2024 NFL Picks – Week 2: Falcons at Eagles

The Matchup. Edge: Eagles.

This week on ESPN, we’re going to have awful announcers calling the shots instead the great preseason homers like Kevin Reilly, Ron Wolfley and Don Tollefson, inept ESPN guys Emmitt, Herman Edwards, and aloof people like Jay Cutler. Here’s what it would sound like if some of these dudes (and some special guests) were calling this game:

Reilly: Welcome to the city of Philadelphia, the greatest city in the world, home of my Philadelphia Eagles, the champions of Brazil! We went into Brazil and beat the stupid Packers even though I didn’t get to go because Mother wouldn’t sign my permission slip, but we still prevailed because we’re the best team in the world, and now the stupid Atlanta Hawks will feel my wrath and the wrath of my Philadelphia Eagles because they will succumb to the champions of Brazil!

Emmitt: Thanks, Cecil. I hear a lot of weird thing about the city of Brazil. Some player say he trapped in the hotel. Whenever I am in a hotel, I know I can leaves by taking the elevator to the G floor and then go outside. Maybe hotel in Brazil do not have a G floor. So the player would be best off checking every floor for the exit because one of the floor must have exit, or they got caught in a black hole, or the proper way to say it, African Americas hole.

Reilly: Emmitt, they were stuck in the hotel because it was too dangerous to go outside. This is why Mother didn’t sign my permission slip. She thought that Brazilian women would fall in love with me and corrupt me because I’m so handsome and I have lots of Eagles bobbleheads. Mother says I’m quite the catch, but I haven’t blossomed enough to talk to a girl yet even though I’m 73 years old.

Tollefson: Thank goodness we didn’t go to Brazil because I would have been miserable there. If I couldn’t leave my hotel, how would I have kidnapped local Brazilian women to clean and cook naked for me?

Reilly: Tolly, I don’t understand why you would need naked women to cook and clean for you when Mother does that for me. But let’s move on. With the success the NFL had in Brazil, other countries are putting in bids to have an NFL game in their country. We have a president of one of these countries with Charissa Thompson.

Charissa Thompson: Thanks, Mike. Randall Cunningham will start for the Eagles today, but I’m joined here by Vladimir Putin. President Putin, take it away.

Vladimir Putin: I do injury reports for game.

Charissa Thompson: Oh, that’s my job, President Putin.

Vladimir Putin: I do injury report, or I kill you. Here injury report. Jalen Hurts, he great. Kirk Cousin, I no like. Drake London, he hurt his hram. Back to you, Michael.

Reilly: Excuse me, President Putin, or should I call you President Pudding? You better not mess with me because my Philadelphia Eagles are the kings of Brazil! Hmph! Vice President Camel Toe Harris, tell President Pudding that no one can stop me and my Philadelphia Eagles, even the president of Russia.

Kamala Harris: Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine. So, basically, that’s wrong, and it goes against everything that we stand for.

Reilly: That’s great information, Camel Toe. You are a super smart person, so I can see why you’re one of the candidates for president.

Donald Trump: Excuse me, excuse me, Indian Kamala is just talking nonsense, and no one knows more about talking nonsense than me, and the only reason Kamala – how do you even pronounce that, anyway, it seems like every time she calls herself something else, Kamuhla, Kameela, Camel Toe – the only reason she is doing so well in the polls is because the mainstream media says she’s the best-looking candidate, but this is totally wrong, couldn’t be more wrong because, frankly, I’m the best-looking candidate on the ballot, and it’s not even close, at least that’s what I’ve been told, frankly, I personally don’t think I’m that great looking, though don’t get me wrong, I’m a very handsome guy, but not the most handsomest, but I had so many people come up to me and say, “President Trump! How did you get so good looking, and much better looking than Kamala?” and I always say thank you, that’s awfully nice of you because the mainstream media always calls me the ugliest candidate, which is not true because I’m not the ugliest candidate, they’re the ugliest candidate.

Wolfley: DONALD, I PERSONALLY THINK YOU ARE AS GREAT LOOKING AS A WATER BOTTLE WITH FUNGI CREAM FOR EYES, WHICH IS QUITE THE COMPLIMENT.

Reilly: Shut up, guys! Will someone tell President Pudding that my Philadelphia Eagles are the best!? New Daddy, tell President Pudding!

Jay Cutler: I’ll take chocolate pudding if you have any.

Reilly: New Daddy, we’re not talking about real pudding! Please pay attention to me!

Charles Davis: Kevin, sounds like you are talking about liquid desserts, Kevin. You mentioned pudding already, Kevin. What about the classic, Jell-O, Kevin? Just don’t molest women like Bill Cosby, Kevin. But you can’t talk to women anyway, Kevin. How about milkshakes, Kevin? Let’s chat about creme brulee, Kevin. We can now segue to mousse, Kevin. Now, it’s time to discuss yogurt, Kevin. Give me your thoughts on pastry cream, Kevin. That should be your nickname, Kevin, because you are so soft, Kevin.

Reilly: F**K YOU, CHARLES DAVIS, AFTER I GET MY REVENGE ON PRESIDENT PUDDING, YOU’RE NEXT! We’ll be back after this!

PHILADELPHIA OFFENSE: The Eagles scored 34 points in the NFL’s first-ever Brazilian game, and yet the unit didn’t even play its best. Jalen Hurts made a couple of crucial mistakes, including one bone-headed interception thrown in the red zone. Fortunately for Hurts, Saquon Barkley saved the day with some amazing running. It’s truly astonishing what we’ve missed out on with Barkley because he’s been trapped behind the Giants’ pitiful offensive line all these years.

