draft2009emmitt

Last update: Febturday, Month Before May, I Forget, 2009
Next update: The Year After These One.

A part of my soul died when ESPN fired Emmitt Smith. Emmitt was an interesting and entertaining NFL analyst. He just had one downfall – the English language. Proper sentence structure, verb conjugation, and even the inability to differentiate between real and fake words “debacled” the Hall of Fame running back. In fact, the word “debacled” was one of the many things that led to his on-air demise.

But was firing Emmitt the right decision? Absolutely not! I was one of thousands who tuned into the Monday evening SportsCenter during football season just to hear Emmitt butcher the English language. Was I just doing this just to compile data for my Emmitt Anthologies? Sure… but who cares?

I’m going on the record – I’m not going to watch SportsCenter anymore in the wake of the Emmitt firing. As Emmitt might say, “These were unjustices!” I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Well, maybe I could have…

At any rate, this is what a 2009 NFL Mock Draft would look like if Emmitt Smith created one.

Emmitt Smith makes a 2009 NFL Mock Draft.

“I put blood, sweats and cry into this doggone mock draft! I even try to spell all names good!”

Detroit Lions: Matt Stanford, QB, Georgia
The Detroit Lion need help. And not just help. They need a ton of help. They need so many help I cannot even fit them into these paragraph. The Detroit Lion have become the first winless team to lose all of their game of all time.

As my father, Emmitt uhh… Senior the First tolded me, a man can only be debacled so many time. Well, my friends, I am here to tell you that the 53 players on the Detroit Lion can only be debacled so many time. That is why I believe the Detroit Lion need to take the best quarterbacks in the NFL Draft.
St. Louis Rams: Jason Smith, OT, Baylor
The Rams have so many option with the second pick in the 2009 NFL Draft Process. Marc Bal… Bol… Bolden… did not play with confidentiality last… I’m sorry… Marc Boulder… Marc Boulder do not play confidence anymore. Unfortunately, the new head coach, Steve Stags do not have the option to take Matt Stafford. So, he will settle for the top offensive tackle that can be acquire in this point name Jason Smith.

Jason Smith play for the folk down in state of Baylor, where he step up big last season and he dominationed the competition at the Combines. Dominationed another word for debacled, but a good writer such as myselves like to use symphonies when he uhh… wri… uhh… wri… uhh… do the thing where you put word together on computer or paper.
Kansas City Chiefs: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech
Kansas City traded for Matt Cassels, but he do not have anyone to throw the ball at all if you do not count Dwayne Bowe or Tony… uhh… uhh… Bowe. Everyone know that if you want to win in the National Football League Conference, your quarterback need at least three option to throw to.

Michael Crabtree have debacled his foot in a game last season, but I’m goin’ online and say there’s something real interesting about Crabtree’s foot injury that’s not real interesting.
Seattle Seahawks: Eugene Malone, OT, Virginia
This Seattle club is in between a rock and a… uhh… boulder. They have… have… has two choices. They can draft Michael Treecrab to play alongside Darren Branch, Nate Berlin and T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Or they can go with a left tackle like Eugene Malone who have the ability to keep Matt Hassel gettin’ roughed up from the behind a dozen time per season every week.

It is not good to have quarterback who gettin’ roughed up in the behind. It is not good for team morals. Only one quarterback of all time like to get roughed up in the behind. T.O. tolded me in coincidentiallity that man name is Jeff Garcia. How can a man like to get roughed up in the behind? Do he do it for the pain? I cannot even figure out to start answer these. I am convincement that T.O. is lying. But do not hear these from me!
Cleveland Browns: Chris “Bernie” Wells, RB, Ohio State
The guy who write for WalterFootball.coms say it best. Jamal Lewis is so slow, he probably run the 40 more slower than Andy Reid does to the buffet line when it open up every evening. Lewis probably more slower than a really slow man, or a turtle, so to speak. This is why Cleveland need a running back name Wells. Folk in the city of Ohio tend to call this guy Chris “Bernie” Wells. Only Bernie can pump some lives into the Dog House.
Cincinnati Bengals: Andre Smith, OT, Alabama
I’m goin’ to be honestly with you. The season of 2008 was not a good one for Emmitt Smith. Four bad things happen to me. First, the stock market crash so my portfolio got… uhh… devastationed. Second, ESPN terminationed me from broadcasting on their TV for unjustible reason. They say I cannot communicate with public. Well, if you readin’ this mark draft, I am communicationing just fine, thank you. Third, I ask out Suzy Colbert after I got fire, and she said, “I do not date unemployed folk.” And third, my namesakes, Andre Smith do a bad job at the Combine.

