Jerks of the Week - March 30, 2020

Jerks of the Week: March 30, 2020


Jerks of the Week: April Fools and April Truths VIII: Coronavirus Edition

I've been promising a seven-part Jerks of the Week series about my trip to Miami, and it's coming, I promise. The initial posting will be up next week. I would have made it available today, but it's close enough to April Fools' Day that I had to bring back the April Fools and April Truths segment once more.

For those of you who are new, this is the eighth-annual edition of this sort of segment, where I post six stories, and you'll have to determine whether you're being "April Fooled" or not. The answer key to see whether each story is a fabrication or not will be available at the bottom of this entry.

This, of course, was inspired by Fact or Fiction, a show from the 90s where Jonathan Frakes, the man who played Commander William Riker on Star Trek: The Next Generation, hosted an hourlong program featuring creepy tales that may or may not have been true. At the end of each segment, Frakes would pop on screen and ask the audience if it thought the story was true or not, only he would do so with a cheesy pun, like these:



I've been promising to ask Frakes to write up puns for April Fools and April Truths for seven years now, but I'll admit that I've been hesitant to contact him. All this time, I assumed he had just become a hermit in the woods who makes pizza for his wife and daughter, but he's one of the directors of Star Trek Picard. The show sucks, but he's been one of the few bright spots.

Despite my hesitation, I have news on the Frakes front. That's the perfect segue to our first story!

1. The Super Bowl Party:

Leigh Steinberg's Super Bowl party was a blast. I'll tell you all the details in a few weeks, but for now, I'd like to focus on a certain guest who attended the event.

The first thing Charlie Campbell and I did upon arriving to the party was head to the food table, of course. Neither of us had a nice breakfast after drinking the night before, and being a fat man, I needed my food, or I was going to collapse.

After cramming enough food to fill two plates, Charlie and I went to the bar. There were several people waiting for drinks, one of whom caught my attention. He had gray hair and a matching beard. He was a husky man, and he was hunched over the counter, with both elbows planted on it. He looked like he was frustrated with the bartender, almost as if he had been waiting for a drink for a half hour.

"Sir, I've asked for a gin and tonic five times," he grumbled, but to no avail.

I recognized the man instantly. It was Jonathan Frakes - the very same Jonathan Frakes I've been referencing in April Fools and April Truths for eight years!

Bumping into Frakes wasn't even the weirdest part. What was so strange about this situation was that he had a plate of half-eaten pancakes in front of him on the bar. Why was Frakes eating pancakes? And more importantly, how did Charlie and I miss them? We scoured the food section very carefully. Obese people like myself don't miss pancakes when they are around, so my fat senses would have picked up the scent.

I had the urge to ask Frakes where he found those pancakes, but I thought that introducing myself would be the better move. I told him my name and who he was, but he seemed more focused on eating his pancakes. I then told him about April Fools and April Truths and how I thought it would be great if he wrote the puns for each story. When I mentioned that last part, he looked like he had a piece of pancake lodged in his throat. He seemed so appalled that I would ask him to do anything, but I made sure to tell him the next part rather quickly.

"I'll contribute to any charity you want," I muttered. "I didn't mean for you to do it for free, or anything."

Frakes looked relieved.

"Here's my card," he said, reaching into his coat pocket. "Call me tomorrow, and we can set something up. Now, if someone can get me a damn drink to wash down these pancakes, I'll start having a good time here!"

The worthless bartender jumped.

"Sorry sir, we're just so busy and I can't find the gin," the bartender said meekly.

Frakes shook his head in further frustration and stuffed more pancakes into his mouth.

I was thrilled to be able to contact Frakes. I called him the next day, but no one answered the phone. I tried again a couple of hours later, and had the same result. I left a message and later called a third time a few days later. Still, nothing. Frakes flaked on me!

So, what do you think? Did I really meet Jonathan Frakes at the Super Bowl party? Or do you need a gin and tonic to wash down the lie I just fed you?


2. Coronavirus Patient:

If you haven't read my book (shameless plug incoming)...



...My dad mentioned that Julian Edelman was my fourth cousin very matter-of-factly. He has a habit of saying surprisingly important things in passing. One such instance occurred when I was on the phone with him a couple of weeks ago. We were talking about President Xi's Coronavirus, when my dad brought up a surprising fact.

