Jerks of the Week – May 27, 2013

Jerks of the Week for May 27, 2013


JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding

The 4-year anniversary of my initial Jerks of the Week entry is coming up in four days. It all started when my date to my college roommate’s wedding bailed on me because she was starting her new job that Tuesday and didn’t want to miss a barbeque where she would meet her new co-workers. In other words, she didn’t want to be seen at a wedding with a fat dude like me. Still though, when I used my first-ever Jerks entry to complain about barbeques, I never imagined that it would spawn one of the most prominent features on this Web site.

I guess it’s only fitting that I’d use my 4-year anniversary entry on another dateless wedding story. And as I did with my roommate’s wedding in a Live Wedding Retro Blog for the 1-year mark, I’ll recount the May 18 wedding in a similar, chronological fashion.

Saturday, Dec. 1, 2012: We begin this story at my friends Injured Reserve and Man-Eaters’ wedding. I was talking to our mutual friend Pat during cocktail hour. The fact that he’d be getting married in five months came up in the conversation.

Pat: You’ll be getting a wedding invitation soon.

Me: Awesome!

Pat (pointing at Awesome Girl Who Loves Football): You can bring your date too.

Me: Thanks, but I don’t think she’ll be able to come.

Pat: Why not?

Me: Well, she’ll be home from school in mid-May, and I don’t think her dad will let her go because he hates my guts and kind of would enjoy shooting me with the gun he owns.

In other words, the beautiful Awesome Girl Who Loves Football didn’t want to be seen at another wedding with a fat dude like me. That explains why I would ultimately be dateless at Pat’s wedding.

Sometime in April 2013: I received Pat’s wedding invitation in the mail. He still gave me the option of bringing a date, but things with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football’s father have not improved. If he found out that I brought his daughter to this wedding, he’d kill me and bury me in the desert somewhere, and then there wouldn’t be a fifth-year Jerks anniversary article.

I looked at the church and reception locations. I didn’t recognize the former – in fact, I’m pretty sure I’ll either burn or melt if I step inside a church – but my jaw dropped when I read where the reception would take place: The Brookside Manor – which is RIGHT across the street from my house.

This was fantastic news. I told everyone. I was so excited that I’d be able to get obliterated and not have to worry about driving home or throwing up all over a hotel room. If I’d be puking anywhere, it would be in my neighbor’s backyard (not you, Gene!).

May 18, 11:50 a.m.: I woke up groggy and dehydrated. Injured Reserve, Man-Eaters, my friend Josh and I went out to a bar called Kenny’s the night before. I’ll have a story about that next week, but I’ll say for now that I was pretty close to being hungover. I was functional, but being thirsty and having to drop a deuce three times in two hours made it somewhat difficult to gather myself.

The wedding ceremony was slated to begin at 2:30. Given that the church was 45 minutes away and that I still had some work to do for this Web site, I told Injured Reserve that I’d see him at the reception.

1:49 p.m.: I received the following picture and text from Injured Reserve’s brother, The Reverend:



Look at the name of the church. Stannis Baratheon has a church. Whenever the congregation has to say responses I’m gonna say “The night is dark and full of terrors.”

2:00 p.m.: The Reverend and I exchanged a series of texts.

Me: It’s gonna be a fun night.

The Reverend: Our goal is to get you to dance.

Me: Dancing is the worst thing ever. I’d rather go to the dentist.

The Reverend: I hate the dentist. They always tell me to floss, and I’m like, b**** please, I don’t need to do that.

Me: I used to not floss until my mom made me. Now I do it every night.

The Reverend: It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.

Me: Haha well, I’m just full of evil habits.

The Reverend: Habits? You probably don’t even clean out the ice tray.

Me: What’s an ice tray?

The Reverend: Ugh, it’s not even worth explaining.

2:30 p.m.: I obviously wasn’t there for this, but Injured Reserve and Man-Eaters later recounted what happened.

Man-Eaters: There was this lady there. She was wearing a gold jumpsuit. I’m not even kidding. It was a golden, silk jumpsuit, and her pants looked like pajamas. I normally wouldn’t have had a problem with this, but when I walked by her in the church, she looked at me with such hatred in her eyes.

Injured Reserve: I saw that! I have no idea why she looked at you so hatefully!

5:15 p.m.: Injured Reserve, Man-Eaters, The Reverend and our friend Dead Rabbits, a police officer, stopped by to drink before the wedding. Because the reception was right across the street from my development, we planned to walk there from my house and then come back following the wedding for an after-party.

I poured myself one of my new favorite concoctions – whipped cream vodka and orange soda. It tastes exactly like a Creamsicle. It’s pretty awesome. It’s a bright color, so it looks like it might be a girly drink, but Man-Eaters brought up a good point about those.

Man-Eaters: I think I’m getting a vodka, sprite and cranberry juice. It’s so good.

Injured Reserve: That does sound good, but it’s a girly drink.

Man-Eaters: So what? Everyone loves girly drinks, but guys are just too scared to admit it.

This is true. There’s an unwritten manhood rule that says any non-heterosexually challenged male must drink stuff that is black, clear, yellow or brown. It sucks, but that’s the way society works.

5:45 p.m.: I was nearly done my drink and thought about pouring myself another one, but Injured Reserve and Man-Eaters told me that we absolutely had to be there on time.

Man-Eaters: We have to get there exactly at 6. There are 360 guests!

Injured Reserve: I’m concerned about standing in line for a long time for food and drinks.

A long line for food and drinks? How unbelievably horrifying, especially for someone as fat as myself. I chugged whatever I had left in my cup and raced upstairs to sign the wedding card.

5:55 p.m.: We drove over to Brookside Manor. This wasn’t out of lethargy; it was raining, unfortunately, so no one wanted to get wet.

As we stepped out of the car, Man-Eaters decided that we should all have new identities for this evening. Here they were:

Man-Eaters became Jinnifer Mallory: Jinnifer – not “Jennifer,” as she had been incorrectly called her entire life – trained penguins for a living. Penguins, she revealed, were one of two animals (giraffe) that couldn’t express sadness because they didn’t have vocal cords. However, Jinnifer, being the world’s most renowned trainer of penguins, taught them how to express sadness.

Injured Reserve became Chaz Schilens: If you’re a football fan, you know that the oft-injured Schilens is a former receiver for the Oakland Raiders and a three-time fantasy sleeper on this Web site despite accomplishing nothing in his career. His best year was 2009 when he caught 29 passes for 365 yards and two touchdowns. Schilens is black, while Injured Reserve is white, but that didn’t seem to impact IR’s decision to adopt this particular identity.

The Reverend became Walter Cherepinsky: You all know Walter, the fat guy who writes about football. Little do you know that Walter is also an aspiring Vegas dancer. That’s what Walt told me at the wedding anyway.

Walter Cherepinsky became The Reverend: The Reverend works for the government. His job is being in charge of all helicopter sales in the continental United States (he’s working on his Hawaiian license). Luckily, this requires almost zero work on his part because he has to wait for bureaucratic B.S. to pass through. As a consequence, The Reverend spends his entire workday – and your tax dollars – browsing through Reddit and reading Jerks of the Week articles. This is fine for The Reverend, as he’s very content with doing as little work as possible.

Dead Rabbits became Rodney Charles-Stephenson: The product of two lesbians who couldn’t decide on a last name, Rodney Charles-Stephenson was recently promoted to the assistant to the forklift operator at Wal-Mart. Rodney doesn’t actually operate the forklift himself quite yet; he’s the one who tells people to clear out of the way for the forklift operator.

Body Burner became Alan Rumstein: Alan Rumstein, Esq., is an awful lawyer. He has lost all 63 of his court cases in his career. His most recent legal adventures involved plea bargaining a 2-year prison sentence for his client, who was arrested for jaywalking.

Body Burner’s girlfriend Jamie became Angel McDermott: Angel is an aspiring Broadway star, but she has yet to catch a big break (i.e. sleeping with some mega agent or producer). That’s why she’s in Philadelphia; she’s performing in local musicals until she can move up in this world.




6:05 p.m.: We found our nametags and found the cocktails. There were initially just cheese and pepperonis on the table, but that was enough for me. I grabbed eight cheeses and four pepperonis and enclosed each pepperoni in between two cheeses to make a sandwich. I was already having the time of my life.

6:10 p.m.: Injured Reserve suggested ordering Seven and Sevens as drinks this evening. I heard of them, but never tried one before. I got one from the bar, and it was pretty awesome – despite being yellowish. No sissy girly drinks needed for me!

6:20 p.m.: I downed my Seven and Seven pretty quickly, so Rodney Charles-Stephenson ordered another one for me. By this time, I had consumed my four delicious sandwiches and I was still unbelievably hungry. I asked Angel to watch my drink as I went up for more food.

Unfortunately, there was a long line. I was concerned that I wasn’t going to get any food. On the bright side, there was a hot Asian chick standing behind me. Now, I’m into Asian girls as much as the next white guy, but being the Reverend for the evening, I felt especially obligated to game her, given that the Reverend once had an Asian girlfriend.

