Last update: Sometime in the month of 2012. Next update: Who in God name would update the mark draft lot of time?
I'm really glad Emmitt's on Twitter. Once in a while, I get to a read a tweet like, "Here come's Mr. Woods. He's on his game today.This."
The way the sentence just ends with the word "this." The way the word "come" becomes possessive. It just brings a smile to the faces of those who follow Emmitt, which is crucial in this dreary world we live in.
Unfortunately, it's not the same as having Emmitt on TV. And as I always say, until someone hires him, I'll continue to pump out these Emmitt Mocks.
This is what a 2012 NFL Mock Draft would look like if Emmitt Smith created one. This is satire, so don't take this seriously. But please read it - Emmitt put blood, sweat and cry into it.
"This mark draft take me two year to build! That equal 12 month's!"
Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck, QB, Stanford
Andrew Luck is almost a lock to go first No. 1 overall to the Indianapolis Colt. See what I wrote in the last sentence? I use the word Luck and lock together. When you use two synonym together like that, it call a metaphize.
The big question about Andrew Luck is if he have enough luck to play in the National Conference of Football. There is three kind of luck. Good luck, bad luck and OK luck. People who has good luck has good thing happen to themself, people who has bad luck sometime have bad thing happen to themself, and people who has OK luck has OK thing happen to themself. Andrew Luck last name just happen to be luck which mean he have one of either three type of luck.
But how do one know what kind of Luck that Andrew luck have? By usin'a luck machine, of course. You can buy a luck machine at Wall Mart for $19.995. If you go to the Wall Mart store, tell them Emmitt sended you, and he may give you a dismount.
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St. Louis Rams: Justin Blackman, WR, Oklahoma State
TRADE! I like to purpose a trade in my mark draft. Tryin' to predict trade in the mark draft almost unpossible because it is so predictable, but I was talkin' to someone in the Ram organization who say he want to move up, so that is where my idea for trade come from.
Sam Branford need someone to throw the doggone football to. The Ram trade for Brandon Floyd last year, but he sign with the New Patriot in free agent. The Ram himselves sign Steve Smith from the Carolina Panther in free agent, but he very old in the mouth, so the Ram need a young receiver like Justin Blackman.
Blackman the best receiving in the 2012 mark draft, no doubt about. Some people tryin' to say that Marcus Floyd from Notor Dame the best wideout, but believe me when I say that I watch both player play in the month of 2011, and Blackman the better receiving by a long spot.
Minnesota Vikings: Matt Kalil, OT, USC
When the Viking draft Christian Pondish last year, I swear I stand up and scream at the TV, "What Christian Pondish suppose to do, make lemon out of lemonade!?" I'm sorry, I get very emotionfull about these thing.
Pondish do not have anything to work for. Adrian Peterson got injure, Percy Harving always have grain headache and the offensive lines do not know how to block. They do not even understand that differents between a football block and an Eggo block!
That is why the Viking need to draft Matt Kalil, tackle from the University of South Carolina, more commonly knowned as UFC. Kalil can protect Pondish blind side so he do not get hit in the backside every doggone play. Some homophobe like to get hit in the backside, but for heterophobe, it is not very pleasurable!
Cleveland Browns: Trent Richards, RB, Alabama
There's big debation about whether the Brown need to take a runnin' back like Trent Richards or a quarterback like Ryan Tannehole. This may surprise you, but I belief that runnin' back position more important position than quarterback position.
The runnin' back who have power, might and strong can make the offense work real good. To use a metaphize, the runnin' back like the engine in a car, and the quarterback like the rare-view mirror. You can't drive without engine, but you can drive without rare-view mirror although that probably increasin' your chance of gettin' into accident. I try removin' my rare-view mirror one time and a stop sign almost hit me. It was then when I say to myselves, "Emmitt, the engine very important, but the rare-view mirror also important too as well!"
But I digest. The Brown probably gonna take their chance with Richards, who run real storng and real power at Alabama State University.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Trent Richards, RB, Alabama
I read on the Walter Foot Web sight that Trent Richards have a chance to go to the Brown or the Tampa. That is why I'm gonna mark Richards to both the Brown and the Tampa. This mean that one of my doggone pick will be correct. That, my friend, is what you call hugging your bet.
