Penn State Sex Scandal Mafia

Penn State Sex Scandal Mafia



Introduction | Player List | Town Roles | Scum Roles | Bob Costas Hanged | Crazy Night 1 | Lots of Modkills | Monk | Awesome Scum Gambit | Blown Kielbasa Opportunity | Double Bernie Fine Rape | Graham Cocker Spanier Goes Down | The Death of Millen and His Kielbasas | The End of Campus-Aligned | Obba, the Town LVP | The End of the Game | Outtakes

Introduction

What is this?
It’s a Mafia game with a theme centered on the Penn State sex scandal. Individuals associated with Penn State are the characters involved.

Centered on the Penn State sex scandal? How can you possibly make light of this!? You’re an a**hole and I’m never visiting your site ever again!
Do yourself a favor and get the sand out of your vag. I’m not making light of anything. What happened was terrible. This game will do its best to ridicule the perpetrators.




It wasn’t unusual to see snowfall in the middle of April. What began with a few flurries transformed into a blinding blizzard on this Friday afternoon. The driving conditions on Beaver Avenue quickly deteriorated, causing a car to swerve and crash into a telephone pole.

“Great, just great!” Walter shouted, climbing out of his green Ford Contour and slamming the door hard in frustration.

Walter went around to the front of the car, cautiously tip-toeing on the icy pavement to avoid slipping and damaging his bad back. What he saw further enraged him.

“F***ing A, just what I need,” Walter shouted as his bashed his fist on his car hood. This prompted the hood to pop open and slam Walter in this chin. Walter flew backward and hit his head on the cement.

“Hey, sir, can we help you out?” a young man asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Yes… please… I need help…” Walter gasped.

“We can definitely help,” a second voice rang.

“It’ll be our pleasure,” added a third voice.

Where were these people coming from? Walter mustered what little strength he had and sat up. He was surrounded by 13 young men wearing fraternity sweaters.

“I’ve never actually been in a frat, but I really appreciate the help,” Walter said.

The young man who appeared to assume leadership of the fraternity group stepped forward. He put his arm on Walter’s shoulder and whispered, “We’ll put an end to all of your pain.”

Suddenly, two of the frat brothers grabbed Walter’s arms and tied them together. Walter tried shouting, but they quickly gagged him. They then picked him up and stuffed him into the trunk of his own car.

It was unclear how much time had passed. Three hours? Five hours? The car eventually stopped. It was already dark out when the trunk opened. Two frat brothers picked Walter up and dragged his body to the side of the bridge.

“Sorry, but we have to do this,” the head frat brother said, almost apologetically. “If you reveal what you know about Coach Sandusky, our football program will be ruined.”

The frat brothers hurled Walter into the river. Walter didn’t even have a chance to drown; his heart stopped out of shock upon hitting the icy water.

Walter is dead. He was Ray Gricar, District Attorney, Town-Aligned



Six years later, a man in his early 20s was walking around aimlessly through Penn State’s campus on a chilly November evening. He was visiting a friend, but somehow separated from the group. He tried calling his buddy, but he didn’t have any cell phone service.

“Ugh, this is the last time I visit this hell hole,” Body Burner muttered, shivering in his Ohio State hoodie.

Suddenly, there was a loud shriek heard from one of the dorm rooms. More people then yelled from the distance.

“They can’t fire JoePa!”

“What the f***!?”

“I’m going to f***ing kill that Board of Trustees dick!”

“Whoa, this dude is wearing Ohio State gear!”

Body Burner found himself suddenly standing in front of 13 men in their early 20s wearing fraternity sweaters.

“Oh, hey… hey fellas,” Body Burner stuttered. “I’m just visit… visiting from Ohio State, I mean, THE Ohio State, and I’m looking for-“

“We’re not interested in what you have to say,” interrupted the head frat brother, who nodded to the guy standing to the left of him. That frat brother quickly pulled out a knife and stabbed Body Burner right in the gut.

“No, my beautiful Ohio State hoodie…” Body Burner gasped, falling to the ground. The frat brother stabbed Body Burner a second time, this wound being more painful than the first. Body Burner reached for his phone when the knife pierced his skin once again. He tried gasping for air, but all he did was cough up blood.

Body Burner never felt the fourth stab.

Body Burner is dead. He was Hunter, Buckeye Fanatic, Ohio State-Aligned

With the campus completely riled up, bodies are bound to start appearing. It’s just a matter of who survives…

Player List

Winners:


10. IR – Jim Boeheim, Untouchable Coach, Syracuse-Aligned
36. PSU – Joe Amendola, Dirty Lawyer, Syracuse-Aligned
39. Snake – Stuart Scott, Glass Eyeball Man, Syracuse-Aligned
23. CKane – Silas Redd, Turncoat, Syracuse-Aligned
5. Jepg – Bernie Fine, Disgruntled Molester, Syracuse-Aligned
32. Rahbe – John Surna, Board of Trustees President, Independent


All other players:

1. Swag – Mark Emmert, NCAA President, Campus-Aligned
2. DonnyK – Paul Posluszny, Campus Heartthrob, Campus-Aligned
3. PR – Mike McQueary, Cowardly Coach, Campus-Aligned
4. Leelee – The Willard Preacher, Hypocritical Man of God, Campus-Aligned
6. MD4L – Todd Blackledge, The Food Sampler, Campus-Aligned
7. JohnnyAllstar – Bill O’Brien, Program Reviver, Campus-Aligned
8. Clov – Anthony Morelli, Drunken A**hole, Independent
9. BCB – Larry Johnson, East Coast Cat, Campus-Aligned
11. TheReverend – Bob Costas, Pompous Douche, Campus-Aligned
12. JLash – Matt Millen, Kielbasa Master, Kielbasa-Aligned
13. Obba – Drunken Dennis, The Roommate, Ohio State-Aligned
14. Daniel Brown – Nittany Lion Mascot, Silent Supporter, Campus-Aligned
15. Pheltz – Joe Paterno, Winner of 298 Games, Sex Scandal-Aligned
16. Govnik – Joe Paterno’s Statue, Controversial Monument, Campus-Aligned
17. Rags – Graham Cocker Spanier, Gray-Toupeed Douche, Sex Scandal-Aligned
18. Rack – Angry Asian Man, Riot Inciter, Campus-Aligned
19. Daniel – Working Walter, Centre Daily Times Columnist, Kielbasa-Aligned
20. imverysexy – Gary Schultz, Mustachioed Vice President, Sex Scandal-Aligned
21. JohnnyGotHeat – Zack Mills, The Great Penn State Disappointment, Campus-Aligned
22. CJay – Adam Taliaferro, Nittany Inspiration, Campus-Aligned
24. Blue – Franco Harris, Busy Troller, Campus-Aligned
25. Morgus – Tamba Hali, State College Sack Artist, Campus-Aligned
26. Monk – Michael Mauti, Soul of the Team, Campus-Aligned
27. DT – Louis Freeh, FBI Investigator, Campus-Aligned
28. Sancho – Drunken Walter, College Drunkard, Campus-Aligned
29. Elli (formerly Bg13sk8) – Jay Paterno, Grieving Son, Campus-Aligned
30. Lenruk – Tim Curley, Maniacal Athletic Director, Sex Scandal-Aligned
31. Hyper – Mike Poorman, Awesome Journalism Professor, Kielbasa-Aligned
33. Robley – Drunken Ryan, Future Editor, Campus-Aligned
34. Gong – Jerry Sandusky, Equal-Opportunity Molester, Kielbasa-Aligned
35. Sparkjoker – Ronald Schreffler, Penn State Investigator, Campus-Aligned
37. VF (Eruantien) – James Calhoun, Janitor Voyeur, Campus-Aligned
38. Roy Mustang – Kerry Collins, Drunken Racist, Campus-Aligned

Town Roles

Campus-Aligned


Here are the roles, night actions, hidden features and write-ups for each player in Campus-Aligned, in the order in which they permanently died. I’ll keep updating this post.

This was essentially Modkill No. 1. When the votes were piling up, I texted Rev (IR’s brother), and said, "It’s OK if you say you’re Campus-Aligned." He answered, "Meh, I don’t feel like playing anyway."

Rev thought this game was too intense. As he later told me: "That guy Morgus showed more passion in lynching me than I’ve ever shown passion in anything."

Rev would be the LVP in a normal game, but town was SO bad that it has to go to someone else.


Rack looked like he was thinking about reviving Leelee at the end of the game. This would’ve given her a win condition because she would’ve outlived the drunks. Alas, she was not brought back, so I don’t have anything to say about her game because she wasn’t alive very long.


DT had a pretty crappy role, but he still quit on town by asking to be modkilled (No. 2 for town) for no reason. I don’t know why he investigated Morgus either; scum wouldn’t lead a lynch like that on Day 1.

Inactive. Lynched Day 2. Thanks for signing up.

Remember when I said, "This is not what I had envisioned when I made this role?" Drunks were supposed to spell things incorrectly and attack people; not post song lyrics.

I don’t know what Roy was doing in this game. He was granted an investigation because of the N1 riot (all drunks were given extra powers during riots) and he looked into Blue. Yet, he came out and said he investigated Morgus for some reason, and that Morgus was scum.

Roy went on to modkill himself with the sole intention of getting Morgus lynched (Modkill No. 3 for town). In the irony of all ironies, Roy blocked Morgus from going out N1, which would have killed Morgus because Morgus was killed in the riot RNG. This is why Roy deserves the JVP.

Here is Morgus’ death scene that I wrote before Roy blocked him from getting killed (I borrowed some of it for a later riot RNG death):

—————————————-

It was a pretty rough night for Morgus. Not only did he mistakenly lead a town lynch; he also was forced to lend his football pads out for the night. He desperately wanted to wear them, but had to relinquish them unwillingly.

Still, Morgus happened to be a huge man, so he wasn’t going to let a stupid riot spoil his night of fun.

Morgus confidently strutted down Beaver Avenue, fully expecting women to throw themselves at him, as they normally do. Unfortunately that was not the case this night, as everyone was too busy destroying school and private party.

Morgus took out his phone and checked his texts. He wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, but suddenly bumped into a guy wearing a sweater with Greek letters embroidered on it.

“Excuse me, just coming through,” Morgus said dismissively, but another frat guy blocked his path. And then there was another, and a fourth, and soon enough, Morgus was surrounded by 13 frat brothers.

“No one’s going to arrest us during this riot, so we can do whatever the hell we want!” the first brother giggled gleefully.

One of the other frat brothers swung his baseball bat at Morgus’ head. Morgus managed to deflect the weapon, but couldn’t do anything about the knife that slashed his side. He grabbed the wound, when the baseball bat hit him on the head. That didn’t bring Morgus down, but another stab would did.

