Humor

Jerks of the Week: June 9, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Jerks of the DMV Last Saturday was one of the more frustrating days in recent memory. It was supposed to be a pleasant afternoon. My girlfriend and I were invited to my friend Kate’s graduation party. We then planned to head to the mall…

Jerks of the Week: June 2, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Five-Year Anniversary: 50 Apologies I can’t believe it’s been five years already. I began writing Jerks of the Week on Memorial Day Weekend 2009, publishing my first entry on May 31. I just came from my College Roommate’s Wedding – it was his 5-year…

Jerks of the Week: May 26, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Night of the Six Stink Eyes I used to consider it a win if I didn’t piss anyone off throughout the day. I have an uncanny ability to anger those around me. Whether it’s the old people plotting my death at the gym, or…

Jerks of the Week: May 19, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Internet Idiots III My girlfriend works at a personal-injury law firm. She tells me these amusing stories about how stupid some of her clients are. For instance, one guy got into an accident and quit his job at a grocery store. He then called…

Jerks of the Week: May 12, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Hate Mail, Part 2 I never thought there would be a consolation to losing money. I was wrong. I had my second-best year in terms of picking NFL games this past season. I needed this because I had my worst year ever in 2012….

Jerks of the Week: May 5, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Hate Mail, Part 1 I never thought there would be a consolation to losing money. I was wrong. I had my second-best year in terms of picking NFL games this past season. I needed this because I had my worst year ever in 2012….

Jerks of the Week: April 28, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: People Plotting My Death I’ve always believed that my demise would ultimately occur at my old gym, and I’ve always believed that the cause of my demise would have something to do with one of the many fat women there. I’ve chronicled my narrow…

Jerks of the Week: April 21, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: How I Met My Cell Phone The Year 2035 Kids, I’m going to tell you an incredible story: The story of how I met my cell phone. Slut Daughter: Ugh, dad, I don’t have time for this. I have dudes to bang. Dumb Son:…

Jerks of the Week: April 14, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Bad Omens Monday I don’t want to depress you, but I have some sad news to report. A man in Philadelphia committed suicide Monday when he jumped in front of a train near the Jenkintown Station. This was a terrible series of events, and…

Jerks of the Week: April 7, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Clothes Shopping Every time I hang out with my sister, she always greets me the same way. It’s not “hey” or “What’s up?” or “How are you?” It’s “I got you that shirt!” That always happens to be the case because she has purchased…