Humor

Jerks of the Week: June 8, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Uzbekistan I hate Uzbekistan. It’s the worst. I wish it would just blow up and cease to exist. That would make me extremely happy. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Walt, you can’t publicly hate on a country like this! Uzbeki (Uzbekistani? Uzbekisti?) terrorists…

Jerks of the Week: June 1, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Memorial Day Grocery Shopping at Giant One of my good friends hates holidays. He despises Thanksgiving, Halloween, and even Christmas. “There’s just too much stupid s*** you have to do on them,” he once told me. “I’d rather just go to work, quite honestly.”…

Jerks of the Week: May 25, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: A Tale of Four Neighborhoods: Con Artists, Dog Poop and a Stolen Watch I scoffed at something I saw on Twitter recently. No, it wasn’t the sort of douchey tweet from a politically correct hipster that I’ve complained about in the past. After all,…

Jerks of the Week: May 20, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Roger Goodell and the NFL I wonder if Roger Goodell goes to sleep every night wondering why everyone hates him. Does he constantly think, Why does everyone boo me everywhere I go? as he tosses and turns in bed, trying desperately to escape into…

Jerks of the Week: May 18, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Catching Up on Gym Jerks: Two Abominations, Two Creeps and a Monster I know it hasn’t been years since I’ve written about the jerks at my gym, but it sure feels like it. That’s because my last gym jerks entry – in which I…

Jerks of the Week: May 11, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: A Racist, a Woman-Beater and a Horse – the Greatest Sports Day Ever If you’ve been living under a rock, or if you’ve been unfortunate enough to have been trapped inside Rosie O’Donnell’s stomach after she accidentally ate you, you may not be aware…

Jerks of the Week: May 4, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Puppy-Training Classes I bought my girlfriend a puppy for Christmas. I didn’t actually get it on Christmas; that’s when I told her I would buy one for her. We decided that we would both pick one out. After doing some research, we came across…

Jerks of the Week: April 27, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Gym Jerks – with Pictures! It has occurred to me that you may not believe everything I write – particularly when it comes to making fun of the people at my gym. If I’m right, I don’t blame you. How can there be a…

Jerks of the Week: April 20, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: It Follows My friend Body Burner messaged me on Facebook a recent Saturday afternoon and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I declined, telling him that I was planning on seeing It Follows at the movies with my girlfriend. His reaction: Body…

Jerks of the Week: April 13, 2015 JERK OF THE WEEK: Bottom Dollar Closes – Part II Last week, I announced that Bottom Dollar had shut down. I wrote some stories and also revealed why Bottom Dollar went out of business: If you missed it, it’s because the former president of Bottom Dollar, none other…