2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 13
Week 12 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (10-1) – Previously: #1 – If you missed the Giants-Cardinals game, you didn’t catch what could have been the worst touchdown celebration in NFL history. After scoring in the second half, Giants fullback Madison Hedgecock moved his arms as if he were rowing a boat. Running back to the sideline, he was approached by everyone and asked what that was all about. After the game, he talked about rowing to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl.
   
   OK, first of all, if you plan on rowing to Hawaii, have fun getting eaten by sharks. Second, the Giants should make sure Hedgecock doesn’t score ever again to avoid further embarrassment to the franchise.
   
   
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3) – Previously: #3 – My dad brought up a great point after the Steelers failed to cover against San Diego in the wake of that shady nullified touchdown, and managed to cover when Ben Roethlisberger’s unnecessarily scored versus the Bengals on Thursday night. The original owner of the Steelers made his money from bookmaking when it was legal in this country. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it would explain why something shady happens whenever there is a large percentage of money on Pittsburgh.
   
   Think about it: The called-back touchdown versus San Diego. The last-second score against Cincinnati. Roethlisbeger’s careless interceptions at the end of each half the week before. Romeo Crennel’s meaningless field goal to cover the 6-point spread in Week 2. I could go on and on, but I’m afraid I’ll be paid a visit by men in suits and sunglasses, “asking” me to silence myself.
   
   
3. New York Jets (8-3) – Previously: #8 – Though the Titans are two up in the win column over the Jets, I have to list New York ahead of Tennessee, simply based on what happened on Sunday. If that game were decided by one score, I’d still have the Titans No. 2. But the fact that they were completely debacled moves the Steelers and red-hot Jets ahead of them.
   
   
4. Tennessee Titans (10-1) – Previously: #2 – Last week I wrote the following:
   
   I don’t understand how anyone can say that Kerry Collins deserves MVP consideration. He’s not even the MVP on his team! He has just two 200-yard passing performances all year. He has thrown for more than one touchdown only twice. If you put Collins on the Cardinals, are they still that good? No. If you put Kurt Warner on the Titans, are they better? Absolutely.
   
   Now, if only my NFL Picks didn’t completely suck, I could say I’m a genius.
   
   It should be noted that Collins wasn’t solely responsible for the loss. The defense couldn’t get off the field, while all the great receivers Tennessee signed last offseason dropped a combined five passes in the first half.
   
   
5. Dallas Cowboys (7-4) – Previously: #6 – Not much to say about Dallas’ dominating victory over the 49ers, so let’s talk more Titans; specifically LenDale White.
   
   If you missed White’s comments after the game, they were pretty amusing:
   
   “I really couldn’t tell you what happened,” White said. “I don’t really know… I didn’t care really. I would like to be involved more, but if I am not involved I would like somebody to tell me what’s going on.”
   
   White went on to say that he wasn’t paying attention to the game. Jeff Fisher later quelled White’s anger by taking him to Wendy’s, where White spent $5,000 on various items on the dollar menu.
   
   Well, on the bright side, at least White isn’t some selfish, out-of-shape, fat slob!
   
   
6. Indianapolis Colts (7-4) – Previously: #10 – When I handicapped the Colts-Chargers game, I didn’t know San Diego would be playing the officials in addition to the guys dressed in blue and white.
   
   Excluding the Pittsburgh game, the Chargers have gotten screwed all year by poor and clearly biased officiating. There were so many phantom penalties in the Colts game. A pass interference on an uncatchable ball. Pass interference on a linebacker who was rushing the passer and wasn’t even close to a receiver. No pick called on Indianapolis’ first touchdown. Anthony Gonzlaez’s fumble whistled incomplete, disallowing the Chargers the opportunity to challenge. I could go on and on.
   
   That said, the Chargers need to take some responsibility for the loss. Norv Turner foolishly called a timeout prior to Nate Kaeding’s field goal, giving Peyton Manning way too much time to operate. LaDainian Tomlinson dropped a pass on the final drive. Philip Rivers fumbled the ball away in the red zone on the opening drive of the third quarter. I could go on and on.
   
