2010 NFL Power Rankings: Week 9
Week 8 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) – Previously: #1 – The Steelers are still No. 1. Had a couple of things gone their way (Heath Miller fumble, Rashard Mendenhall down at the 6-inch line), they would have beaten the Saints.
   
   And besides, there’s nothing shameful about suffering a defeat at New Orleans. If the great Jimmy Clausen can lose at the raucous Superdome, anyone can.
   
   
2. Indianapolis Colts (5-2) – Previously: #3 – Here are my thoughts on the Texans-Colts game:
   
   1. Congratulations to Gary Kubiak, who came up with one of the worst game plans the NFL has ever seen.
   
   The Texans gashed the Colts for 260 rushing yards in the season opener. So one would think Houston would pound the rock with Arian Foster, right? This logic eluded Kubiak, who called 10 passes in the first 16 plays. As a result, Matt Schaub was 2-of-9 for 17 yards and a sack in the first quarter. He would go on to toss a pick-six early in the second.
   
   It’s one thing if the Texans suddenly couldn’t run the ball, but that wasn’t the case. Foster was awesome, finishing with 102 yards and a touchdown on just 15 carries.
   
   2. So, on a scale of 1-100, how dumb was Kubiak? I can’t come up with a numerical figure. In fact, only two words can describe it: NFL.com GameCenter.
   
   Forum member Wraith was able to secure two GameCenter comments pertaining to Kubiak’s game plan:
   
   “Yo, Texas persons, what happened to ‘running the ball down our throats’?”
   
   “Why dont the Texans run it more”
   
   As LTomlinson31 put it, “When even the people on GameCenter are b****ing about the Texans horrible game plan and are right, you know something is wrong with your team.”
   
   3. The Colts look great. It seems like they’re beginning a long winning streak. Didn’t someone predict that they would do this two weeks ago? Hmm… Wait, I know who!
   
   I’m going on the record now. I think Indianapolis will win its next five games, which will make Peyton Manning and company 8-2 going into a tough battle against the Chargers. If I’m right, I rule. If I’m wrong, I’ll just make up some excuse and still consider myself awesome.
   
   I’m two-fifths on the way to being awesome.
   
   4. I hope Mike Hart (12-84) is OK after apparently injuring his ankle because he’s the best running back on the team.
   
   Hart is small and slow, but runs with such will and passion. I guess you can say he runs with a lot of heart. Hmm… heart, Hart… has anyone thought of this before?
   
   I’ve often wondered if Hart’s play would be associated with his heart if he had a different name. For example, if his name was Mike Rib or Mike Nail, would he even be in the NFL right now? I think this is a legitimate question.
   
   
3. Baltimore Ravens (5-2) – Previously: #2 – The Ravens were on a bye, so more on their arch rival. Here was a funny exchange between two forum members in our live in-game thread on Sunday night:
   
   McNulty: Did Ben get slower?
   
   Rofldogs: All that raping shredded his knees I guess.
   
   
4. New England Patriots (6-1) – Previously: #7 – Wow. Like everyone else, I was shocked that the Vikings waived Randy Moss on Monday afternoon. I didn’t like the Moss trade for Minnesota in the first place, but releasing him just shows how much of a reh-TARD Brad Childress is. Oh, and Bill Belichick is a genius in case there was still some doubt.
   
   Where will Moss go? We’ll know by 4 Eastern on Wednesday, but here’s my short list of Moss claim candidates.
   
   
5. New York Giants (5-2) – Previously: #5 – Speaking of the Patriots, I received more hate mail for my NFL Power Rankings pertaining to them. This is from Kevin M. on Facebook:
   
   Honestly over these past couple of months I’ve realized that your football intelligence is at the level of a 5 year-old with down-syndrone screaming his teams name without any recolection of what is going on.
   
   You think your smart because you have a website and get paid to sit on your a** all day and come up with bulls*** power rankings and other phony gimics to make you sound like you know what your talking about.
   
