Real 2019 NFL Mock Draft
Arizona Cardinals: Killer Murray, QB, Oklahoma
I find it real surprise that the Cardinal gonna take a quarterback after he draft one last month when he take Josh Rose. Josh Rose not a good quarterback, but the old saying go, if you has two quarterback, you do not has one quarterback, probably because like I learn in Florida College, two more than one!
Killer Murray real good though. He a killer like his name say, like Cannibal Lecture except I hope Killer Murray not eat people for fastbreak, I mean breakfast. Killer Murray gonna have a great time throw ball to Larry Fitzpatrick, who gonna join me in the Hall of Flame one day and Captain Kirk, who the guy from Star War who have a best friend name Spot who probably an elf because he have ear that point.
San Francisco 49ers: Reggie White Jr., WR, Notre Dame
My spingle kind of tingle when I hear that Reggie White Jr., the father of the late Reggie White Sr. in this draft. Reggie White Sr. was a great friend of mine, so when I hear that the fruit of his loom in the draft, I has to put him high. In fact, the only reasons I do not put him number first is because the Cardinal gonna take Killer Murray, and the Cardinal already have three great receiver who I mention earlierness, Captain Kirk and other guy I forget.
Reggie White Jr. play wide receiver but because his son have a lot of sack in his career a long time ago, maybe he can get a lot of sack when he play wide receiver. This gonna make him a real dangerous threat that San Francisco gonna enjoy. The 49er have a great quarterback Chris Mullin, and he gonna throw ball to Reggie White Jr. who then gonna sack the guy who try to tackle himselves.
New York Jets: Nick Boss, DE, Ohio State
The Jet do a good job taking my suggestion last month and draft Sam Donald, the son of President Donald Trunk. Speaking of President Donald Trunk, I thought he gonna go to prism because he collision with Russian but the guy Ferris Mueller say it turn out that he not collisioned after all.
If Nick Boss sound familiar to you, it because he the twin cousin of Joe Boss, the guy who have long hair on the San Angeles Charger. Joe Boss get a lot of sack like Reggie White Jr. and his twin cousin Nick Boss probably do the same thing. And do not forget their great father who play in the National League of Football, Tony Boss. Who the boss? Tony Boss the boss.
Oakland Raiders: Reggie White III, DE, Notre Dame
This probably gonna be the best draft classroom of all times. Not only do Reggie White Jr., the father of the late Reggie White Sr. are in this draft, but his youngest cousin brother also in this draft classrom, Reggie White III. That are a lot of I alphabet symbol after his name. Saying I three time remind me of a joke I hear: What have three I but cannot seed? Mississippi because that city have three I in his name and he not seed because Mississippi are river and seed cannot grow on river.
But enough joke around. It real lucky for the Raider that Reggie White III are available. The Raider have horrible rush pass last year because he trade Amari Mack. But this gonna change when he take Reggie White III who gonna get a lot of sack like the late Reggie White Sr., who always late according to people who always say it like that.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Dwayne Hopkins, QB, Ohio State
I real disappointment in James Winslow. He once real promising quarterback for Buccaneer. Then he got in trouble a lot. First, he steal shrimp from Red Lobster. Then, he jump on table in lunch room and talk about cat. Which real mistake because dog better than cat. And least but not last, he make sexual with Super driver. Super driver, who do not knowed, are when you press button on phone and the phone create driver out of thin air to take you to place, and when you get to place, Super driver disappear back into phone. This real mistake to have sexual with robot because robot cannot have sexual.
It time to replace James Winslow after I hear all these negative. I listen to Steven The Smith about Dwayne Hopkins and he say Hopkin run around real fast, which exactly what the Buccaneer need because his left tackle Donovan McNabb real horribleness.
New York Giants: Jonathan Taylor, OT, Florida
It real obvious that Eli Manning long in the mouth and need to be replace, but the Giant belief that Eli can still play another 10 year, which are why he gonna pass on all the great quarterback available at this scenario.
If the Giant gonna keep with Eli, he gonna have to protect his blind slide, which mean the slide that do not see because he blind. This remind me of the movie The Blind Slide with Samantha Bullock where she find a big kid who play football and then she go on bus and need to keep it going real fast so he do not explode.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Jonas William, OT, Alabama
The Jaguar another team that have to protect the blind slide of his quarterback, Blake Bottles. Bottles horrible quarterback but maybe he gonna be better if the Jaguar protect his blind slide. It too bad Blake Bottles not have Samantha Bullock as his mom because you never know when a bus have to go real fast to stop from explosive, and it real handy to have someone around who know how to keep a bus goin' real fast.
Jonas William real famous already because of his line blood. He the brother of the Jonas brothers, who real famous for I don't know what. Jonas Nick one of the guy, but I not sure about other brother. Maybe Jonas Steve. Jonas William the last guy and he probably gonna be real success because his line blood, which have to do with blood in a line.
Detroit Lions: Jerry Jacobs, RB, Alabama
My friend and former ex-teammate Michael Irving always say on the TV, "Point win championship." I beg question, how do team score point? The best way team can score point are when they run the ball real good with their running back.
