Emmitt on the Brink – Season 2: Week 9

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow the 2013-14 New England Patriots as they traverse the 2013 and 2014 NFL seasons under Emmitt’s guidance. This page will be updated every Friday during the real 2009 NFL season.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2014 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith name head coach of the New England Patriots on 2014!

GAMES CANCELED FOR FAVRE EVENT

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2014

You could almost see the writing on the wall when the signing was announced in August. When Brett Favre agreed to terms with the Bears, everyone knew that the first meeting between Chicago and Green Bay would draw tons of national attention. And some even predicted this would happen.

In anticipation of Favre’s re-return to Lambeau wearing a rival uniform, Roger Goodell announced that all other games would be canceled this weekend, and that every team would be awarded a win.

“As overlord of the NFL, I can do whatever I please,” Goodell said. “And what I please is for every single person in America to watch this game. In fact, I will travel to random homes Sunday evening, and if I see the TV not tuned into NBC, I will order the execution of these families.”

The Patriots now stand at 8-0. Emmitt said he was pleased with Goodell’s decision for two reasons.

“Not only do this give our team a victorious, it also help heal our injury,” Emmitt said. “In facts, people can say we kill two stone with one bird, as the old saying go… uhh… umm… three stone…”

With Emmitt befuddled by his own words once again, we turned to Favre, who promised the media that this game isn’t about any sort of retribution.

“Packer fans cheer for the Packers first,” Favre said. “I know that. But I hope that everyone in the stadium watching Sunday night will say, ‘I sure hate those jokers on the other side, but he does play the way he’s always played.'”

However, Favre’s quote, which sounds eerily similar to one he said after his win at Lambeau as a Viking, didn’t quite match his tone in a secret phone conversation between he and Peter King. King, who wanted to know if he had to bring A1 Steak Sauce to Favre’s house for the “Post-Packers Thrashing Barbeque” got an earful from Brett and his disdain for the Packers.

“I will destroy Ted Thompson,” Favre promised. “I will make it my life mission to sign with all 31 teams in this league and beat the Packers at Lambeau every year. After Sunday night, it’ll be two teams down; 29 more to go. The fans who booed me will cry, and I will drink their tears. I will feast on the carcass of Ted Thompson once the Green Bay faithful realize that he is the one at fault for all of this, and then the masses shall worship me again! Muhahahaha! Oh, and definitely bring the A1 Sauce.”

When Thompson heard this comment, he wasn’t bothered at all. In fact, he seemed more serene than ever.

“Don’t worry, Packer fans,” Thompson said with a sly grin on his face. “We have something planned for Brett. We learned our lesson from 2009 when our team just fell flat on its face. We have a secret weapon that we will use to end this nonsense.”

So, who will win, Favre or the Packers? Better tune in Sunday night – or you might just be executed.