Humor

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 15, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Idiots at the Gym I have an update on someone I wrote about a couple of months ago. If you’re fat and lazy like me, and you don’t feel like clicking the link, there’s this 70-year-old man at my gym who talks about how…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 8, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Septa Train Zombies I have an extremely difficult commute to work every morning. Once I describe my process to you, tears will uncontrollably cascade out of your eyes upon learninghow taxing my daily routine is: 1. I get out of bed at the crack…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 1, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Lifeguard Training Day I usually write my Jerks of the Week entries on Thursdays. With Thanksgiving coming up, I decided to write an entry in advance so I wouldn’t have to compile anything while drunk or hung over from the tryptophan. I went back…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 24, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Too Many Cooks It takes a lot to make a stew. A pinch of salt and laughter too. A scoop of kids to add the spice. A dash of love to make it nice, and you’ve got too many Cooks. Too many Cooks. Too…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 17, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Halloween and Orange Juice I didn’t do the usual this Halloween. The usual is waiting for my doorbell to ring, waddling my fat a** to the door and handing candy to kids – and then making fun of them and their parents in Jerks…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 10, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Dunkin Donuts Some people I talk to know what I do for a living. I mentioned recently that some individuals ask me for my advice in terms of what they should do with their fantasy roster. One guy even stopped me, mid-workout, to ask…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 3, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Kyoto and Japanese Food The development I live in is fairly new. It was being constructed when I first moved into my current house, back in June 2010. It used to be a golf course, so naturally, my dog would always dig up golf…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 27, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams Remember how great it was when you were an innocent child, and you thought magical things were real? You believed that a fat man in red costume somehow fit into a chimney and brought you presents every Christmas, solely…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 20, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan Thirty minutes before I began writing these very words, I was wondering if I had anything worth ranting about for next week’s Jerks of the Week column. Given that’s it’s football season, I’m not able to get out…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 13, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Telling the Truth I’ve come to the realization that I need to lie more. Not to anyone I care about, but to random people who don’t really matter all that much to me. This may seem callous, but I have legitimate reasons for needing…