When the last time the Lion have a great running back? Probably the guy name Barry Johnson who always compete with myselves to be the best running back in the league of national. Barry Johnson went into unretirement a long time ago, so that show how dire the situation are for Lion! He really need a running back so why not get the best running back, who go by the name of Jerry Jacobs.
Buffalo Bills: Josh Allen, QB, Kentucky
I was very unsurprise when I hear that Antonio Brown would rather go into unretirement than play for the Bill. Look what happen to Josh Allen! He got draft by the Bill last year and he run good, but now he enter the draft again because he do not like playing for state of Buffalo. Now, it time for the Bill to get his revengeful. He gonna take Josh Allen a second time again to get revengeful. Josh Allen gonna be real sad that he have to go back to the Bill, but Josh Allen gonna get over it. As the wise man say, what do not kill you, make you alive.
Denver Broncos: Drew Lock, QB, Missouri
John Elway really need a good quarterback. He trade for Joe Flake, but Flake just a backup at this stage of his career. He also trade for Case Keening, but Keening also a backup also as well, too. And then there John Elway who can play quarterback himselves, but he also a backup three as well three. That three backup quarterback the Bronco have, and the last time he have a starter quarterback probably when John Elway not long in the mouth, but the opposite of long, which probably not long in the mouth.
The best quarterback on the paper I looking at Drew Lock. This real interesting to me. Everybody know what need to open a lock, so it key for the Bronco to get him. Do you see the joke I make? I make a play on word. Drew Lock last name Lock. A lock can only be open one way: If you have a lock. So, that are the joke I make.
Cincinnati Bengals: Noah Fart, TE, Iowa
Tyler Waffle always get injury. He probably get injury when he fall down the stair in his house, or when he trip over black cat, or when he get poison by a person who try killed him. This horrible. You should not get injury from these thing, so maybe Tyler Waffle need to go into unretirement.
Noah Fart one of my favorite player to watch because he have a funny name. Fart, if you do not familiar with these, are the thing that burp come from people butt.
Green Bay Packers: Greedy William, CB, LSU
Aaron Rodger running out of time. This mean that he running but when he run out of time, he gonna stop running because he do not have time left. For Rodger to have more time, he gonna have to go running hard on the hill, and this gonna increase his time, but in the end, Father Time undefeatedness, and he gonna stop Rodger from running, and if he fail, his wife Mother Time gonna have a crack at it.
The Packer need a cornerback to help catch pass from Rodger. This bring me to Greedy William. Greedy William remind me of that thing, that word that describe people who want everything and not gonna stop at anything to get everything. I cannot remeberness what this word is, but I got remounded of it when I hear the name Greedy William.
Miami Dolphins: Tua Tangoviolin, QB, Alabama
Do you hear the news that the Dolphin are gonna get a tank for the 2019 year? He gonna try to lose on purposeful, but if that not gonna be enough, they gonna fire the tank, which like a car that fire gun and bomb at the enemy. The Dolphin probably gonna fire tank or maybe even throw tank at the opposition team, and that mean they gonna get blowed up.
Now that the Dolphin plan to go winful come to fruitpltion, he gonna draft Tua Tangoviolin, who the best quarterback on this draft. It unusal for Alabama quarterback to be good, but Nick Sabre finally have a guy who can throw the ball good and throw the ball with accurate.
Atlanta Falcons: Dwayne Hinkins, QB, Ohio State
The Falcon was in the Super Bowel recently but he fallen on bad time lately. What happen to Falcon! I do resurge on this, and everybody seem to say that they has a problem with his offensive coordination. This guy who run the program name Steve Samurai, and he need to be fire. He always responsible for the Map Ryan throwing pass intersections. And when quarterback start throwing pass intersection, this give the other team chance to score on touchdown.
But you cannot draft offensive coordination after I ask and Roger Goldman say no, so the Falcon gonna have to draft another quarterback to replace Map Ryan so why not Dwayne Hinkins from Ohio State, who run real good according to Steven And The Smith.
Washington Redskins: Daniel Johnson, QB, Duke
Duke usually known for his basketball team. Mike Shakeshekov really good basketball coach. But now he coaching football apparently too as well. This mean that the Duke football program gonna have a lot of player coming into the NFL in the near future. And not just the near future. The far future as well.
The Redskin obviously need a quarterback. He real desperation. The Redskin trade first-round pick for Cast Keenum this offseason, but that not enough to dedicate to quarterback, which real important position. Team gotta lock down the quarterback, and the Redskin can do that with these pick.
Carolina Panthers: Josh Allen, LB, Kentucky
I read somewhere that the Panther switchin' to the 3-4 defense. This mean his defense have three win and four lossed. This not a good win percentage. Now, if we talkin' about a 16-0 defense, that a real good defense!
Because the Panther defense have just three win, he need to find some help. I cannot find the city of Kentucky on the map if you ask me to, but he have a great linebacker name Josh Allen who can turn the Panther 3-4 defense into a 16-0 defense!
Go to Emmitt Smith's 2019 NFL Mock Draft: Picks 17-32
Sorry for cutting this into two halves; I've received complaints about load times and putting the mock draft on two pages saves bandwidth.
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