov. 19, 2020

We had no idea where Emmitt was for the entire week, but after confirming with numerous sources, we were finally able to determine what happened once Emmitt flew away on his goose following the surprise attack from the assassins. Emmitt’s goose was injured and was forced into landing prematurely in an open field. Emmitt had hoped to fly to a stadium to begin the destruction of the statues he promised to Roger Goodell, but that was not possible at the moment. “I need to find something to food and drink, or I gonna be real hungry and hungry for water thing in a manner of time,” he said to himself. Unfortunately, this alerted those around him. Thousands of barbarians encircled Emmitt in no time. The lead barbarian asked his cronies to tie Emmitt and take him back to the city of barbarians, otherwise known as Camden, N.J. “Please, Mr. uhh… barber, please let me go because I need to destruction the statue,” Emmitt pleaded when they had finally arrived. “Blooga booa flooga pooga blooga shrooga mooga rooga gabagooba,” the lead barbarian barked. “Allow me to translate for you,” said an odd-looking man with long white hair. “I am a wandering translator. I previously worked to translate for Sylvester Stallone, which was quite the challenge. This language is much simpler. The lead barbarian said that you smell like hamburgers and he wants to eat you with a side of lamb tongue. These barbarians are very odd, as you can tell. “But I am the Father of Geese,” Emmitt replied. The translator told the lead barbarian what Emmitt said, and the lead barbarian was instantly taken aback. “Haw haw haw, gambopooga xarooga zabooga inflooga!” the lead barbarian exclaimed. “The lead barbarian knows of your exploits,” the translator said, smiling at Emmitt. “There is one TV here in Camden that the barbarians share. It doesn’t have the cable channels, but they saw on the local news that you are tasked with destroying the statues. They wish to help. The barbarians of Camden hate statues, and it’s not because they watch too much CNN. The elder barbarians have foretold stories of statues destroying the world.” “I very confuse,” Emmitt said, scratching his head. “What are CNN? This have one alphabet like TNT, which another name for bomb. Do the barbers have bomb to destroy the statues?” “BOMBOOGA!” the lead barbarian shouted, seemingly understanding the key word Emmitt said. “Why yes, they do,” the translator replied. “The only thing barbarians do, besides capture lost people in open fields, is make bombs, specifically for this reason.” The lead barbarian beamed at Emmitt. “BLOWOOGA STATUEOOGA WITHOOGA BOMBOOGA!”