The Tampa already have a runnin' back name Garrett Blount. He have one of the best runs I ever seened from a runnin' back when he run over 20 Packer on one play. But he and the coachin' staff do not see ear to ear. He have the power and the strong, but he do not have the smart and the wise. He do not know how to pick up the blitz or catch passes out of the field.
Besides, Richards a good pick because you can never have enough good runnin' back. Some team can even have five or six good runnin' back, and that only increasin' their chance of winnin', and winnin' the only way to get into the doggone playoff unless you send a cash bride to Roger Goodman.
Washington Redskins: Robert Griffith, QB, Baylor
Robert Griffith, more commonly known as RGLLL Junior, make very sense for the Redskin at No. 6 overalls. The Redskin need a quarterback, and they are very lucky that RGLLL Junior fall to them this far. We do not even has to buy a luck machine to read how much luck the Redskin have.
My brother, who also name Emmitt Smith, ask me a question, "What do the four L in RGLLL Junior stand for?" That is a very good question, I couldn't have ask that better myselves.
We know that LL stand for Little League, which a sick man like Sanduskie like. But Little League is for basketball, and RGLLL Junior do not play basketball. So, RGLLL, in my estimitize, stand for Real Good Large League Leader. I do not know what the fourth L in RGLLL Junior stand for, I think about it for three week straight, but it befuzzle me.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Ryan Tannehole, QB, Texas A&M
I read the celebration mark draft on Walter Foot that Blade Gabbert say that he play in the Hunger Game a long time ago. Gabbert say he hide under the rock and kill the last Tribute with poop. Throwin' poop in the National Football of Conferences is against the rule, so the Jaguar need a new quarterback.
Mike Maycock on NFL Network say that Ryan Tannehole a franchise quarterback, but he very raw like Chinese sushi. I hate sushi, but that's aside the point. The point is... uhh... I forget.
Let me discuss the Hunger Game. I watch the movie Hunger Game in the movie theater with my son, Emmitt Smith V. The movie about a girl who have hunger, and then she play a game and then she do not have hunger anymore. I highly recommend Hunger Game to anybody who like movie. The story very confusin' for me, but I have fun watchin' the movie with my son.
Miami Dolphins: Marcus Floyd, WR, Notor Dame
This pick real easy like takin' baby from a candy. The Dolphin trade Brandon Marshall to Chicago because his wive stab him with a McDonald bag. With Marshall gone, the Dolphin need a new receiver for Matt Moore or David Garage to throw to.
I do not understand this trade one bit. Marshall one of the best receiving in the National League of Conferences. Just because his crazy wive take a McDonald bag and stab him in the neck with it do not mean that he should be trade to the Big Apple. Has the Dolphin ever heard of couples therapy or divorcement? Maybe Marshall can hire someone to even kidnap his evil wive so she go away and never come back ever again.
Marcus Floyd a good receiver from Notor Dame State, but he have a problem with alcohol. This is not a big surprise if you familiar with Notor Dame State. The mascot of the Notor Dame State is a drunk Irish guy. He do not have alcohols in his hand, but he clearly Irish because of the leaf clover, and Irish people always drinkin', so because Marcus Floyd is Irish, he always drinkin' too. It's just the nature of the best.
Carolina Panthers: Maurice Clayborn, CB, LSU
I do not like to put defensive player in the top 10 of my mark drafts, but I was tolded that if Maurice Clayborn fall to the Panther, he will not hesitate to take him. So that is why I put defensive player in the top 10. Trust me, it is a very tough pillow to swallow.
Why do I hate defensive player? Because as my good friend Michael Irving always say, "point wins championships." Can Clayborn put point on the scoreboard? Maybe if commissioner Roger Goldman change the rule and allow defensive player to score point, I will start marking more defensive player in the top 10. They are lucky I even mark defensive player at all in the entire mark draft!
Buffalo Bills: Riley Rough, OT, Iowa
I think we can all agree that the Bill need to add a block for Ryan Fitzgerald, who got knock around one too three many time last year. The Bill offensive line was in shingles, so I do not know how Chang Gailey help his team score any point. He do it all with smoke and fires.
Riley Rough perhaps the solution on Fitzgerald's backside. Some people are complainin' that Rough have small arm, but they measure at 33 inches, which equal five feet tall. I don't know about you, but if somebody have arm that are five feet tall, he do not have short arm in my booklet!