I was trying to figure out something cool to say to her just as I reached for the cheese. I had the cheese in the pliers when I looked at her. I put them down on my plate, but I completely missed, and they fell onto my shoes.

Me: You didn’t see that!

Hot Asian Chick: Nope, definitely didn’t!

Me: Nope, never happened, but maybe I should kick the cheese under the table so no one suspects anything!

I realized that this was an “in” for me – except that I completely ruined the opportunity. I tried kicking the cheese under the table just as I was grabbing more cheese. The cheese on the floor wouldn’t go anywhere, so I tried to kick it harder. And that’s when I dropped my fork. And the new cheese.

Me: You didn’t see that either!

Hot Asian Chick: Ha… yeah…

I was getting pretty desperate at this point. I really wanted to game an Asian chick as the Reverend…

Me: Did I tell you that I’m in charge of all helicopter sales in the continental U.S.?

Hot Asian Chick: No…

Me: Except for Hawaii! Getting my license for that soon!

Hot Asian Chick: Hmm… OK…

Oh well. The silver lining here is that when Hot Asian Chick asks the bride or groom, “Who was that weird government worker who sells helicopters, because he was creepily hitting on me?” it’ll get traced back to the real Reverend. Ha!

6:22 p.m.: I quickly forgot about my failed attempt to game Hot Asian Chick when I discovered there were mozzarella sticks. Mozzarella sticks! Unfortunately, there were only 11 remaining – I counted – and there were tons of people behind me in line. So, even though I wanted to grab all 11, I decided to just take one because I didn’t want to be a dick.

I was about to put the pliers down when a fat man with a mustache tapped me on the shoulder. “I’ll take those – just want mozzarella sticks,” he said, licking his lips.

The mustachioed fat man, who wasn’t even in line to begin with, put three mozzarella sticks onto his plate and then went away.

What an a**hole. Seriously. It’s one thing to hog all the mozzarella sticks when there are very few remaining; it’s another to do so when you’re not even in line!

6:25 p.m.: I sat down with the following on my plate: eight pieces of cheese – I decided to forgo the pepperoni this time because I felt like it was holding me back – two fried shrimp, two mini-pizzas, two Reuben sandwiches, three mini-hot dogs, and of course, the mozzarella stick. We were discussing our new identities when this bearded guy in his 20s overheard us. Jinnifer, Chaz and I decided that he should have a new identity as well.

Chaz: I feel like he has to be Swedish.

Bearded Guy: Yeah, I’m definitely up for that.

Chaz: How about Mark Magnuson?

Bearded Guy: Meh…

Me: How about Mark Bjoern?

Bearded Guy: I like that, but I’d rather be Peter Bjoern. Mark’s my brother and he died.

Jinnifer: So what’s his backstory? I feel like it should have to do with time travel.

Chaz: OK, he traveled here from the 1930s!

Me: Or maybe he was cryogenically frozen for the past 50 years.

Peter Bjoern: Being cryogenically frozen sounds awesome!

6:30-7:00 p.m.: I spent the next half hour drinking my Seven and Sevens and scarfing down food. I also paid close attention to the man posing to be Walter Cherepinsky. I wanted to act as the Reverend as best as possible, so I observed his mannerisms. The real-life Reverend is also pretty nonchalant about things as long as he doesn’t have to do anything, so Angel was quite amused at the following exchange:

Angel: If the person you married had a doctorate, even in something weird, would you take her name?

Me: Meh, as long as I don’t have to do anything, I don’t really care.

7:05 p.m.: I’m pretty sure this was the time when we all sat down in the main reception hall. I sat next to Chaz and the fake Walter Cherepinsky’s real-life parents – if you’re super confused, I don’t blame you – and because I didn’t want to get out of character, I addressed them as “mom” and “dad” the entire evening.

7:10 p.m.: The toasts commenced.

7:15 p.m.: The same toast was still going on. I think. Our table was way in the back, so I could barely hear anything. The acoustics in the room were so bad that it made the toasters sound like the adults on Peanuts.

7:20 p.m.: The same toast was still going on. Someone at our table got up to see if the bar was open. He came back a couple of minutes later and informed us that they wouldn’t serve drinks until the toasts were over. I wanted to cry.

7:25 p.m.: The first toast finished, but the second one began. I still couldn’t hear anything.

7:30 p.m.: Suddenly, everyone raised their glasses. We all downed our champagne, and at that moment, everyone sprinted to the bar.

7:35 p.m.: The bar line still wasn’t moving, and it didn’t appear as though anyone received any drinks. That’s when we discovered that there were still more toasts going on. No one was getting any alcohol until they were done – save for the fat, mustachioed man from before, who walked by us with three full glassesin his hands. He wasn’t in the wedding party or anything, so I still have no idea how he managed to acquire those beverages.

7:43 p.m.: Everyone was now singing a wedding variation of the 12 Days of Christmas. No one was drinking, and many were grumpy. One of the older men in line decided to replace the final line in each verse with “and one oooopen baaaaar!”

7:50 p.m.: The song finished, but there was still more toasting going on. An old lady in her 70s standing behind us had enough at that point. “No more toasts! I want to drink!” she shouted.

7:55 p.m.: The toasts finally concluded, and it was time to drink! Huzzah! I ordered two Seven and Sevens just in case they decided to close the bar again.

8:05 p.m.: The moment I dreaded finally arrived. I was asked to dance. Normally, I’d just say no to anyone because I think dancing is the worst thing of all time, but being the Reverend tonight, I felt obligated because I didn’t want to break character.

Jinnifer was the one who asked me to dance. She had to put my arms in the correct spots, and then we started moving. And by moving, I mean me stepping on her foot dozens of times.

Me: I’m not supposed to be stepping on your foot, right?

Jinnifer: No, definitely not. You shouldn’t even try to lead.

Me: Lead? What’s lead?

Jinnifer: The person who leads in the direction they’re going to dance.

Me: But how do you know which direction you’re supposed to go?

Jinnifer tried explaining it to me, but it was way too complicated for me to comprehend. I’m sorry, I haven’t been in high school for a long time, so I don’t remember what the hell I learned in physics and geometry.

8:15 p.m.: The dancing stopped because they started calling up tables for the buffet. We were table 21, so we had to wait a long time. The rain subsided, so we decided to drink outside. That’s when Chaz and the Walter Cherepinsky doppelganger decided to have some fun at my expense.

Chaz: So, Walter Cherepinsky, who are your top fantasy quarterback rankings this year?

Fake Walter: I have Joe Flacco as my No. 1 quarterback.

I could see where this was going, but I was not breaking out of character.

Me: I don’t even know who Joe Flacco is. All I know is Peyton Manning.

Fake Walter: Brett Favre is my No. 2 quarterback.

Me: I don’t care, I’m just gonna go off some Web site’s rankings while I do online shopping during the draft.

Fake Walter: Oh, and Chaz Schilens is going to be one of my sleepers this year!

Me: That doesn’t surprise me. I don’t even know who he is, but you always have him as a sleeper.

8:30 p.m.: We went inside to check which table they called for dinner. They were at Table 8 or 9, but we decided to just get food anyway. I piled tons of meat, potatoes, bread and cheese onto my plate. They didn’t have any mozzarella sticks here, so I’m assuming the fat, mustachioed guy had already grabbed all of them. As a consolation prize, there was a pickle!

8:35 p.m.: I sat down next to the fake Walter, who was quite angry when he saw what I had on my plate.

Fake Walter: Where’d you get a pickle?

Me: Eh, I don’t know, I just saw it and I took it.

Fake Walter: That’s bulls***! But I’m not going back into the line for just a pickle.

Me: Meh, I’m a bit surprised though because I feel like Walter would do anything for delicious food.

Me 1, Fake Walter 0

8:45 p.m.: NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM!




8:55 p.m.: I was so focused on stuffing my face with food that I didn’t even notice that the entire table was empty when I was finished. I found everyone outside smoking cigars in a gazebo. The two girls were making fun of me for not picking out my suit when I bought it when this unfamiliar guy with a beard came to talk to Rodney. I was pretty drunk at that point, so that would explain the following exclamation:

Me: OMG THAT’S MARK BJOERN, PETER BJOERN’S BROTHER!!!

Chaz: I think Mark Bjoern is dead.

Me: NO, EVERYONE THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD WHEN HE WAS CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN, BUT HE SURVIVED AND NOW HE’S A SOVIET SPY!!!

Chaz: But I actually think he is dead.

Me: NO, THAT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE TRUE! HE’S A TRAITOR TO THIS COUNTRY!!!

9:10 p.m.: I was thinking about more possibilities for Mark Bjoern when someone noticed that there was a fancier, better-lit gazebo across the lawn. We all wanted to go there, but there was some hesitancy because there was no path leading to it.

People were debating it when Rodney ultimately settled it. He broke character and pulled out his badge.

“Who’s going to tell me we can’t go there!? I’m an officer of the law, and I say we can go there!”