   
7. Arizona Cardinals (7-4) – Previously: #5 – The Cardinals may have lost, but they proved to everyone that they can hang with the NFL’s elite. Whether or not they can do so on the road remains to be seen, but we won’t find out Thanksgiving night because the Eagles, who will be quarterbacked by Donovan McNabb, are garbage.
   
   Speaking of McNabb, I wonder if he knew quarterbacks could be benched. I’m shocked he didn’t tell the media, “I’ve never been benched. Never been part of being benched. I didn’t know quarterbacks could be benched. I’d like to see what happens in the playoffs or the Super Bowl.”
   
   
8. Carolina Panthers (8-3) – Previously: #4 – I don’t know what’s going on with the Panthers, but they’ve been terrible since coming off their bye. They were just debacled by the Falcons. The Lions kept things close the week before. The Raiders were trailing by single digits for 59 minutes (and of course, I had five units on Oakland, so I got screwed at the end when Carolina had a long return and kicked a field goal.)
   
   The Panthers have really struggled, so don’t be surprised if they continue to lose. Then again, Jake Delhomme is the most inconsistent quarterback of all time, so we really don’t know what’s going to happen.
   
   The bottom line is that Carolina is really unpredictable, and could either turn things around, continue to lose, or finish the season on a .500 run. Umm… I guess I don’t have a point. Sorry for wasting your time.
   
   
9. New England Patriots (7-4) – Previously: #15 – I’m now a believer in Matt Cassel. He doesn’t have a strong arm, but he has a great knack for converting third downs. Besides, he’s the first quarterback to throw for 400 yards in consecutive weeks since the great… umm… Billy Volek? Never mind…
   
   New England’s losses have come to the 7-4 Colts, 8-3 Jets, 6-5 Dolphins and 4-7 Chargers. Not bad.
   
   By the way, New England takes Washington’s spot in the top 10. Why? Since beating Dallas and Philadelphia on the road in back-to-back weeks, the Redskins have lost to 2-9 St. Louis; beat 4-7 Cleveland by only three; beat 0-11 Detroit by just eight; lost to Pittsburgh and Dallas; and squeaked by Seattle by three. The Redskins are 1-4-1TS since Oct. 5. Not impressive at all.
   
   
10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-3) – Previously: #12 – I’ve taken the Packers out of the top 10 in the wake of their Monday night debaclation. You can’t make Jason David look like a Hall-of-Famer and expect to be ranked up here for long. And what happened to Green Bay’s defense, by the way? Didn’t they just debacle the Bears and keep things close to the Titans? What happened in New Orleans?
    
    It’s worth noting that the Lions are still alive for third place! If Detroit wins out and Green Bay loses its five remaining games, the Packers will be last; not the Lions!
    
    

32. Detroit Lions (0-11) – Previously: #32 – I’m still really pissed off. 17-0!!! The Lions led 17-0 giving eight points!!! How did they not cover!?

My initial reaction to this in Sunday’s Live In-Games Thread in the forum summarized my feelings on this terrible beat:

“I ****ing hate the Lions. **** you, Culpepper! **** you Matt Millen! **** you William Clay Ford! **** you, Rod Marnelli! Gosder Cherilus is a ****ing failure! How many ****ing false starts can you have every week? Seriously!?”

31. St. Louis Rams (2-9) – Previously: #31 – Nothing positive to say about the Rams, so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Andy Reid!

Andy, since I interviewed you two weeks ago, you tied the Bengals and benched your franchise quarterback. Things haven’t gone well. I appreciate you joining me at such a tough time.

“Uhh… no problem, Walt. Umm… let’s make this quick because I, uhh, have five consecutive reservations at different restaurants, and umm… I’d like to, uhh, get to Wendy’s before it closes. Hem, hem. Time’s yours.”

Yeah, we can do that. First, let me ask about the benching. Did you really think that was warranted when you were down only 10-7?

