Humor

Jerks of the Week for Aug. 9, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Emmitt Smith’s Hall of Fame Induction Speech I’ve received numerous e-mails recently from people asking me if I’m excited for Emmitt Smith’s Hall of Fame induction speech. This may surprise you, but I’m not. There’s no way Emmitt’s going up to…

Jerks of the Week for Dec. 20, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas I always look forward to Christmas shopping. Do I like the warm feeling of finding the perfect gifts for my family? Meh. I love Christmas shopping because it gives me a chance to find jerks at the mall….

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 13, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: BBall Mad Man One of these days I’m going to get killed playing basketball. I wish I were joking. As you may know, I play pick-up basketball at my gym on Saturdays. One guy who’s usually there is perhaps the most…

Jerks of the Week for Dec. 27, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK: Christmas Lexus Commercials Christmas is over, so hopefully you all got what you wanted – whether that’s a new video game, clothes or porno tapes. I’m willing to bet, however, that you didn’t get a $40,000 car for the holidays. You probably know…

Jerks of the Week for Nov. 22, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Sucky Subway At 7:45 on Thursday evening, I went out to buy dinner. The Dolphins-Bears game was coming on at 8:30, so I needed some fattening food to give me enough energy to make it through what would be one of…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 18, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Toasts I complain about a lot of things in my Jerks of the Week entries. However, there are only a handful of things I truly hate. Here are some I can think of off the top of my head: 1. Bums…

Jerks of the Week for Aug. 16, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Evil Vietnamese Children I’ve mentioned that I’ve moved outside of the city to avoid high taxes, multiple murders every day and drugged-up bums on my street. With that in mind, let’s bid farewell to my old Vietnamese neighbors – an evil…

Jerks of the Week for Dec. 21, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks at the Mall I’m a last-minute holiday shopper. Last year, I went to the mall the day before Christmas Eve. When I stopped at the bank prior to the mall and I told the cougar bank teller that I hadn’t started my…

Jerks of the Week for March 1, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Figure Skating I was talking to Awesome Kelly in Arizona on Saturday night. I asked her when the Olympics would finally be over, and she immediately responded, “F***ing never.” Intrigued that she might be the only female alive who despises the…

Jerks of the Week for Sept. 7, 2009 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Forum Spammers I talked about spammers in another Jerks of the Week entry. I’ve discussed how stupid these spammers are and how easy it is to spot them. Getting more specific, I want to address three particular spammers I’ve banned recently….