2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 7
Week 6 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (4-1) – Previously: #1 – Yes, the Giants are still No. 1. They’re still the best team in the league. They simply were going up against a desperate Cleveland team that absolutely needed to win to keep its season alive. Remember, the Browns were 10-6 last year, so it’s not like New York lost to some crappy squad such as the Rams or Lions. Many people believed Cleveland was a legitimate Super Bowl contender entering this season. They simply needed a victory a lot more than the Giants.
   
   
2. Tennessee Titans (5-0) – Previously: #4 – I’d like to see the Titans avoid the obvious trap game next week. We saw the Redskins and Giants lose to the Rams and Browns, and the Vikings struggle with the Lions. Tennessee has Indianapolis at home on a Monday night in Week 8, but they first have to get by Kansas City on Sunday. Perhaps the Titans should hire some of Jerry Jones’ bodyguards to make sure Kerry Collins doesn’t play too much beer pong the night before going against the Chiefs.
   
   
3. Washington Redskins (4-2) – Previously: #2 – As I wrote in my Week 6 NFL Review, the St. Louis game was an awful spot for the Redskins. They just beat both the Cowboys and Eagles on the road. Washington outplayed the Rams, but committed senseless turnovers, including a tipped ball, which turned into a fumble from Pete Kendall returned for a touchdown. Despite the loss, I still feel as though Washington is one of the top teams in the league.
   
   
4. Dallas Cowboys (4-2) – Previously: #3 – If Terrell Owens was holding secret meetings with Tony Romo, where he and his quarterback hit each other with foam baseball bats, what’s going to happen once Owens realizes that Brad Johnson doesn’t have the arm strength to get him the ball? I could see him kidnapping a bunch of kids in Alabama, getting thrown in jail, eventually breaking out, stealing $5 million from six other convicts, crying his heart out to a therapist, killing that therapist and taking his identity to get out of the country.
   
   
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1) – Previously: #5 – Bye. Prior to Cleveland winning, I wrote the following. A shame it doesn’t apply anymore:
   
   The Steelers could do the following and still win the craptastic AFC North:
   
   1. Take all of November off. Pittsburgh could go 0-5 and still lead the division. The Browns, Bengals and Ravens may not win four games this year.
   
   2. Start Byron Sandwich for a few games. Hey, if you promise to take him to McDonald’s if he wins, he’ll play hard for you.
   
   3. Trade for Chris Henry and Pacman Jones. Sure, the two will tear the locker room apart, and crime in Pittsburgh will triple, but like I said, the Steelers could lose a billion games and still win the AFC North.
   
   
6. Buffalo Bills (4-1) – Previously: #6 – Bye. Big statement game for the Bills coming up, who are actually home underdogs to the 3-3 Chargers. I feel as though Buffalo’s much better in that role, as opposed to being a huge favorite. And by the way, the Bills’ loss to Arizona doesn’t look as bad, now that the Cardinals have established themselves as a contender in the wake of beating Dallas.
   
   
7. Denver Broncos (4-2) – Previously: #7 – I have the Broncos higher than most publications; both of their losses were games they really didn’t need to win because they were so far ahead of everyone in the AFC West. And I have to believe they would have beaten the Jaguars if Jay Cutler had Eddie Royal, Brandon Stokley and Tony Scheffler, all of whom were out with injuries (Stokley left the game early), at his disposal. Cutler was forced to stare down Brandon Marshall, who was double- and triple-teamed all afternoon.
   
   
8. New Orleans Saints (3-3) – Previously: #9 – I found it hilarious that Taylor Mehlhaff missed a 31-yard field goal in the first quarter and subsequently kicked the ball out of bounds on a kickoff. I’ve been pining for New Orleans to replace the ineffective Martin Gramatica with the promising Mehlhaff. Oops!
   
   Well, wait… not so fast. Mehlhaff hit his other two attempts, including a 44-yarder. Gramatica would have either missed and choked, or made both and tore his ACL in celebration.
   
   
9. Indianapolis Colts (3-2) – Previously: #11 – The Colts are back in the Top 10! You know what that means… The Peyton Manning Pep Talk of the Week:
   
   “Hey, rest of the league. Now you know why I sucked for the first four games of the season. Tony Dungy finally admitted that I had multiple surgeries on my knees; not just one. What Tony forgot to say was that I also suffered a concussion. I broke my arm. I tore my rotator cuff. I was in coma after watching FOX’s Hole in the Wall. I even had swollen testicles like Kellen Winslow Jr. had last week. But now I’m 100 percent, and I’m coming after all of you. You will all be debacled. Thank you. I’m Peyton Manning, and I hope this pep talk has helped you!”
   