   I bet your thinking im some crazy pats fan who jumped on the band wagon after their superbowl run. Unlike those scumbags, I am a diehard fan and I feel really opitimistic about this team. Welkers back, Brady looks better than every, my boy Jerod Mayo is the most underrated defensive player in the league, and Pat Chung is a budding start.
   
   A “budding start,” eh? And I’ve got the intelligence of a 5-year-old with “down-syndrone?”
   
   
6. Green Bay Packers (5-3) – Previously: #6 – Remember that e-mail I posted two weeks where some douche said this Web site “sucks” because I had the Packers in my Top 10 and the Bears all the way down at No. 19? Vindication! Muhahahaha!
   
   And yes, I’m posting this for the second week in a row. Just a friendly reminder 😉
   
   
7. New York Jets (5-2) – Previously: #4 – It’s amazing that the Jets – and not the Bills, Panthers, 49ers, Cardinals, etc. – were the first team to be shut out this year.
   
   Let’s go to Notes from NFL.com GameCenter – a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com’s GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
   
   1. “JUST LIKE I THOUGHT…RAIDERS SMASHED MEAN ON SEATTLE”
   
   My friend has an IQ of 150, so I asked him what it means to “smash mean” on someone. Unfortunately, he suffered a seizure upon hearing that sentence.
   
   2. “denver is noway near the ravens an yall will see an yeah its ortin”
   
   Much like that is “noway” near a legible sentence?
   
   3. “Hey all u douchebags its Bangles not bungles and they will domnate the fake falcons!!!!!!!!!!”
   
   The blind lead the blind on GameCenter, apparently.
   
   
8. New Orleans Saints (5-3) – Previously: #12 – I hesitated to put a team that lost to Max Hall and Colt McCoy in the Top 10, but the Saints are set up really well. They have the Panthers and a bye in the next two weeks, so Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas will be back by Week 11. Once everyone’s healthy, they could get hot just in time for the playoffs.
   
   
9. Tennessee Titans (5-3) – Previously: #8 – The new, crappy NFL Primetime has reached a new low. They didn’t show any highlights of the Titans-Chargers game. They’ve missed highlights before, but this is the first time they’ve ever excluded a game featuring a team in my Top 10. Shame on you, ESPN, for ruining your best show.
   
   On the bright side, Tedy Bruschi was one of the analysts on this version of NFL Primetime, and he gave us the following gem:
   
   The Steelers couldn’t get in from the 1-inch yard line.
   
   Unfortunately, Bruschi is grammatically sound, so I can’t see him being the next Emmitt, or even a poor-man’s version of our favorite word debacler.
   
   
10. Philadelphia Eagles (4-3) – Previously: #9 – If you’re still in school, you know this feeling all too well. If you’ve been out of school, remember back to the final days of summer vacation when you’d try to get as much fun in as possible before having to go back to class?
    
    Well, I wonder if this applies to Andy Reid. Reid’s bye week is over and he has to go back to coaching soon. I wonder if he’s locked himself in a supermarket to eat as much food as possible before being forced to do tedious things like study film, coach games and copy chemistry homework answers from his buddy.
    
    

32. Buffalo Bills (0-7) – Previously: #32 – Poor Bills. I’ll let e-mailer Joe B. handle this one:

I know how much you love to poke fun at my hometown Bills, and deservedly so. I thought you’d enjoy some of these comments I heard today:

1. On the Bills radio pregame, Vic Carucci of NFL.com was discussing how impressed he has been with the play of Ryan Fitzpatrick. He even went so far as to say that perhaps the Bills should forego taking a QB in the first round of the draft this year, stating that rookie QBs just don’t make immediate impacts on teams and take them to the playoffs in this day and age. Apparently he’s never heard of Ben Roethlisberger, Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco or Mark Sanchez.

