Humor

Jerks of the Week for June 21, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: The Laziest Bum On many occasions, I’ve written that I’m terrified of bums. I’m not joking. The way I see it, bums are the most dangerous people in the world because if they commit a crime, they actually receive an upgrade…

Jerks of the Week for Aug. 31, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: My Gym I spend $330 a year on a gym membership that grants me access to a small weight room with broken machines. It also lets me swim in a cloudy pool that has weird stuff floating around in it (old-people…

Jerks of the Week for June 28, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Geriatrics at the Gym If you’ve been reading Jerks of the Week for a while, you know how unbelievably awesome my gym is. From the lack of hot females, to the old naked guys walking around the locker room with their…

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 28, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: People Who Complain About Racism in Cartoons Just by the title, you may know what I’m talking about. If not, my sister sent me this article about people who are crying racism over a new Disney movie. If you don’t, and…

Jerks of the Week for May 10, 2010 Lost Theory: The Man In Black and Aaron Are the Same Person About two months ago, I suggested that the Man In Black and Aaron are the same person. That was just a crackpot theory I came up with, and aside from several points, I didn’t have…

Jerks of the Week for March 15, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Comcast, Phillip and the Fat Flower Lady I’ve been watching countless hours of college basketball to prepare for the 2010 NCAA Tournament. As a degenerate gambler, I’m determined to win money this March. The only time this past week I hadn’t…

Jerks of the Week for Feb. 22, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Snow and Fat Kids If you’re lucky enough to live in warm weather, you may not have heard that the northeast part of this country was pelted with massive amounts of snow recently. Three Fridays ago, we were hit with 27…

Jerks of the Week for Dec. 14, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: University of Kansas If you don’t follow college football – and because there’s no legit champion, I can’t blame you if you don’t – the University of Kansas fired its head coach Mark Mangino. This surprised me at first because Mangino…

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 14, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Terrelle Pryor If you don’t follow college football and aren’t familiar with Terrelle Pryor, he’s the starting quarterback for Ohio State. Pryor drew some attention two weekends ago when he wore a patch that said “VICK” under his left eye in…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 26, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Oompa Loompa If you’ve never seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (no, that is not a gay porno), Oompa Loompas are orange-faced, green-haired midgets who work in this strange guy’s chocolate factory (no, not a porn store). These Oompa Loompas take…