2009 NFL Power Rankings: Week 8
Week 7 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New Orleans Saints (6-0) – Previously: #1 – What an incredible comeback by the Saints. But once again, the Dolphins +6.5 pick on Sunday was the worst beat I’ve ever had, and it’s not even close. I don’t feel like talking about it anymore, so here’s an excerpt from the long Dolphins Meltdown Rant I had in my Week 7 NFL Game Recaps page (scroll down):
   
   With a game like this, a lot of people deserve a ton of blame. Here’s my top five:
   
   5. Chad Henne – Thanks for the two pick-sixes. Henne is low on this list because he played well early, but he sure took his jolly good time in the final few minutes when Miami was trying to get a backdoor score.
   
   4. Tony Sparano – If you’re a coach on any level reading this, take note: DO NOT CALL A TIMEOUT WHEN THE CLOCK IS TICKING AT THE END OF A HALF ON THE 1-YARD LINE WHEN THE OTHER TEAM HAS ITS FIELD GOAL TEAM OUT THERE. As soon as Sparano called his timeout, I yelled, “F*** you” at the TV because I knew what was coming.
   
   3. God – Players thank God for a win. I’m blaming God for this loss and blown cover. It was that bad.
   
   Actually, now that I think about it, I probably shouldn’t blame God. So…
   
   3. Gibril Wilson – This guy needs to attend a Pee Wee Football practice so he can learn how to tackle. Seriously, Wilson tackles like a little girl.
   
   2. John Parry – Over-Under on how much the crooked Parry “won” with the Saints covering: $100,000. I got the Over.
   
   1. Ted Ginn Jr. – If I were Bill Parcells, I’d cut Ted Ginn Jr. immediately. Ginn had three crucial drops in the fourth quarter: one when the Dolphins were up; one when they were down six; and one in the end zone when Miami was down 12. Oh, and a Ginn third-quarter drop bounced into the hands of Darren Sharper, who returned it for a pick-six (that should have been ruled a touchback).
   
   Ginn, who finished with two receptions for 16 yards, has now cost the Dolphins two big upsets with his hands of fail. He’s hurting the team more than he is helping it. He needs to be cut. Now.
   
   
2. Indianapolis Colts (6-0) – Previously: #2 – Did the Colts beat the St. Louis Rams or the St. Louis Billikens yesterday? Must be the Rams because the Billikens don’t have a football team, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if it was the Billikens.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) – Previously: #4 – I’m kind of concerned that Ben Roethlisberger wasn’t able to put away the Antoine Winfield-less Vikings early. Big Ben really struggled in this game and nearly tossed multiple picks.
   
   By the way, I hope you heard the exchange between Cris Carter and Keyshawn Johnson when the Sunday NFL Countdown crew was picking the winner of this game. If not, here’s how it went:
   
   Keyshawn: “Picking the Steelers. You take a dome team… put them in that type of environment…”
   Carter: “It’s beautiful today!”
   Keyshawn: “Uhh… uhh…”
   
   Carter may be extremely annoying, but at least he does his homework. Keyshawn is just a moron who somehow still has a job on what he once called “NFL Sunday Countdown.” How do you not know the name of your own show!?
   
   
4. New York Giants (5-2) – Previously: #3 – Some Giants notes from the Sunday night game:
   
   1. The Giants didn’t show up to play the Cardinals, so I’m thinking of not showing up for this bit of analysis. Maybe I should just leave this whole section blank. If I were the Giants, that’s what I do. But I’m better than that (I hope).
   
   2. Mario Manningham might be the most overrated player in the NFL. He absolutely sucks. Yes, he makes some nice moves after the catch, but he can’t run a route to save his life and he already has seven drops on the year.
   
   3. If Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth figured out that Arizona’s pass-rushers knew that the Giants were going to snap the ball after Eli Manning yelled “Omaha,” why didn’t the New York coaches pick up on this? Seriously, Tom Coughlin, wake up and stop costing me four units.
   
   
5. Minnesota Vikings (6-1) – Previously: #5 – I know Viking fans everywhere are complaining about that leg whip/tripping call, but I thought it was legit. So did Tom Jackson. I know the Steelers had no business covering, but the fact remains that if Chester Taylor caught the pass that he couldn’t haul in at the end of the game, Minnesota could be 7-0 right now. Stil, it’s not like the Vikings needed to win; they’re still in control of the NFC North.
   
