2010 NFL Power Rankings: Week 7
Week 6 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1) – Previously: #1 – The Steelers are No. 1, and there’s wide gap between them and the No. 2 team. They’re clearly the Super Bowl favorites right now.
   
   By the way, if you read these NFL Power Rankings and disagree with them, feel free to send me hate mail! As you’ll see below, I’ve posted some of the hate mail I received last week. Apparently, people are frustrated that I’m not taking team records into account enough (Bears and Chiefs fans were angry that I had their teams ranked so low despite the fact that they were 4-1 and 3-1, respectively.)
   
   I rank these teams from 1-32 based on how good I think they are. I don’t look at records. But if I did look at records, here’s what my analysis would be like:
   
   OMG THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST COLUMN OF TEAM X IS GREATER THAN THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST COLUMN OF TEAM Y SO TEAM X MUST BE THE BETTER TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT TEAM Z AND TEAM C HAVE THE SAME NUMBERS IN THE FIRST COLUMN AND SECOND COLUMN SO I DUNNO WHAT TO DO OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.
   
   
2. Baltimore Ravens (4-2) – Previously: #2 – The Ravens beat the Jets and Steelers on the road, and led the Patriots by 10 in the fourth quarter Sunday. They’re still my No. 2 team.
   
   Before moving on, I must note that there will not be an interview this week for three reasons:
   
   1. I couldn’t think of anyone interesting to fake talk to.
   
   2. No one wanted to hang out with me after my disastrous 4-9-1 Week 6 (thank you Raiders and Colts for suffering bad beats and making that a lot worse than it should have been.)
   
   3. A piece of hate mail from Mike M:
   
   I am writing as a victim of your latest pick of the month and on behalf of my life savings. I’ve been heeding your “advice” for the last couple seasons now and I now realize I would have been off pinning up a bunch of teams, blindfolding myself and throwing darts to make my picks; at least then I would have had a 1 in 32 chance.
   
   Here’s a list of better investments I could have made in that time:
   
   -A Bernie Madoff mutual fund
   -A roll on red 21 in roulette
   -Pyramid scheme
   -Dumping it out of an airplane
   -A weight watchers in Ethiopa
   -Getting robbed at gunpoint
   
   You are living proof that anyone can write ANYTHING they want on the internet. You spend the whole week analyzing each pick and are barely over .500; congratulations, the secretary in my office pool can do that. And she picks based on the mascot.
   
   Do this for me: next time you do a mock interview in your column, interview my bookie who’s about to break my thumbs–just so I have an idea how it’s going to go.
   
   Man, and I’m up about $9,500 over the past 2-and-a-half years. The secretary in his office must be a hell of a spread picker if she’s better than that.
   
   Look for much more hate mail in my Week 7 NFL Picks.
   
   
3. Indianapolis Colts (4-2) – Previously: #3 – Last week I wrote:
   
   I’m going on the record now. I think Indianapolis will win its next five games, which will make Peyton Manning and company 8-2 going into a tough battle against the Chargers. If I’m right, I rule. If I’m wrong, I’ll just make up some excuse and still consider myself awesome.
   
   I’m one-fifth on the way to being awesome.
   
   
4. New York Jets (5-1) – Previously: #6 – The Jets are looking impressive at 5-1. They barely beat the Broncos, but they did come away with a hard-fought victory, and winning in Denver is no easy task.
   
   I forgot to mention this last week. I saw the following hilarious (and of course grammatically inept) comment on NFL.com’s GameCenter pertaining to the Vikings-Jets Monday night game:
   
   Farve thows 3 pics… 1 to Revis, 1 to Cromartie and 1 to Kim Kardashian.
   
   
5. New Orleans Saints (4-2) – Previously: #8 – The Saints just got their first blowout victory of the year, but the red zone issues still persist; excluding a late drive when Tampa was deflated, New Orleans reached the red zone three times and converted only one touchdown.
   
