2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 6
Week 5 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (4-0) – Previously: #1 – It’s amazing how half the cast of Around the Horn doesn’t understand the difference between “most impressive” and “most talented.” When asked which team was more impressive between the Giants and the Redskins, both Bill Plaschke and Woody Paige argued New York because it has the better players and beat Washington. Hey, I think the Giants are the best team in the league – otherwise they wouldn’t be up here – but beating the Rams and Seahawks, and barely sneaking by the Bengals isn’t more impressive than knocking off both the Cowboys and Eagles on the road in consecutive weeks.
   
   
2. Washington Redskins (4-1) – Previously: #7 – What makes Washington’s inexplicable surge so remarkable is that they looked so awful in the opener at New York. I was getting ready for a season-long compilation of Jim Zorn tanning/surfing jokes. Seriously, how do you go from being inept enough to not have a no-huddle offense to completely dominating Super Bowl hopefuls on the road?
   
   
3. Dallas Cowboys (4-1) – Previously: #2 – If Terrell Owens felt the need to have a weird, private meeting with Tony Romo after being targeted 17 times in the Washington game, what’s he going to do after registering only two receptions against the Bengals? My money is on a marriage counseling session between Owens and Romo, where some psychologist will have the two players hitting each other with foam baseball bats.
   
   
4. Tennessee Titans (5-0) – Previously: #4 – Did you see what happened after Cortland Finnegan’s personal foul penalty in the Ravens game? Keith Bulluck walked up to him and shoved him. Finnegan, in response, wanted to charge back at Bulluck, but was restrained by teammates. What was Finnegan thinking? Bulluck outweights him by approximately 500 pounds. He would have swatted him away like a fly.
   
   
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1) – Previously: #8 – It’s amazing the Steelers won in Jacksonville on Sunday night when you consider that Ben Roethlisberger had problems flinging 5-yard passes during Friday’s practice. He also tossed a pick-six on his first drive, so I have no idea how he rebounded from everything. Huge props to Big Ben.
   
   
6. Buffalo Bills (4-1) – Previously: #5 – If I had known that Trent Edwards would suffer a concussion and the Zohan would replace him for three-and-a-half quarters, I would have bet my house, Web site, dogs, Wii and Mega Man 9 on the Cardinals last week. Damn you, lack of divination!
   
   
7. Denver Broncos (4-1) – Previously: #10 – Damn you, Champ Bailey! Why did you have to injure Brian Griese in the third quarter? Why couldn’t you allow him keep playing so your defense could rack up interceptions, fumble recoveries and sacks? I blame Bailey for blowing my Broncos pick.
   
   
8. Carolina Panthers (4-1) – Previously: #16 – The Panthers are finally in my top 10, but how in the world did they lose to the Vikings? Brad Childress is one of the dumbest coaches to ever stand on the sidelines in any level of football. I’ll go into a more detailed rant in my Week 6 NFL Picks page, but how can you neglect to give the ball enough to your best player? Why would you keep punting it to Reggie Bush after he burnt you twice? And I doubt Childress has heard of the screen play; otherwise, he would have called for it more than once to Peterson on Monday night.
   
   
9. New Orleans Saints (2-3) – Previously: #9 – Yes, the Saints are still up here. If they had a legitimate kicker, they would be 4-1. Their only real loss came at Washington, in a contest that they held a double-digit lead. Oh, and by the way, this is Game No. 2 that Martin Gramatichoker (thanks, Wraith36444) has blown. Before the season started, I said that New Orleans’ foolish decision to keep Gramatica instead of promising rookie Taylor Mehlhaff would cost them a few games. Here’s proof: 2008 Free Agents – Kickers.
   
   
10. Philadelphia Eagles (2-3) – Previously: #3 – I can’t move the Eagles out of the top 10 despite their 2-3 record. They lost at No. 3 Dallas, to No. 2 Washington, and they would have beaten the Bears without their top two players (Brian Westbrook and Shawn Andrews) if Andy Reid didn’t completely suck at play-calling and timeout management. Speaking of Reid, I find it completely hilarious that Reid completely refuses to run the ball between his own one and the opposing five, yet that’s all he knows how to do inside the opposing five. If it wasn’t for Brad Childress (read the Carolina post for more), Reid would be the most unimaginative coach in the league.
    
    

32. St. Louis Rams (0-4) – Previously: #32 – The craptastic Rams were on a bye, so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Mike Martz!

Hey, Mike. Thanks for joining me.

“Thanks! It is like super awesome to be here!”

Ohhh…kay… So Mike, what happened to J.T. O’Sullivan against the Patriots? Three interceptions? A completion percentage of 48.3? A YPA of 4.5? Didn’t you say J.T. was the best quarterback you’ve ever coached?

“OMG! It is like so unfair! The Patriots defense played way way too hard and made J.T. put up only 130 yards. That is like so gay!”

Gay? Hey, your words; not mine.

“I am super serial! If the Patriots weren’t such meanies, J.T. could have thrown for like 600 yards!”

Yeah, but you lost… Don’t you care if your team wins or not?

“No way, Jose! OMG J.T. is my super awesome quarterback No. 1!”

OK… this is weird. I’m out of here.

31. Detroit Lions (0-4) – Previously: #31 – Adam Schefter reported that Matt Millen offered Roy Williams to the Cowboys for DeMarcus Ware. The Cowboys responded by laughing at him and quickly slammed down the phone. Were they laughing because the trade was so preposterous, or because no one would have ever thought that Millen could recognize that Ware was worth at least as much as Williams?

