2020 NFL Kickoff Live Blog

My Thoughts During the 2020 NFL Kickoff Live Blog – Live Updates

What is this? I’ll be posting my thoughts during the Chiefs-Texans game here. That will include everything from the actual game, to the TV personalities, to the commercials, etc. Anything goes. This page will be updated every five minutes or so Thursday evening, so I hope you join me for the first real NFL game in seven months. Football’s back.

Feel free to post your thoughts in the comments below.

7:50: And we’re underway! This is the first football game in seven months. Normally, we’re used to getting a taste from the preseason, but that wasn’t the case this year. If I hadn’t re-watched the 2019 season this summer, I probably would’ve forgotten what a first down is!

7:52: My final thoughts are posted. Check out my NFL Picks page to see it. The write-up includes a place to win $45 for free! Well, assuming the Chiefs don’t lose by 102 points.

7:54: It’s so disappointing to see so few fans in the stands. It looked like a Chargers game!

7:55: Here’s a bonus DraftKings lineup I just entered on a whim: Tyreek Hill (captain), Patrick Mahomes, Deshaun Watson, Jordan Akins, Randall Cobb, Darrel Williams.

7:56: I’m fine with both teams being in the locker rooms for the national anthem if it allows us to avoid SJW nonsense discussion.

8:01: It sounded like the Chiefs’ own fans booed them as they ran into the locker room for the national anthem after standing for the other song. All this is doing is diminishing the fan base. I’ve heard from so many people who have told me that they either won’t watch football this year, or they’ll watch it much less. I’ve seen people be skeptical of these promises, but ratings have declined in the past, and we’ve seen what has happened in the NBA with their 40-percent reduction.

8:03: More lectures from TV analysts, who are completely oblivious to the imending ratings decline. To read about how the NBA and NFL can increase ratings, click the link. It’s a simple three-step process.

8:05: Anyway, I’m at my parents’ house, as watching Thursday Night Football with my dad is a tradition. He asked me to bet the Chiefs without knowing what the spread was. It could’ve been -55, and he still would’ve bet Kansas City.

8:06: There’s something wrong with seeing Andy Reid wearing a mask. I’m not sure why. It’s like an obstacle that prevents him from eating a cheesesteak.

8:08: Every NBC analyst picked the Chiefs, but thinks it’ll be close. That means my dad’s hypothetical -55 bet will come through.

8:11: Someone running for president shouldn’t be wearing a mask in a commercial. It just looks very weak, whereas a president should look strong.

8:13: Are people really forced to wear masks in the stands? That must be miserable. I don’t even like wearing a mask for two minutes to get something in CVS.

8:14: My dad just asked me, “Did you hear that you can’t drink after 10 o’clock at night in bars now?” My answer: “Yeah, because the Coronavirus is stronger at night.” It’s not my best joke, but he liked it.

8:18: My dad, by the way, doesn’t wear a mask anywhere. If someone in a store asks him about it, he says that he has a medical reason for it. When they ask him what that medical reason is, he asks, “Are you violating HIAPA right now?” And then they just shut up.

8:19: I totally had to look up if it was HIPPA or HIPAA.

8:21: Why did the TV announcers say the Chiefs would be in the locker room for the national anthem? They’re all out there, and it seems like everyone is standing. Thank goodness.

8:22: Never mind. Breeland Speaks. Anyway, my dad’s commentary: “Nice-looking girl, but she can’t sing.”

8:24: My dad’s not too happy about the Texans’ stunt. “I HOPE KANSAS CITY WILL BLOW THEM THE F**K OUT!!!”

8:26: It’s Arms Across America! Or is it Hands Across America? I don’t know. I don’t even know HIPPA versus HIPAA.

8:28: Cris Collinsworth telling us how great of a person he is. I didn’t think he was a great person, but now I know he is!

8:29: Didn’t the Chiefs ban the tomahawk chop? So much for that.

8:30: FOOTBALL IS BACK, YEAH!!!

8:31: Nice comment by Michael M. on my Facebook wall:

I have just turned the channel after that intro. Can’t stomach this s**t for the time being at least. No doubt the pampered millionaires and trust funders will be along soon to call us all racists.

8:32: Will Fuller with a drop on a beautiful back-shoulder throw.

8:33: David Johnson with a drop, but he wasn’t going anywhere. Three and out!