   With that in mind, let’s go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter – a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com’s GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. “you guys beat the bills the phins an cincy who beat us but yall still havent played nobody except the jets an yall loss we beat much better teams than you an once again everybody over looks the ravens an thinks we just get lucky were overrated well we will shut you up just like DENVER we will beat you in ur house again belive me”
   
   In first grade, I learned to replace “a” with “an” before a word with a vowel-sounding first syllable. Apparently, this person wasn’t paying attention on that day.
   
   2. “its ok my mom is a pats fan shes from NE i tell her all the time”
   
   Wait, you tell your mom that she’s from New England? Does she have amnesia?
   
   3. “one game at a time who cares who we play we can beat those team we have the platers just watch it all come toghter”
   
   Keys to victory: Converting third downs, winning the turnover battle and having the platers.
   
   
6. New York Giants (4-2) – Previously: #10 – If you didn’t tune into Sunday NFL Countdown to have your brain cells depleted, Mike Ditka and Tom Jackson both argued that Rex Ryan’s coaching style is “best suited for the postseason” over Tom Coughlin.
   
   I seem to recall an angry, skinny coach wearing blue raising the Lombardi Trophy, but I’m not so sure anymore. I’m borderline comatose after listening to these ESPN NFL analysts over the years.
   
   
7. New England Patriots (4-1) – Previously: #11 – On Sunday night, Tom Jackson said the following of the Patriots pertaining to the post-Randy Moss era: “This is how they won Super Bowls.”
   
   New England won its three Super Bowls without a star wideout, yes. But Jackson’s only half right. Tom Brady was awesome during the Patriots’ dynasty last decade without Moss, but he wouldn’t have won any rings without a great defense supporting him. Savvy veterans like Richard Seymour, Tedy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, Ted Johnson, Lawyer Milloy and Ty Law really put that team over the top. Now, the Patriots can’t even stop Ryan Fitzpatrick.
   
   
8. Green Bay Packers (3-3) – Previously: #4 – The Packers keep losing close games, but they’re still in my top 10 because they’ll be getting back Clay Matthews and Ryan Pickett next week, and Mark Tauscher, Brandon Chillar and Atari Bigby soon after. If everyone is healthy at the end of the year, this team could make a run and reach the Super Bowl. The NFC is that wide open.
   
   Some people will disagree with my having Green Bay in the top 10. One such person is angry e-mailer Jerome E:
   
   I am questioning the credibility of your website and rankings. Your site has absolutely NO LOGIC in ranking the 4-1 Bears as #16 in the league. The only obvious reason is your site’s BIAS. Let’s see who you ranked above the 4-1 Bears;
   
   #9 Dallas Cowboys – The Bears defeated this team in Dallas.
   #4 Greenbay Packers – The Bears also defeat this team.
   #10 NY Giants – The Bears were in this game for three quarters. It was a game of defense until Todd Collins let the floodgates open.
   
   How can you rank the terrible Chargers AND Vikings above the Bears on top of that? The Texans at #5? You kidding me? They just imploded and now have a poor offense and poor defense.
   
   Disrespect, that’s why. Newsflash, the Bears are a good team — even with a poor O-line! The Bears defense is back to top form. Walterfootball just defies logic, just like many other critics who do not recognize the 4-1 Chicago Bears as a legitimate NFL team.
   
   Well on behalf of Chicago and the largest, undivided football market in the NFL — YOUR WEBSITE SUCKS.
   
   So, according to Jerome E:
   
   – The Bears should be ranked ahead of the Giants because they “were in this game for three quarters.”
   – The Texans have a poor offense.
   – I am apparently biased against the Bears (even though I live right outside of Philadelphia).
   
   Here was my response:
   
   The fact that you’re so defensive about the ranking makes me think that deep down inside, you don’t think the Bears are very good.
   
   They were outplayed in the three games you listed. Both the Cowboys and Packers beat themselves. Meanwhile, the Bears should have lost to Detroit if it wasn’t for that bizarre rule.
   