Morgus collapsed onto the street, as the frat brothers took turns striking him with their weapons. It didn’t take them long to finish the job. They then scurried away, eluding any sort of punishment from the authorities.

Morgus is dead. He was Tamba Hali, State College Sack Artist, Campus-Aligned


Monk trolled everyone by pretending to be stupid and trying to ruin the game. Everyone else had the last laugh when Monk was framed by Daniel in a fake write-up.

I was thinking about replacing Monk when I found out who he was. During N2, he sent me a link to the hate mail he sent me. You can find it here (Browns-Steelers) – http://walterfootball.com/nflpicks2012_17early.php

He’s G Lanzalotto. I would’ve replaced him (or tried to do so) but he died shortly afterward, so it was all moot. I highly recommend all other moderators to keep him from playing any further Mafia games.


Sancho was the bottle guy in the North Hall dorm rooms (I actually mentioned that I lived in North at some point during the thread).

Unfortunately, Sancho didn’t have a good game as the town vig. He had the right instinct to kill Rags, who was NK-immune, but then he took out a powerful townie in Swag even though Swag soft claimed the NCAA Prez and Campus-Aligned


I loved MD4L’s role. So many possibilities. He could have copied killers (he did once) or recruiters (made tons of town mason groups for himself). If he happened to be recruited, he could have just asked Gong, Lenruk, Rags or JLash to say something like "getting pizza tonight" and then he could have copied their kills or recruits.

MD4L actually copied Sancho’s town vig kill N1. Like Sancho, MD4L targeted Rags. That’s why MD4L tried to do the same thing Sancho did to Rags in the write-up, but with a Sticky Bun instead. I thought MD4L would either out Sancho as a killer or keep trying to steal his ability.


CJay had a solid game for the first three nights. He motivated town all three times, including the investigator twice. However, Rags tricked him. If Kielbasa hadn’t exposed Sex-Scandal, motivating Rags could have been pretty detrimental to town.


Hyper was recruited N4. He investigated scum on only one of the four nights he was town, but IR was investigation-immune on N1.


VF had a poor game. He didn’t catch anyone and failed to send in his N5 PM. Worst of all, he roleclaimed with little pressure on him. No surprised that he was NKed the night after roleclaiming. Town should never roleclaim unless it leads to scum getting lynched.


N1 was nuts. Morgus protected himself, but was redirected, so he had to leave his house. Riot RNG came up death, but then Roy swooped in and blocked Morgus from going out. Crazy.

Morgus did a good job of protecting PR (not so much Rags), but he made a crucial mistake of roleclaiming. This allowed scum to redirect him and kill both him and VF on the same night. Again, town should never RC unless it leads to scum getting lynched.


PR is another who roleclaimed too early, but I don’t mind that too much because Morgus knew whom to protect. PR caught one scum, but could’ve caught a second had he sent Daniel’s results to town. BCB soft claimed bomb early (he said something about exploding or a fuse on N2 or Day 3), so sending everything to him would’ve been the better move. I thought giving Blue both N2 results was risky, and that proved to be true because Blue died. On the bright side, PR led a lynch on Sexy, though his logic was ultimately wrong (but sound).


Robley didn’t contribute anything to this game. He forgot to send in his PMs twice.


JohnnyAllStar had a solid game. Taking CJay’s ability was a good move because he was able to motivate the investigator. However, as JohnnyAllStar said earlier, he should have revived Morgus. With two abilities per night, Morgus could have protected himself and someone else.


CKane switched alignments at the right time. I found it hilarious that he kept asking for the scum alignment names just as town was imploding.


A frustrated Rack said that his power didn’t do much for town, but it really did. It silenced scum a few times and ended up killing CKane. Death RNG also hit Gong, but he was NK-immune. What hurt town was that three of the drunks (Obba, Roy, Robley) were incompetent.

Rack was granted a revival because…

Jesus. Obba did not seem to know how to play this game. He sent in his N1 PM at the end of Day 2. I thought he might have picked it up later, but he tried to revive Lenruk. I seriously laughed for a few minutes upon seeing that. I PMed Obba asking him if he was sure about doing that. He replied:

"If I revive Lenruk, it gives me a chance to prove to the others that I’m town if i agree to lynch him
Plus IR will love it, and we’ll be even."

Or… he could have just revived town… I also don’t know why he wanted to prove that he was town when he tried to convince everyone that he was scum.

Obba is easily the Town LVP, which is saying something in a game like this.

Obba was being so hurtful to town that I modkilled him and gave his powers to Rack. However, Rack died that night.


Blue is the Town MVP. He was the first to see through Daniel’s fake write-ups. He also sent a PM to PR on the night he died, pointing out six people. Four of them were scum. He was a good leader for town. It’s just too bad that so many other townies quit.


Jay Paterno was a powerful role, so I tried to find a replacement early on for Bg13sk8. I asked Link and mdb, but both declined. Elli finally agreed to take it on, but the damage had been done by then. Unfortunately for Elli, he picked Blue on the night both he and Blue were killed, rendering Blue vulnerable.


Daniel was recruited N1, so I’ll have more on him in the scum write-ups


I loved Swag’s role. It had so much potential. He could have A) turned someone’s kill into a protection (as he tried to do with IR). B) Stopped recruitment from happening (as he tried to do with JLash). Unfortunately, an indy and a townie got in his way by blocking him. It’s a shame Swag didn’t get to do more with his role. Some stuff would’ve been fun, like Daniel brown getting a half vote instead of a double vote, or the person being tracked being told that a tracker was tracking them. He also could’ve teamed up with a protector and become a killing machine to help town (i.e. he could’ve said, "Morgus, protect IR." then reversed Morgus)

Swag targeted three of five scum. He was fixated on CKane, who was town early on. However, lynching CKane would have ultimately been good for town.


Spark didn’t target scum until N6, but only because I PMed him. He tried to track Morgus, but Morgus was dead at that point. Spark did improve afterward though as he started to pay more attention. He hit three of five scum beginning N6.

DonnyK’s vote theft didn’t work early on because he kept targeting people who died. He quit late in the game, failing to send in his PMs on N9, N10 and N11. Placing a scum’s vote on another scum was crucial for town at that point, so I PMed DonnyK to see if he wanted to send in his PM. He said no because he was too busy with school. Town LVP Runner-up

Amazingly, no one but Daniel Brown himself targeted him the entire game. DB lamented that he couldn’t talk during day phases afterward, but I thought this was a perfect role for him because he usually likes to lurk.

I’m not sure what DB had planned at the end of the game though. He did a good job of tricking scum that he was indy, which actually gave town a chance when it was still 3 vs. 3. Had he convinced town to lynch PSU or Snake, it would’ve been 3 vs. 2 at night. Syracuse would’ve killed either him or Rahbe, but Rahbe, owning a self-protection ability, could’ve feigned protector and gotten Syracuse to target him. There would’ve been no kill, and then another Syracuse would’ve been lynched the following day. Now, 3 vs. 1, Syracuse would’ve killed DB, giving town the win.

I’m not sure why DB opted to lynch Rahbe, but it cost town the game.


I thought BCB did a good job of dropping hints that he was the bomb early on, but then he roleclaimed, which robbed town of a scum death. He did a solid job in this game otherwise.


Snake had a decent game, but I was a bit disappointed that I had to explain that he was the laser-eyed guy whom Gong attacked. My write-up wasn’t all that clear but I thought Snake would be able to figure it out.


PSU didn’t submit any PMs as town because he didn’t believe he had a town ability. I mostly agreed. It was only useful if he truly believed a player who was getting a ton of heat was town. It also would’ve been useful toward the end of the game when scum was trying to get townies lynched (i.e. with Spark). I’ll have more on PSU in the scum write-ups.

Scum Roles

Independents


I still have no idea why Clov quit. I wanted to do some death write-ups for Morelli, so his modkill made me sad.


Govnik was essentially town, but needed some things to happen before officially becoming Campus-Aligned. He didn’t silence scum until N6, but then did a good job of keeping JLash and Gong from voting.


Wow. I don’t know how he did it, but Rahbe got JoePa right on Night 1. He had a 1-in-37 chance of doing so (with 38 other players to start and Rev being dead).

Once Rahbe did this, I offered him a secondary win condition. He’d get it if he could stay alive until the end of the game. I gave him the ability to protect himself twice. He disappeared for a while, which was the right thing to do, but was ultimately lynched.

Rahbe is Rookie of the Mafia Game


Sex Scandal-Aligned


Poor Pheltz.


Gong was recruited away from Sex Scandal-Aligned on N2. I’ll have more on him in the Kielbasa section.


I don’t understand why Sex Scandal-Aligned refused to recruit. I get not doing so on N1 or maybe even N2, but you have to recruit by N3.

I thought Lenruk himself was under the radar until exposed by Daniel, though Swag seemed to pick up on his scumminess.


Easily Scum LVP. Sexy was on just once following N1. He couldn’t submit his block on N2 when Pheltz and Rags wanted him to block JLash. Doing so would’ve prevented Gong from getting recruited. Sexy came on N3 when Millen killed for the first time and was framed as the Millen killer as a consequence. Sexy single-handedly brought down Sex Scandal-Aligned.


Rags was off to a great start. I can’t find the exact post, but he pushed the Rev lynch along without voting. It was a little "nudge," as he called it, but he rallied town to lynch one of its own. Morgus took the heat for it, but Rags got it going.

I was very disappointed with Rags’ game after that. He should have saved up money for recruitment or kills, but instead feigned investigator. I understand the importance of having an alibi as scum, but that’s not much of a factor if you’re death-immune. Also, once Rags survived two deaths on N1, he should have just stopped trying to feign town. I don’t think many were buying his investigation + NK-immunity. Some did, but the upside just wasn’t there.


Kielbasa-Aligned

Hyper was Kielbasa for only one day and one night, so he couldn’t contribute much. His ability didn’t help either.


Gong did a great job of acting like a double agent. Rags and Pheltz may have suspected him, but they didn’t act on it. Gong was caught red-handed trying to kill Snake, but he survived several more day cycles after that.

As I discussed with Gong, I thought Kielbasa made an egregious error when they didn’t use their final recruit on Lenruk, who then could’ve used his recruit to get Rags. Kielbasa then would’ve had a 6-man team with two kills and a third kill every three nights, or a 7-man team with two kills.


JLash made solid choices as recruits, though Hyper couldn’t have helped him much. I don’t know why JLash didn’t try to defend himself on Day 9 though. He was caught targeting Spark, but Spark wasn’t even mentioned in the write-up because Elli hid him.


Daniel was off to a great start. He was easily the Scum MVP early on. His fake write-up, framing Monk and masking JLash to be the PGO, was absolutely brilliant.