30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-4) – Previously: #29 – Losing 34-0 sucks, but at least Tony Gonzalez broke Shannon Sharpe’s record for career receiving yards for tight ends. No word yet if Gonzalez plans on being a slurring TV analyst whom no one can understand.

29. Cincinnati Bengals (0-5) – Previously: #30 – Chris Henry is back! Is trouble afoot? Surprisingly no. Henry stayed out of trouble during Cincinnati’s game in Dallas. What happened? Time for oddities!

1:8 – There isn’t anyone under 18 in Dallas.

1:6 – There is no alcohol in Dallas.

EVEN – You get the death penalty for giving alcohol to little kids in Dallas.

7,000:1 – Henry matured and finally realized that giving alcohol to 5-year-olds isn’t so cool anymore.

28. Cleveland Browns (1-3) – Previously: #28 – Bye. Before we get to the Texans, I want to mention that I completely forgot about the Hurricane Ike implications in the Colts-Texans game when I made my pick. I only had three units on Houston. If I had remembered the Ike implications, I may have bet 40,000 units on the host. And because Sage Rosenchoker blew the game, I’d be living in an alleyway right now. Three cheers for ignorance!

27. Houston Texans (0-4) – Previously: #23 – I actually think the Texans have the talent to be higher than this, but they just don’t know how to win. I can’t believe they coughed up a 27-10 lead with less than five minutes left. Seriously, did Dennis Green disguise himself as Gary Kubiak?

By the way, does anyone want to start an “I Hate Sage Rosenfels Fan Club?” I’ll be a charter member. Rosenchoker was single-handedly responsible for the biggest choke job this world has seen since Aurora Snow’s latest porn video.

26. Oakland Raiders (1-3) – Previously: #25 – The Raiders have played hard the past three weeks, and I don’t think they’ll begin to slack off with the Lane Kiffin firing, but I have to wonder how prepared they’ll be every week with some Tom Cable guy coaching their team. Cable coached the University of Idaho to a sterling 11-35 record as head coach. But hey, at least he doesn’t run a Bed and Breakfast (Tom Walsh) and he’s not a walking corpse (Art Shell)!

25. Seattle Seahawks (1-3) – Previously: #17 – I understand that the Seahawks suck on the road. I get that they have trouble in early East Coast games. And I’m aware Mike Holmgren is historically abysmal coming off byes. But 44-6? That’s inexcusable. Seattle’s home loss to San Francisco seals its Bottom 10 fate.

24. San Francisco 49ers (2-3) – Previously: #24 – Oh… and I almost forgot regarding the Raiders…

JaMarcus Russell is a great player!!!!!!!!!!! Get over it!!!!!!!!!!!

23. Atlanta Falcons (3-2) – Previously: #26 – The final spot in my Bottom 10 was up for grabs between the Falcons and Dolphins. It took me about 30 minutes to decide which team to keep down here. The Falcons have more wins, but check out whom they’ve beaten: Kansas City (1-4), Detroit (0-4) and at Green Bay (2-3). That’s a combined record of 3-11. Miami’s wins came against San Diego (2-3) and at New England (3-1). That’s 5-4. Meanwhile, Atlanta was “debacled” in both of its losses, while the Dolphins came very close to beating the Jets. They could be 3-1.


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Indianapolis Colts (2-2). Previously: #11
12. Green Bay Packers (2-3). Previously: #6
13. San Diego Chargers (2-3). Previously: #12
14. Minnesota Vikings (2-3). Previously: #13
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2). Previously: #14
16. Chicago Bears (3-2). Previously: #19
17. Baltimore Ravens (2-2). Previously: #15
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-3). Previously: #18
19. New England Patriots (3-1). Previously: #20
20. New York Jets (2-2). Previously: #21
21. Arizona Cardinals (3-2). Previously: #22
22. Miami Dolphins (2-2). Previously: #27

1. Ravens (2.8)
2. Vikings (2.9)
3. Steelers (3.0)
4. Jets (3.1)
5. Dolphins (3.4)
6. Buccaneers (3.5)
7. Giants (3.5)
8. Eagles (3.5)
9. Cardinals (3.7)
10. Titans (3.7)
11. Bears (3.7)
12. Bills (3.9)
13. Raiders (4.0)
14. Panthers (4.0)
15. Cowboys (4.0)
16. 49ers (4.0)
17. Texans (4.1)
18. Browns (4.2)
19. Bengals (4.3)
20. Jaguars (4.3)
21. Chargers (4.5)
22. Saints (4.5)
23. Seahawks (4.6)
24. Falcons (4.7)
25. Redskins (4.7)
26. Colts (5.0)
27. Patriots (5.0)
28. Rams (5.1)
29. Packers (5.1)
30. Lions (5.2)
31. Broncos (5.4)
32. Chiefs (5.5)

1. Ravens (4.9)
2. Panthers (5.4)
3. Titans (5.7)
4. Giants (5.8)
5. Steelers (5.9)
6. Bears (5.9)
7. Bengals (6.1)
8. Bills (6.2)
9. Packers (6.4)
10. Redskins (6.4)
11. Cowboys (6.6)
12. Eagles (6.8)
13. Colts (6.9)
14. Chargers (6.9)
15. Falcons (7.0)
16. Patriots (7.0)
17. 49ers (7.0)
18. Vikings (7.0)
19. Saints (7.1)
20. Buccaneers (7.3)
21. Raiders (7.4)
22. Browns (7.5)
23. Texans (7.6)
24. Jets (7.7)
25. Broncos (7.7)
26. Cardinals (7.8)
27. Jaguars (7.8)
28. Chiefs (7.9)
29. Dolphins (8.0)
30. Seahawks (8.4)
31. Rams (9.0)
32. Lions (9.4)