Emmitt on the Brink – Season 9: Week 6

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EMMITT RECEIVES FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Tuesday, Aug. 27, 2019

Emmitt, Johnny Manziel, Warren Sapp and Isaiah Crowell arrived at Emery University early Monday morning. As they entered campus, Emmitt began to reminisce about his college days.

“This remind me of the three or four month I spend at the University of Florida City State College University,” he said. “Those were some of the best times of my lives. The girls, the parties and the… uhh… the… the game I use to play where I run with the football, I can’t remember what the game call.”

“You mean football?” Crowell asked.

“I run with the football, but I do not rememberize what it call,” Emmitt replied.

As the four men drove around to look for parking, they were gradually disappointed by what they saw. Instead of the normal college festivities – scantily clad women traipsing around; fraternity brothers passed out on their lawns; beer bottles scattered everywhere – they witnessed things that were all too unfamiliar. A skinny young man of South American descent, who was wearing the tightest jeans anyone had ever seen, was holding a megaphone and complaining about something. On the next block, there was a fenced-in area that resembled a crib, with a sign that read “safe space” on it. Inside were numerous college students, most of whom were women with armpit hair and meek-looking males. Right next to it was a rally, where people who held up signs that read “Celery Stalk Individuals for Bernie Sanders.”

“This is a college?” a befuddled Manziel asked. “What the hell happened to this place?”

“This progressive bulls*** is even worse than I realized,” Sapp said, scratching where the shark bit him.

“Yes, this is bad,” Emmitt agreed. “If I had knowned that Progressive Insurance would do these, I would have never listen to that girl in the commercial who name is Floor.”

“I think that’s Flo, Emmitt,” Crowell said.

Emmitt looked confused and began to say something, but noticed an empty parking space. Immediately after taking the keys out of the ignition, Emmitt received a phone call. The same voice was on the line.

“Hello, Emmitt,” he hissed. “I see you’ve brought friends.”

“I should hope you canned see,” Emmitt responded. “If you cannot see, then you do not have two eye or even one eye, which make you a flyclops.”

“What?” the voice asked. “It’s cyclops, and I wasn’t talking about my eyesight. I was hoping you’d infer that I could see you.”

“Of coursed you can see me,” Emmitt said. “Because you has the eyesight.”

“I- ugh, never mind,” the voice replied, now very frustrated. “Forget all that. Let’s discuss how you’ll be getting Dianna Marie Russini back.”