Dad: Coronavirus is no big deal. I had it last month.

Me: Wait, what!?

Dad: Wait what, what?

Me: You had Coronavirus? How?

Dad: Yeah, I caught it at the airport when I was flying back from Poland. There were lots of Chinese people at the airport, so I caught Coronavirus..

Me: Wow.

Dad: No big deal. I felt very sick for a few days, and I'm OK now.

My dad didn't seem to think this was a big deal, but I was shocked. Thank goodness he was OK, but I hope he didn't spread it to too many people. I don't think he did, as he told me he stayed home to recover while he was symptomatic.

So, is the story of my dad having Chinese Coronavirus true? Or will you be sick after learning that I was lying to you?

3. New E-Sports Player:

I'm a part-time professional DraftKings player, so the President Xi Coronavirus has made playing daily fantasy sports impossible. Not having sports to bet on is a major bummer, and it's also made me a bit crazy.

DraftKings has a sub menu in its lobby, which allows you to access a specific sport. There's always been something called "LOL," and I just assumed it had something to do with carnivals or clowns, or anything else that can make someone laugh out loud. Naturally, I've always gravitated to NFL, NBA, MLB and even XFL in previous months.

With all real sports gone, this "LOL" was the only thing that remained. Being a degenerate gambler, I was desperate for some action. I clicked on the "LOL" tab and looked at the contests. I then sought out "LOL" scoring projections and entered a lineup. This prompted me to post this on Facebook:



I naturally lost my $10 entry because I didn't know what I was doing, but I was determined to solve this "LOL," whatever the hell it was.

Upon doing some research, "LOL" doesn't stand for "laugh out loud" as I initially suspected. It's League of Legends, an e-sport where 12-year-old Chinese and Korean kids play a five-on-five video game against each other. Setting League of Legends lineups isn't as hectic as the NBA because there aren't any injuries to speak of. I suppose one of the kids can sprain their thumb, but that's about it. As long as their parents sign their permission slips, they're good to play, and we can bet on them. It's sad, but it's all us degenerates have at the moment!

Playing League of Legends fantasy had me intrigued by how the game looked. I went on Twitch and watched a few matches. I was instantly hooked! In fact, I've even started playing myself.

I've actually been playing a lot. Like, I nearly didn't complete this Jerks of the Week entry on time because of the amount of time I've dedicated to playing League of Legends.

But it was all worth it. The city of Philadelphia is starting its own League of Legends league, and I was contacted to participate. The only one on the team thus far, besides me, is someone named Dave Kim, a seventh grader who just got an A+ on a biology pop quiz.

Nevertheless, I'm eager to begin my new career in e-sports. Football is a thing of the past. League of Legends, here I come!

So, is this League of Legends story actually true? Or is it game over for me and Dave Kim?


4. Missing Dogs:

Many events have been canceled or postponed because of the Chinese Coronavirus. I discussed in a previous entry that I had two upcoming weddings in March and April, including one that I was slated to be a groomsman of, and I wondered if those events would be postponed. That's exactly what happened, as they were pushed back to July and August, respectively. I can only hope that President Xi's scourge is eradicated by then so each groom and bride can have their special day.

Some events weren't able to get postponed and had to be canceled outright. The NCAA Tournament is one such example because many of the players would already be on the verge of being selected in the NBA Draft by the time games were possible. Another example was my sister-in-law's baby shower. My wife was planning on hosting this event at our house at the end of March, but that's been completely canceled because her sister will be due before a scheduling would be possible.

Because the baby shower was at our house, my wife asked our neighbors, Liz and Paul, a married couple in their 50s, to watch our dogs that particular day. Liz and Paul weren't burdened by this; in fact, they looked forward to it. They love dogs, but can't have one because they don't own the house they occupy.

"I can't wait!" Liz squeaked gleefully, looking at Raven. "We're going to have so much fun!"

This, of course, didn't come to fruition. My wife had to cancel the baby shower several days before the day of the event. Her two other siblings were both due to come in from New York, but both told her they were staying home. When my wife began advising the older people to remain isolated at home, she realized the endeavor was pointless and just nixed the entire thing.

Canceling was upsetting to my wife because she worked hard at preparing for the baby shower, but it was the necessary decision. Unlike some people I'll discuss in the final entry, we're not dumb, and we've been taking the Chinese pandemic seriously. Outside of picking up takeout on a few occasions, I haven't left my house since March 15!

