Emmitt on the Brink – Season 9: Week 10

Emmitt on the Brink.

The premise: Coming off a Super Bowl victory, the Patriots open the 2013 season with a blowout win. Unfortunately, they get into trouble for Spygate II. As punishment, Roger Goodell orders the Patriots to fire Bill Belichick and replace him with Emmitt Smith. Three years later, the Patriots beat the Bears in the Super Bowl, 2-0. After the game, Emmitt announced his retirement.

This is a weekly feature that will take a newspaper reporter’s perspective and follow Emmitt through his post-retirement days.

Of course, you can always look at all of Emmitt’s quotes in the Emmitt Smith Anthology.

Emmitt Smith 2015 New England Patriots head coach.

Emmitt Smith announce his unretirement!

EMMITT MEETS WITH DONALD TRUMP

By Alex Rodriguez, Special to the NFL Bible Network
Wednesday, Sept. 18, 2019

Warren Sapp was certainly providing some sage advice, but who exactly was Hillary Clinton’s worst enemy? Was it Donald Trump? And if so, how would he help Emmitt and is friends stop Clinton and her League of Failed General Managers coalition?

“Guys, I think Donald Trunk probably the worstest enemies of Hillary Clintons,” Emmitt said. “But how can we get into contract with himselves?”

“Oh, I can get into contact with Trump,” Johnny Manziel said confidently. “Trust me, I’m buddies with his best friend.”

Manziel whipped out his phone and placed a call to Mark Foster from Step by Step.

“Mark’s good, he said he’ll call Trump right now and ask him to pick us up here,” Manziel said.

Everyone assumed Trump would arrive in a fancy car, but they were all stunned several hours later when a wooden, floating vessel flew toward them and then landed on the ground.

“Come onboard my yuge airship,” Trump said, his strange hair frazzled by what everyone assumed to be heavy winds. “Come now, don’t be afraid. This airship is yuge. Yuge.”

“Donald Truck, it is very pleasure to meet you,” Emmitt said, extending his hand as the ship floated off the ground. Trump forced a smile and shook it. He did the same with Manziel, Isaiah Crowell and Warren Sapp, who reverted back to human form.

“Emmitt, I recognize you from the news, which I somehow watched even though all of it is biased, believe me. Believe me,” Trump said. “I commend your effort against the anti-Celery cause. Did you know that people who identify themselves as Celery Stalks are the cause of the Zika virus? They brought it here from Brazil. The movement originated in Brazil, and then they came here along with the Zika virus. We need to build a wall to keep them out. And we’ll build that wall. Believe me.”

“I am glad you recommend my effort,” Emmitt said. “But all I said is that I like to eat the celerous.”

“So, Mark Foster from Step by Step, my greatest friend in the world, has informed me that you four are in trouble,” Trump said, ignoring Emmitt’s previous comment. “What can I do for you? Keep in mind that my finances are low. I applied for a small loan from the government for $7.16 trillion, but they have not approved yet, thanks to crooked President Hillary Clinton.”

They explained the situation to Trump, whose expression didn’t waver at all.

“I tried to tell everyone,” he lamented when they finished their tale. “The Second Amendment people needed to take care of business. I told them, but they didn’t listen. All I got was backlash from the corrupt media for suggesting that we had to shoot and kill Hillary Clinton. We needed to kill Hillary Clinton. Needed to do it. Believe me.”

“I would’ve thought no a month ago because Hillary is not Five-O, but she evil, man,” Crowell said.

“Exactly!” Trump chirped. “This black man here gets it. This black man here, my friend, gets it! My good friend with dreadlocks! Hillary Clinton is evil, and she needs to be stopped. Unfortunately, that could prove to be difficult. She’s covered up murders and rapes, was funded by terrorists, caused ISIS, leaked sensitive government information and basically declared war on gays and women by receiving campaign contributions from Middle Eastern countries, and yet people still elected her after signing a Twitter petition to impeach me. She’ll continue to buy support from people, so we need to try another tactic. We will try another tactic.”

“Did you say Tic-Tac?” Emmitt asked. “I like the orange one.”

“No, tactic; not Tic-Tac,” Trump corrected Emmitt. “To stop Hillary Clinton, we will need to find the Mirror of Ra. It’s an ancient artifact that will reveal someone’s true reflection to the rest of the world. I have a feeling that if we target Hillary with the Mirror of Ra, she will be revealed as Satan.”

“Where do we find this Millor of Ra?” Emmitt asked.

“The Mirror of Ra can be found in a swamp, somewhere in the south,” Trump replied. “Draining the swamp will take too long, unfortunately. All you have to do is stand on the exact spot and search for it, and you’ll find it. However, you need a strategy guide to find it, and only a college student would possess such a relic.”

“Strategy guide?” Sapp asked. “Why-”

Sapp was interrupted by a pinging noise. And then another. Then, the smell of smoke wafted into his nostrils.

“Guys, we’re under attack!” Manziel cried.

Indeed, he was right. Fire-lit arrows were being shot right into the hull of Trump’s airship.

“Evasive maneuvers!” Trump shouted, to no one in particular. And it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Too many flaming arrows had pierced the hull, and the ship was now plunging toward the ground.

DONALD TRUMP, EMMITT ATTACKED BY “COLLEGE IDIOTS”

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Emmitt on the Brink – Season 9: Week 10

EMMITT MEETS WITH DONALD TRUMP

DONALD TRUMP, EMMITT ATTACKED BY “COLLEGE IDIOTS”

EMMITT MEETS WITH DONALD TRUMP

DONALD TRUMP, EMMITT ATTACKED BY “COLLEGE IDIOTS”

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