2022 April Fools NFL Mock Draft: Picks 17-32

Last update: Friday, April 1, 2022. Major changes in all 1 rounds.
Next update: Every week.
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2022 April Fools NFL Mock Draft: Picks 1-16



  1. Los Angeles Chargers: Tie Coach
    All head coach Brandon Staley had to do was not call a timeout, and the Chargers would have made the playoffs along with the Raiders in the final regular-season game. Instead, a tie allowed the Raiders to kick the game-winning field goal, eliminating the Chargers from postseason berth.

    “I had no idea we were in a tie,” Staley admitted. “People said we could get in with a tie, but I couldn’t figure out if we were tied or not. I always forget, is it a tie if the scores are the same or different? I can’t ever figure this out.”

    Staley’s solution was to hire a tie coach.

    “Not only will this tie coach inform me during the game if we’re in a tie or not; he’ll also tie ties for me if I have to go to fancy events,” Staley revealed. “Has anyone figured out how to tie one of those damn things? I’ve never been able to figure it out!”



  2. New Orleans Saints: Gregg Williams, DC, Northwestern Missouri State
    The Saints should probably blow up their entire regime and begin anew, but they’re desperate to hang on to a group that won a Super Bowl more than a dozen years ago. In fact, they’ve decided to increase the ‘Member Berry output by bringing back a familiar friend.

    “Gregg Williams is not only a great coach, but a person of high character,” new head coach Dennis Allen said. “Wait, what’s that? Bountygate? Never heard of it. It happened in 2012? Sorry, I was too busy losing games in Oakland to pay attention to anything else happening in the NFL.”

    Williams was reluctant to return at first, but was convinced after he had some convenient flashbacks.

    “Now that I’m back in the NFL, Dennis, we’re going to expand the Saints by opening several new locations,” Williams told Allen. “Oh, and if a fat, pudgy guy in his mid-30s tries out for the team, make sure you beat him into a pulp because I’ll be using that to frame you for a crime.”

  3. Philadelphia Eagles: Pick Forfeited
    There was an additional note from Howie Roseman.

    P.S. We may have reduced our first-round picks from three to one, but at least we’ll be getting a good look at another quarterback. In the end, that’s all that matters.



  4. Pittsburgh Steelers: Brock Purdy, QB, Iowa State
    The Steelers are in search of a new quarterback, and they appear to have found their new man. Countless people believed they’d be targeting Malik Willis or Kenny Pickett, but they’ve instead settled for Brock Purdy.

    “Everyone knows that the best quarterbacks are mid-round prospects from the Big XII who have no hope of succeeding in the NFL,” said exiting general manager Kevin Colbert. “Given the amount of success we’ve had with Landry Jones and Mason Rudolph, we expect Brock Purdy to be a Hall of Fame-caliber player.”

    Perhaps the Steelers should have replaced Colbert sooner…

  5. New England Patriots: Walter Cherepinsky, QB, Penn State
    Holy s**t, I’ve been drafted! But why?

    “I remember that fat f**k WalterFootball criticizing my Mac Jones pick last year,” Bill Belichick spat. “What a fool he was to think that I couldn’t win with Mac Jones. I can win with anyone. And that includes that fat f**k WalterFootball himself. I’m going to make the playoffs with that fat f**k as my quarterback, and then I’m going to cut his a** after the season.”

    And to think, I was so excited about getting drafted…



  6. Las Vegas Raiders: McAfee Anti-Virus
    The Raiders re-acquired this pick for three future first-round choices and a vial of Al Davis’ blood. The team had a chance to add a talented prospect to their roster. Instead, they’ve fortified their computers.

    “No way is someone ever going to look through my e-mails!” new coach Josh McDaniels declared. “With this new McAfee anti-virus software, I’ll be able to call so many people the six-letter F-word, and I’ll be able to get away with it!”

  7. Arizona Cardinals: Kenny Pickett, QB, Pittsburgh
    Despite this selection, Kyler Murray will remain quarterback of the Cardinals in 2022 and beyond. And yet, he won’t be. It’ll be Kenny Pickett, but he’ll be playing the role of Kyler Murray.

    “We take what Peter Dinklage says very seriously,” said owner Michael Bidwill. “Whatever he says, goes.”

    Dinklage was recently in the news for chiding Disney for casting little people as the seven dwarfs. He had similar comments about the Cardinals’ quarterback situation, calling it “backward” that the Cardinals would cast someone as small as Murray as their quarterback.

    “Kenny Pickett will be acting as if he’s Kyler Murray,” revealed Kliff Kingsbury. “So, when you see Pickett throwing deep on third-and-1 plays, just know that he’s doing that as if he were Kyler Murray. In fact, we think he’s going to do such a good job that when he wins an award at the end of the year, he’ll slap Chris Rock in the face.”



  8. Dallas Cowboys: Clock Coach
    Perhaps envious of the Chargers’ decision to draft a tie coach, the Cowboys have opted to add a clock coach to their team.

    “Before today, I never had any idea if we had enough time to run a certain play,” said Mike McCarthy. “If there’s one second left on the clock, do you try for the winning field goal, or do you run a play in hopes of getting closer? Is there enough time to do that? How can anyone figure this out?”

    McCarthy will be able to figure that out now, thanks to his clock coach, whom he called a miracle worker.

    “In addition to telling me if we have enough time to run a play, he’s going to fix all the broken clocks in my house as well,” McCarthy stated. “I never know what time it is. I was once 10 hours early when meeting my wife for dinner. I sat in the restaurant from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. How was I supposed to know it wasn’t dinner time at 8 a.m.? All of this is so confusing.”

