superbowl49

Welcome to my ninth-annual Super Bowl Live Blog. I’ll be posting comments like this throughout the evening every few minutes. Keep refreshing this page if you want to check out what I think about the game, announcers, commercials, etc. I’ll post my first comment around 5:30ish with live feedback from people watching the game with me.

You can also discuss Super Bowl XLIX in the comment board below.

Follow @walterfootball for updates.

5:33: And we’re live! I just turned on my TV and just saw Jan from the Toyota commercials. That can’t possibly be a good sign.

5:35: My sister just showed up and brought her dog, Spiderman to meet my new dog, Sherlock. I saw Spiderman about three weeks ago and I was shocked when I opened the door. It looked like he gained about 80 pounds. I don’t know how that happened. “We just feed him dog food and cheese,” her fiance said. Cheese? Why cheese?

5:39: There’s plenty of talk about Deflategate. My girlfriend says that Tom Brady shouldn’t be able to play in the Super Bowl. My friend Harris thinks Bill “Belicheat” shouldn’t be able to coach all next year. This is exactly why the NFL let this drag out. There’s so much buzz about this story that the ratings are going to be huge.

5:41: By the way, you can discuss the game in the Live Super Bowl blog.

5:48: The worst part of NBC broadcasting this is Bob Costas. I’m shocked he’s not telling Tom Brady that he’s an awful human being for playing in a league with teams that have names like the “Redskins” and “Bears.” Because “Redskins” apparently is offensive to American Indians, while “Bears” is offensive to those who have been attacked by bears.

5:49: I’m sure Costas petitioned the NFL to replace Katy Perry’s halftime show with a lecture of his on why we are all terrible human beings.

5:50: My girlfriend just announced that she’s not making chocolate chip cookies because someone else brought chocolate cake. My sister, meanwhile, made four pounds of macaroni and cheese. I might actually suffer a heart attack in this game.

5:51: NBC’s about to tell us “who’s going to win and why,” so I suppose I should post my final thoughts now.

5:58: Final thoughts on the Super Bowl XLIX Pick.

5:59: My cousin Polina just asked if she could make fun of Jerry Jackson, the troller on my Facebook wall. “He works at Starbucks, and I love how he said he makes $11.50 an hour. $11.50 an hour, congratulations! I was making that much when I was 18!”

6:01: Love Carrie Underwood. She must have been super annoying for Tony Romo to break with her. What the hell did she do, make him clean the gutters every single day?

6:04: Al Michaels does make up a bit for Bob Costas. I’m so glad that we don’t have to hear him until halftime. If he happened to be the color analyst instead of Cris Collinsworth, I think I’d hang myself or just not watch the game.

6:05: I was just told my sister is bringing over her friend Abby, who once predicted that the “Pittsburgh Penguins” would win the Super Bowl. I can’t wait to get her prediction for this game.

6:10: I just impressed everyone by naming almost all of the schools the players went to. That’s how cool I am.

6:12: So disappointed. Abby’s prediction: “I want the Seahawks to win because the Patriots had the deflated ball… right?” Looks like she’s been reading the site.

6:13: My girlfriend on Undateable: “That looks really good.” The sarcasm meter broke on that one.

6:15: LOL. My girlfriend upon hearing Walter Payton’s name: “Who’s Walter Payton? Is that a Peyton?” I had to ask her permission to post that.

6:16: Wow. Sherlock just tried to ride the fat dog. He was on the couch and jumped on the fat dog’s back. Best thing I’ll see tonight.

6:18: Who needs the National Anthem when you can have stupid posts from idiot trollers:

6:21: Who is this woman singing the National Anthem? No one seems to like her rendition of it. I personally wasn’t fan of the sign-language woman. She did an awful job.

6:25: I’ve had five people so far ask me about Jerry Jackson. “Who is that idiot? Is he for real?”

6:26: Here’s more trolling:

6:27: Seahawks win the coin toss and choose to defer. I’m shocked Belichick didn’t rig the coin toss.