This was the one instance the entire night when I felt like it was justifiable to break character – especially considering that we all know the owner of the establishment to be a giant, cheap douche (we used to swim competitively there). We all crossed over to the other gazebo, but quickly discovered that looks can be deceiving. This gazebo was creaky and the floor was unstable. Oh well. At least we knew we weren’t going to get arrested.

9:25 p.m.: We reentered the building just in time because they were serving dessert. Now, if they just gave out cake like they did at my cousin’s wedding, I’m sure Jinnifer and I would have stolen many pieces again. However, this wedding had an impressive dessert tray. I piled a huge piece of chocolate cake, two sprinkled cookies and a brownie onto my plate. There was probably even better stuff available, but I’m sure the fat, mustachioed man got to it first. The man is my nemesis.

9:30 p.m.: NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM!

9:40 p.m.: I was in line yet again for drinks – I think I was on my ninth Seven and Seven at that point – when some guy my group was talking to earlier came to the bar with his fiancee. That’s when Chaz had a moment like I experienced outside.

Chaz: THIS GUY’S NAME IS DONOVAN!

Guy in Bar Line: Donovan?

Chaz: Donovan… DONOVAN PETROVIC!

Donovan’s fiancee ordered a beer for everyone, which was cool, so I suddenly had a Seven and Seven and a Miller Lite bottle in my hands.

9:45 p.m.: It was back to dancing. Had I been myself, I would have sat down and annoyed Awesome Girl Who Loves Football with some texts, but being the Reverend, I once again felt obligated to hit the dance floor. Plus, I was pretty drunk, so I didn’t care too much about geometry and physics at that point.

Six interesting things happened on the dance floor:

1. Someone put random sunglasses on me at one point. Everything was dark with them on, which inexplicably made me feel like I had some swag for the first time in my life. I enjoyed dancing while I had the sunglasses on. I actually felt so confident that I pointed to Hot Asian Chick, who was talking to her friend at the table. Hot Asian Chick gave me a dirty look in return, and then someone snatched the sunglasses from me. So much for my swag.

2. The aforementioned woman in the gold jumpsuit walked by and scowled at Jinnifer again. Jinnifer looked at me and shouted, “What the hell did I do to piss her off!?” My guess is that Gold Jumpsuit Lady is just paranoid that everyone will want to steal her jumpsuit when no one’s looking.

3. The Reverend – I mean, Fake Walter – shouted, “I want to try this!” and smashed the bottom of his beer bottle on the top of mine. Because I was still working on my Seven and Seven, my beer was full. The Reverend’s actions caused my beer to spill out.

The dance floor might be ruined by the beer, but like I said, the owner of this place is a giant jackass, so I don’t care. Also, I was happy to tell the Reverend that the real Walt would never do anything like that.

Me 2, Fake Walter 0

4. Peter Bjoern joined us on the dance floor. He was a pretty good dancer, and he seemed like he was in good spirits. Unfortunately, I depressed him with my news.

Me: I saw your brother Mark outside!

Peter Bjoern: My brother’s dead, man…

Me: No! Mark Bjoern was cryogenically frozen like you, and now he’s a Soviet spy!

Peter Bjoern: Oh man…

Peter Bjoern looked completely depressed. Chaz heard the entire exchange and addressed what just happened.

Chaz: Walt, I told you, his brother is dead in real life.

Me: Oh… I thought we meant Mark Bjoern was fake dead. Oh no…

5. A slow song came on. Fake Walter and I were both dateless, so he grabbed me, and we started slow dancing. I’m not going to lie. It was quite magical.

Fake Walter: I’m proud of you that you danced tonight.

Me: I’m you, so whatever. But I’m quite disappointed in you. Walter would never dance like you have tonight. Have you even texted Awesome Girl Who Loves Football?

Fake Walter: No…

Me: Ha! I win the identity-switching competition! I only annoyed Awesome Girl Who Loves Football with two texts, but I at least danced!

Me 3, Fake Walter 0

6. I was able to speak to the bride. She told me something cool.

“I was so stressed out this whole week while trying to get ready for this wedding. But I read your jerks of the week about staring at the girl’s a** at Bottom Dollar, and it made me laugh. It actually relieved some of my stress, so thank you!”

I can now say that Jerks of the Week has saved one bride from wedding-week stress. That’s a cool coincidence, given that I created this section because of a wedding.

10:45 p.m.: The dance-floor stuff spanned a good hour. As everyone was leaving, we tried to recruit as many people as possible for my after-party. Donovan Petrovic and his fiancee initially said yes, but they changed their minds. I asked Peter Bjoern if he’d like to come by as an olive branch, but he didn’t look like he wanted to be associated with me at all. I asked Fake Walter if we should invite Hot Asian Chick and her friend, and he said, “Nah, it doesn’t look like they’re having it.”

I can respect that answer. The real Walter would have said something like that.

Me 3, Fake Walter 1

A respectable comeback, but too little, too late.

11:00 p.m.: We decided that we’d switch back to our original identities as soon as we entered my house. On top of that, I decided that the Reverend and I needed to spin around in a circle amid flickering lights, just as Troy and Abed did in the Freaky Friday episode of Community.

Unfortunately, everyone in my group stopped watching Community, save for Rodney Charles-Stephenson – I mean Dead Rabbits. So, after everyone grabbed a beer, I accessed my DVR and put on that episode.

Halfway through, everyone fell asleep. Except for me, of course. Now, if I were still the Reverend, I would have passed out as well after a busy day of buying and selling helicopters in 49 states. But I was myself again – just a regular, old, fat Web site owner.