  9. Buffalo Bills: A Second Chance
    Roger Goodell is a big fan of the city of Buffalo.

    “As a hu-man, I like the food item hu-mans refer to as buffalo wing, and I consume – generating random number – 719.12 buffalo wings for my third meal of the day, so you can tell I am hu-man just like you other hu-mans,” Goodell said.

    In addition to eating Buffalo wings, Goodell will be giving the Bills a second chance. They’ll be able to have their own possession in overtime after all.

    “We’ve been cursed for so many years, but now the tide is really turning in our favor,” said Jim Kelly. “Now we’ll definitely have better luck in the playoffs!”



  10. Tennessee Titans: Joe Mixon, QB, Oklahoma
    If the Titans already had Derrick Henry on their roster, why would they want to add Joe Mixon? Is it because they fear Henry will get hurt again? That’s what we suspected, but apparently not.

    “Did you see that pass Joe threw in the Super Bowl?” general manager Jon Robinson asked. “That was awesome! It was better than anything that Three-Interception Tannehill could’ve done.”

    Robinson’s moniker for Tannehill is harsh, but fair. Even Tannehill said so.

    “I mean, I could have thrown four interceptions, so I wasn’t THAT bad, but I still need help,” Tannehill admitted. “Joe’s touchdown throw in the Super Bowl was a true eye-opener as to what my potential can be. If I learn from Joe, maybe I’ll be that good one day.”

  11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Denzel Washington, HC, Fordham
    Bruce Arians has always stated that he’s proud of his incredibly diverse assistant coaching staff even though they all share the same race. However, he has remained quiet about the head-coaching position not being diverse on his own team. That has now changed.

    Taking a page out of the Arizona Cardinals playbook, the Buccaneers will now operate with Denzel Washington as their head coach, though Washington will be playing the role of Arians, whose announced retirement is apparently a ruse.

    “Make us the third team with an African American head coach,” Arians beamed. “It’s nice to know that we’re so diverse now. And besides, I’d say Denzel looks a bit like me, don’t you think?”



  12. Green Bay Packers: Drake London, WR, USC
    Hey, look, the Packers have drafted a talented receiver to help Aaron Rodgers!

    April Fools!

  13. Miami Dolphins: Pick Forfeited
    Stephen Ross was seen gleefully whistling while walking into his office after re-acquiring this pick from the Chiefs for three future first-round selection and Al Davis’ heart, rib, eyeball, nail and ring.

    “What a glorious day,” he beamed. “I had to fire a coach who wouldn’t take money for losing games, but I have a general manager who will take money for losing draft picks!”

    Despite trading back for this pick, the Dolphins will not be drafting anyone at No. 29, per Ross’ request.

    “Losing draft picks makes me extremely happy,” Ross chirped. “I’m almost as happy as I would be if Jim Harbaugh would rub oil all over my body. If only…”

  14. Kansas City Chiefs: Mob Hit
    Patrick Mahomes’ decline in 2021 was puzzling. He had some great moments, including his heroics against the Bills, but he also had numerous halves in which he couldn’t produce any points, including the two battles against the Bengals.

    “Hem, hem, uhh, umm, hem hem, umm, hem, hem, uhh, hem, hem, uhh, umm, time’s yours,” Andy Reid tried to explain.

    Once Reid’s translator was available, it was clear that the Chiefs discovered that it was Patrick’s brother, Jackson, who was responsible for the quarterback’s decline.

    “Jackson Mahomes pretended to support his brother, but he was actually radicalized by Bronco fans,” Reid’s translator said. “You’ve heard of Native American rain dances? Well, this is a quarterbacks suck dance.”

    The Chiefs need to eliminate Jackson, but they also must make it look like an accident. Thus, they’ve cashed in this draft choice and handed it to the mob.

    “We’ll make it look like an accident, like he slipped on a banana peel while doing one of his little dances,” Fat Tony said.

  15. Cincinnati Bengals: Jameson Williams, WR, Alabama
    Some thought the Bengals should have drafted Penei Sewell over Ja’Marr Chase in the 2021 NFL Draft in order to protect Joe Burrow. It turned out that Chase was the right selection, but the Bengals still needed to find a dominant blocker for Burrow. This pick would definitely be used on an offensive lineman, right?

    “We’re going receiver,” Mike Brown declared. “Offensive line makes no sense. Receiver it is.”

    This was confusing, to say the least. That was the case until we found Brown’s reading material on his nightstand.

    “Yes, yes, I’m reading Mike Martz’s book, How to Kill a Quarterback in Three Offseasons,” Brown admitted. “Martz is a brilliant guy. He wrote that you can have a quarterback throw for 6,000 yards in a season if you do nothing but draft receivers. Sure, the quarterback will die in the process, but you’ll be able to sell his organs on the black market and make a great profit.”



  16. Houston Gamblers: Evan Neal, OT, Alabama
    The Lions are going beyond making sure they help an NFL team win a championship.

    “We’re buying a stake in the USFL as well,” Dan Campbell revealed. “When the Houston Gamblers win the first USFL championship, we, the Detroit Chief-Gamblers can know that we played a major role in that. Chief-Gamblers? Wait, maybe we should have chosen another USFL team…”

    The only person to feel bad for here is Evan Neal, who would have to play in the USFL rather than the NFL. However, Neal was quite content about the situation.

    “I’m cool with it,” Neal said. “If I can win a championship in the USFL, that also means that I won a Super Bowl in the NFL because it was all part of the Lions-Chiefs-Gamblers’ plans. That means I’ll be the first player to ever win a championship in two leagues during the same year!”



  17. Real 2022 NFL Mock Draft


    Back to 2022 April Fools NFL Mock Draft: Picks 1-16







2024 NFL Mock Draft - April 16


NFL Power Rankings - Feb. 22


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