6:28: Before the game begins, I have a bit of bad news: My friend Body Burner won’t be here until the second half. Body Burner is watching the first half with his dad. Luckily, I have some of his hilarious actions from last year saved. Here’s a sample:

6:57: Funniest thing I’ve ever seen: Body Burner, who came in late, just ran into my house and rushed into my living room. He eagerly wanted to see what the score was, so when our mutual friend Pat extended his hand for Body Burner to shake it, Body Burner pushed him out of the way so he could sit down on the couch.

6:29: “Is that Lindsay Lohan? She looks like she’s been inhaling paint fumes for years.” – my sister’s fiance.

6:30: My cousin doesn’t think those are Skittles. “Those are definitely Runts.”

6:31: The game has begun! Patriots to the 18ish.

6:32: Richard Sherman misses a tackle. Not a good sign at all.

6:33: Patriots get a first down. Already much better than the Broncos last year. That Sherman missed tackle was huge.

6:34: “The Seahawks have already given up more yards than last year.” – Body Burner via text. Not going to fact check that; I’m confident Body Burner is correct.

6:35: Seahawks force a punt!

6:36: Are you serious, Seahawks? Why try to block the kick like that? Just set up for a return. More bad than good can happen. That should be roughing the kicker.

6:38: What the hell was that Toyota bionic leg commercial? I’m glad it wasn’t Jan, but Toyota does really suck.

6:40: Here’s something more entertaining than a Toyota ad. Another Body Burner-related post from last year!

7:41: Another BB-related exchange:

BB: I don’t want to see David Beckham in his underwear!

Random Chick: I do!

BB: I don’t care what you said, whoever you are!

6:41: Ugh, Lynch stuffed on third-and-2. That was such an obvious run. Terrible play-calling.

6:43: Blond chick with big boobs! Looks like an awesome cell phone game!!!

6:44: Ugh, NBC people advertising stuff. I feel like the people who work for NBC like the taste of their own feces. Especially Bob Costas. Can’t confirm it, but I just get that feeling, ya know?

6:47: Patriots convert with a third-and-3 on an illegal pick. Peyton Manning would be proud of that; his offenses have been doing that since 1998.

6:49: Ugh, the Seahawks can’t lose to this dink-and-dunk offense, can they? I feel like Brady hasn’t done anything Alex Smith couldn’t do yet.

6:50: Seattle’s inability to stop LeGarrette Blount is a concern. Patriots in the red zone.

6:52: Brady picked by Jeremy Lane! Hopefully Lane is OK.

6:54: “I’m surprised they didn’t come up with some rule to overturn that pick for the Pats.” – Body Burner. Belichick’s check to the ref may not have cleared.

6:55: Crap, losing Lane will be huge. Why didn’t he just go down in the end zone?

6:57: Tough run by Lynch to get Seattle’s first down.

6:59: My friend Dale is leaving to watch Downton Abbey. I’m secretly jealous. Downtown Abbey is an awesome show. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

7:00: So, people arm wrestle over Skittles now? Dumb. Crazy that ad firms are paid six figures to come up with that crap?

7:01: Kim Kardashian West? She changed her name and added a “West?” Stupid. Her a** is the only good part of her. She’s not really that attractive otherwise.

7:03: How can no one be open with a spy on Wilson? That shouldn’t even be possible.

7:05: The fat Indian chick from the Office and the song Pretty Woman should never be shown/heard at the same time.

7:06: “Who was the goblin talking about data?” – Body Burner

7:07: My girlfriend just had some alarming news for me: “Our dog is a rapist.” I think I’ve been missing a lot watching this game. Ah well.

7:09: Uhh… I don’t know if this happened to anyone else, but our TV just froze for 15 seconds. I almost freaked out.

7:10: Jeremy Lane’s absence is huge. Julian Edelman abuses Tharold Simon and goes down to the 12.

7:11: Brady to Brandon LaFell, first touchdown of the game. Simon gets beat again.

Patriots 7, Seahawks 0

7:13: Coke with the gayest (not that there’s anything wrong with that) commercial of all time.

7:16: Fast & Furious 12: Cars So Fast and Furious that They Travel Through Time and Paul Walker is Alive Again.

7:17: “I didn’t think the Coke commercial was gay. It was cute.” – my girlfriend. “You’re a jerk.” – my girlfriend upon seeing me write the previous sentence.

7:19: Ugh, Seahawks three-and-out again. They’re done. They can’t move the ball at all. Pats will win 49-0. Square bettors do win sometimes, I guess.