At any rate, I was sleeping in last Sunday morning when my wife woke me up in a panic.

"Walt, are the dogs in here!?" she asked.

I looked around, half-asleep, then plopped my head back down on my pillow seconds later.

"Walt, I can't find the dogs anywhere!"

I grumbled and rolled my fat a** out of bed. I slipped on my pajama pants and proceeded to look for my dogs with my wife. We checked the basement, the garage and any closed rooms. Indeed, they were gone. Our babies, Sherlock and Raven, had vanished.





My wife and I didn't know what to do. We scoured every inch of the house twice more and called out their names. Nothing.

It was at that point that I decided to go outside. Our doors are always closed, so I didn't know how they could've slipped out of the house, but that was the only logical explanation for where they could've gone.

I put on my sneakers and went to grab their leashes, except I couldn't find them. Their leashes were gone, too!

My wife was confused by this, but I had a suspicion. I walked over to Liz and Paul's house and rang their doorbell. Seconds later, Paul opened the door.

Me: Hey, have you seen our dogs?

Paul: Yeah, they're in the living room playing with Liz.

Me: How did you get them?

Paul: Oh, we went into your house in the morning and took them so you wouldn't have to bring them over because of the baby shower.

I guess we were at fault for not telling Liz and Paul the baby shower was canceled, but who sneaks into someone's house and borrows two dogs? What a weird thing to do.

That wasn't even the strangest part. That occurred when I stepped into their living room and saw my two dogs. Liz was sitting on the ground, happily clapping her hands, as she watched Sherlock and Raven running around. Both Sherlock and Raven were donned in costumes. Sherlock was wearing a Superman outfit, while Raven had a ballerina tutu of sorts on her.

"I thought we'd play dress-up with Sherlock and Raven!" she beamed, leaving me wondering why they had dog costumes. Remember, these people don't have dogs, so why would they have dog costumes unless they bought them specifically for this day?

My wife and I don't talk to these people anymore.

So, is this story of the dog kidnappers true? Or am I just howling at the moon? Awoooooo!!!

5. Japanese Restaurant:

I mentioned in the previous story that I've gotten takeout a few times. Some idiot I follow on Twitter recently argued that restaurants having takeout isn't an essential business. I almost replied, "You're a moron," but I didn't want to instigate anything. Instead, I'll talk trash behind his back in this space. As a fat man, I'm appalled anyone can have this wrong opinion. Takeout food is essential to life, especially for the obese like me.

One of the restaurants I went to was Kyoto, a Japanese hibachi place within walking distance from my house. I'm not a big hibachi fan, but my wife was in the mood for it one night, so I walked over once our order was ready.

Kyoto looked much different than it did in the pre-Coronavirus days. The entrance to the lobby was blocked off by a table in the lobby. The only thing I could see inside the restaurant was two Asian people standing behind the counter wearing masks and gloves. I wish I could've taken a picture because this looked like a hospital, but I left my phone at home.

There was room enough for one person in the lobby, so I had to stand outside as a husky man standing at the table. Fortunately, I was able to see and hear everything that was happening.

The husky man made his order. As he reached into his wallet to grab his credit card, the Asian guy behind the table gestured toward a bottle of hand sanitizer on the table.

Kyoto Guy: Please.

Husky Man: Hmm?

Kyoto Guy: Please use.

Husky Man: My hands are clean.

Kyoto Guy: No please use.

Husky Man: I don't need to, I used hand sanitizer earlier.

Kyoto Guy: If you no use, you no get food!

Husky Man: I don't need to use it!

Kyoto Guy: That's it! You go! No food for you!

Husky Man: What!?

Kyoto Guy: No food for you!

Husky Man: Because I won't use hand sanitizer!?

Kyoto Guy: Get out of lobby! Next customer please!

Husky Man: What the f**k! Screw you!

Husky Man stormed out of the lobby, and I took his place. And yes, I used the hand sanitizer.

So, is this story about the hand sanitizer-obsessed restaurant worker true? Or was this tale too clean to be true?


6. Spring Breaker:

Last week, I railed on the dumb college kids on spring break. Despite all of the harsh criticism they've faced, those morons continue to frequent the Florida beaches. Take a look at this:



This picture was taken Saturday!