Finally, the Santa Photos! More Jerks of the Week:
Jerks of the Week - Home
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2024: Q
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2024: Figs
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2024: Line Picker Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 11, 2024: The First Double Halloween
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 8: The Las Vegas Airport Miracle
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 7: Hot Tub Love
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 6: Bombs Away!
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 5: The Cosmopolitan
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 4: The Caesars to Cosmo Trek
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 3: The Best-Laid Dinner Plans
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 2: Stranger Prices
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2024: Walt Goes to Vegas 2024, Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2024: Jace is on the Case!
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2024: The Return of Shameless Self-Promotion
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2024: The Cattitude Car Lady
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2024: The CVS Maid's Tale
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2024: The Surprise Summer Birthday
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2024: My Daughter’s First Trip to the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2024: My Son's First Girlfriend
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2024: Marissa the Cat Lady
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2024: Jerks of the Filet
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2024: Jeff Hoogland
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2024: Paper or Paper?
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2024: My Son's Trip to the Dentist
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2024: The Sour Look Girl
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2024: Jerks of the Hometown Gym, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2024: Jerks of the Hometown Gym
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2024: The Cutting Room Floor, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2024: The $12 McDonald's Cheeseburger
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2024: YouTube Shorts
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2024: The Cutting Room Floor, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2024: The Cutting Room Floor
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2024: Wonderful Woman
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2024: Where's the Damn Peppermint Oil?
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2024: Easter Egg Hunt 2024: The Redemption
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2024: Dino Ranch
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2024: The State of New Jersey and the Post Office Gizmo
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2024: A Trip to CVS: Anger, Frustration, and Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2024: Mike Ryan, Formerly Known as Mike Ruiz
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2024: No High School Notes from Girls
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 26, 2024: The Pink-Haired No Nuts Lady
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 19, 2024: Mean Walnut Grove Girls
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 12, 2024: Saved by the Bell Reboot
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 5, 2024: Adam Danger Legz
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 29, 2024: Grade School Musings
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 22, 2024: Swim Instructor Power Rankings
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 15, 2024: ESPN Bet Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 8, 2024: Twitter Idiots
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 1, 2024: Finally, the Santa Photos!
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 25, 2023: Santa's Inept Helpers
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 18, 2023: The Santa Reservation
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 11, 2023: The Sushi Scam
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 4, 2023: The Lazy Actor
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 27, 2023: My Son's First Trick-or-Treat
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 20, 2023: Back to School Night
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 13, 2023: Football Baby
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 6, 2023: Neighborhood Run Amok
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 30, 2023: Dr. Link
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 23, 2023: Bensalem Booty Call
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 16, 2023: Ten Things I Hate About You
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 9, 2023: Jerks of Sesame Place
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 2, 2023: Hospital for Childbirth No. 2, Part 2: The Wrong Name
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 25, 2023: Hospital for Childbirth No. 2, Part 1: Follow the Golden Road
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 18, 2023: Walt Goes to Vegas 2023, Part 6: The Grass is Always Greener
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 11, 2023: Walt Goes to Vegas 2023, Part 5: Something New, Something Bold, Something Cold
Jerks of the Week - Sept, 4, 2023: Walt Goes to Vegas 2023, Part 4: Smuggler of Straws
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 28, 2023: Walt Goes to Vegas 2023, Part 3: Stuart and the Buffet Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 21, 2023: Walt Goes to Vegas 2023, Part 2: A Night of Disappointment
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 14, 2023: Walt Goes to Vegas 2023, Part 1: I Sat Next to a Pharaoh on a Plane
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 7, 2023: Welcome to Jellystone, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - July 31, 2023: Welcome to Jellystone, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - July 24, 2023: Welcome to Jellystone, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - July 17, 2023: The Best Pickup Line to Use on Women
Jerks of the Week - July 10, 2023: Conrad's First Trip to the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 3, 2023: My Dad's 70th Birthday Party
Jerks of the Week - June 26, 2023: Conrad the Sleep Sack
Jerks of the Week - June 19, 2023: Memories at Meadowlane
Jerks of the Week - June 12, 2023: My Son's First Diner Meal
Jerks of the Week - June 5, 2023: Conversations in the Hot Tub
Jerks of the Week - May 29, 2023: Mimes vs. Fascists
Jerks of the Week - May 22, 2023: The Car Accident
Jerks of the Week - May 15, 2023: Losers Who Have Blocked Me
Jerks of the Week - May 8, 2023: My Son's First Easter Egg Hunt
Jerks of the Week - May 1, 2023: Altitude Trampoline Park
Jerks of the Week - April 24, 2023: Everything Is Worse
Jerks of the Week - April 17, 2023: Going to See the Super Mario Bros. Movie
Jerks of the Week - April 10, 2023: Supermarket Lines
Jerks of the Week - April 3, 2023: Things Wrong with My Son's Favorite Movies
Jerks of the Week - March 27, 2023: No Cleavage, Just Masks
Jerks of the Week - March 20, 2023: A Fat Friend
Jerks of the Week - March 13, 2023: Dinner at Red Lobster
Jerks of the Week - March 6, 2023: The Worst Teachers I've Ever Had, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2023: The Worst Teachers I've Ever Had, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2023: Dumb Cat Ladies on Twitter
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2023: Blaster Master
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2023: My British Enemies
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2023: Miss Exotic Invention
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2023: Angelo, the Snitch
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2023: The Pool Valet
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2023: Life in the British Empire
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2023: She's 19
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2022: Going to See Santa
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2022: Playground Drama
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2022: WalterFootball Summer Solstice Classics Presents: FTSex
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2022: Booing Santa
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2022: My Lane Buddy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2022: PECO
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2022: Joining the British Empire
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2022: The Nanny Hunt
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2022: The Neighborhood Update
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2022: Lonely Duck Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2022: My Reign as King
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2022: The Point of No Returns
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2022: A Very Crappy Day
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2022: Walt Goes to Vegas 2022, Part 6: People Who Wear Masks in Las Vegas
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2022: Walt Goes to Vegas 2022, Part 5: The Misplaced Burger Place
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2022: Walt Goes to Vegas 2022, Part 4: Bizarre People at the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2022: Walt Goes to Vegas 2022, Part 3: The Most Ignored Man in the World
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2022: Walt Goes to Vegas 2022, Part 2: The Ballad of the Heat-Resistant Bag
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2022: Walt Goes to Vegas 2022, Part 1: Corporal Plane Punishment
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2022: Hot Tub Adventures: The Ocean, the Tricycle and Girls
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 8, 2022: Assassins, Astrology and Cheese Dogs
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 1, 2022: 2022 Pandemic Preview: Monkeypox
Jerks of the Week - July 25, 2022: The Continued Death of Neshaminy Mall
Jerks of the Week - July 18, 2022: People Who Still Wear Masks
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2022: Epic Gym Fails
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2022: Mila's Pizzeria
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2022: The Anniversary Day Off
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2022: Pictures of the Neighborhood
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2022: The Russian Brute and the Two-Year Absence Man
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2022: Queen Elizabeth's Platinum Jubilee
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2022: My Reddit Thread
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2022: Jerk of the Year: Double Mask Lady
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2022: Lust and Anger at LA Fitness
Jerks of the Week - May 9, 2022: Jerks of My Niece's Birthday Party
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2022: Verizon Frustrations
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2022: Goodbye, Masks!
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2022: Twitter Trolling
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2022: The Golden Girls and the Russian Brute
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2022: April Fools and April Truths X: The Magical Ride
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2022: Mouse Fighting
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2022: Welcome to My Frustration
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2022: Old Bikini Lady and the Germany Consulate
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2022: The Hungry Basketball Player
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2022: Patricia's Pursuers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2022: Hospital for Childbirth, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2022: Hospital for Childbirth, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2022: Hospital for Childbirth, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2022: Lawn String Karen Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2022: WalterFootball Summer Solstice Classics Present: Circuit Breaker
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2022: Netflix Christmas Movies
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2022: Mr. Man Boobs and Mr. Peach
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2022: Daughter for Purchase
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2021: The IHOP Trip
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2021: Three Errands
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2021: Offensive YouTube Videos
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2021: The Halloween Birthday Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2021: Lady of the Hot Tub
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2021: Microsoft Ignite Video
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2021: The $300 Long Con
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2021: The Failed Laser Tag Revenge
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2021: Shortages
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2021: Frank Sebastiano Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2021: The Starbucks Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2021: The Met Gala
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2021: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2021
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 7: Vegas Gripes and the Overbooked Flight
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 6: The Post Malone Dybbuk Box
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 5: A Night in Paris
