Humor

Jerks of the Week for Jan. 11, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jewelry Commercials Thank God the holidays are over. The weather will soon warm up, the annoying kids on my street are back in school, and the horrible Kay, Jared and Zales commercials are finally finished. These commercials are terrible for three…

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 21, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Jimmy Carter and Racism Accusers Credit forum member Wraith for pointing this out to me. I make it an effort to avoid watching political news for a number of reasons (one of which being the fact that there is no unbiased…

Jerks of the Week for June 7, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: New Neighbors I’m always excited for new neighbors. It’s more than just a break from the monotony of evil Vietnamese kids breaking fire hydrants, old Indian women yelling at me about dog poop, and bums looking for unknown misplaced items on…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 12, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Restaurants The process of going out to eat seems broken to me. Why is it that the more expensive a place is, the crappier the food is? For example, there’s a 50s restaurant close to my house called Nifty Fifties. For…

Jerks of the Week for March 8, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Women With No Personality I met this girl about a month ago. I thought she was hot, so she fit all of the requisites I have when looking for a woman. I’ve been talking to her on AIM since, and I’m…

Jerks of the Week for March 29, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Indian Dog Poop Woman Walking my dogs can be taxing. I have a bipolar sheepdog and a spoiled brat of a 110-pound Akita. When the Akita wants to go out, they fight for the right to go first (good thing QB…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 5, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Plagiarizers I have an extensive history of cheating on tests. It dates all the way back to first grade. I sat next to this girl Stephanie, who didn’t talk much, especially to 6-year-olds with mullets like yours truly. One day, we…

Jerks of the Week for May 3, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Pete Carroll For those of you who don’t know who Pete Carroll is or what he did nine days ago, Carroll is the head coach of the Seattle Seahawks. He used to coach at USC until recently, and there was some…

Jerks of the Week for June 21, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: The Laziest Bum On many occasions, I’ve written that I’m terrified of bums. I’m not joking. The way I see it, bums are the most dangerous people in the world because if they commit a crime, they actually receive an upgrade…

Jerks of the Week for Aug. 31, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: My Gym I spend $330 a year on a gym membership that grants me access to a small weight room with broken machines. It also lets me swim in a cloudy pool that has weird stuff floating around in it (old-people…