Unfortunately, it all went downhill after that. Each succeeding fake write-up became more and more obvious. When Daniel submitted that fake write-up with all of those deaths, I cringed because he exposed his entire group. When Govnik announced that he was going to silence JLash, JLash should’ve killed Govnik and then Daniel should’ve posted a fake write-up of a dead Govnik visiting the PGO.


Syracuse-Aligned


Jepg didn’t get to do anything at night because he died early. However, he died early because he put a target on his back by mentioning "Sex Scandal-Aligned," even though all of his info was wrong.

IR and Jepg knew Pheltz was scum because he was alerted that he was awarded with a kill whenever Sex Scandal-Aligned died. They were told of a 2nd kill on Night 2 and assumed that Blue was Sex Scandal-Aligned. However, they got that kill because Gong was recruited away from SSA.


Already discussed CKane. He was pissed when he found out that Syracuse had just 2 members, but I thought he made the right choice because Kielbasa was exposed.


Already discussed Snake.


PSU had a brilliant game for all of the reasons IR described. He never role-claimed and drew very little heat for doing so. He and IR worked great together, getting IR lynched on purpose on Day 7 to keep Gong alive for another night of three kills. PSU was also the one to identify Snake as Stuart Scott. I hate to be wishy-washy like this, but I kept going back and forth on it. PSU and IR deserve to be Co-Scum MVPs and Co-Game MVPs


Like I said, PSU and IR were Co-Scum MVPs and Co-Game MVPs. IR was great, especially early on. His plan was to seem as scummy as possible without getting lynched. The plan was successful, as multiple investigators looked at him. He then chose all of the right kills. He and PSU were a great team, so I don’t have much of an issue giving them both the coveted Game MVP award.

Bob Costas Hanged

I’m going to post some of the eventful highlights from this game. The first involved the demise of TheReverend, who was Bob Costas…

DAY 1

“This man does not know what the proper name for the town alignment is! Let’s lynch him!”

“Yeah! And why would he no-lynch when he’s a new player!?”

“And he’s IR’s brother! Must be scum!”

The crowd gathered around TheReverend, who looked at the angry mob with complete indifference.

“I’m town-aligned, what can I say,” TheReverend sighed.

The townspeople wasted no time. They grabbed TheReverend and tied a rope around his neck. TheReverend didn’t even bother fighting back. All he did was continuously mutter the same phrase to himself as the oxygen left his swinging body.

“I’m town-aligned… I’m town-aligned… I’m town-aligned… I’m…”

TheReverend is dead. He was Bob Costas, Pompous Douche, Campus-Aligned

BREAKING NEWS: As you may have heard, Joe Paterno was fired tonight. Whether you agree with this decision or not, you have to admit that this is the worst timing possible. With thousands of college students already drinking, a riot has broken out downtown. Cars are being flipped over, while store windows are getting shattered. State College Police has warned all civilians who haven’t already begun in this revelry to proceed through the night with caution.

IT IS NOW NIGHT 1! YOU HAVE 24 HOURS TO SEND IN YOUR PMS! PLEASE SEND THEM TO BOTH WALTER AND BODY BURNER!

I don’t know about you, but I enjoyed reading about how the townspeople hanged Costas. I feel like people would be equally thrilled in real life if, you know, that weren’t illegal.

In the original post, I wrote “Town-Aligned,” but the real town was “Campus-Aligned.” So, the real townspeople tried to trap someone into being fooled by the real town alignment. It’s a sound strategy in theory, but scum wouldn’t slip up like that. Even a new player like TheReverend would avoid such a ploy because his scummates would assist him.

Nevertheless, town led the charge. Morgus seemed to be the main proponent of the lynch, but really Ragnarok, who was scum, gave it a “nudge” as he called it. He questioned TheReverend ever so slightly and didn’t even vote for him. This seemed to trick everyone into believing Morgus was really the one behind the lynch.

Speaking of Morgus, TheReverend simply quit because of him. As TheReverend told me afterward, “I’ve never showed as much passion in anything as Morgus did in trying to lynch me.” I actually texted TheReverend as this lynch was going on and informed him it was OK to say the real town alignment, but he wanted to get lynched because, as he said, “Morgus completely sucked the joy out of this game for me.”

Crazy Night 1

Night 1 was pretty nuts. Here are the deaths:

Night 1

While thousands of angry, drunken students were ruining Penn State�s campus and preventing the citizens of State College from sleeping, Leelee sought some peace and quiet.

�Heathens!� Leelee shrieked. �I can�t read my Bible in peace because of you!�

Leelee wandered aimlessly toward the sports complex and discovered that one of the doors were open in the football facility. Leelee descended down the stairs and into the dark locker room. She could hear one of the showers still running. Frustrated that she couldn�t find the solitude she was searching for, she turned around when she found herself facing a large man with white hair. She recognized him instantly.

�Oh, it�s you,� Leelee said. �Can you believe what�s going on up there? Those students are all going to Hell. It�s much worse than what you�ve done, though I will admit I�m relieved that I�m not a child.�

�That�s where you and everyone else is wrong,� he sneered with a sly smile, pointing to the showers. �I love to horse around with adults as well!�

Leelee was forced into �horsing around� with the large man in the showers. After the �games� were over, he wrapped his hands around Leelee�s neck until she suffocated to death.

Leelee is dead. She was The Willard Preacher, Hypocritical Man of God, Campus-Aligned

——————————————

Conditions were not much safer out in the riot, of course. Ragnarok somehow traversed the throng of revelers and found his way to North Halls, where he was set to pre-game with a Penn State student prior to hitting the bars.

Ragnarok knocked on the door and was immediately greeted by the student. Ragnarok instantly smelled a ridiculous amount of alcohol emanating from the student�s room.

�Hey, can you believe what happened tonight?� Ragnarok asked. �Can�t believe JoePa got fired. Why�d they have to do that, especially now?�

The student, looking like he didn�t know where he was, failed to respond. Instead, he quickly grabbed a bottle of Natty Ice and bashed it over Ragnarok�s head. He then thrust the jagged edges of the bottle into Ragnarok�s gut.

�Why�?�Ragnarok gasped. �I thought we were going to have a fun time at the bar tonight��

Ragnarok collapsed. He did not expect to awaken ever again, but sure enough, his eyes opened sometime later that night.

The drunken student was gone, which was quite fortunate. Ragnarok decided to go home and pass out in his comfortable bed, but was quickly sidetracked as he passed by Ye Olde College Diner.

�Mmm� Stickies,� Ragnarok said as his mouth watered. He walked into the establishment despite still bleeding. Luckily, there was only one other individual in there, a middle-aged man with brown hair.

Ragnarok sat down and waited for someone to serve him. The man walked over first.

�Hey, can you believe what happened tonight?� Ragnarok repeated himself from earlier. �Can�t believe JoePa got fired. Why�d they have to do that, especially now?�

The man didn�t answer. Instead, he quickly grabbed a Stickie and bashed it over Ragnarok�s head. He then thrust the ripped edges of the Stickie into Ragnarok�s gut.

�What are you doing?� Ragnarok said, completely confused. �Someone else just tried to do the same thing to me with a beer bottle.�

The man, looking completely perplexed, shook his head and shouted incoherently, �I�m never recommending this eatery to anyone ever again!� He then turned around and briskly walked out of the diner.

Ragnarok is still alive.

————————————————


A creepy man waited patiently outside of Pheltz�s house, revolver in hand. He was there for hours when a car finally pulled into the driveway. The man clutched the revolver, preparing to shoot once his victim stepped out of his vehicle.

The car door opened. The assassin looked carefully and found that he did, in fact, find the correct target.

�I can finally get rid of this man for good!� the creepy man giggled gleefully.

He wasted no time in pulling the trigger. It was a perfect shot; the bullet struck right between the eyes. Pheltz died instantly.

Pheltz is dead. He was Joe Paterno, Winner of 409 Games, Campus-Aligned

The entire Penn State campus is saddened by this news. There will be no partying going on today.

—————————————————

The Freeh Report, Chapter 1:
I spent the entire day talking to a Mexican janitor. He said he was in this country illegally, but that did not concern me. The janitor � I think his name was Miguel, or Jose, or Cornelius, or something like that � told me that he spent a ton of time watching Morgus. He said Morgus did lots of naughty things and that he was not Campus-Aligned. This man seemed totally credible, so I�m going to use the interview I had with him in the Freeh Report. Perhaps it will be admissible in court one day, but the money the Board of Trustees gave me for compiling it is what�s most important.

—————————————————


Hey everyone, Walter here, with Walter’s Wild World of Sports.

Despite Urban Meyer refuting the rumors over and over, there is growing speculation in the Penn State community that the post-restrictors are aligned in some way, similar to the alien collective in Rio II (my old scum group, remember?). My sources can’t confirm this, but the rumors are out there, and they aren’t going away.

A tweet from Pete Schrager suggests that IR is scummier than USC’s coaching staff, but that too, cannot be confirmed by my sources.

Coming tomorrow: An all new Jerks of the Week featuring The Reverend and everyone who doesn’t vote for IR tomorrow, and an interview with the hawtness that is Danielle Fishel (one of these may be made up).

—————————————————

Sancho is too busy taking pictures to speak or vote in this day phase.

RoyMustang is at a party he should have been to last night. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.

Obba is at a party he should have been to last night. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.

Donny.K was injured during last night�s riot and is now in the hospital. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.

Ragnarok was injured during last night�s riot and is now in the hospital. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.

�VF� was injured during last night�s riot and is now in the hospital. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.



IT IS NOW DAY 2! WITH 36 ALIVE and 30 VOTING, IT’S 16 TO LYNCH UNTIL 5/11, 10:47 PM Eastern.

Why was Night 1 crazy? Lots of stuff happened, including:

1. Clovdyx, who was Anthony Morelli (serial killer), redirected Morgus. Morgus happened to be the protector who only prevented deaths and recruitments. Morgus tried to protect himself, but was sent to JLash (Matt Millen, cult recruiter).

The significance of this was that Night 1 happened to be a riot, meaning everyone who left their house had a chance of dying. Morgus’ random-number generator fell on “killed,” so he was screwed…

However, Roy Mustang (Kerry Collins, role blocker) blocked Morgus from leaving his house. And thus, Morgus was saved.

Robley sent his PM with about an hour left in the night phase, so I had already written Morgus’ death. It can be seen above in Morgus’ role.

2. Rahbe (John Surna, independent) would satisfy his win condition by killing Joe Paterno (Pheltz). He would target someone at night. If it wasn’t JoePa, his kill would fail. If it was Paterno, he’d be successful, assuming JoePa wasn’t protected.