Bills play-by-play man John Murphy then opined that Fitzpatrick should make the Pro Bowl this year. Great idea. I’m sure lots of QBs from winless teams who constantly try to run on 3rd-and-18 when their primary read can’t come open within 2 seconds go on to make the Pro Bowl.

2. During the Bills-Chiefs broadcast on CBS, unbearably bad announcer Gus Johnson (who seems like he’s pretending to get overly excited during every play) constantly praised Fitzpatrick, at one point referring to him as a “gunslinger”. On one play after a check down for about a 3-yard gain, Johnson screamed at the top of his lungs “WHAT A GREAT THROW!”

3. More Gus Johnson; you will LOVE this one. On the final play of regulation, after an absolutely brutal interception by Fitzpatrick, Kansas City lined up for a desperation Hail Mary play to try to win the game without needing overtime. From their own 40 I joked with my friends that if the Chiefs wanted this throw to go past the 20 yard line they should bring in Brodie Croyle to replace Matt Cassel. However, Gus Johnson set us straight by reminding viewers that “MATT CASSEL IS KNOWN FOR HIS GREAT SKILL AT THROWING THE DEEP BALL!”

31. Carolina Panthers (1-6) – Previously: #31 – It’s really a shame that John Fox is sacrificing Carolina’s future in a futile effort to pad a couple of more wins on his resume. I used to like Fox, but based on what he’s doing now, he should never get another head-coaching position on any level. Not even Pee Wee Football.

By the way, I have to wonder if Fox is such a douche that he pulls this kind of crap at home with his family. I can see it now…

Fox: Hey, teenage daughter, I’m taking out all of the money I’ve saved up for your college tuition.

Fox’s Daughter: Why, daddy!?

Fox: I’m going to use it all on Mandarin lessons. Hey, you never know if some football team in China will hire me to be their head coach!

Mandarin, Matt Moore… I’m not sure which one’s worse.

30. Denver Broncos (2-6) – Previously: #27 – If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you know that I’ve received countless hate mail from Broncos fans because I’ve continuously bashed Josh McDaniels and all of the idiotic moves he’s made.

Well, that’s finally coming to an end. In fact, here’s an e-mail from Tim:

Walt, In response to all of the pro-Bronco emails I’ve sent to you over the past three or so years… I stand corrected.

29. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) – Previously: #30 – I found it interesting that most of the 84,000 British people at Wembley Stadium were cheering for San Francisco and booing Denver.

Were they all die-hard 49er fans? Did they want to root for San Francisco because they saw red uniforms, which reminded them of the Redcoats? No. The people in England are just football-savvy and fully aware of how much of a douche Josh McDaniels is.

28. Arizona Cardinals (3-4) – Previously: #28 – Derek Anderson’s plan to re-take the starting quarterback gig has worked! Here’s how it went down:

Anderson: Hic… hey mannn, take a sssip ffffrom hic this fffflask.

Hall: No thank you, sir! I am a Mormon so I don’t drink alcohol!

Anderson: This issss not hic alcohol, mannnn! Thisss is a sssecret drink that willll make you play beettterrr, hic!!!

Hall: Okie dokie! You’re the veteran, so I trust you!

Poor Max. The lesson as always, never trust a drunken quarterback.

27. Cincinnati Bengals (2-6) – Previously: #26 – Blah, blah, blah, Carson Palmer sucks, blah, blah, blah.

Someone else who sucks now is Randy Moss, who hasn’t done crap this year. After the New England game, Moss told the media that he wasn’t planning on answering any more questions unless they came from himself. Fortunately, I was able to secure an exclusive interview with Moss on Sunday night:

ME: Hey Randy, thanks for joining me.

MOSS: “I’m not answering any of your questions, homey.”

ME: But you said you would! I traded a third-round pick for the right to interview you!

MOSS: “I’ll be answerin’ my own questions, round hmyall. Randy, what’s your favorite color? Yellow. Bam. Next question.”

ME: Umm… what?