   
10. Philadelphia Eagles (3-3) – Previously: #10 – Andy Reid: When are you going to learn!? Every week, Reid sends David Akers out to attempt 50-yard field goals, despite the fact that he has now missed his previous 10 from 45 yards and beyond. Akers set up for a 54-yarder at the end of the first half. Because he has no leg strength left, Akers had to kick it on a low trajectory. The 49ers consequently had an easy block, which they returned for a touchdown. A 17-9 halftime lead for Philadelphia quickly became 17-16. Luckily for Big Red, J.T. O’Sullivan self-destructed and turned the ball over a billion times in the second half. Reid was able to go to dinner a very happy man.
    
    

32. Detroit Lions (0-5) – Previously: #31 – I was holding out hope for an 0-16 season from someone, and I felt as though the Rams gave us our best shot. But hey, Detroit and Cincinnati look very promising, especially if Dan Orlovsky and Ryan Fitzpatrick keep starting. Orlovsky doesn’t even know the dimensions of the field! I’m shocked he didn’t drop back into the tunnel leading into the locker room.
31. St. Louis Rams (1-4) – Previously: #32 – What did the inaptly named Richie Incognito say to the official to draw an unsportsmanlike penalty to make Josh Brown’s game-winning field goal attempt much more difficult? Time for oddities!

15:1 – “You are a poopy-head!”

10:1 – “Yo ref, I had sex with yo momma last night!”

5:1 – “Ed Hochuli’s a better official than you!”

3:2 – “Hey, can you penalize us!? I have the Redskins in a 13-point teaser for $10!” (Thanks JimmyP).

30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-4) – Previously: #30 – The craptastic Chiefs were on a bye, so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Brad Childress!

Hey, Brad. Thanks for joining me.

“Hello, I … glad to … here, thanks for … me.”

Huh? What are you talking about?

“Ugh! Get with the program, Walt! Verbs are the most important part of speech in our language, so I’ve decided that I’m not going to use them anymore.”

Why? That’s just idioti… Oh, I know. It’s to defend your strategy of not using Adrian Peterson as much as you should, right?

“That’… right, Walt!”

That’s pretty weird, but whatever floats your boat, man. Let me ask you – why do you keep doing stupid stuff like kicking to Reggie Bush?

“That’s easy. Bush returning a couple of punts was the only way the Saints were going to catch up to us. If the Saints didn’t take the lead, we would have never have gotten a great winning drive from Gus Frerotte. So, it was vital that Bush returned those punts so we could come back and win the game.”

But… why didn’t you just settle for winning the easy way?

“That … no sense. … me, I’… an NFL head coach, and I … more than you!”

I can see now why I call you Brad Clueless…

29. Cincinnati Bengals (0-6) – Previously: #29 – Speaking of bad coaching, let me point out something Sean Payton did against the Raiders. Don’t get me wrong; I think Payton is a very good coach, but what he did befuddled me:

The Saints kept taking timeouts on a scoring drive at the end of the first half. They left 44 seconds on the clock, allowing the Raiders to drive down the field after a Taylor Mehlhaff field goal. Didn’t they make the same mistake against the Vikings, albeit in a more crucial situation at the end of the game? Why don’t these coaches learn from their stupid errors? It’s like Andy Reid sending out David Akers to try 50-yard field goals every Sunday.

28. Oakland Raiders (1-4) – Previously: #26 – Did you know that JaMarcus Russell is the best quarterback to ever play for the Raiders? Hey, Cris Carter said so, so it must be true. I’ll explain Carter’s thinking in detail in my Week 7 NFL Picks page.

27. Seattle Seahawks (1-4) – Previously: #25 –
Acquiring Charlie Frye from Cleveland: Sixth-round pick.

Spending Sunday afternoon at Qwest Field in the nose-bleed section next to obnoxious drunks: $50.

Fantasy points scored by Bobby Engram thanks to Frye’s ineptness: 0.

Frye as an NFL quarterback: Worthless.

26. San Francisco 49ers (2-4) – Previously: #24 – As mentioned in my Week 6 NFL Review, I want to make fun of the 49ers. I was watching this with my friend, and we couldn’t stop laughing at the ineptness of Mike Nolan and Mike Martz.

I’ve never seen a team do so many stupid things in a span of 15 minutes. The 49ers led the Eagles at the beginning of the fourth quarter, but quickly relinquished that advantage and ended up losing by 14.