“Uhh… umm… hem, hem… uhh… you need to take, uhh, an inch backward to move forward a mile.”

A mile? Benching your quarterback and losing by 30 is going to move you forward a mile? How does that work? And why didn’t you tell McNabb you were going to bench him? Why did you send one of your stooges to do this?

“That’s uhh… something I, uhh, need to, umm, work on…”

I would agree with you there. Your people skills suck. But so does your play-calling. Why did your team have to take a delay penalty in the no-huddle on the third play of the Baltimore contest? I’ve never seen a team take a delay of game in the no-huddle offense. How does that happen?

“I, uhh, would like the, uhh, rib-eye steak as an appetizer, and umm, chicken fingers for uhh, my second appetizer, and uhh, no wait, uhh… mozzarella sticks first then… uhh…”

Andy, you’re not at the restaurant yet!

“Hem, hem… uhh… scratch the mozzarella sticks. I’ll get those later. Give me, uhh, a bacon cheeseburger as my first appetizer then, uhh, the steak second. Umm… no, that’s not right. I need a timeout! Timeout! Timeout!”

I’m guessing this interview is over, Andy? Andy! Andy! Stop drooling all over my notes!

30. Cincinnati Bengals (1-9-1) – Previously: #29 – Now that I’ve secured that interview, I can say the following:

Andy Reid lashed out at his team after the Bengals tie, yelling that “jobs would be on the line.” Yeah, someone’s job is on the line, Big Red – yours!

I’ve talked about the benching and the delay-of-game penalty ad nauseum. Something I didn’t mention yet is that a clueless Reid attempted to challenge two plays in the Ravens game, but was denied. In both instances, the official had to run over to Reid and tell him that what he wanted to challenge wasn’t reviewable.

It’s amusing how this man doesn’t know the rules. And people were surprised that the team didn’t know the game could end in a tie…

29. Seattle Seahawks (2-9) – Previously: #28 – Ugh. How did the Redskins not cover the three at Seattle? It took the combination of poor play-calling inside the five, two inexplicable drives from the Seahawks, and Ladell Betts’ fumble deep in Seattle territory for the push to happen.

Note to Vegas or whoever fixed the Redskins-Seahawks game to make it push: Next time, don’t make it so obvious by having a guy named Betts fumble the ball away!

28. Kansas City Chiefs (1-10) – Previously: #27 – Remember when Herm Edwards was the most conservative coach of all time? I miss that guy.

The Chiefs ran the ball nine times against the Bills. Nine times! It’s like Herm Edwards finally has a starting-caliber quarterback and doesn’t know what to do with him.

27. Oakland Raiders (3-8) – Previously: #30 – The past two weeks, a pair of prominent names declared their admiration for Al Davis and expressed their desire to coach the Raiders. The two men were Jim Harbaugh and Jim Fassel. Fassel, I understand because he really doesn’t have anything else better to do right now except enter in Robin Williams Look-Alike contests. Harbaugh? He has a good thing going in Stanford right now. He should wait for a better job, unless he wants to be undermined and then fired based on a Fake AIM Conversation.

26. San Francisco 49ers (3-8) – Previously: #26 – Two weeks ago, Mike Ditka, who speaks so quickly he seldom finishes his sentences, revealed something surprising when he said of Mike Singletary, “You can’t have regrets. You’re a football.”

Last week, Ditka surprised us all by stating the following: “The Pats are a good football… they’re well coached. They’re a good football.”

Ah, ha! The Patriots have had so much success because they’re a football as well! Had I known they were a football, and not an NFL team, I would have bet on them every single week!

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-7) – Previously: #25 – Because Andy Reid didn’t answer my question, let’s ask why he didn’t tell Donovan McNabb that he was benching him. Time for oddities!

11:1 – Reid did – he sent a carrier pigeon – but it hadn’t arrived to McNabb yet.

4:1 – Reid had other important things to do, like design more long pass plays on third-and-one.

2:1 – Reid was busy trying to place his dinner orders (note the plural) correctly throughout halftime.

