2010 NFL Power Rankings: Week 10
Week 9 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) – Previously: #1 – Here are my thoughts on the Steelers-Bengals game:
   
   1. Once again, something shady happens in a Steelers game regarding the spread. Pittsburgh was up 27-7 in the second half, but Cincinnati mounted a furious comeback and actually pushed, thanks to a Ben Roethlisberger interception and a Jeff Reed missed field goal.
   
   If you bet the Steelers at -3.5 to -5.5, congrats. If you had -6, you got Rooneyed.
   
   2. The Steelers won this game, but they have to be concerned with their offensive line. Left guard Chris Kemoeatu was knocked out with an ankle, and left tackle Max Starks and center Maurkice Pouncey were in and out of the lineup with various leg injuries.
   
   The Bengals have no pass rush (6 sacks on the year going into the game). Pittsburgh’s front will have much more trouble holding up against tougher opponents if they’re banged up.
   
   3. Rashard Mendenhall didn’t run as well as I thought he would. He rushed for 99 yards and a touchdown on 22 carries, but the Bengals were 26th against ground attacks going into the weekend. Mendenhall simply had trouble finding running room with three linemen either out or banged up.
   
   4. Both quarterbacks had an up-and-down performance. Ben Roethlisberger (17-27, 163, 1 TD, 1 INT) played well early on, but had an ugly pick in the fourth quarter. Carson Palmer (22-36, 248, 2 TDs, 1 INT) looked horrible in the first half, but found a rhythm with Terrell Owens late to the chagrin of my wallet.
   
   5. Speaking of Owens, he had 10 catches, 141 yards and two touchdowns. On his second score, he completely flattened an oblivious security guard who was watching the stands. Despite his great performance, Owens was dejected in the wake of the loss.
   
   Chad Ochocinco is a different story. He had just one catch for 15 yards. His effort was lacking, and he constantly yelled at Palmer. On one occasion, left tackle Andrew Whitworth shooed him off to the sidelines.
   
   I hate to keep harping on this – actually, I like harping on it, but let’s pretend I hate it – but Ochocinco hasn’t been the same receiver since he starting filming his crappy reality TV shows, namely Eating Cereal with the Stars.
   
   6. Cedric Benson had 54 yards and a touchdown on 18 carries. The Steelers have held all eight of their opponents to 75 rushing yards or fewer this season, which is really amazing.
   
   7. The Bengals did win one aspect of this game – the fans are hotter. Just try not to puke after looking at the Steeler fan (thanks to new forum member TheKijanaMonologues for this.)
   
   
2. Baltimore Ravens (6-2) – Previously: #3 – I listed one quote of Channing Crowder’s tirade against LeRon McClain in my Week 9 Game Recaps page. Here was the hilarious one:
   
   “A guy just spit in my face! I don’t give a damn about Karlos pulling somebody’s facemask. Like they didn’t see Chad Henne get hit twice when he slid. Yeah, a little Stevie Wonder and Anne Frank.”
   
   After Crowder was asked what he meant by the Anne Frank reference, he replied, “Who was that? Is that the blind girl? Helen Keller … I don’t know who the f*** Anne Frank is. I’m mad right now. F*** it. I’m not as swift as I usually am.”
   
   It’s good thing there wasn’t another follow-up question asking him if he knew who Helen Keller was. I imagine the answer would be something like this:
   
   “How the f*** should I know who Helen Keller is? All I know is that she’s blind and she’s Dustin Keller’s cousin or sister, or some s***.”
   
   
3. New York Giants (6-2) – Previously: #5 – I was asked to do a mid-season playoff projection, so here it is.
   
   My favorite to win the NFC is the Giants. I give them a slight edge over the Packers because they have more balance offensively than Green Bay. If the two teams clash in very windy and cold conditions come January, New York’s ability to run the football will be a huge advantage because Brandon Jackson just isn’t very good.
   
   And besides, the Giants could always knock Aaron Rodgers out of the game like they’ve done with almost every other quarterback this season.
   
