2025 NFL Picks – Week 9: Cardinals at Cowboys

The Matchup. Edge: None.

This week on ESPN, we’re going to have awful announcers calling the shots instead the great preseason homers like Kevin Reilly, Ron Wolfley and Don Tollefson, inept ESPN guys Emmitt, Herman Edwards, and aloof people like Jay Cutler. Here’s what it would sound like if some of these dudes (and some special guests) were calling this game:

Reilly: Welcome to the city of Dallas, otherwise known as the Seventh Circle of Hell, where the Dallas Cowgirls take on the Phoenix Cardinals. Guys, I’ve been campaigning to do my Philadelphia Eagles games all year. Not only do the stupid board members not give me a chance to do a game involving my Philadelphia Eagles; I now have to call a game involving my archnemesis, the Cowboys. That’s right – not just my nemesis, but archnemesis!

Emmitt: Thanks, Archie. I does not know why you taking everything so personality. Team in the National Conference of Football are just team, which mean they just a team. This mean that they just team. You making this sound like a manner of life and die. When I was running back for the Dallas Cow- uhh- Cow- Cowguy, I do not like the Philadelphia Eagle, but he not such a bad guy, and sometime after the game, I invite themselfs out for dinner, and whoever losted gotta feet the bill.

Reilly: Emmitt, if I ever had dinner with a Cowboy, it would be him being tied down to a chair in my dining room as I fed his own brains to him. New Daddy even said he’d tie the rope around him! Right, New Daddy?

Jay Cutler: I wasn’t paying attention. When you said “rope,” I assumed you asked me if I wanted to hang myself with a rope rather than talk to you.

Tollefson: Reilly, if you’re going to tie people up, please take my advice because I’m an expert in the matter. Use jute or natural fiber rope at least 0.2 inches in diameter. Stay away from thinner ropes since these can cut into the skin and affect circulation, which normally wouldn’t be a problem, but you can’t have injured woman cooking and cleaning naked for you because they won’t be as effective.

Reilly: Tolly, with all due respect, I have no interest in tying up women. I can’t have them eat their own brains because that would involve talking to women, and women are the devil, so I would get into trouble and not be able to eat macaroni and cheese for dinner as punishment. Maybe Clarissa Thompkins can shed some light on being tied up.

Charissa Thompson: Thanks, Jughead. It’s interesting that you’d talk about ties because my impeccable sources tell me that the Cowboys and Eagles will be tying in this game tonight. Back to you, Jug.

Reilly: THE EAGLES ARE NOT EVEN PLAYING TONIGHT, YOU FOOL!

Mina Kimes: I find this environment to be exhausting and very oppressive. For weeks, I’ve been complaining about how no one takes my football analysis seriously. I told you that Geno Smith was a top-one quarterback, yet no one acknowledges this because I’m an oppressed female Asian NFL analyst. But now, I’m hearing that women are tied up and are being called fools!? This is ridiculous. How about we tie up men and call them fools!? That way, everything will be fair. And when we start tying up men and calling them fools, I’ll be oppressed because no one’s tying me up and calling me a fool! Why am I being oppressed so much!?

Reilly: What!? I literally said earlier I would only tie up men, and I always call Charles Davis a fool.

Sarah Spain: EX-CA-USE ME! IF MINA KIMES, THE BEST NFL ANALYST IN THE WORLD, WANTS TO BE CALLED A FOOL, THEN SHE MUST BE CALLED A FOOL, AND IF SHE WANTS TO BE TIED UP, THEN SHE SHOULD BE TIED UP, BECAUSE IF SHE’S NOT CALLED A FOOL OR TIED UP, AND SHE WANTS TO BE, THAT MEANS SHE’S REALLY OPPRESSED, AND THAT’S ONLY BECAUSE SHE’S A FEMALE ASIAN NFL ANALYST!!!

Reilly: I’m so confused. Does she want to be tied up, or not tied up? I don’t know. Guys, this is distracting me from my mission to destroy the Cowboys by tying them up and feeding them their brains!

Charles Davis: Kevin, it sounds like you’re talking about tying people up, Kevin, so let’s talk about different knots, Kevin. Let’s begin with square not, Kevin. The second topic is clove hitch, Kevin. Then there’s half hitch, Kevin. What about bowline knot, Kevin? Let’s not forget about sheet bend, Kevin. Why not chat about stopper knot, Kevin. Don’t forget double fisherman’s knot, Kevin. Care to share about figure eight knot, Kevin? How about taut line hitch, Kevin? And, of course, there’s the Kevin Reilly knot, Kevin, which means that someone has severe brain damage and can’t think properly, Kevin.

Reilly: Oh, yeah!? Well, how about the Charles Davis knot, which is, uhh, I don’t know because you’re a fool, Charles Davis! We’ll be back right after this!

DALLAS OFFENSE: Dak Prescott was garnering some MVP conversation based on how he performed without CeeDee Lamb, but anyone hyping up that narrative won’t have much to say this week. Prescott was woeful versus the Broncos, particularly when he threw a miserable interception in the red zone late in the game that thwarted any sort of comeback potential.

Luckily for Prescott, he will have a much easier matchup in this game. While the Broncos lead the NFL in pressures (23.6 per game), the Cardinals are toward the lower end of the spectrum with 16.2 pressures per game. Prescott will obviously have much more time to find his talented receivers, who shouldn’t have much trouble getting open versus Arizona’s secondary.

Prescott will need to be much sharper in this game because Dallas’ running game won’t work as well as the team would like. the Cardinals are sixth versus the rush this year, thanks to the defensive line upgrades they made this prior offseason.

ARIZONA OFFENSE: While the Cowboys have a talented running back who may struggle because of a tough matchup, the Cardinals have some poor running backs who won’t be able to take advantage of an easy matchup. Something has to give here, but Bam Knight doesn’t seem like the type of player who would be able to exploit Dallas’ fourth-worst standing against the rush.

Much like the Cowboys, the offensive production may have to fall entirely on the quarterback. Kyler Murray will be back for the Cardinals, but I’m not so sure that’s a good thing. Jacoby Brissett was solid in two starts, particularly when targeting Trey McBride in the end zone. It’s amazing how the narrative was that McBride couldn’t score any touchdowns last year, and yet he became a touchdown machine with Brissett.

Regardless, Murray will have an amazing matchup in this game. Aside from DaRon Bland, Dallas’ secondary is a complete disaster. Murray will look good in his first game back from injury.

RECAP: I don’t have much of an opinion on this Monday night affair. Both teams matchup up pretty evenly against each other. Given that the Cardinals are coming off a bye, I believe this line should probably be Dallas -1. This spread is -2.5, so we have the slightest bit of value with the Cardinals. It’s nothing substantial and the margins are a bit thin, so this is why I don’t have a strong take concerning this game. I have a lean on Arizona, but that’s about it right now.

THURSDAY THOUGHTS: We haven’t seen a practice report yet, so I can’t say anything has changed yet. I’m still leaning toward Arizona.

The Motivation. Edge: None.

No edge found.

The Spread. Edge: None.

WalterFootball.com Calculated Spread: Cowboys -1.

Westgate Advance Point Spread: Cowboys -3.

Computer Model: Cowboys -1.

The Vegas. Edge: None.

Easy money for the public.

Percentage of money on Dallas: 88% (11,000 bets)

The Trends. Edge: None.

Kyler Murray is 21-10 ATS as an underdog. ???

Dak Prescott is 40-32 ATS at home.

Opening Line: Cowboys -3.

Opening Total: 51.5.

Weather: Dome.