My Final Preseason 2009 NFL Power Rankings. I’ll be using these rankings as the order for the next update of my 2010 NFL Mock Draft. Expect an update on Wednesday or Thursday (Sept. 9-10).

I’ve gone from WORST to FIRST, so if you don’t see reverse numbering (via Javascript), don’t worry; the Chiefs, Rams and Browns aren’t my top teams.

Also included in this are my 2009 NFL Projected Win Totals. Check out how I fared with my 2008 NFL Projected Win Totals.

Updated: 9/7

  1. Kansas City Chiefs (2-14) – Previously: 31
    I don’t know what’s more hilarious: Kansas City firing its offensive coordinator a week before the regular season, or the fact that two teams have copied the Chiefs’ cunning move.

    I can’t think of one redeeming quality the Chiefs have. They can’t get pressure on the quarterback. They won’t be able to stop the run. Larry Johnson and Jamaal Charles won’t be able to establish a consistent rushing game because the offensive line isn’t any good. Quarterback protection is an issue. And don’t get me started on Matt Cassel.

    Scott Pioli, like every other guy to come out of New England, has already proven that he’s nothing without Bill Belichick. Seriously, $63 million for a spread-shotgun system quarterback? Pioli looks lost without his hoodie-clad friend.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 1-3

  2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-7) – Previously: 28
    Speaking of stupid teams who felt the need to fire their offensive coordinator a week before the regular season…

    Byron Sandwich sucks, but I can’t blame Raheem Morris for going with him; the offensive line simply quit when Luke McCown was under center, so they let Morris know whom they wanted. Let’s see if they still feel the same way when they’re 1-7 in the middle of the year.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 2-4

  3. Buffalo Bills (7-9) – Previously: 25
    Yet another team that fired its offensive coordinator a week before the regular season. Notice how all the squads that are doing this are stupid organizations that never make the playoffs? Dick Jauron pretty much sealed his fate when he managed to put together the worst offensive line in the NFL this offseason. The firing was just a desperate attempt for Jauron to deflect attention.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 3-5

  4. Denver Broncos (8-8) – Previously: 26
    The silver lining here is that Denver’s crappy season will allow Josh Mishandles to draft in the top five… oh, wait… Mishandles traded that pick away for a nickel corner!

    Don’t worry though, Mishandles will have the opportunity to ruin a first-round selection because he has Chicago’s. Colt McCoy, come on down!

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 3-5

  5. Detroit Lions (0-16) – Previously: 30
    After an abysmal performance against the Browns, Matthew Stafford has looked pretty decent in his next two outings. The problem, as you may guess, is pass protection. Buffalo’s backup defense managed to sack Stafford twice in the final preseason game. The Bills couldn’t even manage any sacks last year, and their backups are getting them versus Detroit’s first-string offensive line? I hope the Lions enjoy their tight end and safety.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 3-5

  6. St. Louis Rams (2-14) – Previously: 29
    I’d have the Rams higher if I knew that Marc “Mr. Glass” Bulger could stay healthy. Unfortunately, Mr. Glass will once again live up to his nickname behind an offensive line that is still incomplete. I like the direction St. Louis is headed, but Steve Spagnuolo won’t be able to turn things around until he gets a legitimate quarterback who isn’t on the injury report every other week.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 4-6

  7. San Francisco 49ers (7-9) – Previously: 23
    Shaun Hill was decent last season, but for whatever reason, he aged about 50 years over the winter and spring. The right side of the offensive line also stinks. On the bright side, Mike Singletary should be able to use his psychic powers to get the 49ers into the playoffs.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 5-7

  8. Cleveland Browns (4-12) – Previously: 32
    Eric Mangina is a jerk, and for some reason refuses to play his top two quarterbacks even though he can’t decide on a starter. However, the Browns should be able to run the ball behind a decent offensive line as long as James Davis is in the backfield. Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn are both pretty solid, so if the Browns can decide on a starter, they’ll have a decent offense.

    The defense, meanwhile, needs some work, but has some talent in Shaun Rogers, D’Qwell Jackson and Eric Wright. Too bad Mangini polluted the stop unit with all of his crappy players from the Jets.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 6-8

  9. Oakland Raiders (5-11) – Previously: 27
    I had the Raiders as my No. 29 team before the Richard Seymour trade, in case you were wondering.

    I liked the deal for both teams. Al Davis needs to win now, so while Seymour is a bit past his prime, Undead Al is getting a huge upgrade at defensive tackle. The Patriots, meanwhile, knew they weren’t going to re-sign Seymour, so they were able to obtain a 2011 first-round pick.

    In short, this is a fair deal for both sides, unlike the previous Oakland-New England trade (Randy Moss for a fourth-round pick). For 2009, the Raiders got the better end of the deal. For the long haul, the nod goes to New England.