I can't believe how moronic these people are. All they're doing is spreading the Chinese Coronavirus, all because they can't wait a few months to have fun on the beach. They're so incredibly selfish. I wish there was a way to punish them, but the only thing I can think of was something I mentioned last week. If you run a company and are in position to hire people, don't bring on anyone you know who went on spring break like this.

I know this may anger some in the zoomer generation, but I don't care. They're a**holes, and they deserve permanent unemployment.

I'm aware the zoomers are angry because one of them contacted me! It was this idiot I made fun of last week:



He messaged me on Facebook after I accepted his friend request. Here's the conversation, if you want to call it that:





He didn't respond because he blocked me. I guess his peanut-sized brain thought that if he blocked me, he'd be able to get a job in the future. In your dreams, Brady!

So, is this story true? Did a spring breaker contact me? Or was I having too much fun in the sun when I made up this conversation?

Answer Key:

Did you figure out which stories are April Fools and which ones are April Truths? Here's your last chance before looking at the answer key...

The Super Bowl Party - April Truth! Yes, believe it or not, Jonathan Frakes was eating pancakes at a bar at Leigh Steinberg's Super Bowl party!

OK, well, sort of. You see, this never happened in reality, but I had this actual dream a few nights ago. I don't know why I dreamt of bumping into Frakes at a bar, but he certainly loved those pancakes.

Coronavirus Patient - April Truth! While I can't say for certain that my dad did, in fact, have the Chinese Coronavirus, he claims that he did. I actually hope he did, which means he may have built an immunity to it.

New E-Sports Player - April Fools! Sadly, I was not recruited by a Philadelphia League of Legends team. Dave Kim isn't even real. So, my apologies to fake Dave Kim's fake parents: Your son did not get an A+ on his biology pop quiz.

Missing Dogs - April Fools! Liz and Paul offered to watch Sherlock and Raven during the baby shower, but they did not sneak into our house to borrow them.

Japanese Restaurant - April Truth! The husky man eager for hibachi didn't get his coveted food because he was too stubborn to use the hand sanitizer. What an idiot.

Spring Breaker - April Fools! Brady Sluder, sadly, did not contact me. If anyone knows Brady, or any of his idiot friends, please tell them to e-mail or Facebook message me. I need some more Jerks of the Week material after my seven-part Miami saga because I'm not leaving the house.

So, how did you do? Were you able to get most of these right? Were you fooled this time? And were you disappointed that for the seventh year in a row, I've failed to deliver my Jonathan Frakes promise?

Hopefully April Fools and April Truths IX actually contains Frakes' puns. As I said, I'll donate to a charity of his to make it happen. And I'll even buy him pancakes!

LOADING COMMENTS...

