Humor

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 10, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Dunkin Donuts Some people I talk to know what I do for a living. I mentioned recently that some individuals ask me for my advice in terms of what they should do with their fantasy roster. One guy even stopped me, mid-workout, to ask…

Jerks of the Week: Nov. 3, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Kyoto and Japanese Food The development I live in is fairly new. It was being constructed when I first moved into my current house, back in June 2010. It used to be a golf course, so naturally, my dog would always dig up golf…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 27, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Mario Lopez and Lily Adams Remember how great it was when you were an innocent child, and you thought magical things were real? You believed that a fat man in red costume somehow fit into a chimney and brought you presents every Christmas, solely…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 20, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Quest for a Lasagna Pan Thirty minutes before I began writing these very words, I was wondering if I had anything worth ranting about for next week’s Jerks of the Week column. Given that’s it’s football season, I’m not able to get out…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 13, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Telling the Truth I’ve come to the realization that I need to lie more. Not to anyone I care about, but to random people who don’t really matter all that much to me. This may seem callous, but I have legitimate reasons for needing…

Jerks of the Week: Oct. 6, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Birthday Shopping at the Mall Amazon must love me. I think I’ve purchased stuff from them every single day over the past six months. It’s gotten to the point that if something doesn’t arrive in the mail from Amazon on any given day, I’m…

Jerks of the Week: Sept. 29, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Dinners to Go I wrote a couple of months ago that I finally mastered the art of making pasta. Some people have made light of this, but I think it was a rather great accomplishment. How was I supposed to know what the bowl…

Jerks of the Week: Sept. 22, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Philadelphia You know how black people can use the n-word freely without any sort of criticism, but no other race can? It’s the same phenomenon with almost any group, including fat people. They can make fat jokes to each other, but if a skinny…

Jerks of the Week: Sept. 15, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: All Waiters Hate Me As the title says, all waiters hate me. And the word “hate,” in this case, is an understatement. I’m convinced that the waiters and waitresses of the world have a voodoo doll of me that they stick pins into during…

Jerks of the Week: Sept. 8, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Befriending Those Who Want to Kill Me Four months ago, I wrote an entry about people who wanted to kill me. These were old Russians at my gym pool who constantly got pissed at me because I was “splashing too much,” or in other…