Rahbe had a 1-in-37 shot of finding JoePa (obviously not himself, and TheReverend was lynched). Amazingly, Rahbe guessed correctly. When he sent in his PM, I figured he failed, so I started compiling something for the Night 1 write-up. Then, it suddenly hit me. “Holy s***!” I exclaimed.

I was suspicious, of course. How did Rahbe know who JoePa was? I checked his IP address, and nothing came up. I then privately messaged him, asking how he knew, and he just said “Pheltz…Paterno… they sounded similar.”

I’ll still be wondering what really happened for years to come, but I guess I’ll never know.

3. Sancho (Drunken Walter, Town Vigilante) tried to kill Ragnarok (Graham Cocker Spanier, Godfather) but couldn’t do so. MD4L (Todd Blackledge, Ability Copier) used Sancho’s ability, coincidentally also on Rags. That’s why the two kill attempts on Ragnarok above seem so similar. Writing a Sticky Bun-related kill was pretty enjoyable, I have to admit.

Lots of Modkills

I loved running this game, but the frustrating part was all of the modkills. A whopping four players were modkilled – five if you count TheReverend, who just gave up. This made it extremely difficult for town, as four the players who were modkilled were members of that faction.

The first was Clovdyx, who got so fed up with Blue that he just wanted to quit. I was disappointed Clov modkilled himself because I wanted to post a kill write-up for Anthony Morelli.

"You’re a doo-doo head!"

"No, you’re a doo-doo head!"

"You’re a pee-pee brain!"

"No, you’re a pee-pee brain!"

…

"What did you just say?"

"I just deleted what I wrote. Modkill me, Walt!"

Clov had a gun to his temple, ready to pull the trigger, when he received a phone call. He answered and heard an excited voice.

"Clov, it’s the New York Jets! We want to sign you to a contract!"

Clov was ecstatic. It was his dream to play in the NFL. Sure, he threw two interceptions in one preseason quarter once, but who cares? This was his second chance!

Clov went out to celebrate. Unfortunately, he celebrated a little too much. After 64 beers and 32 shots, he crossed the street to go back to his apartment. He didn’t see the truck coming as it crashed into him. His lifeless body hit the ground.

Clov is dead. He was Anthony Morelli, Drunken A**hole, Independent


Day 2 continues…

After that, DenverTyrant modkilled himself, as he usually does. In fact, it’s a shocker when DT doesn’t break one of the rules. Luckily, he was just a paranoid investigator (because Louis Freeh faked being one in real life).

A frustrated man sat in his office at 2:30 a.m.

"All I have to do is update the home page, post the content sent to me, download some porn, and then it’s off to bed," he said contently.

He refreshed the Mafia page he’s running and saw that for the second time tonight, he had to post a premature death write-up because one of the players broke the rules.

"F***ing a**holes!" he yelled, probably awakening his neighbors.

The man flipped open his archaic phone and called his assassin friend.

"That DT guy on my forums…" he said, pausing. "Eliminate him."

Meanwhile, DT lay snuggled in his bed, dreaming about the Mexican janitors he’d interviewed tomorrow and the money he’d collect from the Board of Trustees. He was counting his $100 bills. Three hundred fifty-six, three hundred fifty-seven, three hundred fifty-eight…

He never got a chance to count the three hundred fifty-ninth because he was struggling for air as the pillow smothered his face.

DT was Louis Freeh, FBI Investigator, Campus-Aligned


Day 2 continues still…

The third modkill occurred during the night phase. It was the most amusing one of all. RoyMustang, for some strange reason, told everyone in the thread that he investigated Morgus as being scum. RoyMustang was just a role blocker, but he was so dedicated to having Morgus lynched that he modkilled himself in order to prove himself to town.

The ironic thing about this was that RoyMustang blocked Morgus Night 1. If he hadn’t done that, Morgus would’ve died in the riot. Here’s the modkill write-up:

RoyMustang sat in his pick-up truck parked on the side of Route 322 and stared out at the horizon. Fresh off turning 40, he was very frustrated with life.

“F***ing Mexicans and blacks and Asians stealing our jobs,” he grumbled to himself, reaching for his flask. He was about to open it, but remembered that he decided not to drink on this day in honor of his late head coach.

“God damn it!” he shouted. “It’s all their fault! All them f***ing Mexicans and blacks and Asians!”

At that very moment, it hit him. He realized his purpose in life. He realized what he had to do.

If I drive my truck off the side of the road and crash into the valley below, I’ll die, but it’ll make sure that everyone realizes that Mexicans, blacks and Asians are all evil!

The plan was genius. He was only disappointed that he hadn’t thought of this before.

RoyMustang turned on the engine. He put the car in drive and slammed on the gas. The truck flew off the side of the road and flipped slowly in midair as it plummeted toward the ground. The impact was fierce, and it killed RoyMustang instantly.

No hatred grew for Mexicans, blacks or Asians.

RoyMustang is dead. He was Kerry Collins, Drunken Racist, Campus-Aligned


The fourth and final official modkill occurred much later in the game…

Monk

Penn State Sex Scandal Mafia might always be known as the birth of Monk. A new forum member named Monk2310 signed up for the game. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, outside of wishing he wouldn’t be an inactive.

Monk was the opposite of inactive. He warmed our hearts with constant questions and confused posts during the early stages of the game. All of these replies came on Day 2 alone:

I know the ****in rules i just edited for typo cause i cant type. All my posts have typeos

Yo swag can i a a daily recap

dammit can i ahve a daily recap

So can i have of recap of pages 47- 57

Im so confused by this conversation fill me in bros

Did leelee die cause of the troll of swag

Im allowed to communicate with everyone right

whats role blocked \?

I have a LEGIT question. Why was more than 1 person murdered last night?

how do u know im a kid. I could me a 89 year old man for u know

I am not a village idiot. (just checked the link)

Monk has since played in almost every game. As the town investigator in Horror Mafia, he outed me even though I was the protector in a “lynch or lose” situation. In a later game – Adventure Time Mafia – I was in a scum faction with him. Right after we got our roles, he privately messaged Body Burner, who was town, and invited him into our scum chat.

Despite Monk’s antics, he’s a fun guy to have around in these Mafia games. He’s a wild card and always adds some humor to the proceedings.

Awesome Scum Gambit

Night 2 saw the rise of one scum faction and the complete destruction of another. The Kielbasa cult faction, headed by Matt Millen, of course, planted something in the Night 2 write-up:

Monk crept stealthily along the shadows just outside of JLash‘s house. Even when pea****ing in his sweet frat gear, he could move unseen when he wanted.

Pulling a broken bottle of Natty Ice out of his jacket, he opened the door, only to feel a searing pain in his stomach, as JLash held a smoking gun.

"You best come back the way you came, boy" he said, as he spat tobacco juice into his yard and shut his door back.

"Oh no bro" Monk said, as he scrambled for cover, bleeding profusely. It looked like the end, until a similarly dressed young man pulled him into the shadows. "We’ll fix you up bro."

Monk is still alive.


I did not write this. Daniel, recruited by JLash (Millen) in Night 1, published this himself. It was genius plan; not only did it lead to the lynch of Monk, one of the protectors, but it also made everyone believe that JLash was the PGO. Co-mod Body Burner saw this and exclaimed, “Holy s***, Daniel!”

Meanwhile, JLash recruited Gong during this night phase. Gong was the killer in Sex Scandal-Aligned, so he immediately outed all of his former members to JLash and Daniel. The crazy thing is that Sex Scandal-Aligned could’ve prevented this recruitment. Sexy (role-blocker) was supposed to target JLash, but he never signed on. Had he sent in his night PM, JLash wouldn’t have recruited Gong, and Sex Scandal-Aligned would’ve remained strong.

As for Monk, he was quickly lynched. Some were upset that a protector was kicked out of the game, but many others didn’t mind because all Monk did was troll the thread and protect himself.

Blown Opportunity for Millen and His Kielbasa

There were a ton of kills in Night 3…

Night 3


Jepg hated Happy Valley. Not only was the campus grassy and rural, but football was considered the primary sport.

�The hell am I even doing here,� Jepg groaned, kicking a pebble angrily. The small stone flew forward and ricocheted off a building. Jepg had no idea how he got there, but he was suddenly standing in front of the Penn State football practice facility.

It�s a longshot, but maybe I can find some fun in there, Jepg thought as he walked into the building and descended down the stairs and into the locker room. He heard the shower running, and his palms began sweating in anticipation.

�Yes! Finally!� he said, licking his lips.

He entered the shower room and found a large man with white hair waiting with some rope clutched in his left hand. Jepg recognized him instantly.

�You!� Jepg said excitedly. �I am a great admirer of your work!�

�I never expected to see you here,� the large man hissed as his approached Jepg. �Unfortunately for you, I must teach you one final lesson.�

The large man grabbed Jepg and tied him up quickly. Jepg learned quite a deal that night; things that would have been useful to him in his future endeavors. But Jepg would never be able to use this information, as police found his disfigured body tied up in the shower room the following day.

Jepg is dead. He was ????????, ???? ????, ????????-Aligned

——————————————————

Like Jepg, Swag did not make a habit of visiting Happy Valley very often, but found himself there to address the Jerry Sandusky scandal. After a long day of meetings, Swag was ready for a night on the town.

Swag made his way to North Halls and knocked on a student�s door. He waited for a couple of minutes and was able to leave just as the student finally answered. Swag could instantly smell the alcohol on the student�s breath.

�Hey, you called me to come over?� Swag asked. �You said something about knowing how to have a fun night out at Penn State?�

The student swayed back and forth and had to grab the wall to avoid falling over. He finally gathered himself and revealed what looked like a Natty Ice bottle in his right hand.

Natty Ice?Swag thought. What kind of fun could we possibly have drinking Natty Ice? That beer is disgusting.

�I�mmm driinkunnn Nnaaayy Iiiccee cuuzz itssss cheeapppp,� the drunken student said, almost as if he read Swag�s mind. �Yewwww! Whyyy yewww insulltttiiinn meeee? Yewwww wannnn fiiighht?�

�No, no, no, no,� Swag stuttered. �You called me up and asked me to come by, remember? I�m not a fan of Natty Ice, but I�m rich and I can buy us better alcohol.�

�Ohhhhh looookkk yewwwww Mr. Fannncccyyy Pannnccyy,� the student replied. �I havveee betttrrr drrrriinkk tooooo.�

The student staggered back into his room and came back with a bottle of Bacardi Razz. Before Swag could even process what was going on, the student swung the bottle right into Swag�s face. A shard of glass pierced Swag�s eye, as he collapsed in unbelievable pain.

The pain in Swag�s eye was so excruciating that he didn�t feel the many other slices that the broken bottle was making into his own skin, as the student stabbed away at Swag�s body.