Well, what come around sometime keep goin’ around. Hopefully the Bengals watched film on Andrew Smith and see that he is one of the best offensive tackles in this draft and not just all time, but in the past couple of years. Leaving the Combine early are not… or is not a big deal, to be more precise. Sometime, players just have to blow off a couple of steam, and that is exactly what happen here.
Oakland Raiders: Darrius Howard-Bey, WR, Maryland
Mike Lombard in television say that Al David cover 40 time. That mean Al David likes speed, and that is exactly what Darrius Howard-Bey bring to the tables. But Howard-Bey have more than just speed. Howard-Bey have strength. He have good instinct. And he have athletic. He bring the entire package to the Hole in Oakland that is… uhh… not white but the opposite color, I forget.
Jacksonville Jaguars: No-Shawn Moreno, RB, Georgia
Jack Rio have done a terrific job with Jaguars. He probably have brought this team to the playoff a number of time in the past years. But with Fred Taylor defectioning for New England, the tide have come in on the Jaguar to draft another runnin’ back to combine with Maurice Jones-Drew.

It is fact that all the team that have won the Super Bowl in the past number of years had great runnin’ backs. The Cowboys with your truly, the Denver Bronco with Terrell David, the Pittsburgh Steelers with… uhh… I forget and a number of other teams too! With No Shawn Moreno sitting on the bench at No. 8, Jacksonville will become the first team in the National Football League Conference to have two great runnin’ back this year on the season.
Green Bay Packers: Michael Oher, OT, Ole Miss
There are rumor that the Packers are changin’ to a new defense, a 3-4 defense that have three lineman and four other players. Some say this is can only help Portland get back to the doggone playoff. Not me, or I, to be more grammar correct. The thing that the Packer need to do is shore up that offensive line to protect the quarterback, whether it be Aaron Rodgers, Brian Bomb or Brett Favre if he decide to come back from unretirement.

Michael Oher is a great linemen. Not only can he read blocks good, he can also block the guys on the other team good. Oher have power and have strength. Power is the same word as strength but only with different spellings.
San Francisco 49ers: Mark Sanchez, QB, USC
In the offseason, San Francisco offereded Kurt Warner $15 million per game. Warner turn the deal down because his wife slap him upside the head. Now, Portland will be looking for a new quarterback in the 2009 NFL Mark Draft.

I guess you can say it is coincidenciveness that 2009 NFL Mark Draft and Mark Sanchez have the same name inside. It is probably fate, so to speak. I have no need nor reason to explain these, but that is why Sanchez will be traveling to the other side of the continent to play football on the start of the regular season.
Dallas Cowboys: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
If you do not hear the news, Terrell Owens got trade to the Buffalo Bill in the past couple of days, or right in the middle of the doggone offseason as some would say. That mean that the Dallas Cowboys do not have… uhh… has Terrell Owens anymore. I am really disappointed that words cannot even describe how disappointment I am right now. I am so disappointment that I am picking the Bills to trade this pick to the Cowboys because I am so disappointment.

With the No. 11 pick in this here draft, I believe the Dalla Cowboys will draft their replacement for T.O. Jeremy Morgan was a great player on the Missouri line that he will pack his bags and bring his strength and his will to the Cowboys locker room. Only then can the Cowboys career get back on track.
Denver Broncos: Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State
One of my arc nemesis, John Madden always says that if you have two quarterback, you don’t have any quarterback. This did not make any sense to me until I realize what the Denver Bronco did this offseason. If you have not followed free agents, Denver sign J.J. Arlington, Correll Burlington and L.J. Jordan. These are not good running back! To win in the NFL, you need good quarterback and two good running back. Period! End of sentences!

It’s time that this new coach Josh McFadden understand these. Hopefully he will read my words and grow some thoughts in his tiny little head, or someone gonna have to slap it upside!

