2009 NFL Power Rankings: Week 3
Week 2 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) – Previously: #1 – I’m not moving the Steelers down for losing a tough road game without one of their top defensive players. And if Jeff Reed makes both of his fourth-quarter field goals, Pittsburgh’s probably 2-0 right now.
   
   Speaking of Reed, it really looked like he was crying at the end of the game when Robbie Gould nailed the game-winner. Said Reed after the game, “It was the allergies… I mean it was the rain… I mean it was both… I mean my girlfriend just dumped me… I mean… ev… everyone’s going to hate me now!”
   
   
2. Baltimore Ravens (2-0) – Previously: #2 – If you missed it on my NFL Picks page, one crazed Buffalo Bills fan criticized my having the Ravens as the No. 2 team in my 2009 NFL Power Rankings.
   
   This is exactly why I plan on making tons of money with the Ravens this year. Casual fans and the talking heads on TV don’t understand how good this team is. The defense is still there (though they gave up a number of big plays on Sunday, which concerns me), while the offense ranks among the league’s best. Joe Flacco is one of the top second-tier quarterbacks in the NFL right now, the offensive line is powerful and the running game continues to be very effective. Flying across the country and beating a talented Chargers team is no easy feat.
   
   
3. New York Giants (2-0) – Previously: #3 – Glad to see the Giants pull it out to secure my September NFL Pick of the Month. I was sweating my balls off at the end, hoping Eli Manning wouldn’t throw a pick-six and the Cowboys wouldn’t block Lawrence Tynes’ field goal.
   
   Some notes on the Giants from Sunday night:
   
   1. Sticking with Tynes’ field goal, Roger Goodell really needs to change this icing-the-kicker rule. If you missed it, Wade Phillips waited until the last nanosecond to call a timeout. Tynes made the kick and celebrated before he learned that Mr. Turkey Neck iced him.
   
   If I were Mike Carey, the official of the Cowboys-Giants game, I would have just announced, “Unsportsmanlike penalty, Mr. Turkey Neck. The Cowboys will be penalized 15 yards at the start of their Week 3 game. This game is over.”
   
   Icing the kicker is childish, bush-league and ridiculous. More importantly, it doesn’t even work most of the time! Emperor Goodell, where are you on this?
   
   2. Speaking of Carey, I thought he made a poor judgment call on an inexplicable Kenny Phillips pick-six that bounced off Jason Witten’s heel. It was initially ruled incomplete, but Carey reviewed it and determined that Phillips made the interception. However, Carey did not award the Giants with the touchdown because one official blew the play dead.
   
   I know it’s not following the rules, but I’d like to see more officials use common sense. Carey should have announced, “The play should be dead by rule. However, that would be unjust because the Giants scored a touchdown. Therefore, the touchdown counts. And if you don’t like that Emperor Goodell, go f*** yourself.”
   
   3. The Giants really need Justin Tuck in the lineup. Tuck left in the middle of the game, and the Cowboys proceeding to rush for 173 yards in the second half.
   
   4. This is why the receiver position is so overrated in the NFL and in fantasy football. Many people criticized the Giants for not finding a replacement for Plaxico Burress this offseason. Meanwhile, Mario Manningham and Steve Smith were undrafted in most fantasy leagues.
   
   Just two weeks into the season, both wideouts have established themselves as studs. They combined for 20 catches, 284 yards and two touchdowns against the Cowboys. They’re both in the top five in receiving yardage.
   
   You win games in the trenches, and that’s exactly why the Giants are one of the top three or four teams in the NFL. With that said, they can’t afford to lose Tuck.
   
   
4. New Orleans Saints (2-0) – Previously: #5 – Drew Brees had only three touchdown passes against the Eagles, so he’s now on pace for 72 touchdowns instead of 96. Time to stop sucking, Drew.
   
   Notes on the Cowboys from Sunday night:
   
   1. Did anyone find it hilarious that with this new stadium and giant JumboTron, Jerry Jones couldn’t figure out how to turn on the mic for the national anthem? Maybe if Jones spent $1.16 billion instead of $1.15 billion on his palace, he could avoided this embarrassment.
   
   2. Flozell Adams is a punk. The fat left tackle for the Cowboys was beaten by Justin Tuck, so he decided to kick Tuck in the knee cap. Tuck had to leave the game.
   
   If I were Mike Carey, I would have thrown Adams out of the contest. You cannot, under any circumstances, kick someone in the knee cap. That was a ridiculous decision that could have potentially ended Tuck’s season. There was no reason Adams should have been allowed to continue playing.
   