Swag is dead. He was Mark Emmert, NCAA President, Campus-Aligned

—————————————————

Sancho had no idea where he was going. He had a ton to drink over the past few hours and consequently didn�t even know what happened to him earlier in the night. He turned onto a small street, but couldn�t read the sign because he was so incredibly intoxicated.

His stomach finally had enough. He leaned over and vomit poured out of his mouth. After about a minute of this, Sancho continued onward, not even realizing that there was puke stained all over his jeans.

Sancho noticed a bar he had never seen before. �Ch�ch�ch�I dunnnooo waazzz itt sayyy,� he mumbled aloud as he walked into the building.

An enormously large woman stood behind the bar. She did not look pleased to see Sancho for whatever reason, but he sat down at the bar regardless. After ordering a Kansas City Ice Water and a Tom Collins, Sancho suddenly found himself sitting next to a rather big man. This man had graying hair and matching mustache. He also was sporting the dumbest grin Sancho had ever seen.

�Come to Chumley�s often?� the mustachioed man whispered into Sancho�s ear. Sancho did not even answer; he knew instantly that something was incredibly wrong.

�Why don�t you join me for a private session?� the mustachioed man asked. Not like Sancho had a choice. The man picked him up and carried him down a hidden stairwell and into a small chamber. He then placed Sancho into a chair and handcuffed him.

The man went to a large chest and opened it. �I have all sorts of kielbasas I�d like to try out this evening,� he said excitedly, rummaging through his wares.

Sancho squirmed, trying desperately to break loose, but it was impossible. Before long, the mustachioed man walked toward Sancho with various kielbasas in hand.

The man pulled down Sancho�s puke-covered pants and did God-awful things with his kielbasas. Police found Sancho�s corpse the following morning in a dumpster.

�Smells like sausages,� one cop said to the other.

Sancho is dead. He was Drunken Walter, College Drunkard, Campus-Aligned

——————————————————–


Walter here again with Walter’s Wild World of Sports.

Exciting news! After conducting some interviews around campus, for the first time, this column has a confirmed report. Reliable sources tell me that Lenruk isn’t just scum, but a recruiter. Adam Schefter confirmed these reports over twitter. When asked about the IR situation he said that while he still believes IR to be scummier than the bathroom at a Motel 6, he still doesn’t have reliable reports.

"Yeah, IR is almost certainly scum, but I just don’t have the reliable information to confirm it. Lenruk definitely is though. He’s a recruiter. 100% guaranteed," Schefter said.

Jerks of the Week: Roymustang, for dead-trolling; Monk, for stupidity, hatemail, and more deadposting; Clov, for starting all this modkill nonsense; and anyone who didn’t tune in to my interview with Topanga.

————————————————————-

Ragnarok was injured during last night�s riot and is now in the hospital. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.

The theme of this night was the factions targeting each other. For instance, Kielbasa Cult (Gong) killed Syracuse-Aligned (Jepg). Gong decided to do this because Jepg blurted out the name of Gong’s old faction. Jepg knew of Sex Scandal-Aligned because he and Injured Reserve were awarded a kill every time a member of Sex Scandal-Aligned died. I’m not sure why Jepg did this. He put a huge target on his back for no reason.

The second kill featured the town vig eliminating one of the town’s strongest players and roles. I was disappointed that Swag died early; I wanted to see his reversing power get put to use. Unfortunately, he was blocked early and then killed Night 3.

Kielbasa, which had two kills now because of the Gong recruitment, took out the town killer. I was very disappointed by this. When Kielbasa Cult recruited Gong, both Body Burner and I thought they had the victory locked up. They had three members and two killers with one recruitment left. Gong, knowing that Lenruk had a one-shot recruiting option, could’ve convinced JLash to get his old teammate. Lenruk then could’ve recruited Ragnarok, who could kill every third night or recruit every sixth night (turned out to be five nights because he was eventually motivated).

Thus, Kielbasa Cult would’ve had either a five-man faction with two kills every night and three kills every third night, or a six-man faction with two kills each night. They also would’ve controlled Sexy’s vote. Going with the former option, that’s six votes with seven kills and three role blocks every three night phases. That would’ve been unstoppable.

Unfortunately, Kielbasa Cult messed up. They outed Lenruk, per the newspaper report in the night write-up. They were still the front-runners, but they ruined what could’ve been a swift victory.

Double Bernie Fine Rape

Bernie Fine died, but Syracuse-Aligned was gaining power. They had multiple kills at their disposal because Sex Scandal-Aligned was dying off. Because Injured Reserve (Jim Boeheim) was targeted, he could perform two available actions. Thus he murdered two people with the help of Zombie Bernie Fine:

While a high percentage of the student body was downtown, drinking at various bars, frats or apartment parties and carousing about, CJay and MD4L both opted for a more sober exercise. They were the only ones at the IM Building basketball courts, and given that they were both former Penn State football players, they exchanged pleasantries and ultimately decided to play a game of Horse.

MD4L fired the ball, and it clanked off the back of the rim. “F***!” he shouted.

“That’s H-O-R – you’re a whore!” CJay chuckled. MD4L was not amused.

“First of all, that’s just H-O. Second, if you didn’t have a serious back problem, I’d totally beat the crap out of you right now!” MD4L answered with a smile.

The two new friends were so focused on their battle that they didn’t even notice that a bald man walked into the gymnasium. CJay squared up to shoot when he spied him out of the corner of his eye. “Oh wow, you’re-“

CJay never finished his sentence. He was in awe as the bald man raised his arms up. The ground trembled and the wooden floor cracked open. Zombie Jepg crawled out of the crevasse.

CJay and MD4L tried to run, but Zombie Jepg was too fast for them. He scooped up both students and whisked them away to the locker room. Their rotting corpses were found there the following day.

“I’ve never seen anyone’s rear end look this destroyed,” one cop said to another.

His partner nodded his head. There was the weird stuff in the locker room showers, but this was just on another level.

CJay is dead. He was Adam Taliaferro, Nittany Inspiration, Campus-Aligned

MD4L is dead. He was Todd Blackledge, The Food Sampler, Campus-Aligned

————————————————————


Authorities were able to reveal the identity of the disfigured man found in the locker room shower on Night 3 following an autopsy:

Jepg is still dead. He was Bernie Fine, Disgruntled Molester, Syracuse-Aligned

————————————————————-
I only wonder if Zombie Bernie Fine’s wife would approve.

Meanwhile, the penultimate member of Sex Scandal-Aligned was brought to justice via flawed logic. PR argued that Sexy was the Matt Millen killer because he posted something on Day 3 about still being around. Sexy then disappeared again, so PR led the lynch. Sexy turned out to be scum, but the wrong scum…

The crowd was growing restless. Outside of Modkill Thursday, this was the most frustrating day yet.

“No one’s talking!” someone shouted.

“Yeah, there are way too many inactive players!” another agreed.

“Let’s kill one of the inactives – the one guy who happened to be around when Matt Millen stuffed poor Sancho’s anus with his kielbasas!” a third person yelled.

It took a while to reach a consensus, but everyone finally concurred that Sexy was the one who had to go. The mob gathered torches and pitchforks and stormed into Sexy’s office, but he was nowhere to be found. They checked his residence as well. Nothing. Everyone was about to give up when one individual glanced at Sexy’s Twitter feed.

“Sunday Mustache Club meeting at Sharkey’s tonight!”

The crowd marched down College Ave. and into Sharkey’s, where they found several shady-looking individuals sitting at a table. Sexy was one of them.

“What’s the meaning of this!?” Sexy yelped.

Shouts of “you’re Millen!” and “you’re scum” rang from the mob. Sexy tried to run away, but two people grabbed hold of him. A third approached him with a razor and shaved off his precious mustache.

When the ordeal was over, Sexy went to the bathroom and saw his beloved mustache was gone. He died at the very moment of a broken heart.

Sexy is dead. He was Gary Schultz, Mustachioed Vice President, Sex Scandal-Aligned

Town being right for the wrong reasons is always an annoyance to scum, but Sex Scandal-Aligned was pretty much done anyway. The sole survivor was Ragnarok (Graham Cocker Spanier). His only chance was to save up enough money to recruit someone, but that would’ve taken 3-6 nights (based on how many times he was motivated). Plus, Gong would have to be dead; otherwise he’d just out the new recruit to Kielbasa Cult.

I was sad to see Sex Scandal-Aligned go down like this. I wanted to do death write-ups and such for Spanier. Again, Sexy ruined everything by being inactive. Mafia inactives suck. If you’re not going to play, why bother signing up?

Graham Cocker Spanier Goes Down

Inactives are the worst when it comes to Mafia, but those who willingly role-claim under minimal pressure aren’t too far behind them. The town lost its watcher and protector Night 5 because of unnecessary role claims:

There was no doubting VF�s spying skills. The man saw everything that happened in the Penn State locker room during the school�s disgusting sexual escapades. Little did he know that he would be the victim of one eventually.

VF was tossing and turning in bed when his boss called, asking him to come into work for an emergency. He wanted to curse the man off, but he had to maintain the job to support his wife and children.

VF put on his uniform and drove to the Penn State football facility. He walked down the stairs and into the locker room. He heard a single shower running.

�Hello?� VF called out, as he got a strange feeling that something was terribly wrong. �Anyone here? I came to fix the problem.�

�In here!� a voice rang from the shower room.

VF crept toward the showers and peered around the corner. The sexual deviant he saw earlier was there by himself. VF turned around, but it was too late; the large, white-haired man saw him. VF ran as quickly as he could, but tripped over a bench. He landed flat on his face, just as the large man caught up to him.

�Ah, you�re in the perfect position,� he sneered.

VF never felt such pain in his life that night. He finally understood what those victims he spied went through. The difference was that he wouldn�t live to tell the tale.

VF is dead. He was James Calhoun, Janitor Voyeur, Campus-Aligned

———————————————-

There was a big advantage to being one of the coolest guys on campus. Morgus knew this very well. He was acquainted with every bar owner in State College, so he was able to elude cover charges and receive drinks for free. It was a pretty sweet deal.

Well, there was one bar owner that Morgus wasn�t acquainted with. Morgus found himself roaming around downtown when he spotted an establishment he did not recognize.

�Chumley�s?� Morgus said to himself. �Never heard of the place, but looks like fun.�

Morgus walked in and sat down at the bar. He was astonished to discover that there was a female bartender there who was exactly his size.

�Isn�t it a little strange sometimes to be larger than everyone else?� he asked her. She didn�t respond; she just grimaced and walked away.

�Oh boy, I have that problem too,� a familiar voice sounded to his left.

Morgus looked at the man sitting next to him and couldn�t help but think he knew him from somewhere. The man was also large. He had graying hair and a matching mustache. He looked like he hadn�t mustered an intelligent thought in years.