   
4. Green Bay Packers (6-3) – Previously: #6 – Remember that e-mail I posted three weeks ago where some douche said this Web site “sucks” because I had the Packers in my Top 10 and the Bears all the way down at No. 19? Vindication! Muhahahaha!
   
   And yes, I’m posting this for the three third week in a row. Just a friendly reminder 😉
   
   At any rate, I like Pittsburgh in the AFC. To me, it comes down to the Steelers, Ravens and Colts. Baltimore could absolutely win it, but I feel as though Ben Roethlisberger owns Joe Flacco. And Peyton Manning tends to struggle against 3-4 defenses in the playoffs, so Pittsburgh should be able to beat Indianapolis.
   
   So, a Steelers-Giants matchup would be pretty fun. I would give the edge to New York because of its pass rush against Roethlisberger’s awful offensive line, but that would be stupid because I have Pittsburgh No. 1 in my power rankings. So Steelers it is.
   
   My current MVP, by the way, is Peyton Manning, but if the Chargers rally and reach the playoffs, the award has to go to Philip Rivers, especially if he breaks Dan Marino’s single-season passing yards record.
   
   
5. Indianapolis Colts (5-3) – Previously: #2 – Noooo!!! My prediction is not going to come true:
   
   I’m going on the record now. I think Indianapolis will win its next five games, which will make Peyton Manning and company 8-2 going into a tough battle against the Chargers. If I’m right, I rule. If I’m wrong, I’ll just make up some excuse and still consider myself awesome.
   
   Excuse time! I’d like to blame global warming because it clearly played a factor in the game. If it were colder, QB Dog Killer wouldn’t have been as focused. He would have been thinking about all the ways to kill dogs in the snow.
   
   So there. The Colts didn’t win because of global warming. I remain awesome.
   
   
6. New Orleans Saints (6-3) – Previously: #8 – In my Browns-Patriots recap, I wrote, “The Browns’ upset over the Saints in the Superdome was a fluke victory. Cleveland ran several trick plays, and caught a few uncharacteristic interceptions from Drew Brees. This victory was legit. The Browns completely dominated this game, outgaining New England, 404-283.”
   
   If I get one more e-mail from a Browns fan that sounds like “RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE HOW DARE YOU SAY THE BROWNS’ WIN OVER TEH SAINTS WUZ A FLUKE YOUR A DUM IDIOT!” I’m going to end it all.
   
   It was a fluke. No question. The Saints outgained the Browns by 184 freaking yards. Cleveland converted 2-of-11 third downs. New Orleans had 13 more first downs, and won the time-of-possession battle by 11 minutes. The Browns’ quarterback 9-of-16 for 74 yards.
   
   That’s the definition of a fluke victory, and there’s no arguing that. So please, if you’re a Cleveland fan, for the sake of my sanity, don’t send me anymore of these e-mails, or I may begin cutting myself.
   
   
7. Tennessee Titans (5-3) – Previously: #9 – Remember when Jeff Fisher said that “30 teams will claim Randy Moss?” Whoops!
   
   Fisher’s one step away from being that guy who invites 425 people to a party at Sahara Sam’s, but only three guests show up. Unfortunately for Jeff, Moss will be there to ruin it by criticizing the crappy pizza and soda.
   
   
8. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) – Previously: #10 – If you didn’t watch the Colts-Eagles game, there were a number of questionable calls that went against both teams all afternoon. The refs were horrible. Seemingly after every botched call, an irate Andy Reid stared down the officials, furiously barked at them and seriously looked like he was going to kill them.
   
   It was pretty intense. Now, imagine what would happen if someone stole one of Reid’s precious cheesesteaks. I can’t even imagine how violent he would get.
   
   
9. New England Patriots (6-2) – Previously: #4 – What the hell was up with Eric Mangini after the Patriots win?
   
   “It feels great. I feel like I’m in that movie, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, how we had New England this week and the Jets next week.”
   
   Ghosts of Girlfriends Past? Uhh… not that there’s anything wrong with that, Eric.
   
   Unfortunately, the Mangina was never asked how he knows anything about the movie. If the question did come up, I imagine his answer would have been:
   
   “Shannon Sharpe came over because my mom said I could only have macaroni and cheese if Shannon came over, but anyways, Shannon is boring, so I decided we should watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past because it’s Erin Andrews’ favorite movie, and I have to practice doing things Erin Andrews likes because she’s my almost-girlfriend.”
   