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 4: North Strip
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 3: More Vexen Laugh Guy and CVS’ Betrayal
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 2: Bad Omens
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2021: Walt Goes to Vegas 2021, Part 1: Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2021: Couch Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2021: The Great Laser Tag Controversy
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2021: The Return of the Hot Tub
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2021: My 7-Year Old Nephew's Birthday Party
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2021: King Harold and His July 4 Tyranny
Jerks of the Week - July 5, 2021: NextDoor Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2021: The Rescheduled Wedding
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2021: Shower Self-Conversation Man and One-Piece Thong Girl
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2021: Let's Go to the Movies!
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2021: Vaccine in Pool Lady, Temperature Fiend and Murphy’s Law Man
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2021: Current Events II
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2021: NextDoor
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2021: Current Events
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2021: Elon on SNL
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2021: The Death of Neshaminy Mall
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2021: The Jekyll and Hyde Gym Patrons
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2021: Frank Sebastiano
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2021: A Sad Easter For My Not-So-Secret Admirer
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2021: April Fools and April Truths IX: College Edition
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2021: The Double Jolly Rancher Experiment
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2021: The Purple Building
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2021: The Megan Muggle Interview
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2021: Eric Holthaus: Bitcoin Feminist
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2021: The Return of Giant Bean Stock Lady
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2021: Pale Swimmer Girl and Dog Doo Doo
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2021: The $300 Snitch
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2021: Water Up the Butt
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2021: Melvin Capital, Citadel and Other Hedge Funds
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2021: Dumb Bears
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2021: The Christmas Quarantine
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2021: The Return of No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2021: Thanksgiving Farting
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2020: One Big Happy Family
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2020: The 20th Anniversary That Never Was
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2020: The Voting Sticker and the Lockdown Hypocrites
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 7, 2020: Joey and the Diaper-Trained Duck
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2020: Double Belly Button Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2020: The Most Cowardly Man on the Planet
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2020: Barbara and the Starving Child
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2020: Halloween 2020
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2020: InvestScorpio
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2020: FilipinoCupid.com
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2020: The Great Antifa War of Labor Day
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2020: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2020
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2020: Death Wishers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2020: Mask Karens at Starbucks
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2020: Annoying Kids in My Neighborhood
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2020: Giant Bean Stock Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2020: Voice Actors
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2020: Walt Goes to Vegas 2020, Part 5: The Positives of Pandemic Vegas
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2020: Walt Goes to Vegas 2020, Part 4: Masks, Burgers and Twigs
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 17, 2020: Walt Goes to Vegas 2020, Part 3: The Evil Mosquito Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2020: Walt Goes to Vegas 2020, Part 2: Meeting a Porn Star
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2020: Walt Goes to Vegas 2020, Part 1: Airport Amid a Pandemic
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2020: Happy Uncle's Day
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2020: Jerks of the Gym While Not at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2020: Back to Restaurants
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2020: Lockdown Lunatics
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2020: YouTube Workout Videos
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2020: CHAZ Losers
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2020: Quarantine Stories III: My Dog's Lover
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2020: Quarantine Stories II
Jerks of the Week - June 1, 2020: Quarantine Stories
Jerks of the Week - May 25, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 7: Mr. Critique, the Galloping Horse and the Case of the Disappearing Kids
Jerks of the Week - May 18, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 6: Peruvian Problems and Taco Island
Jerks of the Week - May 11, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 5: Hot Women with Hair Problems
Jerks of the Week - May 4, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 4: The Best Burger Place in the World
Jerks of the Week - April 27, 2020: ESPN's 2020 NFL Draft Coverage
Jerks of the Week - April 20, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 3: Strippers and Salsa
Jerks of the Week - April 13, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 2: The Adventures of Leonys Maroney III
Jerks of the Week - April 6, 2020: Welcome to Miami, Part 1: The Adventures of Maximillian Cucumber, the VIII
Jerks of the Week - March 30, 2020: April Fools and April Truths VIII: Coronavirus Edition
Jerks of the Week - March 23, 2020: Dumb People in the Wuhan Coronavirus Pandemic
Jerks of the Week - March 16, 2020: Wuhan Coronavirus
Jerks of the Week - March 9, 2020: Car Inspections
Jerks of the Week - March 2, 2020: Star Trek Picard
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2020: Nephtali Diaz
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2020: 2020 Oscars Golden Academy Awards and the Dana Schwartz South Park Tweet
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2020: The Golden Global Awards and the British Royals
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2020: Tiny Lifeguard, Cookie Monster Lady, Handsome Men in the Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2020: Worst Best Dinner Ever: My Nifty Fifty's Saga
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2020: Millennials and Man Buns
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2020: Happy New Year, 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2020: My New Dog, Raven
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2019: The Return of Facebook Beggar
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2019: Daughter for Sale
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2019: Mall Joker
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2019: Downton Abbey: The Movie
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2019: Our Healthcare System
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2019: The Most Popular Musicians
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2019: It's Raining Men
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 11, 2019: Trick-or-Treaters, 2019
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2019: The Mark Zuckerberg Testimony
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2019: The Worst Beer Purchase
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2019: The Worst Song Ever
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2019: Bank Robbers (Including Me)
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2019: Dumb Parents, Irrelevant Pregnancy and MeUndies
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2019: Horny Hot Tub Guys
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 5: The Many Random Jerks of Las Vegas
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 4: The Suicide Squad and the Blowup Doll
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 3: Mojito Bro's Concubines and Casino Narc
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 2: Mojito Bro and the Cabana Crew
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2019: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2019, Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2019: The Word "Stupid" and Birthday with the Nephews
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2019: The Sensory Deprivation Chamber
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2019: Jerks of the Baltimore Wedding: Part 2
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2019: Jerks of the Baltimore Wedding: Part 1
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2019: Welfare Shouting Match and FAAAAARKS!!!!!
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 5 - Attack of the Black Flies
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 4 - Sewage Water and No Hot Dogs
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 3 - More Poop Encounters
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 2 - Sherlock's First Day at the Beach
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2019: Walt Goes to OBX, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2019: The 10-Year Jerks of the Week Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2019: Bingo Night
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2019: The One-Year Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2019: The Abomination That Was Game of Thrones: Season 8, Episode 5
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2019: Return to the Poop Gym
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2019: Saladworks Weirdos
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2019: Taco Hell, 2019
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2019: Wedding Ablaze
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2019: The Worst Waitress of All Time
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2019: AsianDating.com
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2019: April Fools and April Truths VII
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2019: Hibachi Restaurant Hates Me
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 4
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2019: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LIII, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2019: Scott Sports
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2019: Flies in My Salad
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2019: Rat Feces in My Pizza
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2019: Someone Hit on Me at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2019: Adventures at the Chinese Buffet
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2019: A Million Little Things
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2019: 2018 Christmas Commercials
Jerks of the Year - Dec. 31, 2018: The Facebook Beggar
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2018: Dairy Queen and Cold Stone Creamery
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2018: Cat Lady, Thanksgiving Woman and the Shower Hags
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2018: Thomas Middleditch Verizon Commercials (Again)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2018: Slow and Sucky Subway
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2018: Battle of the Sexes
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 19, 2018: Stories of Bill Cosby, Gym Vacations and Cheesesteaks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2018: Jerks at the Zombie Circus
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2018: Halloween
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2018: Jerks of the Gym: Where's the Peef?
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 4: My Near-Fight at Cowabunga Bay
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 3: A Serial Killer Bird and Twin Peaks, the Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 2: The Mandarin Oriental Pool
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2018: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2018, Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2018: YouTube Personalities
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2018: Friends from College
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2018: Aladdin on Broadway
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2018: The Beach Weekend Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 6
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 5
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 13, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 4
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 3
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2018: Jerks of My Honeymoon - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2018: Jerks of the First Mall Trip as a Married Couple
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 4
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 3