    At any rate, the Raiders will have a good defense this year with Seymour, Trevor Scott, a decent linebacking corps and Nnamdi Asomugha. The problem is JaMarcus Russell and his lethargy. If anything goes wrong, however, Tom Cable can press right, down-right, down and punch to use a Tiger Uppercut to knock out the opposing coach.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 6-8

  10. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-11) – Previously: 24
    My biggest concern is that the Jaguars quit on Jack Del Rio last year. Actually, no, scratch that. My biggest concern is that the Jaguars have failed to sell out any of their games. What a disgrace. Jacksonville does not deserve to have a football team if its own fans can’t support it. The Los Angeles Jaguars? Sounds stupid, but I doubt they’d have any empty seats.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 6-8

  11. Carolina Panthers (12-4) – Previously: 12
    I’m not a fan of the Panthers this year. They barely had any injuries last season, but now they’ve already lost one of the their starting defensive tackles – a position that was already a weakness in terms of depth. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever had less confidence in Jake Delhomme. I joked about his son’s kidnapping being the reason for all of those turnovers against the Cardinals, but I think that was a sign of things to come.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9

  12. New York Jets (9-7) – Previously: 21
    Mark Sanchez could have a Joe Flacco-type season. He has a potential top-10 defense, a solid offensive line and a sound running game to support him. However, he lacks a true No. 1 receiver, which is why I have him lower than Matthew Stafford in my 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9

  13. Miami Dolphins (11-5) – Previously: 17
    I couldn’t really decide whom to put higher between the Jets and Dolphins, so I just decided to go with the veteran quarterback and more experienced coach. I nearly pulled a Romeo Crennel and flipped a coin, but I’m not a fat man with a mustache. I have no mustache.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9

  14. Dallas Cowboys (9-7) – Previously: 22
    Tony Romo has only completed one pass for more than 25 yards this preseason. Is that because Terrell Owens is gone? Maybe, but perhaps it’s by design. I’m thinking Jerry Jones is too scared that one of Romo’s throws could hit his precious scoreboard.

    Speaking of which, it’s a disgrace that Roger Goodell hasn’t done anything about this. If Jerry doesn’t want to move the scoreboard up, that’s fine – simply give the Cowboys a 5-yard delay-of-game penalty each time it happens. If Jerry wasn’t such an ego-maniac, this wouldn’t have been a problem.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9

  15. Arizona Cardinals (9-7) – Previously: 14
    The Cardinals had a magical run last season and could have won the Super Bowl, but I don’t like their chances in 2009. Of course we have the Madden Curse and the Super Bowl Loser Jinx, but something more concrete is Kurt Warner’s health. As I’ve indicated many times in my 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings, Warner is a 38-year-old man coming off hip surgery. I wouldn’t bet on a guy like that in a softball league, let alone fantasy football.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9

  16. Philadelphia Eagles (9-6-1) – Previously: 8
    Once upon a time, I had the Eagles at 11-5. Then, Stewart Bradley was lost for the year. Jim Johnson unfortunately passed away. Jason “Derrick Coleman” Peters has been more lethargic than ever this preseason. Shawn Andrews has had trouble staying healthy again. And who could forget the foolish signing of QB Dog Killer? Not only did it fail to make sense from a football perspective, the Eagles pretty much screwed themselves karmically by bringing in a psychotic scumbag.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 7-9

  17. Washington Redskins (8-8) – Previously: 19
    The Redskins could easily make the playoffs, but I still don’t trust the Jason Campbell-Jim Zorn combination. It also wouldn’t surprise me at all if we don’t get Albert Haynesworth at 100 percent; for the first time since 2006, Haynesworth is not in a contract year. You can buy a lot of hamburgers with $100 million.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  18. Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1) – Previously: 18
    I actually like the Bengals as a sleeper team for the 2009 NFL season. Their defense ranked 12th in the NFL last year, and they were able to finish the season on a 4-3-1 run with Ryan Fitzpatrick under center. Carson Palmer appears healthy, but perhaps the best news is that Chad Ochocinco actually seems mentally stable for a change.