7:21: Solid Doritos commercial with the blond chick with the baby on the plane. Of course, this was followed up with a douchey race car ad. Race-car driving is so boring; can’t say I’m surprise that race-car commercials are almost as boring.

7:22: Minus-5 passing yards. Awful, but better than Peyton Manning last year.

7:24: Nice stop by the Seahawks. Good opportunity for their offense to go three-and-out again.

7:26: People are upset with these depressing commercials. I don’t know about you, but that Nationwide ad was awesome. Some stupid kid died? Sign me up!

7:28: It’s nice of Belichick to let the homeless bearded man pretend like he’s calling plays.

7:29: Ugh, false start on a third-and-1 is brutal. Seattle might as well punt on this third-and-6.

7:30: Wow, that looked short at first glance, but he definitely got it.

7:31: “No. 68 has a big butt!” – my sister. Maybe I should hire her as an NFL writer.

7:32: Seahawks in the end zone somehow! I have no idea who this Matthews person is.

7:33: “No. 38 has a skinny butt. No. 75 is fat!” – my sister. NFL knowledge definitely runs in the family.

7:34: Touchdown, Marshawn Lynch! W00t!

Patriots 7, Seahawks 7

7:35: Why does McDonald’s even advertise? Everyone knows about… WALTER WHITE OMG IT’S WALTER WHITE I MEAN HEISENBURG I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL HEISENBURG BUT OMG OMG OMG!!!

7:37: OK, so, last year, the Broncos had a chance to score right before halftime. They didn’t, so I wonder if the Patriots will have more success. No Simon is huge.

7:39: Two-minute warning? Didn’t Edelman go out of bounds?

7:41: I don’t know how I feel about Blacklist. Well, I do. James Spader is awesome and wins every scene. The problem is that everyone else on the show sucks. It should be just him. The main character chick is hot, but she’s so boring that it doesn’t matter.

7:42: Ugh, tackle Blount, Seahawks.

7:43: And Sherlock just peed on my kitchen floor. At least he’s not raping the other dogs.

7:45: Wow, offside on third-and-3 is a killer. I feel like I wrote that already.

7:47: I love how NBC advertises “Bob” at halftime. They should say that there won’t be Bob Costas so people don’t change the channel. Seriously, if they said, “Tony, Rodney, not Bob,” I would’ve been stoked.

7:48: Why is K.J. Wright on Gronk? Touchdown, Patriots.

Patriots 14, Seahawks 7

7:49: People here are making fun of Jerry Jackson.

“He has nothing better to do with his life!”

“Well, he does work at Starbucks…”

7:52: Forum member Clov just alerted me that Amendola caught that pass; not Edelman. Sorry. All short white guys look the same. Sorry for that racist statement, but it’s true.

7:55: Big gain and penalty. It’s a shame they have just six seconds left.

7:57: Going for it is risky. I’d kick it. Patriots should just grab and hold the receivers. If they get flagged for pass interference, who cares? Seattle won’t get time back on the clock.

7:58: Touchdown, Seahawks! I told you guys they should go for it!

Patriots 14, Seahawks 14

7:59: I still have no idea who this Matthews person is.

8:02: My friend Harris just asked my girlfriend, “Who’s handsomer, Walt or Tom Brady?” She said Tom Brady. I’m going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

8:08: I wasn’t exaggerating about Spiderman being super fat, by the way. Someone just said, “It’s not right that dog is that fat. Dogs shouldn’t get that fat.” He’s seriously shaped like a ball.

8:10: More analysis on other NBC “personalities:” Matt Lauer, like Bob Costas, likes the taste of his own feces. Savannah whatever her name is wasn’t as hot as I thought she’d be once I heard her name was Savannah.

8:11: Not Asian Guy on the halftime show: “Come on, not Firework! Not Firework! Anything but Firework and I win!”

8:12: Katy Perry on a diamond-looking tiger. “That’s so cool, someone yelled!” Body Burner walked in that second. “Yeah, that’s cool that Body Burner is here!”

8:14: It would’ve been great if that tiger ate Katy Perry so we wouldn’t have to endure another stupid halftime show. At least PETA will get pissed at her.

