2014 NBA Mock Draft – Real Version (David Kay’s)
2015 NBA Mock Draft – Real Version (David Kay’s)
Updated: Thursday, June 26, 2014, 5:40 p.m. Follow me @walterfootball for updates.
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Chicago Bulls: Elfrid Payton, G, LA-Lafayette, 6-4, Jr. 
It sucks that the doctor at the hospital screwed up Elfrid Payton’s name. I can imagine what happened:
Doctor: It’s a boy! What do you want his name to be?
Mother: Alfred, because Alfred the Butler was my favorite character on Batman.
Doctor: Hurr durr, how do you spell Alfred? “E-L-F-R-I-D?”
Proof that medical school should include at least one spelling course. -
Boston Celtics: Kyle Anderson, G/F, UCLA, 6-9, Soph. 
Bill Simmons will hate Kyle Anderson until his Celtics select him. He’ll then talk himself into Anderson being the best player in this draft, and he’ll compare him to some person on a dumb reality show that no one has watched in decades. This has a 100-percent chance of happening, right? -
Phoenix Suns: Rodney Hood, SF, Duke, 6-8, So. 
Update: Suns have lots of picks, and David Stern is no longer around. Coincidence?
Jusuf Nurkic is another player I’ve been closely monitoring. I’m so glad that my FOX Sports Eastern Europe has been carrying Bosnia games this year. That came in handy for this mock draft. -
Chicago Bulls: Adreian Payne, PF, Michigan State, 6-10, Sr.
It seems like the Bulls and Suns have every other pick in this draft. How did that happen? Well, this apparently is from the Tyrus Thomas trade. Is he still in the league? And more importantly, why doesn’t Tyrus Thomas change his last name so that he becomes Tyrus Lannister? He sounds like he could be Tywin Lannister’s long-lost brother. -
Toronto Raptors: Tyler Ennis, PG, Syracuse, 6-2, Fr. 
We always knew Canadians were friendly people who enjoy eating doughnuts and dipping their hands into pudding during weddings, but something we recently discovered is that they are die-hard basketball fans. They were certainly better at cheering on their team than the people in Brooklyn were. I’m sure Raptor backers will love the selection of Tyler Ennis, since he happens to be from the Toronto area (no, really, he is; I looked it up.) -
Oklahoma City Thunder: James Young, SG, Kentucky, 6-6, Fr. 
Update: James Young falls because he got into a car accident. Lesson learned: If you’re about to become a rich basketball player, hire a good driver and use that as a tax deduction.
Oklahoma City needs to draft a good player so its general manager can trade him away for trash right before a potential championship push. -
Memphis Grizzlies: Jerami Grant, SF, Syracuse, 6-8, Soph.
Update: I read that Jerami Grant worked out for the Grizzlies. That’s all the analysis I have.
David wrote this in his 2014 NBA Mock Draft: “Tayshaun Prince is nowhere near what he used to be, and Mike Miller is a free agent after this season, so the Grizzlies could use some depth on the wing. T.J. Warren is a very efficient scorer who is at his best when attacking the basket.”
I honestly had no idea Price was still in the league; let alone on Memphis. I’m sorry for being ignorant; I’ve just spent too much time watching Bosnia and Croatia games this past season. There are only so many hours in a day. -
Utah Jazz: Jusuf Nurkic, C, Bosnia, 7-0, 1994 
Update: No more backstabbing! I’m assuming Jusuf Nurkic is white, by the way. I honestly have no idea despite all of the Bosnia games I’ve watched.
The Jazz will keep backstabbing their fans by drafting non-white players. This trend will continue until the fans stop buying season tickets, and once that happens, more white players will be added. -
Charlotte Hornets: Mitch McGary, C, Michigan, 6-10, Soph. 
Two reasons why this pick makes sense: First, Mitch McGary is the worst player available. Second, the Hornets reportedly have made a promise to McGary that they’ll take him here. If they break their promise, however, McGary will tell the teacher on them, and the Hornets will get detention. -
Houston Rockets: Jarnell Stokes, PF, Tennessee, 6-9, Jr. 
Plenty of people criticized me last year when I called Dwight Howard the most overrated player in the NBA, but I stand by that assessment. Howard can’t score from more than five feet outside of the basket, and he simply cannot be on the floor in the final few minutes because he can’t hit free throws. He couldn’t even get his team past Portland in the first round.
Why am I ragging on Howard instead of analyzing this pick? Because Howard is a douche, and I’ve never heard of Jarnell Stokes. -
Miami Heat: Glenn Robinson III, SF, Michigan, 6-6, Soph.
LeBron James is as good as gone, so Miami’s greatest need is finding someone who will make the fans care about their basketball team; otherwise, their arena will be completely empty every night. Glenn Robinson fits the bill because of his name. I feel like Little Dog is the best Miami can do here. -
Phoenix Suns: Walter Tavares, C, Spain, 7-3, 1992
The Suns have 5,000 first-round picks, so they have to waste a selection on a foreigner whom their fans will never, ever see. -
Los Angeles Clippers: Jordan Clarkson, G, Missouri, 6-5, Jr. 
Update: Dr. Clarkson is a doctor on Downton Abbey. Perhaps Jordan Clarkson will help the Clippers heal from the Donald Sterling debaclation.
I hope the Clippers have finally recovered from the whole Donald Sterling fiasco. Hearing a senile, grumpy old man say racial slurs about you in a private phone conversation is quite possibly one of the worst things that could ever happen to anyone, right along with contracting Ebola and being shot with a crossbow while taking a crap. I’m sure the Clipper players and coaches will be OK eventually though. -
Oklahoma City Thunder: Nikola Jokic, PF, Serbia, 6-11
Update: Another foreigner who will vanish into thin air.
The Thunder should take a good player they’ll trade away… wait, I’ve already said that. OK, how about Oklahoma City picking a foreigner whom its fans will never see… ugh, said that too. OK, there are simply too many picks, and I’ve completely run out of my great material. -
San Antonio Spurs: Patric Young, F/C, Florida, 6-9, Sr. 
The Spurs like picking up skilled, “NBA ready” players, especially those who don’t have to be benched against Mercer. My only hope is that Patric Young ends up being good enough to dissuade me from betting against the Spurs (and losing tons of money in the process) the next time they’re in the NBA Finals.
We’re going to have live 2014 NBA Draft Grades on draft night, so check those out! Also, follow me @walterfootball for updates.
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