   Something like that.
   
   
10. New York Jets (6-2) – Previously: #7 – If Matthew Stafford doesn’t get hurt, the Jets are 5-3 right now. Fact. OK, maybe it’s not a fact, but let’s pretend it is.
    
    Let’s go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter – a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com’s GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
    
    1. “are defense played good last weak well not totally”
    
    Way to contradict yourself mid-sentence.
    
    2. “BO BO AINT HEARD FROM YA HIT ME ON MY PAGE ABOUT THAT B L S T LOSE SUN WHEN U GET A CHANCE PEACE”
    
    I always knew Bo-Bo was a member of GameCenter!
    
    3. “JERRY JONES A JACKA*** HE PUT ALL DAT MONEY INTO DAT STADIUM BUT GOT A WEAK FOOTBALL TEAM DA SAINTS SHOW GO LOOK GOOD PLAYIN THERE IN FEBRUARY”
    
    DIS GUY COOL CUZ HE TALK LIKE DA GANGSTAZZ
    
    

32. Carolina Panthers (1-7) – Previously: #31 – There’s this guy on the Internet. He has a Web site. In fact, he named the site after himself. He writes about football, and one of the things he wrote was an article for USA Today about why Jimmy Clausen should be the No. 1 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. What an idiot!!!!!

31. Buffalo Bills (0-8) – Previously: #32 – Congrats, Bills! You’ve made it out of last place in the Bottom 10. This is a proud moment for all of the fans.

I’ve been bashing Buffalo for not playing C.J. Spiller. Naturally, I’ve received numerous e-mails like this one from Mark K:

Your constant harping on the Bills for not playing CJ Spiller is not very thought provoking. The issue is not that they picked him and now and are ignoring him, it is simply that he can not pass block. The same was true of Lynch and he saw very little playing time his first year. The only reason I can imagine that you would not write something more incitefull if that your brain was eaten by a zombie nom nom nom nom

At least Mark jokingly wrote “nom nom nom nom” at the end of his e-mail, which brought a tear to my eye. But my response to him and all of the other e-mailers has been the same:

If you spend a No. 9 pick on a player, considering how much money that player demands, you have to use him. If he can’t pass protect, that’s Buffalo’s fault for picking him too high.

30. Denver Broncos (2-6) – Previously: #30 – The Broncos were on a bye. Earlier, I posted a quote from Channing Crowder. I was able to secure an exclusive interview with Crowder shortly afterward:

ME: Hey Channing, thanks for joining me.

CROWDER: “If you spit in my face, I’m gonna f*** you up, ho!”

ME: Why would I spit in your face? I have nothing against you, Channing.

CROWDER: “My bad, I’m so mad right now. F*** it. I see you a journalist, a little Tony Kornheiser or Justin Beiber.”

ME: Justin Bieber?

CROWDER: “Who was that? Is that the guy who write for ESPN? I don’t know who the f*** Justin Bieber is. I’m not as swift as I usually am.”

ME: That’s an understatement.

CROWDER: “Did you just spit in my face? I know you spit in my f***ing face, ho.”

ME: No, I told you, I have no reason to spit in your face.

CROWDER: “You a traitor. A little Tom Arnold.”

ME: You mean Benedict Arnold?

CROWDER: “I ain’t swift right now. Not swift at all. Who the f*** is Benedict Arnold?”

ME: He’s… never mind.

CROWDER: “That’s what I thought. All the hoes try to spit in my face like I ain’t swift or somethin. I’m very swift, swifter than the swifterest man in the world. I’m Michael Bolton, ho.”

ME: You mean Usain Bolt?

CROWDER: “Who the f*** is Usain Bolt? Why you always questioning me? You a little Walt Disney.”

ME: Walt Disney? Umm… I have no idea what you’re trying to refer to now.

CROWDER: “Your name Walt. Walt Disney’s name Walt. Damn, you ain’t swift, ho.”

ME: Apparently not.

29. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) – Previously: #29 – The 49ers were also on a bye, so here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter (the first from Wraith):

1. “i think the new england fans need to go away, your not proving anything to anyone with your “argument” cause quite honestly nobody cares about what you do in your “bahs” when your driving your “cahs” to grab a “bear””

Think I’ll get some hate mail if I say this GameCenter poster actually makes a legitimate point?

2. “thats the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard, some one named Bob Sanders as a great D player….Maybe a great All ENJURY player”

No. What you wrote could be the DUMBEST thing you’ve ever heard.

3. “Funny LOL Jets were after throuht LOLOLOL”

Something tells me that this person will be in an insane asylum within the next five years.

28. Arizona Cardinals (3-5) – Previously: #28 – The adventure of Derek Anderson’s magic flask continues! As you all know, Percy Harvin and Brad Childress nearly got into a fight during Friday’s practice. The two men were still angry at each other until the conclusion of Sunday’s game:

Childress: I hate you! You’re a poopy head!

Harvin: No, I am a collard kector, but you are a pee-pee brain!

Anderson: Hic… hey guyssssss, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.

Childress & Harvin: OK…

*** Five minutes later ***

Childress: I lovvveee youuuu mannnnn.

Harvin: Youuurrrr myyy bessst frrrriend innn the worrrlldd.

27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) – Previously: #27 – I’m still angry about the backdoor push. Maybe I should start giving analysis like Keyshawn Johnson. Here’s a gem from Keyshawn on Monday Night Countdown:

This is a different Bengals team this year from last year.

Thanks, Key.

26. Dallas Cowboys (1-7) – Previously: #23 – Why was everyone so shocked when Wade Phillips said “I don’t know who we play next” in the Green Bay post-game press conference? Not only does Wade not know whom his next opponent is; I don’t even think he knows what day tomorrow is. Here’s a conversation that must occur pretty often:

Wade Phillips: What day is tomorrow, Friday?

Jason Garrett: No, tomorrow’s Tuesday.

Wade Phillips (looking down, depressed): Oh, OK…

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4) – Previously: #26 – How irrelevant are the Jaguars? After the Colts beat the Texans last Monday night, Peyton Manning was asked about the divisional race…

“We have lots of good quarterbacks in this division, like Matt Schaub… uhh… Jerard…”

When your greatest rival doesn’t even know how to pronounce your name, you know you absolutely suck.

24. Seattle Seahawks (4-4) – Previously: #19 – Breaking news: The Seattle Seahawks have filed a lawsuit against the New York Giants. The Seahawks are claiming that the Giants invited them over for some drinks, gave them tons of shots, forced them into a bathroom and did naughty things to them. The Giants could facing a six-game suspension; four with good behavior.

23. St. Louis Rams (4-4) – Previously: #24 – I was asked by several e-mailers why I didn’t think the Rams would go after Randy Moss. I just didn’t feel like management would want to pollute Sam Bradford’s growth with a bad influence. I think St. Louis made the right move by not putting in a claim for him.

Speaking of Moss, Facebook friend Noah H. wrote this hilarious post on my wall:

“I need some advice, so maybe you can chime on this. OK, so I was with a 10 and she didn’t appreciate me, so I dumped her and got with this girl who used to be a 9ish but I realized she’s really only a 4 or 5 now. So I quickly talked my way out of that by saying how much I missed the 10. The 4 left me and a 8 scooped me up before I could even hit the market. What do I do?” ~~~Thanks R. Moss.


2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Atlanta Falcons (6-2). Previously: #11
12. San Diego Chargers (4-5). Previously: #12
13. Houston Texans (4-4). Previously: #15
14. Miami Dolphins (4-4). Previously: #13
15. Oakland Raiders (5-4). Previously: #17
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-3). Previously: #16
17. Minnesota Vikings (3-5). Previously: #22
18. Kansas City Chiefs (5-3). Previously: #14
19. Cleveland Browns (3-5). Previously: #25
20. Detroit Lions (2-6). Previously: #20
21. Washington Redskins (4-4). Previously: #18
22. Chicago Bears (5-3). Previously: #21