�I have the perfect solution for you,� the man told Morgus. �I have something that�ll make you quickly forget about your size issues.�

The man motioned Morgus to follow him, and Morgus obliged. The two walked down a secret stairwell and into a small chamber. Several kielbasas were already laid out on a round, wooden table.

�Do you know what these do?� the man asked Morgus, who just shook his head. �These are my magical kielbasas, and they will make you feel such amazing sensations that your worries will be washed away.�

Morgus couldn�t help but chuckle. �Ha, you�re not stuffing any of those in me. I have steel underpants just for this sort of situation!�

�We�ll see about that,� the mustachioed villain snarled, pulling down Morgus� pants.

And that�s when it hit Morgus. He did not have his penetration-proof steel underpants; he was unwillingly loaning them to someone else that night.

Morgus screamed as the first kielbasa was inserted into his backside. The second was even more painful. As he braced the third, he envied the man who inherited his precious steel underpants that evening.

Morgus is dead. He was Tamba Hali, State College Sack Artist, Campus-Aligned

Meanwhile, Daniel, who was off to a great start with the aforementioned fake write-up, tried to pull off another gambit:

Three old men in cloaks gather around the grave of a fallen player. One steps forward.

"Double, double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble."

"Eye of buck, toe of gopher,
wolverine’s paw, boiling over,
orange peel, and hoosier…hoose.
One will rise that we will choose."

Jepg is alive.

When Daniel sent this to me, I cringed. The problem here was Jepg couldn’t be voted for because he was really dead. This alerted everyone that there were shenanigans in the night write-ups.

Anyway, Gong was set to be lynched because he targeted Snake, who silences anyone who tries to do anything to him. Daniel managed to successfully derail the lynch by outing Rags, the final member of Sex-Scandal Aligned:

Rags sat alone in a dark wing of Old Main. He strummed his guitar and sung a tune. The song was unrecognizable; the language was not anything that was ever heard on this planet.

An explosion sounded downstairs. Rags did not flinch. Why would he? Nothing would be able to harm him. Not while the monster was controlling him, at least.

Dozens of State College citizens stormed into the room. They shouted obscenities at Rags, but he did not care. Again, they would not be able to touch him.

Some of the citizens ran toward Rags, preparing to stab him with their knives and beat him with their baseball bats, but the monster struck first. The gray beast flew toward the people and launched purple goo at them. It didn’t even take their bodies 10 seconds to melt.

Everyone ran for the exit – save for one brave soul, who stood at an even four feet. The gray monster approached him slowly.

“You think you can defeat an omnipotent being like myself!? Ha!” the gray monster’s laughter echoed.

“Not me…” the small man answered. “This!”

The man fired an arrow infused with a bright green flame. It struck right into the center of the gray monster.

The sound was horrifying, as the gray monster screeched in pain. After tossing and turning in the air for what seemed like half a minute, it fell to the ground, scorched and lifeless.

Rags blinked his eyes. Where was he? How much time had passed since he had placed that hideous gray toupee on his head? He didn’t get much time to think about it, as the small man raised a metallic shield and bashed it into his skull. It only took three blows, but the short man hit him 10 times just to make sure.

“Great, now that this is over, I can go home, get drunk and pretend to sleep with my 14-year-old child bride,” the man said depressingly.

Rags is dead. He was Graham Cocker Spanier, Gray-Toupeed Douche, Sex Scandal-Aligned

Again, I was disappointed that I couldn’t write any death scenes with Spanier. I planned to have his gray toupee be an alien being who sucked the brains out of its victims. Alas, it was not meant to be. At least I got to include Tyrion in my write-up.

The Death of Millen and His Kielbasas

Night 6 was a bloodbath. Or at least that’s how it appears. Looks can be deceiving in Mafia. See if you can spot something strange in the Night 6 write-up:

Night 6


Robley had done a fine job of eluding police the entire night. Throughout this latest riot, he flipped over two cars, ripped three stop signs out of the ground and defecated on a fire hydrant. It’s just too bad he was so hammered that he wouldn’t be able to remember what happened the following day.

Stumbling around aimlessly, Robley suddenly found himself standing in front of the football facility. He had no idea how he escaped the mayhem of downtown, but there was just one thing on his mind: causing more damage.

Robley entered the building and staggered down the stairs into the locker room. He heard a single shower running.

“Izzzzz Allllsssoooonn Brreeeee thuueerrre?” Robley slurred, as he urinated himself. A large, white-haired man stepped out of the showers and pointed at Robley’s wet pants.

“That turns me on,” the older man hissed. “Why don’t you do some more of that as we horse around in the showers?”

Robley was way too drunk to realize anything was wrong. He was also way too drunk to feel the pain as the older man violated him countless times that night.

Robley is dead. He was Drunken Ryan, Future Editor, Campus-Aligned

——————————————–

PR’s heart was beating a million times per second. He didn’t know what to do. He saw something horrific – yet another poor victim getting abused by a sexual-predator monster. He sprinted away, unwilling to put an end to it, but only because he had to tell someone.

“Do I tell BCB again?” PR asked himself aloud. “How about if I go to Blue’s grave and tell him? That’ll mean I’m doing the right thing!”

“You can tell me!” a large man with a mustache called out. He was standing in front of a bar called Chumley’s. PR thought about it for a few seconds and realized that this was probably the safest strategy. If he told his friendly looking, mustachioed man, he would be absolved from any blame.

PR followed the man into the building and sat down at the bar.

“No, not there,” the mustachioed man said. “I have somewhere more private.”

The man led PR down a secret stairwell and into a small chamber. There were several dozen kielbasas spread out on the table.

“What are those for?” PR asked obliviously.

“Those are to soothe the pain,” the man said gently. “Now, tell me all of your troubles.”

PR began his story. He was getting to the juicer details when the man rammed one of the kielbasas up his backside. PR screamed in pain.

“Ignore that,” the man whispered. “This will sting at first, but it’ll make you feel better in the very end.”

It was one kielbasa after another. The man was right though. PR did feel better. Death completely absolved him of any responsibility. He never had to worry ever again.

PR is dead. He was Mike McQueary, Cowardly Coach, Campus-Aligned

——————————————-

A bald, bespectacled man was standing by himself in the IM Building basketball court. He checked his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. His victim was running late.

Just as he was about to abandon all hope, a UPS delivery man entered the room.

“I believe this is for you,” he said, not realizing whom he was addressing.

The bald man didn’t acknowledge him. He unwrapped the package instead. He found PR’s rotting corpse inside.

He shrugged his shoulders dismissively. He then raised his arms, and out came Zombie Jepg, who stared at the dead body in confusion.

“Yeah, I know, he’s already dead, and he smells like sausages,” the bald man said. “You can still have fun with him though.”

Zombie Jepg carried PR’s body away. No one would ever find out what happened to PR’s corpse.

PR is still dead.

——————————————–

DonnyK never imagined that doing a homework assignment would be so fun, but there he sat, amongst seven new friends.

“Whoops, I just screwed up the project again,” the attractive blonde said.

“Great, Britta just Brittaed again!” replied a cool guy who was texting on his phone.

“This reminds me of the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation when Captain Picard lived the life of another man after being attacked by a probe, and then he woke up after that planet exploded and was given his old flute from that other life,” said a robotic-like Middle Eastern guy in his 20s. “I’m not sure how it’s like that yet, but I’m sure our new writers will work it in.”

“That does not sound like something Jesus would approve of,” a fat black lady commented.

“I know something else Jesus wouldn’t approve of,” a sexy voice whispered into DonnyK’s ear. It belonged to a brunette, the most-attractive woman DonnyK had ever seen.

DonnyK and the brunette were suddenly alone. She ran her hand up DonnyK’s pants and unbuckled his belt.

“This is so hot,” the brunette said, kissing his neck.

“This is definitely so hot,” DonnyK slurred. He was in heaven, but it definitely was getting hot – in the literal sense. He found himself sweating profusely.

He didn’t want the brunette to stop, but the hot air was choking him. How can I perform under these conditions? he thought. I have to keep going…

What the brunette was doing kept getting hotter, but the air in the room matched it. Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up – and suddenly found himself in his bed. He didn’t even have time to think before a fireball engulfed his face.

DonnyK’s entire apartment building burned down. By the time firefighters pulled his body out from the under the rubble, he was nothing but a charred corpse.

“It’s going to take a while to identify who this guy is,” said one of the authorities.

DonnyK is dead. He was ????????, ???? ????, ????????-Aligned

——————————————–

Daniel sat in his office, tirelessly phoning his sources for information. The phones were all pretty quiet tonight, so he was working on a re-draft of his 2026 mock (Marshall Manning was the first overall pick).

A mysterious, ghostly figure entered the room. "Daniel, it’s time to go."

"But I’m still a student! I haven’t even made the website yet in this weird timeline!" Daniel jumped to his feet, looking for a way to defend himself, finding nothing. "This looks like the end. That website idea that I had was going to be great, too."

The figure grabbed Daniel and led him away into the darkness.

Daniel is dead. He was Working Walter, Centre Daily Times Columnist, Campus-Aligned.

————————————————

JLash sat alone in his house, annoyed that that judge had the nerve to put a restraining order on him after just a couple of misunderstandings at clubs. There was a knock at his door, and he picked up his gun to answer.

A mustachioed man stood there with his hands behind his back, grinning.

JLash grinned back and opened fire on the man. He fell to the ground. "Shoulda known better."

"Oh?" the mustachioed man replied. "Oh shit." JLash was out of bullets now, but his visitor had plenty of kielbasas. He found it was a lot harder to pick on someone his own size.

JLash is dead. He was Larry Johnson, Temperamental Running Back, Campus-Aligned.

————————————————

GongKong walked alone across the football field, sad at the sorry state of affairs his former underling had left things in. He may have not won too many games, but at least he didn’t have a sex scandal to deal with.

"Braaaaaains."

The ground beneath the football field opened up, and Zombie Jepg appeared. Gong wanted to run, but he couldn’t. He was frozen in fear.

Jepg moved closer and closer, crying for "Braaaaaaaains," but something prevented Gong from moving. All he could do was cower in fear.

At least he didn’t die of anal trauma.

GongKong is dead. He was Rip Engle, Coach in the Good Ole Days, Campus-Aligned.

————————————————

With all the commotion around the campus, almost no one noticed the hooded figure make his way to the graveyard. He spoke strange sounding words under his breath, and Blue arose from his deep sleep.

"Whoa. That was crazy."

"You are needed."

Blue is alive.

————————————————–

Elli was injured during last night’s riot and is now in the hospital. He may not speak or vote in this day phase.