   Sorry, but your team is just not that good.
   
   Vindication! Not even Jerome E. can defend Chicago’s home loss to a Seattle team that always sucks on the road.
   
   Now if you’ll excuse me, I must put needles into my voodoo dolls of Jay Cutler, Matt Forte and Brian Urlacher. You know, because I am so biased against the Bears.
   
   
9. Philadelphia Eagles (4-2) – Previously: #15 – A weird story out of Philadelphia: If you missed it, QB Dog Killer showed up an hour late to Sunday’s game (reportedly per Andy Reid’s permission) and then watched the Eagles victory from the locker room. Everyone is puzzled by this, and none of the major media outlets have an explanation for it.
   
   Shame on them. Here on WalterFootball.com, we know all. Here’s what happened:
   
   It was a couple of hours before kickoff. Reid’s tummy was rumbling. He looked at the five dozen menus on his desk, but wanted something different. Suddenly, Reid realized what he was in the mood for. He quickly called QB Dog Killer.
   
   “Hey Michael… uhh… hem, hem… can you umm… pick up, hem, hem… some dog meat?”
   
   QB Dog Killer agreed, though it took him a while to find some dogs to drown then cook. QB Dog Killer then brought the meat to the stadium and guarded it for Reid in the locker room.
   
   Yes. This is exactly what happened. Mystery solved.
   
   
10. Houston Texans (4-2) – Previously: #5 – The Texans barely stay alive in the top 10. Yes, they beat the Chiefs, but their defense was pathetic, especially in the second half when DeMeco Ryans was lost for the year. Houston is going to miss him a lot.
    
    Having said that, the Texans’ tackling was atrocious even before Ryans tore his Achillies’ tendon. I don’t know why the effort wasn’t there. It’s almost as if Gary Kubiak hired Jack Del Rio to be the motivational speaker before the game: “All right dudes, let’s play some football, then catch some waves, drink some beers and eat pizza. Righteous!”

32. Buffalo Bills (0-5) – Previously: #32 – A hilarious, confusing and uninformed e-mail from depressed/angry Bills fan Leo N:

I love how you down on the Bills franchise for “not using spiller.” You obviously don’t watch because he is in the game much more than 3rd down. He was in just as much as Jackson on passing plays, and yes he didn’t get many touches, but do you down on Arizona for not featuring Beanie Wells and Oakland for not featuring Michael Bush? The answer is no.

You are a fair-weather piece of crap. Take for example your opinion on the Rams over the course of the last year. You beat them into the ground, but OH LOOK, they are winning now. Seems like a change of heart. I put up with it because I thought you had a valued opinion, but sir, I see now that you’re nothing more than an average NFL fan with no sense of optimism or heart.

Only three letters can describe this e-mail: LOL.

Here was my response:

You apparently don’t read my Web site because I’ve continuously bashed the Cardinals and Raiders for not using Chris Wells and Michael Bush. So next time, please read before you criticize.

I really don’t understand your point about the Rams. First of all, it’s not like the Bills are winning now and I’m still criticizing them. The Bills are not winning, so why would I praise them? And second, I’m not sure I really bashed St. Louis. In fact, this offseason, I wrote: “The Rams have a long way to go, but they have a plan and are moving in the right direction.”

C.J. Spiller had six touches last game. Six freaking touches. It’s really a crime that you’re defending this Bills team. In a sense, you’re part of the problem. Fans like you are the reason why there hasn’t been a regime change in the most pathetic franchise in the NFL.

My point: If you’re an angry Bills fan who blames me for your team’s ineptness, point at your cheap owner and clueless front office instead.

31. Carolina Panthers (0-5) – Previously: #31 – Jimmy Clausen has been benched. This, of course, brought joy and happiness to a couple of trolls we have on the forum.