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Jerks of the Week - April 6, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 1: The Adventures of Maximillian Cucumber, the VIII
Jerks of the Week - March 30, 2020: April Fools and April Truths VIII: Coronavirus Edition
Jerks of the Week - March 23, 2020: Dumb People in the Wuhan Coronavirus Pandemic
Jerks of the Week - March 16, 2020: Wuhan Coronavirus
Jerks of the Week - March 9, 2020: Car Inspections
Jerks of the Week - March 2, 2020: Star Trek Picard
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2020: Nephtali Diaz
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2020: 2020 Oscars Golden Academy Awards and the Dana Schwartz South Park Tweet
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2020: The Golden Global Awards and the British Royals
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2020: Tiny Lifeguard, Cookie Monster Lady, Handsome Men in the Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2020: Worst Best Dinner Ever: My Nifty Fifty's Saga
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2020: Millennials and Man Buns
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2020: Happy New Year, 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2020: My New Dog, Raven
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2019: The Return of Facebook Beggar
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2019: Daughter for Sale
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2019: Mall Joker
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2019: Downton Abbey: The Movie
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2019: Our Healthcare System
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2019: The Most Popular Musicians
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2019: It's Raining Men
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 11, 2019: Trick-or-Treaters, 2019
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2019: The Mark Zuckerberg Testimony
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2019: The Worst Beer Purchase
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2019: The Worst Song Ever
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2019: Bank Robbers (Including Me)
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2019: Dumb Parents, Irrelevant Pregnancy and MeUndies
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2019: Horny Hot Tub Guys
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 5: The Many Random Jerks of Las Vegas
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 4: The Suicide Squad and the Blowup Doll
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 3: Mojito Bro's Concubines and Casino Narc
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 2: Mojito Bro and the Cabana Crew
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2019: The Word "Stupid" and Birthday with the Nephews
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2019: The Sensory Deprivation Chamber
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2019: Jerks of the Baltimore Wedding: Part 2
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2019: Jerks of the Baltimore Wedding: Part 1
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2019: Welfare Shouting Match and FAAAAARKS!!!!!
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 5 - Attack of the Black Flies
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 4 - Sewage Water and No Hot Dogs
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 3 - More Poop Encounters
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 2 - Sherlock's First Day at the Beach
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2019: The 10-Year Jerks of the Week Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2019: Bingo Night
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2019: The One-Year Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2019: The Abomination That Was Game of Thrones: Season 8, Episode 5
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2019: Return to the Poop Gym
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2019: Saladworks Weirdos
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2019: Taco Hell, 2019
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2019: Wedding Ablaze
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2019: The Worst Waitress of All Time
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2019: AsianDating.com
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2019: April Fools and April Truths VII
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2019: Hibachi Restaurant Hates Me
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 4
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2019: Scott Sports
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2019: Flies in My Salad
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2019: Rat Feces in My Pizza
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2019: Someone Hit on Me at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2019: Adventures at the Chinese Buffet
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2019: A Million Little Things
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2019: 2018 Christmas Commercials
Jerks of the Year - Dec. 31, 2018: The Facebook Beggar
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2018: Dairy Queen and Cold Stone Creamery
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2018: Cat Lady, Thanksgiving Woman and the Shower Hags
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2018: Thomas Middleditch Verizon Commercials (Again)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2018: Slow and Sucky Subway
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2018: Battle of the Sexes
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 19, 2018: Stories of Bill Cosby, Gym Vacations and Cheesesteaks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2018: Jerks at the Zombie Circus
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2018: Halloween
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2018: Jerks of the Gym: Where's the Peef?
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 4: My Near-Fight at Cowabunga Bay
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 3: A Serial Killer Bird and Twin Peaks, the Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 2: The Mandarin Oriental Pool
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2018: YouTube Personalities
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2018: Friends from College
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2018: Aladdin on Broadway
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2018: The Beach Weekend Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 6
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 5
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 13, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 4
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 3
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2018: Jerks of the First Mall Trip as a Married Couple
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 4
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 3
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2018: Jerks of My Bachelor Party - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 4, 2018: Jerks of My Bachelor Party - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2018: The Unhappy Meals
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2018: The Countdown, the Pervert and the Woman from Hell
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2018: Jerks of Chik-fil-A
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2018: Ballad of the Three Wawa Trips
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2018: Jerks of Boston Market
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2018: A Very S***ty Day
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2018: Jerks of the Niece's Birthday Party
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2018: The Nearly Forgotten Jerks of My Mom's Birthday
