Humor

Jerks of the Week for July 9, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of Toscana All of my friends and family members love going to Toscana, an Italian restaurant around the corner from my house. All I’ve been hearing this past year is, “Mmmmblehblehbleh we’re going to Toscana, it’s so awesome mmmmblehblehbleh.” I’ve declined every…

Jerks of the Week for July 2, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Eggs I’m good at a few things. I’m great at watching TV, and I can eat Cheetos and Oreos like a champ. I’m very proud of these accomplishments, and no one can ever take that away from me. However, I’m not…

Jerks of the Week for June 25, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks at Prometheus I had nothing planned for last Tuesday night. I was going to buy some Saladworks, watch a few episodes of Justified and then download a few gigabytes of porn. However, my best friend Josh texted me around 5, asking me…

Jerks of the Week for June 18, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: The Eight Grievances of June 8 Frank Costanza is one of my heroes. I love the holiday of Festivus, particularly the Airing of Grievances. I feel like if we all told each other what annoyed us or what pissed us off, we’d get…

Jerks of the Week for June 11, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: The Four Fat Ladies My friend Harris likes reading Jerks of the Week, save for one aspect of it. “Why do you always gotta make fun of fat women?” he once asked. “Sometimes it’s genetic or something, and they can’t help it.” This…

Jerks of the Week for June 4, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of Saladworks After my horrifying experience at the grand opening at the Saladworks around the corner from my house last November, you’d think that I would avoid eating there at all cost. But alas, I am a fat man living by myself,…

Jerks of the Week for May 28, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of Six Graduation Parties I had six graduation parties this past weekend, five of which were on one single night. Considering how much I drank, I have no idea how I made it out alive. Fortunately, those five graduation parties were all…

Jerks of the Week for April 12, 2010 JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Music My friend Josh has some interesting things to say. I’ve been trying to get him to write Jerks of the Week-type articles for this site as a new weekly feature, but he’s a lazy son of a b**** and hasn’t…

Jerks of the Week for May 21, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of St. Stalin’s Day I’m sure you’re all aware, but St. Stalin’s Day was on Saturday. If, however, you’ve been living under a rock, St. Stalin’s Day is the Russian version of St. Patrick’s Day. My friends and I drunkenly decided this…

Jerks of the Week for May 14, 2012 JERK OF THE WEEK: The Adventures of My Beard My friend Jess’ 22nd birthday was a week ago. She didn’t know where to have her party, so I happily offered my house back in March. Three reasons for this: 1. I like having parties and gatherings at…