The Panthers are a disgrace and owner Jerry Richardson should be ashamed of himself. John Fox won’t be back next year, so he doesn’t care about the future. He shouldn’t be allowed to make any decisions going forward, and if Richardson weren’t such a cheap a-hole, he would have fired Fox during the bye week. Unfortunately for Carolina fans, Richardson doesn’t care about the team at all, and is simply content to watch Fox pad a couple of wins onto his resume for his next coaching gig.

I really don’t think it’ll matter. This Panthers team is epically bad and has a legitimate shot to go 0-16. They have no pass protection. They have no running game with Jeff Otah out. They have no receivers. They have no defense. They were the first team since 1999 to start a rookie quarterback and two rookie receivers in the same game (Browns: Tim Couch, Kevin Johnson, Darren Chiaverini). Clausen has been pretty bad, but Matt Moore stinks as well. Regardless, there aren’t too many signal-callers that could win with this crap team.

30. Cleveland Browns (1-5) – Previously: #30 – Like nearly everyone who has a strong opinion on the NFL Draft, I didn’t think Colt McCoy would be anything more than a career backup in the NFL. He looked lost in the preseason and barely made the team. But I was amazed at how poised he was on Sunday at Pittsburgh. He stood in the pocket amid a fierce pass rush, and did more than just dump off passes to Peyton Hillis. It’s only one game, but the McCoy era looks promising in Cleveland.

Browns fans just better hope that Jake Delhomme’s kidnappers don’t abduct McCoy’s son, twin brother and third cousin.

29. San Francisco 49ers (1-5) – Previously: #27 – Watching the 49ers-Raiders game reminded me of my old high school football team. Most of the schools in the Philadelphia Public League were so completely inept on offense that the only thing they could do successfully was run the ball up the middle. If either team tried to throw a pass, the crowd would just groan while the ball was still in the air. Everyone just knew it would result in an incompletion or interception.

That essentially summed up the 49ers-Raiders game – except in high school, you couldn’t bet on the underdog getting seven points and watch them blow the cover very late in the game.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) – Previously: #23 – Here are my thoughts on the Titans-Jaguars game:

1. I’d like to wish Jack Del Rio all the bad luck in the world. In the coming months, I hope he’s fired, endures a computer virus and gets eaten by Rosie O’Donnell.

Not only is Del Rio lazy; he is stupid as well. Down 23-3 with two minutes left, he continuously called timeouts on defense for some unknown reason. On fourth down, Chris Johnson ran in a 35-yard touchdown, which cost me my perfect record in Bo-Bo’s league. I lost by one stinking point on a play that should have never happened. I hope Del Rio rots in Rosie’s stomach for all of eternity.

2. For what should have been a big Monday night game in a battle for first place, the Jaguars put forth little effort. Their front seven was great in bottling up Johnson until the very end, but the offense, particularly David Garrard, was stagnant and sluggish. Garrard, a big wuss, was knocked out of the contest with a minor concussion. He sucked anyway (7-of-12, 49 yards, 1 INT). Trent Edwards took his place and looked good in the 2-minute drill. However, Edwards would later toss two interceptions in the second half.

3. In this first half of this contest, the Jaguars weren’t just battling the Titans. The officials made some ridiculously shady calls, including an awful offensive pass interference on Tiquan Underwood that ruined a promising drive. Later on, I could have sworn that head official Mike Carey said, “Pass interfer… what? It was deflected? Holding on the defense.”

OK, maybe I’m exaggerating, but the officiating was unbelievably one-sided. Not like the Jaguars would have won the game, but it’s something I would have complained about more had this been a close contest.

4. The big news coming out of this game – and my old journalism professor is probably angry at me for burying the lead – is Vince Young’s injury. Young left in the first quarter with a sprained knee. Kerry Collins played well in his absence (11-of-16, 110 yards, TD), but the Titans will need Young if they want to make a playoff run.

5. To cap this crappy game off, here’s a fun tweet (@walterfootball) I made after the game:

Kerry Collins just blew a .12 during Michelle Tafoya’s interview.