MOSS: “Randy, what’s your favorite meal? Hamburger. Bam. Next question.”

ME: Come on R…

MOSS: “Randy, what’s your favorite laptop brand? HP. Bam. Next question.”

ME: But…

MOSS: “Randy, what’s your favorite tampon brand? Playtex. Bam. Next question.”

ME: Tampon brand? How do you know about t…

MOSS: “Randy, where can one easily meet young boys? Midwich Elementary School because they don’t have security. That’s what Brad Childress told me. Bam. Next question.”

ME: Whoa.

MOSS: “Randy, why are you such a douche? Well, umm… that goes back to my childhood. I never really had any friends except for this fat kid. No girls ever liked me either. So, I just sort of started hating the world, which put a huge chip on my shoulder. I want everyone to pay. I want everyone to know how wrong they were to doubt me. I want to kill everyone!!!”

ME: Holy crap!

MOSS: “Bam. Next question.”

ME: Umm… I’m thinking this interview should end.

MOSS: “It’ll end when I say it’ll end! Roarrrrrrr!!!”

ME: I think I just peed my pants.

26. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4) – Previously: #29 – I received two pieces of hate mail from Jaguar fans over the weekend. One was long and sounded like this:

RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE HOW DARE U SAY GARRARD IS FAT AND THE JAGUARS DON’T TRY HARD RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE

The other one was much shorter:

Come on. Give credit where credit is due. Garrard has 15 TD’s which is tide for 2nd in the league!

(Insert GameCenter joke here.)

25. Cleveland Browns (2-5) – Previously: #25 – The Browns were on a bye, so more on the 49ers-Broncos game in England:

The NFL really must not want the British to like football. Of all the games they could have exported, they sent the 49ers and Broncos? Neither team was projected to be good this year; people just had San Francisco making the playoffs because of the craptastic NFC West. And everyone should have seen this Denver debaclation coming after that 2-8 finish last year.

Roger Goodell really must hate England. Why? I’m not sure. My guess is that he either hates Mr. Bean, or still holds a grudge about the British starting the War of 1812.

24. St. Louis Rams (4-4) – Previously: #24 – Sam Bradford looks great for a rookie, but let’s not forget that he’s only played one team above No. 16 in these current NFL Power Rankings (Chargers).

At any rate, here are more Notes from NFL.com GameCenter:

1. “why is steelers in here now?”

Philosophers have been debating this question for decades.

2. “man i hop we do good”

Hop to do good, skip to do bad. Sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.

3. “BUT WE GOT A TACKEL AND A COUPLE OF LB.. AND BRIAN MOSE TO THE MIDDLE LETS SEE HOW IT WORKS”

I’ve been on Google for 20 minutes, and I still can’t figure out who Brian Mose is.

23. Dallas Cowboys (1-6) – Previously: #20 – The Cowboys take the Lions’ spot in my Bottom 10. Ah, if only Matthew Stafford didn’t get hurt in Week 1, my 9-7 prediction for Detroit might still have a chance.

To emphasize how far the Lions have come since the Matt Millen era, here’s an exchange from last week’s Monday Night Football pre-game show on ESPN (thanks to Jeff J. for this):

Stuart Scott: what is it that makes DeMarcus Ware so special, Matt?

Matt Millen: In a word, Stu, “great instincts.”


2010 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Atlanta Falcons (5-2). Previously: #11
12. San Diego Chargers (3-5). Previously: #13
13. Miami Dolphins (4-3). Previously: #14
14. Kansas City Chiefs (5-2). Previously: #17
15. Houston Texans (4-3). Previously: #10
16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-2). Previously: #19
17. Oakland Raiders (4-4). Previously: #21
18. Washington Redskins (4-4). Previously: #15
19. Seattle Seahawks (4-3). Previously: #18
20. Detroit Lions (2-5). Previously: #23
21. Chicago Bears (4-3). Previously: #22
22. Minnesota Vikings (2-5). Previously: #16