Humor

Jerks of the Week: Jan. 9, 2017 JERK OF THE WEEK: Walter Goes to Harrisburg, Part 1 If you’ve never heard of Harrisburg, I don’t blame you. Hell, I’d like to congratulate you. Harrisburg, for those of you who live outside of Pennsylvania, happens to be the state’s capital. I’m not sure why Harrisburg was…

Jerks of the Week: Jan. 2, 2017 JERK OF THE WEEK: Self-Entitled Douche Bag Kids If people were smart enough to elect me President of the United States, I believe I would make all the smart choices. I’d create jobs, end all homelessness and deport anyone who annoyed me. I would take all the necessary…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 26, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Christmas Shopping 2016 I tell myself every year that I’m going to head to the mall for Christmas shopping with some sort of plan. Instead, I always wander around aimlessly, completely befuddled by what to purchase for people. With my football schedule being so…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 19, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Relaxation Saturday The NFL season is great, but it’s also very exhausting. I can’t remember the last time I got eight hours of sleep. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I was able to get more than six hours. In addition to working…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 12, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Best Friend’s Wedding I’ve been to countless weddings over the past seven years. In fact, Jerks of the Week spawned because a girl I wanted to take to my college roommate’s wedding back in 2009 backed out on me because she had to…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 5, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 2: The Rocky Horror Picture Show In Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 1, I discussed a failed trip to the gym in which I couldn’t think about my NFL Picks. I was instead bombarded by conspiracy theories from Diarrhea of Mouth Guy, and…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 28, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Brain-Dead Saturday, Part 1 I’ve mentioned this before, but I do my best thinking while in the hot tub at my gym. Being in warm water in general sparks my neural processes. I’m not sure why, but I always seem to think of new…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 21, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Cobb Salads and Gym Desk Workers Who Hate Me I don’t think I’ve ever gotten along with anyone at the front desk of any of my gyms. For instance, the girl working the desk at my previous gym was this super-hot blonde named Sarah,…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 14, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Halloween and the Election When I used to be single, I looked forward to Halloween. Hearing the doorbell ring made me extremely happy. That’s because one of three things would happen: 1. Goofy-looking kids with terrible costumes would be there, and I’d be able…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 7, 2016 JERK OF THE WEEK: Grub Burger Bar My schedule in the fall is extremely busy, as you might imagine. I barely get out of the house. In fact, there was one Monday recently in which I didn’t go to the gym because I was behind on work, so…