   
6. Denver Broncos (6-0) – Previously: #6 – The Broncos were on a bye, so one last thing about the Saints-Dolphins game. E-mailer Pete R. sent this in:
   
   I’ve never been a part of your forum or written you an email, but I saw something so shady in the New Orleans/Miami game that I thought I’d point it out (if you didn’t notice yourself):
   
   – With the spread at 6, John Carney misses the extra point which would have put NO up by 7.
   
   – After NO goes up by 13 and in garbage time, Carney pushes the kick off out of bounds, giving Miami great starting field position to get the cover (it almost worked)
   
   – If I was a 45 year old kicker about to be dropped (Hartley has been active for a couple weeks now), I’d probably take a pay out too.
   
   Great observations, but it just goes to show that when the official has money on Team A and the kicker has money on Team B, Team A is always going to win. Poor Carney. I wonder if he looked at this site and placed a bet on the Fins?
   
   
7. New England Patriots (5-2) – Previously: #7 – I’m a spiteful person who holds grudges for a very long time, so I have to give some dap to the Brits for not attacking the New England Patriots. If I were British, I would have thought about kidnapping the entire team and making them walk the plank in the English Channel or something. That would show those bastards for dumping all of my tea into the Boston Harbor!
   
   
8. Cincinnati Bengals (5-2) – Previously: #9 – This team is ridiculous. Here’s what has happened over the past four weeks: On Oct. 4, the Bengals nearly lost to the Browns. In fact, they needed overtime to defeat then-winless Cleveland. A week later, they upset the Ravens as 9-point underdogs. One game after that, the Texans beat them at home, 28-17. And on Sunday, they trashed the Bears, 45-10.
   
   How is this team so inconsistent? Don’t the Bengals remind you of that girl from the Seinfeld episode (the one who was attractive in the dark, but ugly in the light?) I firmly believe Cincinnati could go 16-0 if Marvin Lewis convinced all the players each week that the opposing team somehow blackballed them.
   
   
9. Arizona Cardinals (4-2) – Previously: #11 – Some Cardinals notes from the Sunday night game:
   
   1. When you’re wrong, you’re wrong. I was down on Kurt Warner all year because he was a 38-year-old man coming off hip surgery. He struggled early on, but he was great Sunday night, going 20-of-36 for 231 yards, one touchdown and a pick. Those are damn good numbers against the Giants.
   
   In my NFL Week 7 Picks page, I noted that Warner had just one pass longer than 26 yards going into this contest. Well, he hooked up with Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald for 44- and 27-yard connections.
   
   2. Once Chris Wells learns how to catch the ball and avoid fumbling, he’s going to be a dynamic weapon for Arizona’s offense. The stiff arm he gave a helpless Giants defender on his second-quarter touchdown was awesome. Wells had way more carries (14) than Tim Hightower (4) on Sunday night, and it needs to stay that way.
   
   3. The Cardinals picked off Eli Manning three times Sunday night. This weekend, they get Jake Delhomme, who has tossed 13 interceptions this year. If Delhomme starts again, Arizona might just get into double digits in terms of interceptions. Can the Cardinals defense score 100 fantasy points for you this Sunday? I think it’s possible.
   
   
10. Baltimore Ravens (3-3) – Previously: #10 – A bye week for the Ravens, so it’s time for Notes from NFL.com GameCenter – a list of a few stupid comments I read on NFL.com’s new crappy GameCenter and my thoughts on them:
    
    1. “peyton manning won’t complete many passes today….the rams pass defense will read most of the colts offense and you can look for 3 to 5 picks today by the rams. steven jackson will gain arpound 150yds on the ground mainly through screen plays. at the end manning will choke on every red zone opportunity and the rams will outscore them 36-13.”
    
    This guy would have watched the Colts-Rams game, but he was too busy ordering his loyal subjects around as the King of Canada. Later, he and Tom Cruise went to another planet to organize a peace treaty between the cyclopses and the vampires.
    
    2. “darn you Childress..or should we say Childish.”
    
    Oh no he didn’t!
    
    3. “Cable is a 3rd string coach at best. We also need Al to move on… RIP”
    
    The Raiders definitely need a starting coach. And how many more 30-point losses will it take for Raider fans to storm Al Davis’ crypt office, and attack him with wooden stakes, crosses and garlic? I say four.
    
    

32. St. Louis Rams (0-7) – Previously: #31 – There were many funny comments in our Week 7 NFL Live In-Games Thread on the forum. Make sure you join the conversation next week. Here are some of the humorous remarks:

– LTomlinson31: “Norv Turner looks like a pedofile. Get him out, now.”