Barkley is unshackled behind Philadelphia’s stellar front. The Falcons provide a tougher ground matchup than the Packers, but they don’t project as one of the best run-stuffing defenses in the NFL. Barkley figures to thrive once again as both a rusher and a receiver out of the backfield.

The strength of the Falcons’ defense is the enhanced pass rush with Matthew Judon joining Grady Jarrett, as well as No. 1 cornerback A.J. Terrell being able to slow down opposing top receivers. Terrell can help limit A.J. Brown, but what about DeVonta Smith and Dallas Goedert? Atlanta’s pass rush won’t be able to make up for any other liabilities at cornerback in this game because Hurts is so well protected.

ATLANTA OFFENSE: Speaking of pressure, we know Kirk Cousins will see plenty of it in this game. Cousins was severely bothered by T.J. Watt last week, who had a dominant performance despite having some big plays called back by penalties, some of which were unjustified. Cousins, of course, melted down at the sight of pressure because he’s one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL in regard to clean pocket versus pressure dichotomy.

This is obviously bad news for Cousins because the Eagles have a stellar defensive line capable of bringing tons of heat. Cousins, who has not yet established any sort of chemistry with his new receiving corps, will likely continue to struggle with turnovers, though he’ll have the occasional big play in this contest because Philadelphia’s secondary still has some issues.

What Cousins won’t be able to do is hand the ball off to Bijan Robinson and expect consistent success. The Eagles are much better versus the run than the pass. They largely held Josh Jacobs in check in Brazil, so they should be able to do the same thing with Robinson.

RECAP: At first glance, the apparent value with the Falcons looks appealing. They were +4 on the advance line, but they’re now +6.5. If you like Atlanta, you’re getting 2.5 points of value and the key number of six, which would be great under normal circumstances.

However, there’s a wide gap between these two teams, and I hate backing Cousins when he’s tasked with battling a defense that brings tons of pressure. Cousins is one of the NFL’s worst quarterbacks when it comes to dealing with pressure, and he’ll see plenty of it in Philadelphia. Cousins lost during his prior two trips to Philadelphia, coincidentally both occurring in Week 2. This seems to be another Week 2 loss, though if I were betting the Eagles, I would be concerned with a back-door cover. This is where that key number of six comes into play, so I don’t think I’ll be betting this game.

THURSDAY THOUGHTS: There’s no sharp action to speak of yet, though we’ve yet to see a practice report.

SATURDAY NOTES: A.J. Brown popped up on the injury report with a hamstring injury. He was limited on Thursday. It goes without saying that this is an injury to watch. It must also be noted that Nate Landman missed practice both Wednesday and Thursday.

NFL ANYTIME TOUCHDOWN PARLAY: CeeDee Lamb, Mike Evans, Jordan Mason, Zach Charbonnet, Josh Jacobs, Jonathan Taylor, Tony Pollard, Kyren Williams, Isiah Pacheco, Jalen Hurts (0.25 Units to win 149.52) – FanDuel Get $150 in bonus bets from FanDuel

SUNDAY MORNING NOTES: A.J. Brown may miss this game with a hamstring. I still would like the Eagles, so perhaps we’ll get a better number if he’s inactive.

MONDAY AFTERNOON UPDATE: A.J. Brown has been ruled out, dropping the line to -5 or -5.5. This makes the Eagles a bit more appealing because we get the key number of six. I may end up betting a unit on Philadelphia. I’ll have a same-game parlay and prop bet soon.

PLAYER PROP BET: I’m going DeVonta Smith over 71.5 receiving yards. In the second half of last year when other players got banged up, Smith eclipsed 71.5 receiving yards in six of his eight games. He plays in the slot, which is great for this matchup because the Falcons have an awful slot cornerback. The best number is over 71.5 -110 at FanDuel. You can Get $150 in bonus bets from FanDuel by clicking the link.

SAME-GAME PARLAY: I’m going to place Smith 80+ receiving yards with Jahan Dotson under 27.5 receiving yards, Ray-Ray McCloud over 27.5 receiving yards, and Jalen Hurts under 41.5 rushing yards. I don’t trust Dotson, who may see a lot of A.J. Terrell. McCloud saw seven targets last week. And Hurts topped 41.5 rushing yards just twice since Week 6 of last year! I’m going to bet these individually for 0.5, 0.5, and 1 unit, respectively, and I’ll post the best place to find these lines below. This $25 parlay pays out $265.85 at FanDuel. You can Get $150 in bonus bets from FanDuel by clicking the link.

FINAL THOUGHTS: The sharps jumped on the Eagles in the wake of the A.J. Brown news, taking the line off +6. I don’t have a strong take on this game, but I’m willing to make a small wager on the Eagles at -5.5 as a value bet. The best line is -5.5 -106 at FanDuel. You can Get $150 in bonus bets from FanDuel by clicking the link.

The Motivation. Edge: None.

No edge found.

The Spread. Edge: Falcons.

WalterFootball.com Calculated Spread: Eagles -6.5.

Westgate Advance Point Spread: Eagles -4.

Computer Model: Eagles -10.

The Vegas. Edge: Eagles.

Plenty of money on the Eagles.

Percentage of money on Philadelphia: 67% (3150,000 bets)

The Trends. Edge: Eagles.

Opening Line: Eagles -6.

Opening Total: 47.5.

Weather: Slight chance of rain, 71 degrees. Light wind.