27. Arizona Cardinals (3-2) – Previously: #26 – The Cardinals didn’t play on Sunday, but the Rams, Seahawks and 49ers all won. After a 3-0 day, I don’t think there’s any doubt the NFC West is the best division in football.

26. Seattle Seahawks (3-2) – Previously: #28 – I don’t know what to think about these Seahawks. Their win at Chicago was very impressive, yet they were blown out at St. Louis a couple of weeks ago. Still, the solid play of Russell Okung, Mike Williams and Marshawn Lynch is reason for optimism.

At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. “head my warning cardiac cats will be back. chad and t.o nrrd to catch the ball and not drop them that goes for whoever and palmer id doing well”

Your warning has been headed.

2. “hey whats up phxgirl what u think about max hall”

I guess this is how pick-up lines work on NFL.com GameCenter. Instead of “what’s your sign?” it’s “How’s your quarterback?”

3. “and i dont think iv ever seen a texans pic with a cake as chimpmunk in it… football is a mans game get off the website kid”

Chipmunk cakes NOM NOM NOM NOM

25. St. Louis Rams (3-3) – Previously: #29 – Sam Bradford has the power to turn mediocre (Mark Clayton) and undrafted receivers (Danario Alexander) into studs. And Bradford’s just a rookie. The Rams are going to be awesome next year.

A Facebook wall post from Ross F:

Did you hear Bill Cowher try to pronounce Danario Alexander’s first name on the CBS post game show? Dan, Dani, Danitario…

Unfortunately, I missed it. I would have really enjoyed hearing a CBS analyst not named Shannon Sharpe butcher the English language.

24. Oakland Raiders (2-4) – Previously: #24 – Awesome tweet by EvilAlexSmith:

Best QBs in the Bay Area: 1) Andrew Luck 2) Alex Smith 3) Whoever is playing at San Jose State 4) Jason Campbell

23. Detroit Lions (1-5) – Previously: #25 – It’s hard to believe that aside from the Eagles, the Lions have the highest-scoring offense in the NFC – and they’ve had their starting quarterback for only one half this season!

In honor of this stat, I’ve changed my mind about the lack of an interview in this edition of my power rankings. Of course, it helps that I found someone pathetic and depressed enough to talk to me.

Here’s my exclusive interview with the one and only Wade Phillips!

ME: Hey Wade, thanks for joining me.

PHILLIPS: “Hello.”

ME: Wade, your team is struggling. Tony is about to match his interception total from last year. What do you attribute that to?

PHILLIPS: “Uhh… Tony…?”

ME: Yeah, Tony Romo.

PHILLIPS: “Oh yeah…”

ME: Well?

PHILLIPS: “Uhh… well what?”

ME: Why is Romo throwing so many interceptions?

PHILLIPS: “Uhh… I think he’ll be OK.”

ME: Well, what about all of your penalties? Why is your team so heavily penalized?

PHILLIPS: “That’s just something we’re gonna have to work on.”

ME: What does that mean? Every week you’re committing double-digit penalties. What did you say to Austin after he was whistled for excessive celebration at Minnesota?

PHILLIPS: “Uhh… Austin?”

ME: Yeah, Miles Austin.

PHILLIPS: “Oh…”

ME: So what did you say?

PHILLIPS: “Uhh… about what?”

ME: You know, I suddenly realize why your team is so undisciplined.


2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Tennessee Titans (4-2). Previously: #18
12. Atlanta Falcons (4-2). Previously: #7
13. Dallas Cowboys (1-4). Previously: #9
14. San Diego Chargers (2-4). Previously: #12
15. Washington Redskins (3-3). Previously: #13
16. Miami Dolphins (3-2). Previously: #17
17. Minnesota Vikings (2-3). Previously: #14
18. Kansas City Chiefs (3-2). Previously: #20
19. Chicago Bears (4-2). Previously: #16
20. Denver Broncos (2-4). Previously: #19
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2). Previously: #21
22. Cincinnati Bengals (2-3). Previously: #22