8:15: My girlfriend to Body Burner: “Do you want me to move so you can sit next to Walt?” Body Burner: “Yes. Yes I would.”

8:16: “Those are some nice beach balls.” – Not Asian Guy

8:17: I had no idea the guy from the Hunger Games could sing. Pretty cool. And now I feel like I’m high watching this halftime show.

8:18: Is that really Missy Elliott? I didn’t realize she still existed.

8:19: “I miss when Missy Elliott was fat and had trash bag outfits.” – Body Burner’s girlfriend.

8:20: I’m loving this, actually. Missy Elliott hasn’t made a song in a decade, and a decade ago is the last time I liked music.

8:21: Are we sure this is really Missy Elliott? No one has seen her in years, and now she’s supposed to be super skinny? Not buying it. I think this is a fake.

8:22: Body Burner: “What if Katy Perry falls?” My girlfriend: “What if Katy Perry catches on fire?” Me: “That would be the best halftime show ever.” Not Asian Guy: “Yeah, this is really the best halftime show ever.”

8:23: “Can you imagine Bill Belichick trying to make half-time adjustments with this bulls*** in the background?” – Body Burner. So true. With that and Circadian rhythms, maybe the Seahawks will have a chance.

8:28: Just took a piss. I came back to hear Costas signing off. Thank the gods I missed that.

8:29: I guilted my girlfriend into getting me food: She just brought me Caesar salad, macaroni and cheese, bagel bites and buffalo dip. NOM NOM NOM NOM.

8:32: It’s nuts that while Brady has attempted 27 passes, Wilson has thrown just seven times. And some game named Matthews might be the MVP if the Seahawks win.

8:34: BEAST MODE!!!

8:35: Chris Matthews!!! Best receiver of all time!!!

8:36: Ugh, Lynch stuffed on another predictable third-down run. Play-action would’ve been awesome.

Seahawks 17, Patriots 14

8:38: BB’s girlfriend: “So, have we discussed who has the cutest butt yet?” My sister: “Yeah, we already did that in the first half.”

8:41: Done my Caesar salad. On to the tasty food. If I stop posting, it’s because I suffered a heart attack from eating the macaroni and cheese and bagel bites.

8:43: Seattle’s defense has been awesome in the second half. Hopefully that keeps up, but Jeremy Lane’s absence will definitely be a factor.

8:46: My sister just asked why they lick the fingers. Body Burner: “Because they go like this, ‘Hey what lotion are you using? Your skin is so soft!'”

8:47: Bobby Wagner interception! Unfortunately, another Seahawk is hurt. Maybe Seattle should stop picking off passes, because only bad things happen.

8:50: Jess: “I can tell someone moved in here! There’s no more beer bottles in the salad drawer!” Me: “… I have a salad drawer?”

8:52: Text from Matvei: “Belichick just told Brady that he’s about to be traded to be traded to Chris Matthews’ old Foot Locker.”

8:53: Wilson touchdown to Doug Baldwin!

Seahawks 24, Patriots 14

8:56: HEROES IS COMING BACK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW OOOOOOOOOOMGGGGGGGGGGGGG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

8:57: I got yelled at for yelling “BEEEEAST!” during the last drive. I was accused of being a “Seahawks fan boy.” I’m a fan boy of my bank account.

9:03: No posts in six minutes because my dog is asleep and panting super heavily, so there’s some concern. He’s only 11 weeks old and it’s warm in here.

9:04: And Not Asian Guy lightens the mood by going “look at that penis!” when my girlfriend picked up the dog.

9:08: Ugh, f***ing Jermaine Kearse. They had it. Wilson could’ve even run for it. Patriots take over with 55 seconds remaining in the third quarter.

9:08: Dog’s fine and peed outside, which is most important because of my hardwood floors. Phew.

9:13: Everyone is shocked that Temple has a local commercial here. “How did Temple pay for this!?” multiple people asked. It’s Temple’s entire budget for the year.

9:15: Just found out that Not Asian Guy told my girlfriend that she should make out with me as he feels up my back. I could be into that.

9:16: BB’s girlfriend on Vince Wilfork: “That’s a lot of weight to carry around.” Me: “You talking about my sister’s dog?”