8:34: Clyde Edwards-Helaire gets a carry on Kansas City’s first offensive snap. Not much.

8:35: Darrel Williams gets a first down on a reception. I think I played him in every DraftKings lineup tonight, so I’ll be rooting for him to do stuff.

8:36: Travis Kelce with a first down. Kansas City in Houston territory.

8:37: Patrick Mahomes with a 36-yard touchdown bomb to Demarcus Robinson!

8:38: Never mind. Not a catch. Will be reviewed.

8:39: Andy Reid versus Bill O’Brien was already a mismatch. Now, we see O’Brien giving himself carbon dioxide poisoning with his mask, while Reid is wearing a snazzy face shield.

8:40: Baker Mayfield still getting commercials after that horrible 2019 season? OK.

8:41: Robinson’s touchdown ruled incomplete. Was a simple decision.

8:42: And on the next play, Mahomes was sacked. What a turn-around.

8:48: Texans dinking and dunking their way down the field, now in Kansas City territory.

8:51: I like how Cris Collinsworth thinks this dink-and-dunk offense is some great idea. I think they’d be more aggressive if they still had DeAndre Hopkins.

8:52: Not sure how “starting fresh” is possible with someone who has been in politics for 47 years.

8:53: Touchdown, Texans! David Johnson with a nice, 19-yard run versus a Kansas City defense that is having major problems versus the rush right now.

8:55: BUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Cris Collinsworth now thinks the DeAndre Hopkins trade was a good one for Houston after two drives.

Texans 7, Chiefs 0

8:57: Can’t wait to watch Miley Cyrus!!!!! /s

8:59: I always say this, but Tyreek Hill could be a Lannister bastard. “Hill” is the bastard name of the Lannister region, and “Tyreek” sounds like a Lannister male name.

9:00: Spend a first-round pick on a running back. Use the backup to carry the ball on third down. Logic checks out.

9:02: Nice run by Edwards-Helaire to get the Chiefs to the red zone.

9:06: Demarcus Robinson drops a touchdown! What a nightmare evening for him.

9:07: Doesn’t matter! Mahomes hits Kelce for a touchdown!

Texans 7, Chiefs 7

9:12: Chris Jones sacks Deshaun Watson to hurt the drive. Jones, by the way, wasn’t on the field when the Texans beat the Chiefs during the 2019 regular season.

9:14: Bill O’Brien with the loser move to punt on fourth down. If his decision-making sucks now, imagine how bad it’ll be when the carbon dioxide poisoning really comes into effect in the fourth quarter.

9:16: My dad: “What channel is this?” Me: “NBC.” My dad: “No wonder they’re saying so many dumb things.”

9:18: Mahomes nearly picked on what seemed to be a miscommunication.

9:20: Andy Reid realizes his previous mistake, giving Edwards-Helaire a third-and-1 carry, which the rookie converts.

9:25: Just noticed that Watson is wearing a poofy snow hat. Does he not know that it’s still summer time?

9:26: All of these Demarcus Robinson targets. Where is Mecole Hardman?

9:27: Mahomes finds Watkins for a touchdown!

9:28: Noooooo, Watkins appears to be short!!! I’m playing Watkins in so many lineups.

9:30: NO TOUCHDOWN!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

9:31: Watkins scores after all!

Chiefs 14, Texans 7

9:38: Always nice to see a DraftKings commercial. I play on it and I’m also heavily invested in the company. I remember when the price tanked in July because people actually thought there wasn’t going to be a season. What idiots!

9:39: This dink-and-dunk Houston offense isn’t doing much. But hey, they won the Hopkins trade, according to Collinsworth.

9:41: Many of you won’t care, but I’m so tilted by what’s happening in the Lakers-Rockets game. I have the Lakers -6, and the Lakers were up by 20 in the fourth quarter. The margin is now five with a minute to go.

9:43: Ka’imi Fairbairn no good from 51. The Chiefs have a bit of time to do something.

9:45: Lakers win by 10! Phew!

9:48: Speaking of 10-point margins, the Chiefs’ field goal makes it…

Chiefs 17, Texans 7

9:49: Oh cool, can’t wait for a millionaire to discuss what other millionaires did to tell us how horrible we all are.

9:58: I haven’t heard anything said during halftime because I was talking to my wife. Apparently, my new dog, Raven, is being a dick. She steals the other dog’s toy, then sticks it in his face to taunt him. Then, she drops it for him to get it, and when he does, she attacks him.