   3. The Cowboys’ run defense impressed me Sunday night. I know they were focusing on containing Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw, but holding those two talented backs to 95 yards on 25 carries is no easy task.
   
   The bad news for Dallas is that Mario Manningham and Steve Smith torched them instead. The Cowboys will probably need to be more balanced defensively the next time they battle the Giants.
   
   4. The pressure was on with the new stadium opening, so it was no surprise to see Tony Aurora Snowmo rear his ugly head once again. Romo was a very December-esque 13-of-29 for 127 yards, one touchdown and three picks. It’s very apparent that Aurora Snowmo will once again choke when it matters most late in the year.
   
   
5. Indianapolis Colts (2-0) – Previously: #6 – Some notes from the Colts-Dolphins game:
   
   1. The Dolphins ran the perfect game plan and still lost. We all saw first-hand why they don’t have a realistic shot at winning the Super Bowl: Their quarterback cannot hit a big play, which is a huge disadvantage against a great defense (like the Ravens).
   
   I said this on the forums during Miami’s “2-minute drill:” “The Colts went 80 yards in 32 seconds. The Dolphins went 6 yards in 73 seconds.” Angels cried during Miami’s pathetic attempt to win the game.
   
   2. Though Miami couldn’t move the ball quickly, it still had a shot at taking the lead. Ted Ginn had both of his hands on the ball in the end zone, but couldn’t haul it in. Ginn finished with 11 catches for 108 yards, so it’s a shame that he’s the goat in this loss.
   
   3. When are the Colts going to stop the run? It’s been like 10 years of this. The Dolphins rushed for 235 yards on 48 carries. What happened to those big defensive tackles they drafted?
   
   4. If you missed it, the Colts won this game despite not having the ball for a full quarter. Their 14:53 time of possession was the lowest for a winning team since 1977. Indianapolis’ defense will have to get off the field more often against better opponents.
   
   5. Three out of Miami’s next four games are against the Chargers, Jets and Saints. They won’t be able to come back from 1-5.
   
   6. An important fantasy note: Donald Brown – not Joseph Addai – played most of the second half, including Indianapolis’ scoring drive. Addai missed an assignment that led to a Manning sack, so that could have been a reason he was out of the game. Another reason? Brown is simply more talented.
   
   
6. Atlanta Falcons (2-0) – Previously: #9 – The Falcons are 2-0, but I’m concerned about their defense, especially now that Peria Jerry is out for the year. Also, how do you force Jake Delhomme into only one turnover? I would have thought at least three would be a given.
   
   Oh, and beating New Orleans out for the NFC South crown will be difficult. As Keyshawn Johnson said on Sunday NFL Countdown this week: “Saints has good offense.”
   
   
7. New York Jets (2-0) – Previously: #18 – Ladies and gentlemen, the 2008 Baltimore Ravens.
   
   Rex Ryan is such a great coach, he inspired my friend Dennis, operator of Draft Debacled.com to say:
   
   “Rex Ryan once met the most interesting man in the world, and promptly punched him in the jaw.”
   
   “When Rex Ryan does push ups, he doesn’t move up and down; the world moves down and up.”
   
   
8. New England Patriots (1-1) – Previously: #7 – A funny exchange in the Week 2 Live In-Games Thread in the forum:
   
   Wraith: What the hell happened to Brady? When did he start sucking?
   
   Lord Joe: When he was 14 and confused by the feeling in his pants in gym class. Oh you mean at football? Last year when Bernie Pollard debacled his leg.
   
   It’s hard to believe, but Brady is on pace to throw just 16 touchdowns. He’s clearly not healthy, and it doesn’t help that his offensive line and defense are letting him down.
   
   
9. Minnesota Vikings (2-0) – Previously: #12 – I shook my head when I heard that Matt Birk told the media that Adrian Peterson could run for 3,000 yards this year – not because that projection was outrageous; but because it’s completely misguided.
   
   Matt, the goal for Peterson shouldn’t be 3,000 yards; it should be preserving Peterson for the playoffs and the rest of his career, while giving him enough touches to secure homefield advantage. If Birk and the Vikings want to pull a Herm Edwards and turn Peterson into Larry Johnson, they can go right ahead.
   
   
10. San Francisco 49ers (2-0) – Previously: #20 – This may surprise some people that I have the 49ers up so high, but I’m loving this team. They play tough defense, pound the rock non-stop and don’t turn the ball over. And best of all, Mike Singletary hasn’t been forced to use his psychic powers to will the 49ers to victory yet.