    To make the playoffs, however, the Bengals will need their offensive line to gel. And no, Andre Smith, gel is not something you can safely eat.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  19. Houston Texans (8-8) – Previously: 11
    In my 2009 Houston Texans season preview, I predicted an 11-5 record and a playoff appearance for the team. It had just one premise: Matt Schaub’s health for 16 games. I chalked up Schaub’s past injuries to bad luck, but seeing him get hurt on an untouched 5-yard run this preseason is making me think otherwise. I’m almost convinced that Schaub’s muscles, tendons and ligaments are held together by Elmer’s Glue and Scotch Tape.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  20. Minnesota Vikings (10-6) – Previously: 16
    Brett Favre put on a great show last Monday, but I’m still not anywhere near convinced that he can lead this team deep into the playoffs. Favre has no chemistry with Bernard Berrian, and once he needs to come from behind in the second half, he’ll start tossing picks left and right.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  21. Seattle Seahawks (4-12) – Previously: 13
    The Seahawks remind me of the 1996-97 San Antonio Spurs. That team was horrible because it had so many injuries. They finished with a terrible record, so they were able to obtain Tim Duncan in the NBA Draft, pairing him with David Robinson. The Seahawks also had massive injuries, and thanks to Scott Pioli’s ineptness, they acquired the top defensive player in the 2009 NFL Draft. Seattle is a legitimate Super Bowl contender. Oh, and they’re probably going to be drafting in the top five next year as well, thanks to Josh Mishandles’ ineptness.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  22. Tennessee Titans (13-3) – Previously: 10
    There could be a dropoff here. Albert Haynesworth is gone and Kerry Collins is now 36. The Colts will still be around and the Texans will be much more competitive. Plus, only five of Tennessee’s regular season games in 2008 were against playoff teams. This year, five of the Titans’ first six games are against the Steelers, Colts, Patriots, Texans and Jets.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  23. Atlanta Falcons (11-5) – Previously: 9
    In my opinion, the NFC South is a two-team race between the Saints and the Falcons. Atlanta’s defense is horrific, but Matt Ryan, who will be better this year than he was in his rookie campaign, will carry the Falcons on his shoulders, much like Peyton Manning had to do with the Colts early in his career.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 8-10

  24. Green Bay Packers (6-10) – Previously: 20
    I still have some concerns about Green Bay’s offense, but Aaron Rodgers looks unstoppable. I have him as the No. 2 quarterback in my 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings, and it wouldn’t surprise me at all if he finished as the top guy.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 9-11

  25. Indianapolis Colts (12-4) – Previously: 5
    Indianapolis’ offensive line is a bit of a concern, but the team should be able to run the ball more effectively with Donald Brown in the backfield. Peyton Manning will still carry the Colts into the playoffs, but the team’s inability to stop the rush could spell Indianapolis’ demise.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 9-11

  26. New Orleans Saints (8-8) – Previously: 15
    Love the Saints this year. Of course, the offense is awesome, but people are underrating the defense. Both ends were hurt last year, so with more pressure on the quarterback, New Orleans’ Jason David-less secondary will be a lot more effective this season.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 9-11

  27. Chicago Bears (9-7) – Previously: 7
    Jay Cutler has looked great this preseason and Chicago is arguably the top team in the NFC. With more leads, the defense, which struggled at times last year, will be able to accumulate more sacks. If the Bears win the Super Bowl, all of the fans should send thank-you cards to Josh Mishandles.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 10-12

  28. New England Patriots (11-5) – Previously: 1
    Tom Brady is back, Randy Moss looks as dominant as ever, and even Laurence Maroney appears as though he has learned to run laterally. However, I’m really concerned about the Patriots defense come playoff time, especially now that Richard Seymour is gone.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 11-13

  29. San Diego Chargers (8-8) – Previously: 4
    I picked the Chargers to win the Super Bowl in my 2009 NFL Season Previews, but watching the right side of their offensive line has me concerned. I still like LaDainian Tomlinson and the defense to bounce back, but Philip Rivers hasn’t had the best protection this preseason.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 11-13

  30. New York Giants (12-4) – Previously: 2
    People focus too much on wide receivers. Talented wideouts are fun to have, but the position is not one of great importance. What makes the Giants so good is their outstanding defense, an offensive line that ranks as one of the league’s best, and a quarterback who often comes up big in fourth quarters. New York has to be the favorite to represent the NFC in the Super BOwl.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 11-13

  31. Baltimore Ravens (11-5) – Previously: 6
    Love the Ravens this year. I had them losing in the first round of the playoffs in my 2009 NFL Season Preview, but after watching them this preseason, I’ve changed my mind. Baltimore doesn’t have any glaring weaknesses; the defense is still very good, the offensive line is amazing, the running game will continue to be effective, and Joe Flacco looks like he’s ready to make the next step as an NFL quarterback.

    Flacco lacks a reliable, proven No. 2 receiver, but it’s not like he doesn’t have talented weapons to work with (Ray Rice, Derrick Mason). Baltimore is my pick to win the Super Bowl.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 11-13

  32. Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) – Previously: 3
    I had two concerns for the Steelers going into training camp: a potential distraction for Ben Roethlisberger in the wake of a potential rape trial, and a lack of urgency from a team that just won a Super Bowl. However, it’s become very apparent that Roethlisberger’s accuser is a lunatic who should be in prison. Meanwhile, the Steelers have looked sharp this preseason; perhaps struggling in 2006 after their previous championship has taught them a lesson.

    2009 NFL Projected WIN Total: 12-14

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