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2018: April Fools and April Truths VI
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2018: Katy Perry
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2018: Tipping Starbucks Cashiers
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2018: Mega Jerks at the Gym
Jerks of the Year - March 5, 2018: Nazi Hot Tub Man
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 26, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 4
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 19, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 12, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 5, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 29, 2018: Smart Barista, Dumb Comcast Worker and Best Friends
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 22, 2018: Johnny Manziel's Cousin and the Lifesaver Mint Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 15, 2018: Crappy Italian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 8, 2018: Pre-Christmas Jerks
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 1, 2018: The 12 Things I Hate About Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 25, 2017: The Walnut Grove Township Meeting
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 18, 2017: Hallmark Movies
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 11, 2017: Verizon Guy
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 4, 2017: My Friend Drew, and the Craziest Facebook Conversation Ever
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 27, 2017: Angry, Old Men, and Sara the Starbucks Scumbag
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 20, 2017: More Jerks at the Card Show
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 13, 2017: Goodbye, AIM
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 6, 2017: I Have a Beautiful Figure Again
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 30, 2017: Haunted Attractions
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 23, 2017: Streaming Hipsters and CBS All-Access
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 16, 2017: The Gym Cesspool
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 9, 2017: Hayley Geftman-Gold, Redskins Marching Band Play, Memes Chip Guy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 2, 2017: Shirtless Hooligans at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 25, 2017: On the Road to Margate
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 18, 2017: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland, 2017. Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 11, 2017: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland, 2017. Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 4, 2017: Pathetic Jokester, Conspiracy Theorist and Hot Tub A**hole
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 28, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 5: Not Hurricane Harvey, But Apparently Close
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 21, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 4: Expensive and Mysterious Food
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 14, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 3: Stupid Kids and Murderers in Vegas
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 7, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 2: Razor Bombs and the High-Five Heist
Jerks of the Week - July 31, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 1: Spawns of Satan on the Airplane
Jerks of the Week - July 24, 2017: The Return to My LA Fitness
Jerks of the Week - July 17, 2017: The British Invade LA Fitness!
Jerks of the Week - July 10, 2017: July 4, Bureaucrats and Narcs
Jerks of the Week - July 3, 2017: Jerks at Sahara Sam's
Jerks of the Week - June 26, 2017: Unicorns, Cheapskates and Stalkers at Starbucks
Jerks of the Week - June 19, 2017: Jerks at the June Wedding
Jerks of the Week - June 12, 2017: The Eighth Day at Best Buy
Jerks of the Week - June 5, 2017: A Crappy Saturday
Jerks of the Week - May 29, 2017: Plagiarism Accusations
Jerks of the Week - May 22, 2017: The Best Buy Trilogy: 2017 Edition
Jerks of the Week - May 15, 2017: Trouble at Water Aerobics Class
Jerks of the Week - May 8, 2017: Jerks at the Card Show
Jerks of the Week - May 1, 2017: Wendy's
Jerks of the Week - April 24, 2017: Jerk of the Year: Hackers
Jerks of the Week - April 17, 2017: Pepsi Commercial, McDonald's Commercial, Twitter Blockers
Jerks of the Week - April 10, 2017: New Marriage, Angry Marriage
Jerks of the Week - April 3, 2017: April Fools and April Truths V
Jerks of the Week - March 27, 2017: Get Out and the Death of Macy's
Jerks of the Week - March 20, 2017: Talking Buses and the Quarter Thief
Jerks of the Week - March 13, 2017: Baja Fresh and Food Douches
Jerks of the Week - March 6, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 4
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2017: The Warning, the Weasel and the Weirdo on a Whacky Wednesday
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2017: Tales from the Hot Tub
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2017: Skeletor's Hot Takes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2017: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2017: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2017: Self-Entitled Douche Bag Kids
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2016: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2016: Relaxation Saturday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2016: My Best Friend's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2016: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 2: The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2016: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2016: Cobb Salads and Gym Desk Workers Who Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2016: Halloween and the Election
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2016: Grub Burger Bar
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2016: Old Lady Hate, Old Lady Love
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2016: Timeless
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2016: The Vuse Odyssey
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2016: Seven Years
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2016: Tales of the Ailing Foot
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2016: Twelve Girls, Five Boys, $55 Million, and the Future
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2016: Dead Man in My Pool
Jerk of the Year - Sept. 5, 2016: Colin Kaepernick
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2016: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland. Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2016: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland. Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2016: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2016
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 8, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 4: Prostitutes and Macaroni and Cheese
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 1, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 3: Cowabunga Bay
Jerks of the Week - July 25, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 2: The Blue Man Group and the Spanking
Jerks of the Week - July 18, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 1: Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2016: Jerks of the Birthday Party: Knee to the Balls
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2016: Shirtless Fish Tank Man and Facebook Douche
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2016: Twitter Social Justice Warriors
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2016: Getting Lost and Poisoned
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2016: Sad Mushrooms, Lonely Potatoes and Angry Men
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2016: Water Aerobics