32. Cleveland Browns (0-2) – Previously: #31 – Derek Anderson Time! I have nothing more to say about this awful team, so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Eric Mangini.

ME: Thanks for joining me, Eric.

MANGINI: “Yep. It’s your pleasure.”

ME: All right…? Well, you had a tough loss Sunday. You scored six points against the stinkin’ Broncos for crying out loud.

MANGINI: “Yeah, that’s a big concern for me. I’m going to need to score more points for Erin Andrews to go out with me.”

ME: If you say so. It’s a shame that you didn’t draft Mark Sanchez in April. He’s been great for the Jets.

MANGINI: “I disagree. Sanchez said he wasn’t interested in coming to my slumber party, so I didn’t draft him. He’s a loser.”

ME: A loser? So the crap players you traded for aren’t losers?

MANGINI: “Losers? All the guys I traded for went to my birthday party last year and got me the presents I asked them to get, so they’re not losers. You know who’s a loser? Shannon Sharpe!”

ME: Nah, Shannon’s a good guy, but I’m not going to argue about that. What I will ask you is if Quinn is still your starting quarterback. Or are you going with Derek Anderson?

MANGINI: “No and no. I’m going with Brett Ratliff. I told Brady and Derek to get me a red Mega Man for my birthday, but they bought me Ants in the Pants. Ants in the Pants? Ants in the Pants!? I wanted a red Mega Man! Ratliff got me a yellow Mega Man. He’s my guy.”

ME: And what if Shannon Sharpe gets you a red Mega Man?

MANGINI: “Doesn’t matter. He ruins my chances with Erin Andrews.”

31. St. Louis Rams (0-2) – Previously: #32 – NFL.com’s new crappy Game Center sucks, but one great thing about it is some of the ridiculous and hilarious comments you can find on there. For example, here’s one post that someone wrote during the Rams-Redskins game (thanks, ChicagoJay):

Rams will NOT get Tbow, are you stupid? that kid is trash and will never be an NFL QB. HERE WE COME COLT MCCOY!

My hypothesis is that this was Josh Mishandles posting before the Broncos-Browns game. I’m not even going to bother to confirm this.

30. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) – Previously: #29 – How do you lose to the Raiders at home? How humiliating.

With nothing more to say about the Chiefs, I’d like to mention a funny comment from Puppy Puncher in his NFL Week 2 write-up:

“The Bengals are like a really hot girl that every guy wanted to get with. All your friends talk about her hot a** and how big her breasts are. Then when you undress her, she has chlamydia.”

For more go to Puppy Puncher’s Perspective: Week 2.

29. Detroit Lions (0-2) – Previously: #30 – The Lions led 10-0 but failed to cover as 10-point underdogs against the Vikings. Why does this cause me to twitch uncontrollably? Hmm… maybe because they led 17-0 as 9.5-point underdogs against the Buccaneers last year and cost me my only Pick of the Month loss since 2007!?!?!? I feel like a traumatized assault victim. Thank God Sage Rosenfails isn’t starting for anyone this season.

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-2) – Previously: #28 – Byron Sandwich is proving to be even worse than advertised. I criticized Raheem Morris’ decision of making Sandwich his starter over Luke McCown, when McCown out-performed Sandwich in the preseason (despite inferior stats). So, why did Morris go with Sandwich? Time for oddities!

1:5 – Morris didn’t watch the games. He just looked at the box scores.

EVEN – Sandwich told Morris that he would eat him. It took Sandwich 40 minutes to make this threat.

4:1 – Sandwich was just as crappy as the majority of Tampa Bay’s roster. Morris didn’t want the players to feel bad about themselves with a superior quarterback under center.

9:1 – This was all an elaborate plan by Morris to finish with the league’s worst record so he could have the No. 1 pick in the 2010 NFL Draft. Morris knew that McCown could win him a couple of games, and that having Sandwich under center was a perfect recipe for 0-16. Brilliant. Another coach should start Sandwich next year to get similar results.

27. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2) – Previously: #25 – This Jacksonville squad is a joke. They get up for playing the Colts twice a year and almost always lose. After that, they can’t come close to matching the same emotion for their next game. The Jaguars are now 1-7 against the spread after losing to Indianapolis since 2002. So, not only do they usually go down to the Colts, they also suffer a defeat the following week. That’s two losses for the price of one. No wonder the Jaguars disappoint almost every year; they should be concentrating on the games they can win.

