Humor

Jerks of the Week: Jan. 2, 2017 JERK OF THE WEEK: Self-Entitled Douche Bag Kids If people were smart enough to elect me President of the United States, I believe I would make all the smart choices. I’d create jobs, end all homelessness and deport anyone who annoyed me. I would take all the necessary…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 26, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Christmas Shopping 2016 I tell myself every year that I’m going to head to the mall for Christmas shopping with some sort of plan. Instead, I always wander around aimlessly, completely befuddled by what to purchase for people. With my football schedule being so…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 19, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Relaxation Saturday The NFL season is great, but it’s also very exhausting. I can’t remember the last time I got eight hours of sleep. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I was able to get more than six hours. In addition to working…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 12, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Best Friend’s Wedding I’ve been to countless weddings over the past seven years. In fact, Jerks of the Week spawned because a girl I wanted to take to my college roommate’s wedding back in 2009 backed out on me because she had to…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 5, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 2: The Rocky Horror Picture Show In Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 1, I discussed a failed trip to the gym in which I couldn’t think about my NFL Picks. I was instead bombarded by conspiracy theories from Diarrhea of Mouth Guy, and…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 28, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 1 I’ve mentioned this before, but I do my best thinking while in the hot tub at my gym. Being in warm water in general sparks my neural processes. I’m not sure why, but I always seem to think of new…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 21, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Cobb Salads and Gym Desk Workers Who Hate Me I don’t think I’ve ever gotten along with anyone at the front desk of any of my gyms. For instance, the girl working the desk at my previous gym was this super-hot blonde named Sarah,…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 14, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Halloween and the Election When I used to be single, I looked forward to Halloween. Hearing the doorbell ring made me extremely happy. That’s because one of three things would happen: 1. Goofy-looking kids with terrible costumes would be there, and I’d be able…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 7, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Grub Burger Bar My schedule in the fall is extremely busy, as you might imagine. I barely get out of the house. In fact, there was one Monday recently in which I didn’t go to the gym because I was behind on work, so…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 31, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Old Lady Hate, Old Lady Love The title I conjured up for this particular Jerks of the Week entry makes it sound like some sort of porno involving an 80-year-old woman, but I can assure you that there won’t be any nude pictures or…