Humor

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 23, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: Toyotathon Commercials I have several holiday traditions that I cherish deeply. For instance, I go to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. We used to stash the presents under the Christmas tree, but my parents’ cat, who is the biggest a**hole…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 16, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Elliptical – Struggles of a Fat Man As you may know, I like to swim for my workouts. This has been difficult over the years – fat women have tried to eat me, while naked men with their sagging, crusty balls patrol the…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 9, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service There are three celebrations for every birthday in my family. The first takes place on the actual night of the birthday, where I go to dinner with my parents and sister (as we did recently in the…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 2, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: AT&T It’s Not Complicated Commercials Part 2 I’m usually pretty annoyed with everything, but I’m extra agitated today. As you may have noticed, I’ve recently said that children bring nothing but misery and disease in my Jersey Shore series. I planned to follow this…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 25, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: Pizza Gluttony I have a confession to make. I am a very fat man who loves food. It’s true. I eat lots of unhealthy food all the time, and then I write about my experiences in Jerks of the Week. There… I said it….

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 18, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: The Seven Deadly Jerks at Bravo! My sister’s birthday is on Oct. 2. The night before, my mom called me to discuss preliminary dinner plans. “We want to go out at 8,” she said, “We’re not sure where yet because Jackie’s not sure what…

Jerks of the Year: Nov. 11, 2013 JERK OF THE YEAR: REDSKINS TEAM NAME CONTROVERSY I don’t feel very comfortable saying this, but I have this weird sensation in my crotch. It was quite tingly at first, but not it just itches, and I can’t make it go away. I’ve scratched at it so hard…

Jerks of the Week for Nov. 4, 2013 JERK-OR-TREATERS I doubt this surprises you, but I’m kind of a pariah in my neighborhood. I tend to blast music at all hours of the night, since I’m usually awake late updating this Web site. I always leave my lights on, even when I’m not home, so…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 28, 2013 WalterFootball and the Case of the Kidnapped Granddaughter I’ve discussed my trips to Tampa and the Jersey Shore recently. However, in doing so, I’ve neglected to mention what’s been going on in my area. I wrote this Jerks entry several months ago, but I’m publishing it now…

Jerks of the Week for Oct. 21, 2013 Jerks of the Mall: Hot Chicks vs. Ugly A**holes I’ve discussed my trips to Tampa and the Jersey Shore over the past two months. However, in doing so, I’ve neglected to mention what’s been going on in my area. I wrote this Jerks entry several months ago,…