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2018: Jerks of My Wedding - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2018: Jerks of My Bachelor Party - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 4, 2018: Jerks of My Bachelor Party - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2018: The Unhappy Meals
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2018: The Countdown, the Pervert and the Woman from Hell
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2018: Jerks of Chik-fil-A
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2018: Ballad of the Three Wawa Trips
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2018: Jerks of Boston Market
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2018: A Very S***ty Day
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2018: Jerks of the Niece's Birthday Party
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2018: The Nearly Forgotten Jerks of My Mom's Birthday
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2018: April Fools and April Truths VI
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2018: Katy Perry
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2018: Tipping Starbucks Cashiers
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2018: Mega Jerks at the Gym
Jerks of the Year - March 5, 2018: Nazi Hot Tub Man
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 26, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 4
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 19, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 12, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 5, 2018: Walt Goes to Super Bowl LII, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 29, 2018: Smart Barista, Dumb Comcast Worker and Best Friends
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 22, 2018: Johnny Manziel's Cousin and the Lifesaver Mint Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 15, 2018: Crappy Italian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 8, 2018: Pre-Christmas Jerks
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 1, 2018: The 12 Things I Hate About Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 25, 2017: The Walnut Grove Township Meeting
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 18, 2017: Hallmark Movies
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 11, 2017: Verizon Guy
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 4, 2017: My Friend Drew, and the Craziest Facebook Conversation Ever
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 27, 2017: Angry, Old Men, and Sara the Starbucks Scumbag
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 20, 2017: More Jerks at the Card Show
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 13, 2017: Goodbye, AIM
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 6, 2017: I Have a Beautiful Figure Again
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 30, 2017: Haunted Attractions
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 23, 2017: Streaming Hipsters and CBS All-Access
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 16, 2017: The Gym Cesspool
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 9, 2017: Hayley Geftman-Gold, Redskins Marching Band Play, Memes Chip Guy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 2, 2017: Shirtless Hooligans at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 25, 2017: On the Road to Margate
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 18, 2017: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland, 2017. Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 11, 2017: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland, 2017. Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 4, 2017: Pathetic Jokester, Conspiracy Theorist and Hot Tub A**hole
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 28, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 5: Not Hurricane Harvey, But Apparently Close
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 21, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 4: Expensive and Mysterious Food
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 14, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 3: Stupid Kids and Murderers in Vegas
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 7, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 2: Razor Bombs and the High-Five Heist
Jerks of the Week - July 31, 2017: Walt Goes to Vegas, 2017, Part 1: Spawns of Satan on the Airplane
Jerks of the Week - July 24, 2017: The Return to My LA Fitness
Jerks of the Week - July 17, 2017: The British Invade LA Fitness!
Jerks of the Week - July 10, 2017: July 4, Bureaucrats and Narcs
Jerks of the Week - July 3, 2017: Jerks at Sahara Sam's
Jerks of the Week - June 26, 2017: Unicorns, Cheapskates and Stalkers at Starbucks
Jerks of the Week - June 19, 2017: Jerks at the June Wedding
Jerks of the Week - June 12, 2017: The Eighth Day at Best Buy
Jerks of the Week - June 5, 2017: A Crappy Saturday
Jerks of the Week - May 29, 2017: Plagiarism Accusations
Jerks of the Week - May 22, 2017: The Best Buy Trilogy: 2017 Edition
Jerks of the Week - May 15, 2017: Trouble at Water Aerobics Class
Jerks of the Week - May 8, 2017: Jerks at the Card Show
Jerks of the Week - May 1, 2017: Wendy's
Jerks of the Week - April 24, 2017: Jerk of the Year: Hackers
Jerks of the Week - April 17, 2017: Pepsi Commercial, McDonald's Commercial, Twitter Blockers
Jerks of the Week - April 10, 2017: New Marriage, Angry Marriage
Jerks of the Week - April 3, 2017: April Fools and April Truths V
Jerks of the Week - March 27, 2017: Get Out and the Death of Macy's
Jerks of the Week - March 20, 2017: Talking Buses and the Quarter Thief
Jerks of the Week - March 13, 2017: Baja Fresh and Food Douches
Jerks of the Week - March 6, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 4
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 3
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2017: Walt Goes to the Super Bowl, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2017: The Warning, the Weasel and the Weirdo on a Whacky Wednesday
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2017: Tales from the Hot Tub
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2017: Skeletor's Hot Takes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2017: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2017: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2017: Self-Entitled Douche Bag Kids
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2016: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2016: Relaxation Saturday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2016: My Best Friend's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2016: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 2: The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2016: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2016: Cobb Salads and Gym Desk Workers Who Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2016: Halloween and the Election
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2016: Grub Burger Bar
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2016: Old Lady Hate, Old Lady Love
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2016: Timeless
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2016: The Vuse Odyssey
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2016: Seven Years
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2016: Tales of the Ailing Foot
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2016: Twelve Girls, Five Boys, $55 Million, and the Future
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2016: Dead Man in My Pool
Jerk of the Year - Sept. 5, 2016: Colin Kaepernick
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2016: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland. Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2016: Jerks of Ocean City, Maryland. Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2016: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2016
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 8, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 4: Prostitutes and Macaroni and Cheese
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 1, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 3: Cowabunga Bay
Jerks of the Week - July 25, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 2: The Blue Man Group and the Spanking
Jerks of the Week - July 18, 2016: Walt Goes to Vegas 2016, Part 1: Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2016: Jerks of the Birthday Party: Knee to the Balls
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2016: Shirtless Fish Tank Man and Facebook Douche
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2016: Twitter Social Justice Warriors
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2016: Getting Lost and Poisoned
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2016: Sad Mushrooms, Lonely Potatoes and Angry Men
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2016: Water Aerobics
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2016: Bar Conversations
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2016: Tales of Five Errands
Jerks of the Week - May 9, 2016: Adventures at Acme
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2016: The Italian Cafe
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2016: Toxic Hell, Revisited
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2016: Starbucks Sucks
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2016: Jerks of Bizarro Rite-Aid
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2016: April Fools and April Truths IV
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2016: Battle of the Gyms: Old Gym vs. LA Fitness
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2016: Random Pictures on My Phone
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2016: Meshack and Marco Manilla
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2016: Lucifer
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 29, 2016: An Afternoon at McDonald's
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2016: Night at the Spa: My First Massage Ever
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2016: Surprise in a Box, Crazy Woman at the Bank, Dumb Girl at the Spa
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2016: Macaroni's
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2016: McPick 2
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2016: Seeing Star Wars
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2016: Powerball
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2016: December Heat Wave
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2016: The Top Five Jerks of 2015
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2015: Christmas Shopping Without a Baby
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2015: Christmas Shopping with a Baby
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2015: Mad Mex
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 7, 2015: Famous Dave's
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2015: Another Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2015: The Trip to Pennhurst Asylum
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2015: Halloween 2015
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2015: Jerks at My Sister's Wedding - Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2015: Jerks at My Sister's Wedding - Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2015: The Shirtless A**hole Brigade
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2015: Weight Gain and VANDALISM
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2015: Jerks of the Gym Pool
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2015: Papal Visit 2015
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Second Trip, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Second Trip, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2015: Tubing Down the Delaware: A Near-Death Experience
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2015: Jerks of My Birthday - A Surprise in My Bed!
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 5: Slot Machines and Random Vegas Stuff
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 4: Sportsbooks, Whore Houses and Michael Jackson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 17, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 3: Vegas Dining Experiences
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 2: Mandalay Bay Hotel
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2015: Walt Goes to Vegas - Part 1: The Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2015: Cookies, Chips and Bombs
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2015: Stupid People in My Neighborhood
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2015: Sherlock Walt, and the Cases of the Scrambled Eggs and Missing Pepsi Bag
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Part 2
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2015: Jerks of the Jersey Shore, 2015: Part 1
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2015: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference - 2015 Edition
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2015: Tales from the Baby Pool
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2015: Uzbekistan
Jerks of the Week - June 1, 2015: Memorial Day Grocery Shopping at Giant
Jerks of the Week - May 25, 2015: A Tale of Four Neighborhoods: Con Artists, Dog Poop and a Stolen Watch
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2015: Roger Goodell
Jerks of the Week - May 18, 2015: Catching Up on Gym Jerks: Two Abominations, Two Creeps and a Monster
Jerks of the Week - May 11, 2015: A Racist, a Woman-Beater and a Horse - the Greatest Sports Day Ever
Jerks of the Week - May 4, 2015: Puppy-Training Classes
Jerks of the Week - April 27, 2015: Gym Jerks - with Pictures!
Jerks of the Week - April 20, 2015: It Follows
Jerks of the Week - April 13, 2015: Bottom Dollar Closes - Part II
Jerks of the Week - April 6, 2015: Bottom Dollar Closes - Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 30, 2015: April Fools and April Truths III