– PuppyPuncher: “Reggie Wayne out with broken testicles.”

– EliteBeatAgent: “In other news, it took Crabtree a half and 3 minutes to surpass Heyward-Bey’s totals for the season.”

– PuppyPuncher: “If Alex Smith makes a back door cover, I am committing murder.” (Thank God it was only a backdoor push).

31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-7) – Previously: #30 – I wrote this in my Week 7 NFL Game Recaps page:

Even though this was a crap matchup – seriously, NFL, did you honestly think the Buccaneers would be competitive this year? – you have to give the Brits credit for filling the seats. According to Jim Nantz, this game sold out in six minutes. Cor blimey to the people who think this London thing doesn’t work.

While I don’t think that having an NFL franchise in London is a good move, I do love the idea of playing more games overseas. The more fans of the NFL, the better. And who knows, maybe one day the European kids in the stands will become NFL prospects. The more talent the NFL teams have to draw from, the better the league will be. Maybe at that point we won’t have ultra crappy teams like the Rams, Chiefs, Browns, Buccaneers, etc. This excludes the Raiders, of course, because Undead Al will still be around to ruin things.

30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-6) – Previously: #28 – Larry Johnson is a Twitter Monster. Check out these Tweets from the worst starting running back in football and my thoughts on them:

1. “My father played for the coach from ‘rememeber the titans.’ Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn.”

Larry Johnson’s dad played for Denzel Washington? Wowowowowowowowowow!!!

By the way, Johnson sounds like a little kid saying, “My dad can beat up yours!”

2. “think bout a clever diss then that wit ur [expletive] pic. Christopher street boy. Is what us east coast cats call u.”

Johnson’s an “east coast cat?” Really? He went to high school in the Penn State area, which is not on the East Coast. He now plays in Kansas City, which is not on the East Coast. When was Johnson indoctrinated as an “east coast cat?” I’d like to know this because I’m beginning to think that Johnson is a bit of a fraud.

3. “Make me regret it. Lmao. U don’t stop my checks. Lmao. So ‘tweet’ away.”

Here, Johnson was bragging that he makes more money that some guy who commented on his Twitter page.

Well, Johnson’s right. He does make more money than that guy. But Johnson just happens to be lucky; not all of us are cunning enough to steal millions of dollars from a clueless NFL organization.

29. Cleveland Browns (1-6) – Previously: #26 – Maybe next week Derek Anderson will actually have his eyes open when he throws a pass downfield. I’m not asking for much here. Anyway, let’s do a profile:

Coach Profile: Todd Haley

Positives:
– Can devise a great offense if he has a Hall of Fame quarterback and two All-Pro receivers
– Is cunning enough to bench his best players (Dwayne Bowe) and start his worst (Larry Johnson)
– Can be nicknamed “Turd Haley” (makes for great jokes)
– Has just as many wins with the Chiefs as NFL coaching legend Eric Mangini does with the Browns

Negatives:
– Lost to the Raiders. Seriously, how does that happen?
– Hasn’t been able to get the most out of awesome quarterback Matt Cassel
– Played golf in high school (meaning that he’s not qualified to be an NFL head coach)
– Did not star in Remember the Titans like Larry Johnson’s dad


28. Oakland Raiders (2-5) – Previously: #25 – Good to see the Raiders bounce back with a loss. They got a win out of their system, and now they can go back to losing.

JaMarcus Russell was benched in the second quarter of Sunday’s blowout loss. Russell fumbled and was intercepted twice, which led to 14 Jets points. After the game, Russell was asked if he was responsible for the defeat. Here’s his answer (and keep in mind that he was smiling throughout the interview and even laughed at the end):

“I don’t think it’s me personally, I really don’t. It’s a bad combination of one guy doesn’t so somethin right one time and he doesn’t do… no, it all plays a… play… I personally don’t think it’s me… Do you think so?”

That’s right – Russell actually asked a reporter if he was responsible for a 38-0 loss and laughed while doing so. For those wondering if Russell will ever evolve into a capable NFL quarterback, that’s your answer right there. He’s a joke.

27. Tennessee Titans (0-6) – Previously: #32 – The Titans didn’t get a chance to lose this week, so let’s discuss something else.

If you didn’t see it, Mark Sanchez was caught eating a hot dog on the sidelines toward the end of the Jets’ 38-0 blowout win over the Raiders. You normally don’t see NFL players eating hot dogs on the sidelines, so why did Sanchez do this? Time for oddities!