The Bronco need strong running back like Chris Wells. Wells is so good he have so many explosions. I cannot even begin to tell you how many explosions Wells have!
Washington Redskins: Forfeit!
I mention that John Madden is my personal arc nemesis. Why you ask? Because he did not rated me as the best runnin’ back in his video game. I was and still am the best runnin’ back, not only in the entire National Football League Conference, but in the NFC East! Madden is a menace to societies.

And speaking of arc nemesis, the Redskins are the nemesis of the Dalla Cowboys. When I play for the Cowboys, I hated the Redskins so much, I try my hardest to… uhh… debacle them during the game. And believe me, I save my best debalcations for only my most hated arc nemesises.

So to get my avenge, I will not give the Redskins any pick in this doggone 2009 NFL Mark Draft. It’s not goin’ happen! It’s not goin’ happen! It’s not goin’ happen!
New Orleans Saints: Jason Gordon, OT, Baylor
The Saints have Jammal Brown to protect Drew Brees’s’s’s’ blind side. But they do not have… has… uhh… had a guy to protect Drew Brees uhh… unblind side. Getting hit hard in the behind is one thing. Getting chased by someone you see comin’ can be a scary propo… prod… pros… prostitution. This is why right tackle and runnin’ back are the three most important position in the National Football Conference League.

I cannot believe no one have drafted Jason Gordon yet. He my No. 1 tackle on my big board right in front of Eugene Malone. In fact, it is a doggone crime that Gordon did not come off the boards yet! These team clearly do not know what they doing!
Houston Texans: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State
For the first time in the Houston Texas career, they have become an all-around good football club. Unfortunately, not all of their player are good all-around.

I am looking at you, Owen David. I have Owen David on my fantasy football team in the 2008 season, and sometime he score 30 points and then sometime he only had two point. Sometime even no point! He just did not draw the double team!

I have never seen Brandon Pettigrew play football before, but I know he better than Owen David. This is like if someone asking me, “Emmitt, would you rather get hit upside the head with baseball bat or something that do not look so hard.” I will say 100 percent of the time, which is probably most of the time, that I would rather get blowed in the head with something soft and smooth.
San Diego Chargers: Emmitt Smith IV, RB, Florida
Look, I can analysize the Charger situation all day long. I can analysize it for so long, you probably die of old age before I finish. That’s how long I can analysize the situation.

LaDainian Tomlinson gettin’ li-bit old in the mouth and long in the beard, so to speak. He not ready for unretirement, but he certainly gettin’ there.

I inplored Tampa Bay to draft my son, Emmitt Smith IV the Fourth last year, but they do not listen. Now, I will inplore the Chargers to do the same thing. My son probably six or seven years old, so by the time L.T. ready for unretirement, my son will be ready to step in and take the reign.
New York Jets: Pat White, A LOT, West Virginia State College
I talk to Mel Kiper, my former college at ESPN, and he tolded me that the Jets need help with quarterback and wide receiver. Mel, I could not disagree with you, even if I wanted to.

So, what do the Jets do here? If they draft a quarterback, they will not address the wide receiver. And if they do not draft wide receiver, the quarterback position will remain destimated.

Well, maybe the Jet can have their cake and have it too. Pat White from West Virginia State College, he can play every position on the football field except offensive linemen, including offensive linemen! With Pat White overboard, the Jet will fill both of their needs. Now that is what I call havin that cake!
Denver Broncos: Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia
I found this analyst in the WalterFootball.coms 2009 celebrity uhh… thing where you pick players. I will copy and glue this analyst, but do not call me a plagiarism; WalterFootball.coms says I said these:

“I cannot say I’m surprised that the Denver Broncos traded Jake Cutler. There were… were… a breakdown in miscommunications in the front office. Now, the Denver Bronco are stranded without quarterback. To make amend for these, the Bronco must sign or trade for a player who can take the helmet in the center of the offense.”
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Max Anger, C, Oregon
I have three arc nemesises in the world. John Madden, the Washington Redskin, ESPN for firing me and now the Tampa Bay Buccaneer, who did not listen to me when I suggest they draft my son, Emmitt Smith IV the Fifth. Who possibly runnin’ the organization down there in the state of Tampa Bay?