1:9 – “Uhh… ummm… that’s something I need to… uhh… work on. Hem, hem.”

24. Cleveland Browns (4-7) – Previously: #24 – Here’s how inexplicable this season is: 1) My College Football Picks have been much better than my NFL picks. 2) Homefield advantage means nothing anymore (case in point: Denver has lost to Miami and Oakland at home, and beaten Atlanta on the road this year.) 3) My Over-Unders have been more reliable than my sides. 4) Jason David is playing like a Pro Bowler. 5) Bill Simmons, who perennially loses to his NFL-ignorant wife in their picks competition, has a better record than I do this year.

Speaking of Simmons, he had a hilarious e-mail about Romeo Crennel’s playbook being comprised of different pictures of pizzas, where Crennel would decide which play to run based on which pizza he wanted to eat at that exact moment.

23. Houston Texans (4-7) – Previously: #23 – Did you know that the Texans and Browns never played? It’s true. I watched the new, terrible NFL Primetime, and they didn’t cover that game. Chris Berman and Tom Jackson would have done so in the old version of NFL Primetime. Apparently, the ultra-annoying Merril Hoge was too busy talking about factor backs and handing out fantasy advice (“Start him! He can read defenses!”) to discuss the Brady Quinn benching. ESPN hates its viewers. That’s the bottom line. If they cared about their fans, they’d bring back the old NFL Primetime. What they’ve done with that show is a disgrace.


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Chicago Bears (6-5). Previously: #11
12. Atlanta Falcons (7-4). Previously: #13
13. Washington Redskins (7-4). Previously: #9
14. Baltimore Ravens (7-4). Previously: #14
15. New Orleans Saints (6-5). Previously: #17
16. Green Bay Packers (5-6). Previously: #7
17. Miami Dolphins (6-5). Previously: #18
18. San Diego Chargers (4-7). Previously: #19
19. Minnesota Vikings (6-5). Previously: #21
20. Buffalo Bills (6-5) – Previously: #22
21. Denver Broncos (6-5). Previously: #16
22. Philadelphia Eagles (5-5-1). Previously: #20

1. Steelers (3.0)
2. Jets (3.1)
3. Vikings (3.2)
4. Ravens (3.4)
5. Cardinals (3.4)
6. Bears (3.5)
7. Giants (3.5)
8. Eagles (3.7)
9. 49ers (3.8)
10. Buccaneers (3.9)
11. Titans (3.9)
12. Dolphins (3.9)
13. Seahawks (4.0)
14. Patriots (4.0)
15. Bengals (4.1)
16. Saints (4.1)
17. Chargers (4.2)
18. Jaguars (4.2)
19. Cowboys (4.2)
20. Bills (4.3)
21. Panthers (4.3)
22. Redskins (4.3)
23. Texans (4.4)
24. Colts (4.4)
25. Raiders (4.4)
26. Falcons (4.8)
27. Browns (4.8)
28. Packers (4.8)
29. Broncos (5.0)
30. Rams (5.2)
31. Lions (5.2)
32. Chiefs (5.5)

1. Steelers (5.5)
2. Titans (5.9)
3. Redskins (6.0)
4. Ravens (6.2)
5. Panthers (6.2)
6. Buccaneers (6.2)
7. Packers (6.2)
8. Bears (6.4)
9. Giants (6.5)
10. Eagles (6.5)
11. Colts (6.5)
12. Cowboys (6.7)
13. Bengals (6.7)
14. Bills (6.9)
15. Chargers (6.9)
16. Raiders (7.0)
17. 49ers (7.1)
18. Saints (7.1)
19. Falcons (7.2)
20. Jets (7.2)
21. Cardinals (7.2)
22. Vikings (7.3)
23. Browns (7.5)
24. Texans (7.6)
25. Jaguars (7.6)
26. Dolphins (7.7)
27. Seahawks (7.7)
28. Patriots (7.8)
29. Chiefs (7.9)
30. Broncos (7.9)
31. Rams (8.4)
32. Lions (8.7)