200:1 – It takes a lot of energy to beat the Raiders 38-0.

4:1 – Playing all the way up in Oakland, Sanchez was freezing his a** off and needed some food to warm himself up.

3:1 – Sanchez was jealous of Larry Johnson because his dad didn’t star in Remember the Titans, so he needed a hot dog to console himself.

1:6 – Sanchez was hungry, so we wanted to down a hot dog before JaMarcus Russell ate everything in the stadium.

26. Washington Redskins (2-5) – Previously: #29 – Notes from the Monday night game:

1. When DeSean Jackson scored a 67-yard touchdown on an end-around to open the game, I wrote on the forums, “Game over. Redskins can’t score 7 pts.” I was close. Washington managed just 10 points until a touchdown in junk time.

2. Speaking of DeSean Jackson, I laughed when Steve Young called him “DeSean Foster” after the game. Looks like someone forgot to take his concussion medicine!

3. This game was basically just five big plays: Jackson’s end-around, a Jackson 57-yard touchdown reception, Jason Campbell’s pick-six, a Campbell fumble that led to an Eagles field goal, and an Antwaan Randle-El muffed punt that allowed David Akers to make another successful kick.

Aside from the two big plays, Washington’s defense played extremely well. If you take those Jackson touchdowns away, the Redskins held the Eagles to only 38 net yards. Donovan McNabb was just 4-of-15 on third downs, which was just a bit better than Campbell’s 3-of-12. The difference was the three Washington turnovers that led to 13 Eagles points.

4. Two big injuries: Chris Cooley broke his leg and will be out for the rest of the year. Brian Westbrook left the game in the first quarter with a concussion. It looked really bad at first, as London Fletcher’s knee inadvertently collided with Westbrook’s helmet.

5. Whenever the Redskins had the ball, I felt that Philadelphia had a better chance of scoring a touchdown than Washington. My belief was validated when Will Witherspoon returned a tipped Campbell pass for a score.

6. Major gaff by the officials in this game, who whistled the Redskins for a hold on a return. This placed the ball on the Washington 10. At the very last second, Bill Leavy realized he made a mistake; the penalty was supposed to be on the Eagles. The Redskins then took over near midfield. What if Leavy hadn’t spotted this? The officiating has been worse than ever this year.

7. Jim Zorn is an idiot. Oh, you knew that already? Well, add this to your list of negative Zorn moments: Down 17 with about 4:42 left, the Redskins had a 4th-and-4 inside their 10. Instead of kicking a field goal, Zorn went for it. Unfortunately, Casey Rabach snapped the ball to the quarterback under center. The thing is, there was no quarterback under center. Campbell was in shotgun. The ball fell onto the turf and the play was over.

Going for the touchdown may not have seemed like a terrible idea, but it was. It was fourth down and much longer than just one yard. The Redskins needed a field goal at some point. Why not kick it then and make it a two-score game? It sounds really simple, but for someone as challenged as Zorn, it’s not.

The official kick in the nuts was that the Redskins scored a touchdown on the next drive. If they had a kicked a field goal on the aforementioned sequence, they may have covered. Idiots.

8. Speaking of Zorn, hilarious comment after the game:

“I wish the game would have been closer.”

Why doesn’t Zorn just wish for a unicorn and a billion dollars? That way we wouldn’t have to put up with this nonsense.

25. Detroit Lions (1-5) – Previously: #27 – The Lions were on a bye, so I’ll use this space for my exclusive interview with JaMarcus Russell:

ME: Hey JaMarcus, thanks for joining me. It must have been tough getting benched. Did you feel it was warranted?

RUSSELL: “I don’t understand what warrant means… But I did not like getting benched… It was not my fault, it was the other guy… The guy who… Didn’t make the play… Do you think so?”

ME: Do I think so? Do I think what? That you should have been benched? Yes, I’d say so. You threw two picks and fumbled once in a span of a quarter and a half. What went wrong?

RUSSELL: “I’ll tell you what exactly went wrong… When I threw the ball… The guy who went to catch it… The guy… The guy wasn’t there… The guy on the other team was there instead… Do you think so?”

ME: Do I think so? I don’t exactly understand what you’re asking me.

RUSSELL: “What happened on the first play was… The guys who have to protect me… They disappeared… And so I had to do everything by myself… But then the guys on the other team came… And they stole the ball away from me… It was not fair… Do you think so?”