I do not has the words to explain how anger I am right now. I just do not has the word, so I will give Max Anger to the Tampa Bay Buccaneer to revenge the crime they put on me and my family. Now, you have seen the way I unleash the flurry on my arc nemesises, and maybe you’ll think twice before you cross the paths against Emmitt Sh… uhh… Sm… Sh… Sar… I forget.
Detroit Lions: Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State
I did not attend the University of Florida to become a mathematic or an architecture, but I do know this – you multiply 50 percent times two, you get 100 percent. When you have a 100 percent, you… uhh… probably has… an OK chance of something happenin’. And not just an OK chance, a great chance.

Why do I bring these up? I read somewhere that quarterback busts at 50 percent in the NFL Draft. So if you draft two quarterback in the first rounds, you have an OK 100-percent chance of getting a guy who can throw the ball. And not just a guy who can throw the ball – a guy who can throw the ball good.
Philadelphia Eagles: Jaworski Lane, FB, Texas A&M
The Eagles have many problem. They cannot run the ball in short-yard situation… and uhh… other things. It’s a good thing I played in the National Football Conference League because I know to remedition this, you need runnin’ back who can burst through the defensive line with will, determination and strong.

All of those aspectation perfectly describe Jaworski Lane, grandson of my former ESPN college Ron Jaworski, or Jaw, as some people like to call him. This must be a proud day for Jaw. Hopefully one day I will get to see little Emmitt V runnin’ around, debacling folk on the football field.
Minnesota Vikings: Jack Elway, QB, Arizona State
Jack Elway, son of former greatness quarterback John Elway, quit the Arizona State College football program and now he’s move on to live his dream of becoming starting quarterback on the professional. Minnesota may not think they need quarterback, but you watch what happen if John Elway appear to them in their draft board. You cannot resist the son of a future Hall of Fame. You simply cannot!

John Elway will immediately compete with Tarvaris Johnson and Sage Rozelle, maybe not right away but probably sometime soon. As a wise man once says, if you have a son of a future Hall of Fame, you simply cannot!
New England Patriots: Tom Tebow, QB, Florida
September 2008 was the worst day in the history of the New England Patriots. It was the day Bernard Pollack crash into Tom Brady knee cap and have explosioned with it. Brady limp off the field and it became curtain for the 2009 Patriots.

Now that Brady is rejuvenating from explosioned knee cap and Matt Cassels sailing to the Pacific Coast to play in Kansas City, it’s time for New Zealand to find new quarterback. Why not draft Tom Tebow from my Alma Matter. Tebow are good quarterback, and as the famous senator from Florida Gator, Connor Brown say on YouTube TV, “It was madless to most the pressure he was under against the Sooner. Go Gator! Congratulation to the team and the corch Urban Meyers.”
Atlanta Falcons: Bear Pascore, TE, Fresno State
Bear Pascore one of my favorite player in the 2009 NFL Mark Draft of all times. I had, or have never seen Bear Pastore play, but when I hear his name, I immediately recognize how strong and power he is, maybe not right away but when I think about it, how can a man name Bear be unpowerful or unstrong? These are impossible!

Atlanta need tight end. Mark Ryan, who have a great rookie season in his first year in the National Football Conference League, have all the weapons he need but do not has… has… do… have… a great tight end. I already mentioneded how great Bears Pascone is. Well, the apple do not fall far off the tree, and he will help Portland win Super Bowl XLIV this year and next year.
Miami Dolphins: Terry Robiskie, WR, Ohio State
There are no telling what the Dolphin may or may not do. Their defense struggle to force turnovers defensively last year and their offense could not score touchdowns offensively in the Doggone Playoff.

I was at a loss for thought until I look at the draft page and spot a name that blared out at me. Terry Robiskie.

For those of you who do not knowed, Terry Robiskie was a great player for a national football team. He been coachin’ lately but he obviously want to get back into the floor of things. It really shock me to see Terry Robiskie declare for the draft.