10:05: Back to action! Watkins is having a great night with six catches for 63 yards and a touchdown. Nothing from Tyreek Hill, Will Fuller and Randall Cobb.

10:07: There’s Tyreek Hill, though he’s still not doing much compared to Watkins. I think it’s time for a Collinsworth overreaction: “I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS TYREEK HILL IS BETTER THAN SAMMY WATKINS, BUT I DON’T KNOW, AL, I THINK IT’S TIME TO SAY THAT SAMMY WATKINS IS BETTER!!!”

10:08: WOW, WHAT A RUN!!! Touchdown, Edwards-Helaire.

Chiefs 24, Texans 7

10:13: Excuse the boring stock blurb, but I just saw that GameStop ($GME) is 118-percent shorted. All it takes is one millionaire to come in and raise the price to triple digits with an expensive buy. It’s like a shaken bottle of soda that will explode when opened.

10:15: Is David Johnson already hurt?

10:17: How the hell was Watson not sacked? And how the hell has Bill O’Brien not upgraded the offensive line?

10:19: Just reminded that tomorrow is 9/11. Nineteen years. I was 19 when it happened, so it’s nuts to think my lifespan has doubled from when that happened.

10:20: Sorry. Deep thoughts by WalterFootball.

10:21: Speaking of the crowd – Al Michaels is talking about it – I don’t see why every stadium can’t have at least 22,000 fans. If they’re all spaced out like the Chiefs fans are, what’s the big deal?

10:26: “I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS TOMMY TOWNSEND ISN’T A GOOD PUNTER, BUT I DON’T KNOW, AL, AFTER SEEING THAT PUNT, I THINK TOMMY TOWNSEND MIGHT BE THE BEST PUNTER IN THE NFL!!!”

10:29: Duke Johnson is out, but I guess David Johnson is OK?

10:30: The Texans look like they need a No. 1 receiver. I wonder where they could get one…

10:34: Watson picked! Not his fault, as he was pressured heavily. The Chiefs can wrap this up with a score.

10:37: Another great run by Edwards-Helaire to put the Chiefs across the 10-yard line.

10:39: Can someone get Andy Reid a windshie… ugh, Al Michaels stole my joke!

10:41: Hey NBC, what’s with the Andy Reid fat jokes? What sort of person makes fat jokes!?

10:42: Mahomes picked, but pass interference wipes that out, so the Chiefs have first-and-goal.

10:43: Edwards-Helaire stuffed twice. Where’s Darrel Williams!?

10:44: Mahomes to Hill touchdown! That’s three for Mahomes.

Chiefs 31, Texans 7

10:45: I get the feeling we might see two garbage-time touchdowns from Watson for the game to finish 31-21. My condolences if you got -10.

10:51: Remember when Collinsworth said the Texans won the Hopkins trade?

10:54: If no Hopkins does this to Houston’s offense, imagine what Hopkins will do to Arizona’s offense.

10:55: Kenny Stills with a drop. Here comes fourth down.

10:56: Completion! Houston very barely still alive.

(And by very barely still alive, I mean for the +10 push.)

10:57: Actually, now that I think about it, Houston will likely go for two each time, because 8 + 8 + 8 is 24.

10:58: Touchdown, Texans! Watson to Jordan Akins. Going for two, and no good.

Chiefs 31, Texans 13

11:03: Maybe Andy Reid is the one with carbon dioxide poisoning. Why put Edwards-Helaire at risk like that so late in the game?

11:08: Will Fuller ith eight catches for 112 yards. I was super high on him this year for fantasy, so I’m glad to see that happen.

11:10: I told you Watson was going to put together two touchdown drives! Let’s hope it’s not three for my dad’s sake!

11:12: Chiefs recover. And almost score!

11:17: Edwards-Helaire with a nice run to get to the goal line, but he was stuffed thrice. Major bummer for his fantasy owners.

11:18: The back door will be open for 33 seconds!

Chiefs 34, Texans 20

11:19: Here we go! Thirty seconds for the cover!

11:21: Houston waves the white flag. No back-door cover. Congrats to all Chiefs backers!

I’ll have a game recap soon. Charlie’s 2021 NFL Mock Draft will be updated tomorrow morning. Also, make sure you enter the Survivor Pool (free entry, $350 prize) and the Weekly Fantasy Football Contest.

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