The troubling thing now is that the Jaguars look like they’ve already quit. I’ve never seen a team look so sluggish, slow and disoriented this early in the year. They lost by 14, but the score was 31-3 before Arizona turned off the engine. It’s almost as if they’ve given up on Jack Del Rio. You’d think they’d want to go out and prove their Tim Tebow-loving owner wrong after he went public about the team’s future, but no – they showed up flat and disinterested. The Jaguars are a disgrace.

26. Oakland Raiders (1-1) – Previously: #24 – Introducing, the new Player Profiles!

Player Profile: JaMarcus Russell

Positives:
– Has a golden arm
– Can eat lots of Doritos
– Can eat lots of Oreos
– Can eat lots of doughnuts
Negatives:
– Eats lots of Doritos
– Eats lots of Oreos
– Eats lots of doughnuts
– Is deemed a “great player” by Al Davis

25. Denver Broncos (2-0) – Previously: #27 – If you didn’t know, Shannon Sharpe literally parachuted into the stadium during this game. He was honored at halftime.

I found it hilarious that Eric Mangini was in the stadium when this happened ( Mangini is Sharpe’s best friend if you haven’t heard).

When this happened, Mangini must have thought, “Oh no, he crashed my slumber party, and now he’s crashing my game! I told him I was going to be in Denver next weekend. Why does he keep following me!? Now I’ll never go on a date with Erin Andrews…”

24. Buffalo Bills (1-1) – Previously: #26 – Defeating the Buccaneers is like beating your little brother in a one-on-one game. You might feel good about yourself, but the reality is that you won’t be any better when you go up against guys your own size. The Bills will need to vanquish a legitimate NFL team before I can consider moving them out of the Bottom 10.

23. Carolina Panthers (0-2) – Previously: #23 – My Jerks of the Week will be posted on Wednesday. Meanwhile, here’s a great nomination for a Jerk of the Week from e-mailer Andrew H.: The Carolina Panthers general manager.


2009 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (1-1). Previously: #4
12. Green Bay Packers (1-1). Previously: #8
13. Chicago Bears (1-1). Previously: #15
14. Cincinnati Bengals (1-1). Previously: #16
15. Philadelphia Eagles (1-1). Previously: #13
16. Seattle Seahawks (1-1). Previously: #10
17. Houston Texans (1-1). Previously: #21
18. Tennessee Titans (0-2). Previously: #11
19. Dallas Cowboys (1-1). Previously: #14
20. Arizona Cardinals (1-1). Previously: #22
21. Miami Dolphins (0-2). Previously: #19
22. Washington Redskins (1-1). Previously: #17

1. Titans (2.0)
2. Ravens (2.3)
3. Cardinals (2.4)
4. Bills (2.9)
5. Saints (2.9)
6. Broncos (3.0)
7. 49ers (3.1)
8. Steelers (3.3)
9. Eagles (3.6)
10. Bengals (3.6)
11. Jets (3.6)
12. Raiders (3.7)
13. Packers (3.7)
14. Dolphins (3.8)
15. Vikings (4.0)
16. Patriots (4.2)
17. Chiefs (4.2)
18. Bears (4.4)
19. Chargers (4.5)
20. Panthers (4.6)
21. Rams (4.6)
22. Lions (4.7)
23. Colts (4.8)
24. Redskins (4.8)
25. Cowboys (5.0)
26. Jaguars (5.1)
27. Falcons (5.3)
28. Buccaneers (5.4)
29. Browns (5.5)
30. Giants (6.4)
31. Texans (6.8)
32. Seahawks (7.4)

1. Jets (4.8)
2. Colts (5.1)
3. Seahawks (5.4)
4. Vikings (5.5)
5. Giants (6.2)
6. Chiefs (6.2)
7. 49ers (6.2)
8. Bears (6.4)
9. Browns (6.4)
10. Broncos (6.4)
11. Redskins (6.5)
12. Bills (6.5)
13. Bengals (6.6)
14. Panthers (6.6)
15. Raiders (6.6)
16. Cardinals (6.6)
17. Steelers (6.6)
18. Saints (6.8)
19. Falcons (6.9)
20. Chargers (7.2)
21. Rams (7.3)
22. Texans (7.6)
23. Cowboys (7.7)
24. Packers (7.8)
25. Patriots (8.0)
26. Lions (8.4)
27. Jaguars (8.5)
28. Titans (8.8)
29. Ravens (8.9)
30. Dolphins (9.0)
31. Eagles (9.4)
32. Buccaneers (10.1)