9:17: Blegh. I’d love a Seahawks’ field goal so they cover with two New England touchdowns.

9:22: Wow, crazy completion to Short White Guy. He was down, but the drive stays alive.

9:23: Holy crap, terrible call on the late hit out of bounds. I guess that makes up for the roughing-the-kicker non-call.

9:25: People are yelling and I can barely hear the TV. It’s because Sherlock is trying to rape the female dog again. “We raised a rapist!” my girlfriend shouted.

9:26: Meanwhile, Edelman to the 5-yard line.

9:27: Brady misses Edelman, but hits Amendola for a touchdown. Ugh.

Seahawks 24, Patriots 21

9:29: YOU WON PAC-MAN, CONGRATS, YOU WON A CHEAP BOTTLE OF BEER!!!

9:30: People are saying that real-life Pac-man thing would be fun, but I’m not so sure about that. I think I’d s*** myself if I saw those two ghosts corner me like that. It would be too stressful to get all of the pellets.

9:32: There was an applause from both me and Not Asian Guy when the guy punched the kid in the face. Safe to say that we’re both Adrian Peterson fans.

9:34: Patriots get away with something again, what a surprise.

9:35: Ugh. Three-and-out. What the hell was that? Here come the Pats…

9:37: This idiot kid spent all of this money to make the pig fly when he could’ve just bought Doritos with that cash.

9:39: Body Burner just yelled that my cousin is raping him. Lots of rape in my house tonight, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

9:41: Wow, the refs finally realized that the Patriots were guilty of offensive pass interference? They could’ve been called for that 10 times this game.

9:43: “I think Rob Gronkowski has a third-grade education.” – Body Burner.

9:44: This is agonizing. If the Pats can win like this, the Chiefs can win a Super Bowl with Alex Smith. No dink-and-dunk team should ever win a Super Bowl.

9:46: Not Asian Guy: “BB, if you could name a team, what would it be and what city?” Body Burner: “The Hershey Squirts.”

9:47: Patriots get away with offensive pass interference? You don’t say!

Patriots 28, Seahawks 24

9:49: Seahawks just got too conservative. I can’t believe their defense blew a 10-point lead like this, although losing Cliff Avril and Jeremy Lane was costly.

9:50: Let’s see what Ruskell Wilkens can do.

9:51: Good start! Thirty-one yards to Lynch!

9:52: BB’s girlfriend on Brett Favre: “Was that the guy who took his penis out?” It’s nice to know that Favre left a lasting impression.

9:54: Argh, wasting a timeout?

9:56: Wooo, big first down. Seahawks to the New England 38.

9:57: HOLY CRAP! What a crazy catch!

9:58: Body Burner upon seeing Paul Allen: “Whhat daay isss itt? Wherre arree myyy piills shhonnny?”

9:59: Lynch down to the 1!

10:00: Wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow… wow…

10:01: That’s unreal. Lynch running the ball is almost a guaranteed touchdown. I can’t believe it.

10:02: Body Burner with a great point: “There are people in this room who could’ve run in for a touchdown on that play. Why would they throw it?”

10:03: Lots of derp moments by the Seahawks.

10:05: They ejected Bruce Irvin? Seahawks don’t have much of a chance now.

10:06: Rough loss. The Seahawks could’ve easily won, but they f***ed themselves over. I’d say congrats to the Patriots, but they cheated themselves into the Super Bowl, and they got away with cheating in the Super Bowl with all of those non-offensive pass interference call.

10:07: I cracked a smile when Body Burner said the following: “Bill Belichick: ‘Hey f*** face, why’d you throw the ball?’ Pete Carroll: ‘Derr, I don’t know, Bill, derr.'”

10:08: Again, that’s rough. The Seahawks blew a 10-point lead and then f***ed up in the final seconds. I can’t help but think they were the right side if there was a right side. It figures this season would end like this. Lots of bad breaks. I made some terrible picks, but this one wasn’t one. Just awful luck, and if I would’ve picked the Patriots, I would be feeling like I had a four-leaf clover up my a**.

10:09: Though this is ending on a somber note, thank you for reading the live blog. I’ll have a full recap much later tonight when I’m up to writing one, and I’ll have a 2015 NFL Mock Draft update on Tuesday.