Jerks of the Week - March 23, 2015: The Old Man, the Heroic Man, and the Desperate Man
Jerks of the Week - March 16, 2015: The News: Predators, Mushrooms, the Weather and the Undead
Jerks of the Week - March 9, 2015: Valentine's Day Gifts
Jerks of the Week - March 2, 2015: Disappearing Jerks: the Loser, the Douche, the Hobo and My Food
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 23, 2015: Gym Patrons and Their Mistakes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 16, 2015: Return to Kyoto - The Japanese Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 9, 2015: Jerry Jackson
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 2, 2015: Paranoia, Incest and Near-Death - All at the Gym!
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 26, 2015: Going to the Flyers Game
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 19, 2015: Return to Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 12, 2015: Chris Christie, Clorox, Gay Jokes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 5, 2015: More Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 29, 2014: 2014, Year in Review
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 22, 2014: Jerks of Christmas Shopping, 2014
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 15, 2014: Idiots at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 8, 2014: Septa Train Zombies
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 1, 2014: Lifeguard Training Day
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 24, 2014: Too Many Cooks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 17, 2014: Halloween and Orange Juice
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 10, 2014: Dunkin Donuts
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 3, 2014: Kyoto and Japanese Food
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 27, 2014: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 20, 2014: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 13, 2014: Telling the Truth
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 6, 2014: Birthday Shopping at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 29, 2014: Dinners to Go
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 22, 2014: Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 15, 2014: All Waiters Hate Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 8, 2014: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 1, 2014: Little League World Series, Morning Radio Shows
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 25, 2014: Why True Blood Sucks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 18, 2014: Selfies and Spammers
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 11, 2014: Shopping for Bras, Dominatrix Items and Stolen Goods
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 4, 2014: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2014
Jerks of the Week - July 28, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 3 - Jerks of the Hotel and Ybor
Jerks of the Week - July 21, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 2 - Jerks of Disney World
Jerks of the Week - July 14, 2014: The Tampa Trilogy, 2014: Part 1 - Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 7, 2014: Dumb Kids, an Old Pervert and a Lunatic
Jerks of the Week - June 30, 2014: Girl Meets World, Sushi and Soccer
Jerks of the Week - June 23, 2014: Therapy Pool Abominations
Jerks of the Week - June 16, 2014: Sprint Framily Commercials
Jerks of the Week - June 9, 2014: Jerks of the DMV
Jerks of the Week - June 2, 2014: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies
Jerks of the Week - May 26, 2014: Night of the Six Stink Eyes
Jerks of the Week - May 19, 2014: Internet Idiots III
Jerks of the Week - May 12, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 2
Jerks of the Week - May 5, 2014: Hate Mail, Part 1
Jerks of the Week - April 28, 2014: People Plotting My Death
Jerks of the Week - April 21, 2014: How I Met My Cell Phone
Jerks of the Week - April 14, 2014: Bad Omens Monday
Jerks of the Week - April 7, 2014: Clothes Shopping
Jerk of the Year - April 1, 2014: How I Met Your Mother Finale
Jerks of the Week - March 31, 2014: April Fools and April Truths II
Jerks of the Week - March 24, 2014: Downtown Business Meeting
Jerks of the Week - March 17, 2014: Jerks of the Old Gym
Jerks of the Week - March 10, 2014: Winter Olympics
Jerks of the Week - March 3, 2014: Valentine's Day Commercials 2014
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 24, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 3: The Great Flood
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 17, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 10, 2014: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 3, 2014: Cooking with Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 27, 2014: Just Wright
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 20, 2014: People Who Steal From Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 13, 2014: Snowed In and Going Insane
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 6, 2014: Christmas Shopping 2013
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 30, 2013: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 23, 2013: Toyotathon Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 16, 2013: My Elliptical - Struggles of a Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 9, 2013: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 2, 2013: AT&T It's Not Complicated Commercials Part 2
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 25, 2013: Pizza Gluttony
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 18, 2013: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo!
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 11, 2013: Redskins Team Name Controversy
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 4, 2013: Jerk-of-Treaters
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 28, 2013: WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 21, 2013: Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 14, 2013: Cereal Trilogy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 7, 2013: Urban Education: Getting Pregnant at 13
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 30, 2013: The Philadelphia Writers' Conference
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 23, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 3: Return of Soulless-Eye Lady
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 16, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 2: Confrontation Friday
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 9, 2013: The Best Buy Trilogy, Part 1: Windows 8 and the Geek Squad
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 2, 2013: Jerks of the WalterFootball.com Forum Party
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 26, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 3: Lots of Hot Chicks
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 19, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 2: Eternal Life
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 12, 2013: Jerks of the Jersey Shore 2013, Part 1: The Drowning Fat Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 5, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 4 - The Strange Woman Who Wanted to Give Me Head
Jerks of the Week - July 29, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 3 - The Serial Killer and the Dance-Bang Girl
Jerks of the Week - July 22, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 2 - First Beach Day and Two Nights Out
Jerks of the Week - July 15, 2013: The Tampa Trilogy, Part 1 - Jerks at the Airport
Jerks of the Week - July 8, 2013: Master Zumba Invitation & Female Stalkers
Jerks of the Week - July 1, 2013: Jerks of Election Day - Damsel in Distress
Jerks of the Week - June 24, 2013: Attack of the White Trash Brigade
Jerks of the Week - June 17, 2013: Emmitt Smith Reviews Game of Thrones and Other Shows
Jerks of the Week - June 10, 2013: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - June 3, 2013: The People We Saw at Kenny's
Jerks of the Week - May 27, 2013: Jerks of the May 18 Wedding
Jerks of the Week - May 20, 2013: Internet Idiots II
Jerks of the Week - May 13, 2013: Sunday Shopping
Jerks of the Week - May 6, 2013: Jerks of the Housewarming Party
Jerks of the Week - April 29, 2013: Hot Tub Adventures
Jerks of the Week - April 22, 2013: Jerks of Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - April 15, 2013: Jerks of New Computer Day
Jerks of the Week - April 8, 2013: Jerks of Walnut Grove
Jerks of the Week - April 1, 2013: April Fools and April Truths
Jerks of the Week - March 25, 2013: It's Not Complicated AT&T Commercials
Jerks of the Week - March 18, 2013: My Second Stalker, Jerks of the Old Gym Pool & Locker Room
Jerks of the Week - March 11, 2013: Blizzard of 2013
Jerks of the Week - March 4, 2013: Jerks of Tulane
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 25, 2013: Jerks of New Orleans
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 18, 2013: Jerks of Philadelphia International Airport
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 11, 2013: Jerks of Bowling Night
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 4, 2013: Jerks of Tango: Where They'll Be in 2020
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 28, 2013: One Final Night at Tango
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 21, 2013: Jerks of My Cousin's Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 14, 2013: Jerks of Christmas Week
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 7, 2013: Christmas Shopping
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 31, 2012: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 24, 2012: Christmas Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 17, 2012: Jerks of Black Friday
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 10, 2012: Jerks at Injured Reserve and Man Eaters' Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 3, 2012: Facebook, Taco Bell People, CVS Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 26, 2012: Jerks of My Neighborhood
Jerk of the Year - Nov. 19, 2012: It's Thanksgiving by Nicole Westbrook
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 12, 2012: Blonde Kid, Gay Tea Time James, Lisa Turtle, Howard Eskin
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 5, 2012: Hurricane Sandy
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 29, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football Part II
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 22, 2012: Jerks with Awesome Girl Who Loves Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 15, 2012: Jeans, Clothes Shopping, And1 Shorts
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 8, 2012: Samsung Galaxy S III, Random Phone Pictures
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 1, 2012: Ten Awesome Laws That Must Be Created
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 24, 2012: Visa Credit Card, LaQuisha, The Replacementender
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 17, 2012: Mosquitoes, Vanilla Extract, Klondike Man
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 10, 2012: Cakes & Art, The Drowned Man, The Matchmaking Process
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 3, 2012: Jerks of the Drunken Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 27, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part IV
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 20, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part III
Jerk of the Year - Aug. 13, 2012: The Olympics
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 6, 2012: Jerks of the Vacation
Jerks of the Week - July 30, 2012: Jerks of the Flight - Live Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - July 23, 2012: Jerks of the Bar
Jerks of the Week - July 16, 2012: Drunkest Guy Ever
Jerks of the Week - July 9, 2012: Jerks of Toscana
Jerks of the Week - July 2, 2012: Eggs, The Puker and the Scowler, Deck People
Jerks of the Week - June 25, 2012: Jerks at Prometheus
Jerks of the Week - June 18, 2012: The Eight Grievances of June 8
Jerks of the Week - June 11, 2012: The Four Fat Ladies
Jerks of the Week - May 28, 2012: Jerks of the Six Graduation Parties
Jerks of the Week - May 21, 2012: Jerks of St. Stalin's Day
Jerks of the Week - May 14, 2012: The Adventures of My Beard
Jerks of the Week - May 7, 2012: Internet Idiots (Woody Paige)
Jerks of the Week - April 30, 2012: Jerks of Wawa
Jerks of the Week - April 23, 2012: Old Hag Waitress, Me, Hunger Games Evening
Jerks of the Week - April 16, 2012: Gay Guy Who Wanted to Have Sex with Me
Jerks of the Week - April 9, 2012: Men at the New Pool, Old Ladies at the New Pool, Freezing Pool
Jerks of the Week - April 2, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part II
Jerks of the Week - March 26, 2012: Crappy Commercials Part I
Jerks of the Week - March 19, 2012: Jerks of St. Patrick's Day
Jerks of the Week - March 12, 2012: Shoe Bench Man, Bear's Lover, Tanning Tax Man
Jerks of the Week - March 5, 2012: The Wednesday from Hell
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 27, 2012: Shingles Shenanigan Shemale, Jeremy Lin's Brother, Tango Stalker
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 20, 2012: Valentine's Day Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 13, 2012: High Wawa Man, Turkey Veggie Ranch Hoagie, Salad Dressing Aisle
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 6, 2012: Naughty Teacher, Local Hospital, X-Ray Technician
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 30, 2012: Homeless Carriage Woman, Cookie Thieves, Jerks Around the Bush
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 23, 2012: Tango, Mia, Hollywood
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 16, 2012: Hot Tub Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 9, 2012: Russian Cleavage Pharmacist, Horny Teens, Soap Scuz Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 2, 2012: Jerks of Parx Casino
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 26, 2011: Christmas Jerks of the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 19, 2011: Jerks of the Bar (Maggio's)