JLash is too busy taking pictures to speak or vote in this day phase.

You may have noticed that JLash died and was silenced. Strange, right? Well, this was the result of Daniel’s fake write-ups. He created fraudulent deaths for JLash, Gong and himself. Also, the Blue revivial was something he wrote in, but it actually happened, as JohnnyAllStar happened to bring Blue back to life. What a crazy coincidence.

This was the beginning of the end for Kielbasa-Aligned. Some of the earlier fake-write-up gambits worked out, but this completely derailed their faction because, first of all, Daniel, Gong and JLash were now linked together. Perhaps a better strategy would have been adding someone else in there. This may have created an inactive townie. That other person may have been lynched in the process.

Also, JLash not being able to speak while dying is a bit strange. Snake pointed it out immediately: “Holy s***. And damn jlash is dead and can’t talk.”

Govnik, who silenced people, actually announced that he was going to target JLash in the thread. What Kielbasa should’ve done is kill him and make a fake write-up where Govnik’s corpse was carried over to JLash’s house or something. That way, it would’ve appeared as though Govnik died twice, which would’ve continued to promote the guise that JLash was the PGO.

Instead, Gong, JLash and Daniel were lynched in Days 8-10. As for Day 7…

The End of Campus-Aligned

While Night 6 was the beginning of the end for Kielbasa, Day 7 effectively destroyed town. Thanks to a number of modkills, they needed to lynch successfully in every single day phase. That, unfortunately, did not happen.

IR and PSU brilliantly tricked town into lynching IR, who happened to be unlynchable that day because PSU “lawyered” him. PSU and IR had the following exchange:

PSU: Who do you think three scum are?

IR: Rags, Hyper, Your mom

PSU: why you gotta be difficult bro? And I have reason to believe you were one of the PR killers last night. Like I’m 99% sure sure. What do you have to say to that?

Blue: Of course he was. He’s Millen.

IR: I think I can get out of this scrape.

Hours later…

IR: Everyone lynch Blue quickly while he is gone. I promise you he is scum.

The votes piled on, and IR was eventually lynched. But…

Day 7

IR loved the Penn State scenery. He made a habit of walking down Burrowes Avenue every day, admiring the trees and the birds. This day was no different. Not at first, anyway. IR had his head in the clouds, so he didn’t even realize that a throng of angry State College citizens surrounded him.

"We knew you were scum the entire time, so we’re going to finally lynch you now!" an angry man yelled.

"Yeah, it’s time for you to meet your maker!" another snarled.

IR didn’t look like he was scared at all. He simply chuckled.

"You fools really think this is going to work?" he laughed. "Go ahead and try to kill me."

The crowd charged at IR with baseball bats, pitch forks, knives, maces and torches. They were inches away from striking him when a man in a fancy suit suddenly appeared.

"People, people, stop what you’re doing," the fancy man said.

The crowd came to a halt.

"This is America, and this man deserves a fair trial before you punish him," the fancy man said.

"That’s bullshit!" a woman yelled angrily.

"Whether you think it’s bull**** or not, the law’s the law," the fancy man replied.

IR didn’t say anything. He just moved past the crowd and continued on his way, leaving the confused and frustrated citizens in his wake.

IR is still alive.

And so, IR gloated:

What?!?!?!?

You mean I can’t be killed. I guess I wasn’t cornered by my boy blue after all.

Welcome to the night phase. I pray for you all…..

For the night is dark and full of terrors

This prompted CKane to post:

Dios mio. Which scum faction is more powerful right now?

CKane, being the traterous Silas Redd, had the ability to switch sides once. He moved on to Syracuse-Aligned. He wasn’t too pleased at the time because it turned out to be just him, IR and PSU, but it turned out to be a great decision.

Obba, the Town LVP

With Kielbasa-Aligned outed, this turned into a Syracuse-versus-town dynamic. But first, the deaths of Jerry Sandusky and Matt Millen:

Day 8


Gong sat alone in the locker room. He found that day phases were quite lonely, but he was eagerly pondering whom to summon to his dominion.

"Let’s see now, who’s alive in the OP?" Gong hissed, perusing the list. "I already had some of Blue, so I wouldn’t mind that again… or maybe Govnik… wait he’s already dead…"

Gong heard someone come down the stairs. He looked at his watch and was perplexed. Isn’t it a bit early for someone to come down here? I haven’t chosen anyone yet.

The footsteps grew louder. No, it’s just that they were more plentiful. It sounded like dozens of people were coming into the locker room. Can I "horse" around with all of them in the showers?

Gong stepped out of the shower area. His jaw dropped when he saw that the people who joined him were carrying pitchforks, knives and other weapons.

"We finally got him! We got Sandusky!" someone yelled.

"Let’s kill him before he can rape anyone else!" another screamed.

The crowd charged at Gong. He managed to fight a couple off, but the mob overwhelmed him. They stabbed him and beat him mercilessly. Some of the weapons struck him in the buttocks.

Ah, that feels kind of nice, he thought, as his eyes closed for the final time.

Gong is dead. He was Jerry Sandusky, Equal-Opportunity Molester, Kielbasa-Aligned

——————————————–

With Sandusky gone, Joe Paterno was suddenly not covered up as Campus-Aligned anymore:

BREAKING NEWS: Federal investigators have found incriminating evidence on Joe Paterno’s computer. They have finally determined that he indeed was responsible for the sex-scandal cover-up.

Pheltz is still dead. He was Joe Paterno, Winner of 298 Games, Sex Scandal-Aligned
As for Millen…

Day 9


No one knew the seedier side of Penn State like JLash. He was aware of all the shady bars, and he was one of a few people who knew about the secret road between College Avenue and Calder Way. It was there where he purchased all of his kielbasas.

"Oh, hi, JLash," the Man Sex Kielbasa Shoppe owner said as he walked in. "I have all of these new kielbasas I’d like for you to try. Come to the back of the store with me."

JLash eagerly followed the old man. His palms moistened at the prospect of trying new kielbasas with his victim tonight. His jaw dropped, however, when he found that dozens of angry-looking State College citizens were waiting for him at the back of the store.

"Sorry to betray you like this, JLash, but they caught you red-handed," the old man sighed.

JLash looked at the mob and tried to plead his case. The people were too furious to listen, however. When it was all over, one individual stuffed a kielbasa into JLash‘s mouth. JLash would have rather enjoyed that had he been alive.


JLash is dead. He was Matt Millen, Kielbasa Master, Kielbasa-Aligned

Town, meanwhile, lost another member to a modkill. This one was based on pure stupidity.

Enter Obba. Like Monk, Obba was a new player who signed up specifically for this game. I discussed his futile performance in the post-game write-up:

Jesus. Obba did not seem to know how to play this game. He sent in his N1 PM at the end of Day 2. I thought he might have picked it up later, but he tried to revive Lenruk. I seriously laughed for a few minutes upon seeing that. I PMed Obba asking him if he was sure about doing that. He replied:

“If I revive Lenruk, it gives me a chance to prove to the others that I’m town if i agree to lynch him
Plus IR will love it, and we’ll be even.”

Or… he could have just revived town… I also don’t know why he wanted to prove that he was town when he tried to convince everyone that he was scum.

Obba is easily the Town LVP, which is saying something in a game like this.

Obba was being so hurtful to town that I modkilled him and gave his powers to Rack. However, Rack died that night.

Here was his modkill:

The frat brothers laughed as they romped down Beaver Avenue.

�That was awesome!� the head frat guy laughed. �We�ll do that to the next guy who abandons us!�

It didn�t take them very long to find the next traitor. Obba was standing right in front of them, looking up at an apartment building.

�Hey guys, that party on the fifth floor looks awesome,� Obba said. �I�m going to use my old trick. Just go into any party and say that you know John. There�s always a John!�

�That�s what a traitorous Ohio State fan would say,� one of the frat brothers snarled.

Obba looked like he was completely taken aback.

�Ohio State? I�m a Penn State guy, through and through!� Obba replied.

�That�s not what we heard,� another frat brother answered. �When you pledged at that frat as a freshman, you said that your cousin went to Ohio State. You have traitor�s blood in you.�

Obba begged and pleaded, but to no avail. The frat brothers made quick work of him and ran away before the police could arrive. Poor Obba never got to tell he knew anyone named John ever again.

Obba is dead. He was Drunken Dennis, The Roommate, Ohio State-Aligned

It’s a crazy coincidence that the flavor of Obba’s death had to do with something that Rack did, yet Rack took over Obba’s abilities, and they both happened to die that night.

Just one of many odd things to happen in this game.

The End of the Game

With growing numbers – Syracuse eventually recruited Snake (Stuart Scott) – they quickly dispatched town. They managed to kill Blue (Franco Harris) and Elli (Joe Paterno) at the same time because Elli protected Blue, but the caveat was that if Elli were targeted for a kill, his target could be as well.

Later, Daniel Brown (Nittany Lion Mascot) pretended to be Independent and voted with Syracuse. I still don’t understand that strategy, but it ultimately led to this…

Day 12


Rahbe sat on a bench in the IM Building basketball court, polishing his revolver. He was waiting for nightfall so he could finally slay that savage beast that had been terrorizing so many people in State College. He had already accomplished everything he wanted to in life; this was just an added bonus.

There was suddenly a loud noise in the hallway. Dozens of State College citizens stormed in holding pitchforks and torches.

"It’s your turn to get lynched, pal!" a ruddy-faced man yelled.

Rahbe sighed. Really? You fools think I’m the bad guy?

He quickly drew his revolver and pointed it at the man. The gun clicked, but nothing happened.

****! Rahbe suddenly remembered that he used the last of his ammo the previous night. It was something he wouldn’t regret for long, as the mob descended on him.


Rahbe is dead. He was John Surna, Board of Trustees President, Independent


The ground suddenly shook violently. The State College citizens tried retreating, but the ceiling collapsed near the entrance to the basketball court, blocking their only escape.

Zombie Jepg stormed toward the group of people and somehow molested them all at the same time. Everyone quickly died, save for two – Daniel Brown and BCB.

Zombie Jepg stared at Daniel Brown quizzically, not knowing what to do.

"That’s not really an animal," IR cackled. "It’s a costume. There’s someone inside."

PSU and Snake grabbed Daniel Brown and undressed him. Zombie Jepg wet his lips and tookhis newest victim to the closet. Daniel Brown was never heard from again.


Daniel Brown is dead. He was the Nittany Lion Mascot, Silent Supporter, Campus-Aligned.


"Now, what to do about this guy?" PSU said, as he and Snake encircled BCB.

"I’m the East Coast Cat because I’m from the East Coast, and I hate gays!" BCB roared.

