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NFL Power Rankings: Playoffs
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Seattle Seahawks (15-3) – Previously: #1 – From back in August, Seahawks 24, Broncos 21 in Super Bowl XLVIII. Forget that I had the Giants and Texans winning their divisions, please.
On a related note, my LVH Supercontest partner Matvei said it best afterward: “I feel like we deserve Super Bowl rings if the Seahawks win. Forget the 12th man – what about the 13th and 14th men, who have been betting on this team all year from an alley behind the stadium?”
So true. I picked the Seahawks in 12 of their 18 games this year.
Anyway, the anticipation for this past Sunday’s games were awesome. Everyone was excited. I think we heard Tony Kornheiser say “These are the games I wanted to see” 5,000 times. Meanwhile, Trent Dilfer had drool coming out of his mouth when he said the following on SportsCenter: “I’m so glad people get to finally see how heated this rivalry is.”
Thanks, Trent. Every single person in America is only capable of watching local broadcasts, so no one has seen either of the Seattle-San Francisco games this year. Let’s forget for a second that both were nationally televised because that’s a fact should be ignored.
Of course, everyone knows about Seattle’s awesome fans. I don’t think the city is as great though. I’ve never been there, but I hate the rain and refuse to go outside whenever there’s any sort of precipitation. Also, Philadelphia News writer Les Bowen tweeted the following prior to the NFC Championship: “The challenge walking around Seattle is distinguishing between the hipsters and the homeless…”
Ugh. I hate downtown Philly, so I can’t imagine how miserable I’d be when surrounded by bums and artsy-fartsy new-age hippies.
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San Francisco 49ers (14-5) – Previously: #2 – Unless we’re talking about QB Dog Killer, I never root for any player to get injured for an extended period of time. I do hope for players to only get knocked out of the game if I’m betting against their team, but nothing long-term. So, even though I had four units on Seattle, it sucked to see NaVorro Bowman suffer a torn ACL. Hopefully he’ll be fine for the 2014 season opener.
To cheer you Niner fans up, I posted the following last week:
I’ve made coaches and players the victims of Derek Anderson’s magic flask. How about ESPN employees? Check out this post by Bill Williamson, sent over by Matvei:
If that wasn’t bad enough, Williamson’s mistakes were even worse this week:
What the hell? “Spshucvyal?” What is that even supposed to say, and how does something like that get published on ESPN? And how intoxicated was Williamson? I hope he had Carl Cheffers’ officiating team on his side when he was pulled over for a potential DUI later that evening.
Well, Drew P. sent me an e-mail with a link to an ESPN live chat featuring Williamson. It’s amazing how many more errors he had:
Wow. “Everyone things seems fine.” What the hell does that even mean? And how does ESPN employ this guy? Between Emmitt Smith and Williamson, it seems as though you can get a job at the “Worldwide Leader” if you’re incapable of putting a coherent sentence together.
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Denver Broncos (15-3) – Previously: #4 – That’s three Super Bowl appearances for Peyton. Eli has two. Cooper better pick up the slack, or he’ll forever be known as the Manning family failure.
In all seriousness, it’s bizarre to me that Denver’s defense has improved so much after Von Miller went out. Miller had been terrific after coming back from suspension this year. It just goes to show that any player is replaceable, as long as they don’t happen to be a quarterback.
Speaking of replaceable, CBS should get a new No. 1 color analyst. There’s a Twitter account specifically dedicated to Phil Simms’ nonsensical quotes (@philsimmsquotes). Here were some of them (thanks CKane):
– “The holding in today’s game, it’s just, we talked about it…cuz the refs and their flags” – that was the complete thought…
– “When you get inside the 10 yard line you…(extra long pause)…the Patriots D-Line needs to be ready”
– “Look! There is no one inside. Oh wait, I missed it, only Dante Hightower in there to stop the run”
– “Brady getting the call for a no huddle. 6 minutes left, 3 time outs… oh they are now in a huddle”
– “No wind to speak of for the kick here” – CBS graphic shows 6.2mph head wind behind the kicker.
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New England Patriots (13-5) – Previously: #3 – It seems like I ask the same question every winter: What happened to Tom Brady? He used to be so clutch. Now, he chokes at every opportunity. My theory has been that his wife ruined his career. He used to be a blue-collar worker who drove a pick-up truck and had a giant chip on his shoulder. Now, he’s married and is forced to dress metro and get Justin Bieber lesbian haircuts.
Perhaps Brady’s sobriety is an issue. After all, he was completely inaccurate during the AFC Championship. You probably have an idea of where I’m going with this…
The Adventures of Derek Anderson’s Magic Flask!
It’s the night before the game…
Tom Brady: Hey Gisele, I hope I win tomorrow! As for tonight, let’s have a long conversation because we have so much in common.
Gisele: OK, I find grrreat Justin Bieber lesbian haircoot for you get. Justin Bieber grrreat American sooperstar!
Tom Brady: But all of my teammates make fun of me when I get a Justin Bieber lesbian haircut! They won’t even give me high-fives on the bench.
Gisele: But I love Justin Bieber haircoot! Iz so sexy! You must get, or no have sexy time vis me.
Tom Brady: Can I get it after the Super Bowl? I have to prepare for the game!
Gisele: I can see you be difficults. I vill make you get haircoots. BRB, zis mean be right backs.
Gisele goes to the kitchen, where Derek Anderson is waiting there.
Gisele: Please to give magic flask. I must make hoosband get haircoot.
Derek Anderson: Buuut hheee dunnnn reealllyy wannntss haiirccuuss.
Gisele: I no care! Please to give!
Gisele gets Brady drunk. Ten minutes later…
Gisele: You ready to get Justin Bieber lesbian haircoot tomorrow mornings?
Tom Brady: Yyeeaahh thennn I gotottaa ppllaayy gaammem annnnn I’mmm gonnna throoeww thhee baalllll assss harrssss asss I caaaaann doowwnnssfffeiedld eeevenn ifff itt doddoonn’t ggettt tooo mmyyy reccceiivessss exxpepsssciaallly Dannnnyyy Ammeeeennnnaasssshooolle!!!
Fantasy Football Studs and Scrubs
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Fantasy Scrubs of the Week : Run Defenses, Pass Defense, Pass Protection:
Something new this year – I’m keeping track of precise run defense, pass defense and pass protection rankings in Excel. The benefit to this is that it’ll be broken down by week. Here are the download links:
2013 NFL Defensive Rankings Spreadsheet (2007 Excel)
2013 NFL Defensive Rankings Spreadsheet – (1999-2003 Excel)
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2022 NFL Power Rankings. Week:
Post-Super Bowl Power Rankings |
Post-Free Agency Power Rankings |
Post-NFL Draft Power Rankings |
Post-Preseason Power Rankings |
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2021 NFL Power Rankings. Week: Post-Super Bowl Power Rankings | Preseason Power Rankings | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | Playoffs |
2020 NFL Power Rankings. Week: Post-Super Bowl Power Rankings 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Playoffs |
2021 NFL Power Rankings. Week: Post-Super Bowl Power Rankings | Preseason Power Rankings | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | Playoffs |
2020 NFL Power Rankings. Week: Post-Super Bowl Power Rankings 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Playoffs |