Kansas City Chiefs: Dontarious Pole, RB, Memphis
The Chief need a runnin' back real bad. They have JaMarcus Charles, but he comin' off a real bad knee surgery. They sign Peyton Hill in free agent, but he said he dreamin' of becomin' a member of the CIS. CIS a show on TV, so if Hill want to become an actress, that is fine by me, but it also mean that he is no longer in position to play in the National Conference of Leagues.
Dontarious Pole play defense at Memphis State University, but he have the ability to play runnin' back in the conference. He weigh 350 pounds, which is close to two ton. Do you know how difficultness it is to tackle a runnin' back who weigh close to two ton? Defenders will be wakin' up the next day with back hurt, stomach hurt and leg hurt. And worst of all, mind hurt from all the nightmare of tacklin' Dontarious Pole.
Seattle Seahawks: Ryan Tannehole, QB, Texas A&M
It is a real shame that Marshawn Lynch do not have a real quarterback to work with. I have so much admire and respect for Lynch for how strong and power he run the ball. On the football field, he like a serial killer - a guy who kill cereal.
Lynch need a better quarterback than Tarvis Jackson to give him the football. The Seahawk sign Matt Fling in free agent, but he only a backup. Ryan Tannehole need to be draft if he do not get draft by the Brown, the Chief, the Jaguar, the Dolphin and the Eagle. Tannehole have very athleticism, and he would fit right in with Lynch in the Pacific Northeast.
Arizona Cardinals: Lamar Miller, RB, Miami
I do not understand for the lives of me why Peyton Manning do not sign with the Cardinal. Who quarterback in his right minds would not want to throw the doggone football to Larry Fitzpatrick, who is not only one of the best receiving in the league, he also one of the best receiving in the division.
Manning must have been scared of the runnin' backs the Cardinal have. Bernie Wells always spend time on the disable list. Ricky William just spendin' time there himselves last year. The Cardinal need a real runnin' back who can stay health not just for the whole season, but for one game!
Lamar Miller a very interestin' runnin' back from Miami State University, which commonly called the M, which stand for Miami State University.
Dallas Cowboys: Emmitt Smith IV, RB, Florida
I am very displease with the Cowboy! Why do they not draft my son to play for themself? Someone teach me how to do copy-paste in the computer. It took me 10 hour to learn, but I has finally mastersized it. I will copy-paste what I write in my 2011 mark draft:
The Cowboy have not had a great runnin' back since they got rid of your truthfulness. They try to give the job to Troy Hambone, but he failed. Then Julian Jone. He fail. Then Mario Barber. He fail. Then Felix Jone. He fail. LeShard Choice even have a chance, but he do not have much of a chance but if he did have a chance he would have suffered the same deminds.
Load and behole, Emmitt Smith IV Jr., the fruit of my loom.
I keep tryin' to get my son, Emmitt Smith IV the Fourth into the mark draftin', but no team ever take him. My son now 10 or maybe 12 year old, so he got a bright future behind himselves.
Philadelphia Eagles: Candle Wright, WR, Baylor
The Eagle havin' some issues at receiving. DeJuan Jackson do not pay attention to Vince Young when he talkin' to him on the bench against the Seahawk last month. Jeremy Mason OK, but the Eagle need a big-time receiving for the guy who kill and rape dog.
Candle Wright is a hot prospect, and not only because his name Candle. He very graceful on the football field. As a wise man once say, he float like a bee, he sting like a leopard.
Candle Wright very fast and very big, and he just what the Philadelphia quarterback need right now because he have his work cut out for him with scissors.
New York Jets: Jake Locker, QB, Washington
Shawn Green appear not to be a great runnin' back. But how do we know he do not have greatfulness inside himselves, but he restricted by Mark Santiago? Do Mark Santiago make Shawn Green bad runnin' back, or do Shawn Green make Mark Santiago a bad quarterback?
I been thinkin' about this question for a couple of month, and it completely debacled my minds. It like the famous question, what come first, the chicken or the steak? That is what scientist like to call a parallelodox or maybe parallelogram.
Jake Locker draft last year by the Titan, but he do not play so he go back in the mark draft. Maybe Locker can help us solve this famous riddle.