PSU, Snake and IR looked at each other and nodded. They all raised their arms toward the sky. The ground trembled again, and before BCB realized what was going on, Zombie CKane stood before him.

"What is dead may never die," IR hissed.

It was true. Zombie CKane attacked BCB, who exploded. Zombie CKane was the only one left standing.


BCB is dead. He was Larry Johnson, East Coast Cat, Campus-Aligned


"Well, that about does it," IR said, looking at his cohorts with a huge smile on his face. "I highly doubt anyone is ever going to know what happened at Syracuse."

He paused.

"Well, let’s at least hope there’s no Syracuse Sex Scandal Mafia in the future."


IR has won the game. He was Jim Boeheim, Untouchable Coach, Syracuse-Aligned

PSU has won the game. He was Joe Amendola, Dirty Lawyer, Syracuse-Aligned

Snake has won the game. He was Stuart Scott, Glass Eyeball Man, Syracuse-Aligned

CKane has won the game. He was Silas Redd, Turncoat, Syracuse-Aligned

Jepg has won the game. He was Bernie Fine, Disgruntled Molester, Syracuse-Aligned

Rahbe has won the game. He was John Surna, Board of Trustees President, Independent


Thanks to everyone (except the inactives and the five I had to modkill) for playing!

Outtakes

Here are some of the outtakes for this game. First of all, I wrote four death scenes that never happened:

1. I posted this earlier. It involves Morgus, who was blocked from protecting someone and thus didn’t go out into a riot:



It was a pretty rough night for Morgus. Not only did he mistakenly lead a town lynch; he also was forced to lend his football pads out for the night. He desperately wanted to wear them, but had to relinquish them unwillingly.

Still, Morgus happened to be a huge man, so he wasn�t going to let a stupid riot spoil his night of fun.

Morgus confidently strutted down Beaver Avenue, fully expecting women to throw themselves at him, as they normally do. Unfortunately that was not the case this night, as everyone was too busy destroying school and private party.

Morgus took out his phone and checked his texts. He wasn�t paying attention to his surroundings, but suddenly bumped into a guy wearing a sweater with Greek letters embroidered on it.

�Excuse me, just coming through,� Morgus said dismissively, but another frat guy blocked his path. And then there was another, and a fourth, and soon enough, Morgus was surrounded by 13 frat brothers.

�No one�s going to arrest us during this riot, so we can do whatever the hell we want!� the first brother giggled gleefully.

One of the other frat brothers swung his baseball bat at Morgus� head. Morgus managed to deflect the weapon, but couldn�t do anything about the knife that slashed his side. He grabbed the wound, when the baseball bat hit him on the head. That didn�t bring Morgus down, but another stab would did.

Morgus collapsed onto the street, as the frat brothers took turns striking him with their weapons. It didn�t take them long to finish the job. They then scurried away, eluding any sort of punishment from the authorities.

Morgus is dead. He was Tamba Hali, State College Sack Artist, Campus-Aligned

2. Sancho (Drunken Walter) was killed via Matt Millen and his Kielbasa Cult, but he was originally slated to die at the hands of Jerry Sandusky. Gong targeted Sancho for a kill the night when everyone was sober (following Joe Paterno’s death), but later switched his target:



It was a weird sensation for Sancho. For the first time in what seemed like eons, he was not intoxicated.

�Wow, I can actually see straight and think clearly,� he said to himself. �Maybe I should actually do something productive for once.�

Sancho, who ran a football Web site, decided that it would be a good idea to visit the football locker rooms for a potential interview. Something like that would definitely bolster his site�s publicity and traffic.

Oddly enough, he found the locker rooms unattended by security. He walked down and heard one of the showers running.

Fantastic, there�s still a player here whom I�ll be able to interview the site!

His heart sunk when a tall, white-haired man appeared out of the showers.

�Ohh, just what I wanted – another person I can �horse around� with!� he exclaimed cheerfully, rubbing his hands together.

�I think you�re looking for someone else,� Sancho said. �I�m too old for you. But I was wondering if there were any players around to interview for my Web site.�

The large man laughed. �Oh, we�ll be �interviewing� each other for a while in the showers.�

Sancho was forced into the showers. It was the worst �interview� of his life. And it all ended with him being strangled to death.

Sancho is dead. He was Drunken Walter, College Drunkard, Campus-Aligned

3. Like Morgus, Govnik was supposed to die in a riot. He chose to silence someone, but then changed his mind and decided not to perform an action. Here was his riot death scene:



Govnik stood very still. Then, he kept standing still. As a statue, that’s about all he could do.

However, his night got a little better when an attractive brunette started taking pictures of him.

“…………….. (statues can’t talk)”

“You know what I like, you sexy monument you,” the lady whispered in his ear. “You look so hot standing there like that.”

Govnik couldn’t respond, but he definitely liked where this was going. It was getting pretty hot. In fact, it kept getting hotter and hotter. Uncomfortable even.

Before he knew it, the brunette was nowhere to be found and he was on fire. At a hot enough temperature, even metal can melt.

“I think this used to be a statue,” said one of the authorities the next day. “Hard to tell now.”

Govnik is dead. He was ????????, ???? ????, ????????-Aligned

4. PSU won the game, but he was targeted for a kill by JLash (Matt Millen) before JLash changed his mind:



PSU was both hungry and exhausted. He was in and out of meetings all day in an attempt to figure out how to defend his newest client. But this was the life of a high-profile lawyer.

He was on his way back to his hotel when he walked by a bar called Chumley�s.

�That�s a strange name for a bar,� PSU said to himself. �Reminds me of cheeseburgers because of the �CH.� I wonder if they serve good cheeseburgers.�

PSU went inside the building and sat down at the bar. �I�ll take two cheeseburgers and fries,� he told the large woman behind the bar. She said nothing. She just grimaced and walked away.

�Cheeseburgers? You came here for cheeseburgers?� an ordinary-looking young man sitting next to PSU asked rhetorically. �No one comes here for cheeseburgers. The kielbasas though � they�re awesome.�

PSU�s mouth watered. �Why, I haven�t had a kielbasa for a long time,� he said.

�Come, I�ll show you where to get them,� the young man replied.

The young man led PSU down a hidden stairwell and into a small chamber. He then approached a large, rusty chest and opened it.

�You know,� the young man said while rummaging through his wares, �my master will be very pleased to learn that I brought you down here.�

�Why�s that?� PSU asked dismissively, his eyes scanning the walls of the room.

�Because-� the young man paused. �Our mission is to do this!�

PSU had never felt such a painful sensation. The kielbasa he was so eager to eat was rammed into his buttocks. PSU screamed, but only the large female bartender heard him.

�Cheeseburgers!?� she laughed. �At Chumley�s? What an idiot!�

PSU is dead. He was Joe Amendola, Dirty Lawyer, Syracuse-Aligned

In addition to four death scenes that never happened, I planned for several characters to appear in this game, including:

Jack Raykovitz – The Second Mile president. I considered having the Second Mile be a scum faction instead of Syracuse, but I wanted to feature Syracuse instead because they inexplicably got away with their sex crimes.

Aaron Fisher – He was Sandusky’s first victim. I only briefly considered him, but I didn’t want to include any of the victims in this game. And people say I’m insensitive!

Jimmy Kennedy – A former Penn State player who promised multiple Super Bowls for the Rams when they drafted him in the first round. Instead, Kennedy was a massive bust, and St. Louis struggled to make the playoffs after drafting him. I was going to make him a village idiot who had to lie about everything (counter claiming every single role claim).

A few others who didn’t make the cut:

Sean Lee
Courtney Brown
Matt Seneca
Rob Bolden
Matt McGloin

If there were more people, I probably would’ve included all of these characters, save for Fisher. But I suppose that would mean I would’ve had to modkill more people. Sigh.


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More 2013 Fantasy Football Articles:
2013 Fantasy Football: Home

2013 Fantasy Football Rankings:
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings: Quarterbacks - 9/1 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings: RUNNING BACKS - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings: Wide Receivers - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings: Tight Ends - 9/2 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings: Defenses - 6/3 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rankings: Kickers - 6/3 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Auction Values - 4/24 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rookie Rankings - 5/5 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Rookie Rankings: Dynasty - 8/28 (Walt)

2013 Fantasy Football Season Features:
Week 17 Fantasy Football Rankings - 12/26 (Walt)
Week 17 Fantasy Football Rankings: PPR - 12/26 (Walt)
Week 17 Fantasy Football Injury Reports - 12/26 (Walt)
Week 17 Fantasy Football Start Em, Sit Em - 12/26 (Walt)
Fantasy Football Add/Drop: Week 15 - 12/9 (Walt)
Week 14 Fantasy Football Start Em, Sit Em - 12/8 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Fan Duel Picks - 11/22 (Walt)
FanDuel FanDuel $15,000 Contest - 11/22
FanDuel Exclusive Offer to WalterFootball.com Readers - 8/24
FanDuel Week 1 $500 Freeroll - 8/24

2013 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheets (Printable Option):
2013 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet: Traditional Scoring - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet: PPR Scoring - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet: Touchdown Scoring - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Cheat Sheet: 2-QB Format - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Downloadable Spreadsheets - 9/2 (Walt)

2013 Fantasy Football Mock Drafts:
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 12-team, 3-WR, Flex - 9/2 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 12-team, PPR - 8/29 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 12-team, Standard - 8/22 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 12-team, Dynasty - 8/15 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 14-team, PPR - 8/8 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 3-WR - 8/1 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 2-QB - 7/26 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: 14-teamer - 7/19 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: PPR - 7/11 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: Standard - 6/29 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Mock Draft: Four-Man Mock - 6/13 (Walt)

2013 Fantasy Football Articles:
2013 Fantasy Football Stock Report: Training Camp - 9/4 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Preseason Stock - 8/30 (Walt)
2013 NFL Preseason Recap, Fantasy Football Notes - 8/30 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Quarterback Targets - 8/30 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Sleepers - 8/28 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Busts - 8/28 (Walt)
2013 ESPN Fantasy Football Magazine: 10 Reasons Not to Buy It - 8/21 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football IDP Tips - 8/17 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Round-by-Round Strategy - 8/16 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Draft Boards for Sale - 6/13
2013 Fantasy Football All-Value Team - 6/9 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Hot Finishers - 4/24 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Stock Report: Quarterbacks - 4/24 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Stock Report: Running Backs - 4/24 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football Stock Report: Wide Receivers - 4/24 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football: Overdrafted Players - 2/17 (Walt)
2013 Fantasy Football: First-Round Bust History - 2/17 (Walt)
Running Backs with Most Carries - 2/17 (Walt)




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2025 NFL Mock Draft - Nov. 20


NFL Power Rankings - Nov. 19


Fantasy Football Rankings - Sept. 4