Humor

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 8, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Septa Train Zombies I have an extremely difficult commute to work every morning. Once I describe my process to you, tears will uncontrollably cascade out of your eyes upon learninghow taxing my daily routine is: 1. I get out of bed at the crack…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 1, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Lifeguard Training Day I usually write my Jerks of the Week entries on Thursdays. With Thanksgiving coming up, I decided to write an entry in advance so I wouldn’t have to compile anything while drunk or hung over from the tryptophan. I went back…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 24, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Too Many Cooks It takes a lot to make a stew. A pinch of salt and laughter too. A scoop of kids to add the spice. A dash of love to make it nice, and you’ve got too many Cooks. Too many Cooks. Too…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 17, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Halloween and Orange Juice I didn’t do the usual this Halloween. The usual is waiting for my doorbell to ring, waddling my fat a** to the door and handing candy to kids – and then making fun of them and their parents in Jerks…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 10, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Dunkin Donuts Some people I talk to know what I do for a living. I mentioned recently that some individuals ask me for my advice in terms of what they should do with their fantasy roster. One guy even stopped me, mid-workout, to ask…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 3, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Kyoto and Japanese Food The development I live in is fairly new. It was being constructed when I first moved into my current house, back in June 2010. It used to be a golf course, so naturally, my dog would always dig up golf…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 27, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams Remember how great it was when you were an innocent child, and you thought magical things were real? You believed that a fat man in red costume somehow fit into a chimney and brought you presents every Christmas, solely…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 20, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan Thirty minutes before I began writing these very words, I was wondering if I had anything worth ranting about for next week’s Jerks of the Week column. Given that’s it’s football season, I’m not able to get out…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 13, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Telling the Truth I’ve come to the realization that I need to lie more. Not to anyone I care about, but to random people who don’t really matter all that much to me. This may seem callous, but I have legitimate reasons for needing…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 6, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Birthday Shopping at the Mall Amazon must love me. I think I’ve purchased stuff from them every single day over the past six months. It’s gotten to the point that if something doesn’t arrive in the mail from Amazon on any given day, I’m…