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2016: Bar Conversations
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2016: Tales of Five Errands
Jerks of the Week - May 9, 2016: Adventures at Acme
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2016: The Italian Cafe
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2016: Toxic Hell, Revisited
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2016: Starbucks Sucks
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2016: Jerks of Bizarro Rite-Aid
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2016: April Fools and April Truths IV
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2016: Battle of the Gyms: Old Gym vs. LA Fitness
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2016: Random Pictures on My Phone
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2016: Meshack and Marco Manilla
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2016: Lucifer
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 29, 2016: An Afternoon at McDonald's
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2016: Night at the Spa: My First Massage Ever
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2016: Surprise in a Box, Crazy Woman at the Bank, Dumb Girl at the Spa
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2016: Macaroni's
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2016: McPick 2
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2016: Seeing Star Wars
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2016: Powerball
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2016: December Heat Wave
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2016: The Top Five Jerks of 2015
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2015: Christmas Shopping Without a Baby
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2015: Christmas Shopping with a Baby
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2015: Mad Mex
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 7, 2015: Famous Dave's
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2015: Another Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2015: The Trip to Pennhurst Asylum
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2015: Halloween 2015
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2015: Jerks at My Sister's Wedding - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2015: Jerks at My Sister's Wedding - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2015: The Shirtless A**hole Brigade
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2015: Weight Gain and VANDALISM
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2015: Jerks of the Gym Pool
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2015: Papal Visit 2015
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Second Trip, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Second Trip, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2015: Tubing Down the Delaware: A Near-Death Experience
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2015: Jerks of My Birthday - A Surprise in My Bed!
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 5: Slot Machines and Random Vegas Stuff
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 4: Sportsbooks, Whore Houses and Michael Jackson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 17, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 3: Vegas Dining Experiences
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 2: Mandalay Bay Hotel
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2015: Cookies, Chips and Bombs
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2015: Stupid People in My Neighborhood
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2015: Sherlock Walt, and the Cases of the Scrambled Eggs and Missing Pepsi Bag
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Part 1
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2015: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference - 2015 Edition
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2015: Tales from the Baby Pool
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2015: Uzbekistan
Jerks of the Week - June 1, 2015: Memorial Day Grocery Shopping at Giant
Jerks of the Week - May 25, 2015: A Tale of Four Neighborhoods: Con Artists, Dog Poop and a Stolen Watch
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2015: Roger Goodell
Jerks of the Week - May 18, 2015: Catching Up on Gym Jerks: Two Abominations, Two Creeps and a Monster
Jerks of the Week - May 11, 2015: A Racist, a Woman-Beater and a Horse - the Greatest Sports Day Ever
Jerks of the Week - May 4, 2015: Puppy-Training Classes
Jerks of the Week - April 27, 2015: Gym Jerks - with Pictures!
Jerks of the Week - April 20, 2015: It Follows
Jerks of the Week - April 13, 2015: Bottom Dollar Closes - Part II
Jerks of the Week - April 6, 2015: Bottom Dollar Closes - Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 30, 2015: April Fools and April Truths III
Jerks of the Week - March 23, 2015: The Old Man, the Heroic Man, and the Desperate Man
Jerks of the Week - March 16, 2015: The News: Predators, Mushrooms, the Weather and the Undead
Jerks of the Week - March 9, 2015: Valentine's Day Gifts
Jerks of the Week - March 2, 2015: Disappearing Jerks: the Loser, the Douche, the Hobo and My Food
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 23, 2015: Gym Patrons and Their Mistakes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 16, 2015: Return to Kyoto - The Japanese Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 9, 2015: Jerry Jackson
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 2, 2015: Paranoia, Incest and Near-Death - All at the Gym!
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 26, 2015: Going to the Flyers Game
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 19, 2015: Return to Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 12, 2015: Chris Christie, Clorox, Gay Jokes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 5, 2015: More Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 29, 2014: 2014, Year in Review
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 22, 2014: Jerks of Christmas Shopping, 2014
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 15, 2014: Idiots at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 8, 2014: Septa Train Zombies
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 1, 2014: Lifeguard Training Day
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 24, 2014: Too Many Cooks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 17, 2014: Halloween and Orange Juice
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 10, 2014: Dunkin Donuts
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 3, 2014: Kyoto and Japanese Food
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 27, 2014: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 20, 2014: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 6, 2014: Birthday Shopping at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 29, 2014: Dinners to Go
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 22, 2014: Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 15, 2014: All Waiters Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 8, 2014: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 1, 2014: Little League World Series, Morning Radio Shows
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 25, 2014: Why True Blood Sucks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 18, 2014: Selfies and Spammers
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014
Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 7, 2014: Dumb Kids, an Old Pervert and a Lunatic
Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
Jerks of the Week - June 2, 2014: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies
Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Twitter Idiots
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




Fantasy Football Rankings - June 5


NFL Power Rankings - June 2


2024 NFL Mock Draft - May 30


NFL Picks - Feb. 14