ME: Do I think it was unfair? Of course not. The Jets were trying to force a fumble so that they can score. That’s what defenses do.

RUSSELL: “Well next time… Instead of throwing the ball… I will… I will try to steal the ball from the other team… And then the guy… The guy who tells me what to do on the sidelines… Will not yell… Will not yell at me… Do you think so?”

ME: Well, I think Tom Cable would be pretty pissed off if you decided to play defense when you’re at quarterback, so no, I don’t think so.

RUSSELL: “But then you said… When the play… When the players try to steal the ball… Steal the ball away from me… They are doing good things… But when I steal the ball… it is bad things… Maybe I should not even play… Maybe I should not play in the game… Do you think so?”

ME: Yes, JaMarcus. I definitely think so.

24. Carolina Panthers (2-4) – Previously: #23 – Does this play epitomize Carolina’s season or what? This is courtesy of NFL.com’s crappy GameCenter:

1-10-BUF 22 (6:21) R.Fitzpatrick pass incomplete short right to L.Evans (C.Gamble) [D.Lewis]. CAR-J.Stewart was injured during the play. His return is Questionable.

So, let me get this straight… Jonathan Stewart, a Panthers running back, was injured during a Bills offensive play? How does that happen? Was Jake Delhomme taking some practice throws on the sideline when one of his poor passes struck Stewart in the ACL? I could actually see that happening.

23. Buffalo Bills (3-4) – Previously: #24 – Funny comment by Puppy Puncher in his NFL Week 7 Analysis:

Dallas continues to win despite the fact that Wade Phillips spends the entire game looking confused and constipated on the sidelines. How many times can you wince at a play per game?

With Wade, there is no limit.

By the way, I think this is the fourth consecutive week that I’ve had the same Bottom 10. Even with all of my awesome and witty comments on this NFL Power Rankings page, that fact might be funnier than anything.


2009 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Atlanta Falcons (4-2). Previously: #10
12. Houston Texans (4-3). Previously: #14
13. Green Bay Packers (4-2). Previously: #16
14. Chicago Bears (3-3). Previously: #13
15. Philadelphia Eagles (4-2). Previously: #17
16. New York Jets (4-3). Previously: #19
17. Dallas Cowboys (4-2). Previously: #22
18. San Diego Chargers (3-3). Previously: #18
19. Miami Dolphins (2-4). Previously: #12
20. San Francisco 49ers (3-3). Previously: #15
21. Seattle Seahawks (2-4). Previously: #20
22. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3). Previously: #21

1. Cardinals (3.0)
2. Broncos (3.3)
3. Steelers (3.4)
4. Eagles (3.4)
5. Packers (3.5)
6. Dolphins (3.6)
7. 49ers (3.7)
8. Bengals (3.7)
9. Ravens (3.7)
10. Titans (3.7)
11. Redskins (3.7)
12. Jaguars (3.9)
13. Bears (4.0)
14. Saints (4.0)
15. Vikings (4.1)
16. Giants (4.1)
17. Jets (4.2)
18. Rams (4.3)
19. Panthers (4.3)
20. Cowboys (4.4)
21. Chargers (4.4)
22. Falcons (4.4)
23. Colts (4.5)
24. Seahawks (4.5)
25. Texans (4.6)
26. Buccaneers (4.7)
27. Patriots (4.7)
28. Browns (4.8)
29. Chiefs (4.8)
30. Raiders (4.8)
31. Lions (4.9)
32. Bills (5.1)

1. Jets (5.0)
2. Colts (5.6)
3. Bills (5.7)
4. Saints (5.9)
5. Broncos (6.2)
6. Redskins (6.3)
7. Patriots (6.3)
8. Steelers (6.4)
9. Packers (6.4)
10. Giants (6.5)
11. Eagles (6.8)
12. Seahawks (6.9)
13. Chargers (6.9)
14. Panthers (6.9)
15. Bears (6.9)
16. Bengals (7.0)
17. Cowboys (7.0)
18. Cardinals (7.1)
19. Texans (7.1)
20. Falcons (7.1)
21. 49ers (7.2)
22. Jaguars (7.5)
23. Vikings (7.5)
24. Raiders (7.6)
25. Browns (7.8)
26. Chiefs (7.9)
27. Rams (8.0)
28. Ravens (8.2)
29. Lions (8.3)
30. Dolphins (8.3)
31. Titans (8.8)
32. Buccaneers (8.9)