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 12, 2011: Lexus December to Remember Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 5, 2011: Moses Man, Senile Man, Saladworks
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 28, 2011: Jerks of the Bowling Alley, Missing Tooth Man, Indian Restaurant
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 21, 2011: Jerks of the Wedding
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 14, 2011: Jerks of the Halloween Party, Penn State Football Scandal
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 7, 2011: Jerks of the New Gym Pool, Thirty Dollar Man, Man from the Future
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 31, 2011: Barbeque Boy, Vegetable Indian, The Hammer's Mom
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 24, 2011: Jerks of Megatron's Mistress Weekend
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 17, 2011: The Sociopath, No Space Man, Three Old Men
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 10, 2011: Drunkest Woman Ever, Russian Rapist, Half-Norwegian, Half-Korean Bisexual Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 3, 2011: Jerks of the Mall, Lifeguards, Spanish Heritage Month
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 26, 2011: Rite-Aid, CVS, Blind Hick
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 19, 2011: Curly Mustache Lady, Owl Girl, Coffee Queen
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 12, 2011: Whiskey Tango, Racist KKK Bikers, Drunkest Woman Ever
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 5, 2011: Watermelon Woman and Meatball Man, Hurricane Irene, Toure
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 29, 2011: Bubble Bobble, The Black Belt of 2020, Smelly Swim Coach
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 22, 2011: Farim, Josseline, Facebook Morons
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 15, 2011: Birthday Jerks
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 8, 2011: Jerks of the Hotel and Restaurants
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - Aug. 1, 2011: Jerks of the Pool
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 25, 2011: Jerks of the Boardwalk
Jerks of the Jersey Shore - July 18, 2011: Jerks of the Beach
Jerks of the Week - July 11, 2011: Casey Anthony, Saturday at the Pool, The Spelling Bee
Jerks of the Week - July 4, 2011: Worst Movie Ever, Fixing Worst Movie Ever, Comcast
Jerks of the Week - June 27, 2011: Jerks at Dennis' Party, Jerks at Polina's Party, Always Late Man
Jerks of the Week - June 20, 2011: Sea Captain and Land Blubber, Comcast, E-Trade
Jerks of the Week - June 13, 2011: Jamie's Party
Jerks of the Week - June 6, 2011: My Gym, Pool Revolution, Shoe Bench Man
Jerks of the Week - May 30, 2011: Me, Josh, Ping Pong Pupil
Jerks of the Week - May 23, 2011: Rapture, Spaghetti, Slav's Swim Buddies
Jerks of the Week Special - May 23, 2011: Russian Conspiracy
Jerks of the Week - May 16, 2011: Conspiracy Theorists, Crosswalkers, Russian Mechanics
Jerk of the Year - May 9, 2011: Rashard Mendenhall
Jerks of the Week - May 2, 2011: Bottom Dollar Food, Checkup, Osama bin Laden
Jerks of the Week - April 25, 2011: Nerd No. 2, Baseball Robot, People Offended by Slurs, Angry Black Man Update
Jerks of the Week - April 18, 2011: Ces' Party, Angry Black Man, Another Angry Black Man
Jerks of the Week - April 11, 2011: Nerd Kids, Russian Yoda, Lilliput
Jerks of the Week - April 4, 2011: Twitter Idiots
Jerks of the Week - March 28, 2011: Hewlett-Packard, Rebecca Black, Crazy Horse Girl
Jerks of the Week - March 21, 2011: Guess What Kid, Dreams and the Fat Black Man, Dr. Susan Albers
Jerks of the Week - March 14, 2011: Las Margaritas Host, Movie Theater Soda, Inept Comcast Worker
Jerks of the Week - March 7, 2011: White Afro Lady, ABC, BYU
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 28, 2011: Friday Night Out, Saturday at the Gym, Sunday at the Gym
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 21, 2011: Farim, Jessica M. and another Facebook Moron, "Racist" Super Bowl Commercial
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 14, 2011: Valentine's Day and Kay Jewelers Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 7, 2011: Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Farim
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 31, 2011: Jerks at the Mall, State of the Union Address, My Night in the Dark
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 24, 2011: George Washington Lady, Humpty and Dumpty, Angry Hockey Man
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 17, 2011: Arizona Shooter, GameCenter People, Off the Map
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 10, 2011: Penn State Prohibition, Graham Cocker Spanier, Drunken Quotes
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 3, 2011: Hate Mailers, Astoria, Us at Astoria
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 27, 2010: Christmas Lexus Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 20, 2010: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 13, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Sports Bra Chick, 35th Anniversary
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 6, 2010: My 10-Year High School Reunion
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 29, 2010: QB Dog Killer Supporters, Canned Laughter, Fancy Schmancy Downtown Places
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 22, 2010: Sucky Subway, Pill Lady, Change Nazi
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 15, 2010: Swipe Card Woman, Angry Hockey Man, Homeless Clown Woman
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 8, 2010: Political Ads, Candy Thieves, Russian Gypsy Neighbors
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 1, 2010: Donation Girl, Gay Nail Guy, Jerks with Awesome Kelly
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 25, 2010: No Space Man, Fat Crosswalk Lady, Facebook Snobs
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 18, 2010: Toasts, Lilliput, Wawa Pirate Man
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 11, 2010: Catina, Gus the Groundhog, Brett Favre's Wrangler Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 4, 2010: The Longest Game of Beer Pong Ever, Fantasy Football Gangsta, Alcohol Thieves
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 27, 2010: Rite Aid and CVS Jerks, QB Nacho E-mailer, Hyper Girl
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 20, 2010: Little Turds on the Road, Angry Street Crosser, Czechoslovakia March
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 13, 2010: BBall Mad Man, BBall DBag/AHole, Whiskey Tango Marriage
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 6, 2010: Buck-Toothed Kid and His Dad, Brad Childress Blowdryer Man, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 30, 2010: My Bad Dude, Crappy Fantasy Traders, Larry Johnson
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 23, 2010: The Poop Master, Borat Hater, Pepsi Throwback Nightmare
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 16, 2010: Evil Vietnamese Children, Russian Yoda, Fat Ladies in the Pool
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 9, 2010: Emmitt Smith's Hall of Fame Induction Speech, Brett Favre, Shaving Cream Man
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 2, 2010: Comcast, Best Buy, Six Flags
Jerks of the Week - July 26, 2010: Why the Phillies Stink This Year (Jayson Werth), B-Ball D-Bag, Swim Lesson Brats
Jerks of the Week - July 19, 2010: NFLShop.com, Jesse Jackson, Paris
Jerks of the Week - July 12, 2010: LeBron James, OfficeMax, The Best Football Player Ever
Jerk of the Year - July 5, 2010: Twilight (Top 10 Reasons Why Twilight Sucks)
Jerks of the Week - June 28, 2010: Geriatrics at the Gym, Carmen the Customer Service Rep, Samantha the Shift Manager
Jerks of the Week - June 21, 2010: The Laziest Bum, The Laziest Agent, Josh
Jerks of the Week - June 14, 2010: Communist Soccer - World Cup Preview, Overreaction to the Intoxicated Toddler, Quit Facebook Day
Jerks of the Week - June 7, 2010: New Neighbors, ABC, The Near-Perfect Game Aftermath
Jerks of the Week 1-Year Anniversary - May 31, 2010: Live Wedding Retro Blog
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Ending - How It Made Sense
Jerks of the Week - May 24, 2010: Pepsi YouTube Man, Pepsi, No Space Man
Jerks of the Week - Special Edition: Lost Finale
Jerks of the Week - May 17, 2010: West Chester's Athletic Facilities and the Stuck-Up Couple, Crazy Bag Lady, Hot Super Cop, Other Random Graduation Jerks
Jerks of the Week - May 10, 2010: Lost (Why Aaron is the Man In Black - Long Version)
Jerks of the Week - May 3, 2010: Pete Carroll, Matt Millen and ESPN, Michael Silver, Todd McShay, No-Life Spammer
Jerks of the Week - April 26, 2010: Pukemon, NBA Analysts, The Gym Milf's Two Kids
Jerks of the Week - April 19, 2010: People Who Cry Racist, People Who Cry Stereotype
Jerks of the Week - April 12, 2010: Music, The Wanderer, Lost Theory: The Flash Sideways
Jerks of the Week - April 5, 2010: TV Shows, B-Ball D-Bag, Hot Ballet Teachers
Jerks of the Week - March 29, 2010: Indian Dog Poop Woman, Two Things About the Health Care Bill, Lost Speculation: Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 22, 2010: Russian Mustache Speedo Man, ESPN.com, Lost Theory: Aaron is the Man In Black
Jerks of the Week - March 15, 2010: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady; Doug Gottlieb and Big Cookie; If I Were President...
Jerks of the Week - March 8, 2010: Women With No Personality, Women Who Don't Sexually Assault Men, Bad Shower Etiquette
Jerks of the Week - March 1, 2010: Ice Skating, Two Fat Black Guys, Jacob (Lost)
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 22, 2010: Snow and Fat Kids, City of Philadelphia, Tiger Woods Sympathizers
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 15, 2010: Winter Olympics, Valentine's Day, More Jewelry Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 8, 2010: VBulletin, Hackers, Heroes
Jerks of the Week - Feb. 1, 2010: Lost (with a Lost Season 6 Preview)
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 25, 2010: PA Wine and Spirits, Punt, Pass and Kick Winners, NFL Play 60 Commercials
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 18, 2010: Cocoa Puffs, Lane Kiffin, Wade Phillips/Nate Kaeding/Me
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 11, 2010: Jewelry Commercials, Specific Jewelry Commercials, Chris Myers
Jerks of the Week - Jan. 4, 2010: Parx Casino, Buck Hotel Bar Patrons, State Liquor Laws and Mississippi
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 28, 2009: Corrine Brown, Strength of Schedule Man, Ed Block
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 21, 2009: Jerks at the Mall
Jerks of the Week - Dec. 14, 2009: University of Kansas, Congress Supporters, Communist Kids and Me
Jerk of the Holidays - Dec. 7, 2009: Tiger Woods
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 30, 2009: Major League Soccer, Bipolar Driver, Goggles Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 23, 2009: Chinese Restaurants, Ces, Elena from India
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 16, 2009: Fat Russian Guy, Chefs, Stuck In Time Man
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 9, 2009: Me (Multi-Colored Face Girl), Downtown Philly, Random Jerks at the WalterFootball.com Halloween Party
Jerks of the Week - Nov. 2, 2009: Community, Urkel Kid, Leaf Man Cock Blocker
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 26, 2009: Oompa Loompa, TV Show DVDs, College Football
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 19, 2009: Having to See Babies, The Rush Limbaugh Controversy, Old Liar/Pervert
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 12, 2009: Restaurants, Gay Portuguese Waiter, Olive Garden
Jerks of the Week - Oct. 5, 2009: Plagiarizers, ESPN & NBC & Google, Philadelphia Cat Torturers
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 28, 2009: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons, My Friend and Me, Me
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 21, 2009: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers, Dumb Parents, Me (Misguided Discriminator)
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 14, 2009: Terrelle Pryor, PETA, Subway Patrons
Jerks of the Week - Sept. 7, 2009: Forum Spammers, Pretentious Italian Restaurants, Bertucci's Waitresses
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 31, 2009: My Gym, Fat Guys in My Fantasy Football Leauge, Philadelphia
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 24, 2009: I'm Not Your Friend Kid, Konami, Mexicans in West Chester
Jerks of the Year - Aug. 17, 2009: The Philadelphia Eagles
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 10, 2009: Jolly Ranchers, Me (When Ranting About Jolly Ranchers), My Evil Neighbor's Evil Kids
Jerks of the Week - Aug. 3, 2009: ESPN, Brett Favre, NFL Network, Roger Goodell, New York District Attorney Robert Morgentheau
Jerks of the Week - July 27, 2009: Party of Eight, Toxic Hell, Little Caesar
Jerks of the Week - July 20, 2009: Erin Andrews' Voyeur, Allergies, Valley Club Protestors
Jerks of the Week - July 13, 2009: Jacko's Ghost, Women Who Don't List Their Relationship Status on Facebook, My Evil Neighbor's Kid
Jerks of the Week - July 6, 2009: Spammers, Old Pervent in Steam Room, Steve McNair's Killer(s)
Jerks of the Week - June 29, 2009: Google Maps, GPS, Harper's Island Characters
Jerks of the Week - June 22, 2009: Noisy Kids in My Neighborhood, The Philadelphia Public School System, Shannen Doherty
Jerks of the Week - June 15, 2009: NBC's Hockey Coverage, NBA Referees and Robot Jackson, Arhymemaster
Jerks of the Week - June 8, 2009: Mike Brown, David Stern, Indoor Soccer Guys
Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009: Confusing E-mail Guy, Barbeques, David Stein




NFL Picks - Dec. 11


2025 NFL Mock Draft - Dec. 11


NFL Power Rankings - Dec. 9


2026 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 29


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 4