They used all of their timeouts before the end of the game, so they couldn’t stop the clock. Despite this, when J.T. O’Sullivan was attempting a comeback with a few minutes remaining, O’Sullivan eschewed going out of bounds to turn up field and gain two extra yards. The 49ers didn’t have timeouts because Nolan challenged a call that couldn’t be overturned. He questioned whether or not David Akers hit a short field goal. The official actually told Nolan that he couldn’t win the challenge, but Nolan chose to do so anyway.

Meanwhile, Frank Gore had just 19 carries despite the fact that the score was within 10 points for most of the game. Instead, O’Sullivan, perhaps the worst quarterback to ever be owned by tons of fantasy football players, was too busy getting sacked, fumbling, throwing picks and unwisely staying inbounds on every single play in the fourth quarter.

25. Houston Texans (1-4) – Previously: #27 – Glad to see Matt Schaub had a good game, preventing the Texans from removing Sage Rosenchoker from the Company’s Level 5 detention center. Inexplicably choking games away is far too dangerous, and ranks up there with Knox’s Fear Strength and the German’s Electromagnetism.

24. Miami Dolphins (2-3) – Previously: #22 – If you look below, you’ll see that the Patriots are very close to entering my Bottom 10 for the first time since 2001. I’m glad we’ve cleared up that Matt Cassel can’t consistently go deep to Randy Moss. And I’m also glad Deltha O’Neal was exposed by the likes of Malcolm Floyd. Bill Belichick was so arrogant in failing to upgrade his secondary, and now he’s paying for it.

As I’ve been saying ever since Tom Brady went down, New England is a 6- or 7-win team, at best. In fact, I liken them to the Chad Pennington-led New York Jets. They can beat crappy teams like the 49ers, but they have no shot against the NFL’s best.

23. Cleveland Browns (2-3) – Previously: #28 – Only the Browns could tackle their own man and suffer an injury after a great interception. That pick by Brandon McDonald to open the third quarter pretty much epitomized Cleveland’s season. Congrats to the Browns though – they needed a victory and completely dominated the Super Bowl champs.


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (3-3). Previously: #13
12. Green Bay Packers (3-3). Previously: #12
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-2). Previously: #15
14. Carolina Panthers (4-2) – Previously: #8
15. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3). Previously: #18
16. Arizona Cardinals (4-2). Previously: #21
17. Atlanta Falcons (4-2). Previously: #23
18. Minnesota Vikings (3-3). Previously: #14
19. New York Jets (3-2). Previously: #20
20. Chicago Bears (3-3). Previously: #16
21. New England Patriots (3-2). Previously: #19
22. Baltimore Ravens (2-3). Previously: #17

1. Ravens (2.8)
2. Jets (2.9)
3. Steelers (3.0)
4. Vikings (3.2)
5. Buccaneers (3.3)
6. Dolphins (3.6)
7. Bears (3.6)
8. Cardinals (3.6)
9. Eagles (3.7)
10. Titans (3.7)
11. Giants (3.9)
12. Bills (3.9)
13. Raiders (3.9)
14. Cowboys (3.9)
15. Panthers (4.0)
16. 49ers (4.1)
17. Texans (4.1)
18. Seahawks (4.1)
19. Bengals (4.2)
20. Saints (4.3)
21. Redskins (4.4)
22. Chargers (4.4)
23. Jaguars (4.5)
24. Falcons (4.5)
25. Colts (4.7)
26. Patriots (4.7)
27. Browns (4.7)
28. Lions (5.0)
29. Packers (5.0)
30. Rams (5.2)
31. Broncos (5.5)
32. Chiefs (5.5)

1. Panthers (5.7)
2. Titans (5.7)
3. Ravens (5.8)
4. Steelers (5.9)
5. Bears (5.9)
6. Bengals (6.1)
7. Bills (6.2)
8. Redskins (6.3)
9. Packers (6.1)
10. Giants (6.7)
11. Saints (6.7)
12. Chargers (6.7)
13. Cowboys (6.8)
14. Eagles (6.8)
15. Colts (6.8)
16. Falcons (7.0)
17. Vikings (7.0)
18. Buccaneers (7.1)
19. Jets (7.1)
20. 49ers (7.2)
21. Jaguars (7.3)
22. Browns (7.4)
23. Broncos (7.8)
24. Cardinals (7.9)
25. Chiefs (7.9)
26. Patriots (7.9)
27. Raiders (8.0)
28. Seahawks (8.1)
29. Dolphins (8.3)
30. Texans (8.4)
31. Rams (8.8)
32. Lions (9.3)