Parcells, whose nickname is the Big Dolphin, like to draft old players. He will not look twice if the old veterinarian is on the board.
Baltimore Ravens: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri
Why are there too many doggone pick in this mark draft? I tire! I will suck on it, so to speak, for the last 10 picks in the first round, but believe you me, I will be writing a letter to Roger Goodman about my frustrating. I am so frustrating because the first round should only be 10 picks, maybe 12 pick. Period. End of sentences.

If I ever figure out how to log on to America On The Line and print stuff on my computers, I will send a mad letter to Roger Goodman. It will be so mad, you do not even want to know how mad the letter will be.

I have decided to give the Raven Jeremy Maclin. The only reason is Maclin is good athleticism. And he is not just good athleticism. He real good athleticism.
Indianapolis Colts: Kenny Britton, WR, Rutgers
If Marvin Harrison prove one thing, he real old and old man. He do not have young man speed anymore. Believe me, it pain me to say these, and I am at a lossed for words.

Indianapolis need to bring in fast receiver. Enter Kenny Britton, who also big and strong. But Britton is best at speed. When he start runnin’ no one can caught him. It is unpossible.
Philadelphia Eagles: Eben Britt, OT, Arizona
From the moment the Eagles draft Donovan McNabb, the folk in Philadelphia boo him like crazy. But when push come to shovel, Donovan McNabb put the team back on the globe, so to speak. He so important to the franchise, and not just important; he real important.

For that reasons, the Eagles need to draft Eben Britt, who know a thing or another thing about protecting quarterback. Mark my word, if Donovan McNabb get injured or traded, the city of Philadelphia will be in such depresstation, they gonna need to call in the international guards.
New York Giants: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida
I try to give the Giants Andy Levitra, but every time I say that name, people laugh at me. It made me real subconscious, so I change this pick to Percy Harvin, who from the place where I play football before: The city of Florida.

I have seen Percy Harvin play football before, and believe me when I tell you, he real fast, quick and agility. The reason he is so fast is because his legs can move real fast. And not just fast; we talkin’ real real fast. Like as fast as a real fast man who is real fast.
Tennessee Titans: Rudy Carpenter, QB, Arizona State
Kerry Collins is old and Vince Young, who the opposite of old, have given up his career in football. It was probably three or four months ago when Vince Young won the national championship, but now he hangin’ on the sneakers, so to speak.

The only way the Titan can get back to the doggone playoff is if they draft Rudy Carpenter. Rudy Carpenter remind me of the old movie where all the fan chant, “Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!” I cannot remember the name of these movie. I even try to Googled it, and all that come up is that young man name. When that happen, I sell all of my Google stock. How can I own something that so irreliable? Any day now, it will plummer down to five cents per shared. You heard it here first, or maybe second if you read this mark draft two time.
Arizona Cardinals: LeSeason McCoy, RB, Pittsburgh
Do no one listen to me? Last year, I asked the Phoenix Cardinals to draft a runnin’ back named Jamaal Charles. He run a few times for the Chiefs, but if the Cardinals drafted him, he would have rushed for 5,000 yards every week during the season. Now, the Cardinals are in pickles again because they still don’t have a runnin’ back who can destimate an opposing defense with his size, his will and his powerful.

Edgerrin James or as some call him, the Ed, become a rookie in 1989, which probably eight or nine years ago. It is good idea to draft LeSeason McCoy, or as some folk up in the Pittsburgh line like to call him, “Colt” McCoy. I hear on television that Colt McCoy run the ball good and throw the ball good too. I do not understand how Arizona could possible not draft him. If they do not draft Colt McCoy, the fans might become revolting.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Jonathan Luigi, C, Arkansas
Finally, I come to the end of my 2009 Mark Draft. These draft took me three months to do. Now I can finally wrap thing up and go to sleep for the first time since I begin this doggone process.

I’m gonna go out in a limb and say that the Pittsburgh Steelers will trade for Mario Williams. No one have details on this, but I believe it will happen. Why? Because Jonathan Luigi become available here. If the Steelers has Mario and Luigi, they have the two character from the game where the man jump on thing. I cannot recall how it called. I apologize, my mind do not work today.

Now I will conclusion with the following message. It is unjustice that ESPN fire me. I will work for any other network on, or even in the television. I will be the best analysist there will be, and I promise to bring the same entertainment, candid and enthusiasms that I bring during my time with my former employment.

MISSING

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