2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 5
Week 4 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (3-0) – Previously: #3 – The only reason I didn’t have the Giants ranked No. 1 at the beginning of the year was because of Osi Umenyiora’s season-ending injury; I had New York seeded first before that in my offseason power rankings. Well, in the wake of Dallas’ loss, things have come full circle. These Giants beat the Cowboys when it counted in January, so there’s no reason to believe they can’t do it again, especially with Wade Phillips’ questionable coaching tactics.
2. Dallas Cowboys (3-1) – Previously: #1 – At 7:10 on Monday night, I wrote the following in the forum: “I’m hoping Emmitt calls John Harbaugh ‘Jim Harbaugh.'”
   
   At 7:47, Emmitt said the following, “What Jim Harbaugh says, who cares?”
   
   I’m an Emmitt genius. I know him better than he know himselves!
3. Philadelphia Eagles (2-2) – Previously: #2 – Andy Reid calls games like he’s on crack. How do you run the ball three consecutive times toward the right guard on second-and-goal at the one? All right, fine, if Brian Westbrook and Shawn Andrews were the lineup, I would have been OK with it. But calling the same play with your BACKUP running back behind your BACKUP right guard, and USING A TIMEOUT before fourth down and utilizing the same play again is just completely idiotic. Why not a quarterback sneak? Why not a play-action pass on one of the downs?
   
   Reid is the most predictable play-caller in the league, and it’s a shame how many games he’s blown over the years with his offensive strategy and timeout mismanagement. More on this later in these power rankings.
4. Tennessee Titans (4-0) – Previously: #8 – The Titans are undefeated, but they’re not flawless. I’m referring to LenDale White. Eleven carries, 13 yards? Why is this guy getting the ball 11 times? Did he hide all of the team’s food and threaten not to give it back if he doesn’t get double-digit rushes? Don’t be fooled, Jeff Fisher – if LenDale took your food, it’s already long gone.
5. Buffalo Bills (4-0) – Previously: #7 – Buffalo 31, St. Louis 14 was a lot closer than that score indicates. If you don’t know what happened, the Rams led 14-6 in the third quarter when Trent Green began to self-destruct. The Bills had a number of great returns and a pick-six. Next week’s game against the Cardinals will be harder than most people think.
6. Green Bay Packers (2-2) – Previously: #6 – It’s pretty tough to win a game when your backup running back has a ball bounce out of his hands and into Derrick Brooks’, and your starting running back fumbles and has it returned for a touchdown. Oh, and the starting quarterback getting hurt didn’t help matters.
7. Washington Redskins (3-1) – Previously: #18 – I want to make it clear that I have respect for what the Redskins have done the past three weeks, despite what it may have sounded like in my Week 4 NFL Review page. I was simply commenting on how poor the officiating has been this year, especially in Week 4.
8. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1) – Previously: #4 – I can’t believe the Steelers allowed Joe Flacco to drive down the field and score a touchdown when they were up 20-13. This is the second time this year Pittsburgh allowed a B.S. score to a struggling offense late in the fourth quarter. I’ve been screwed on both occasions (in terms of my picks), and if this continues, someone’s going to pay. Trust me.
9. New Orleans Saints (2-2) – Previously: #10 – The Saints could be 3-1 if Taylor Mehlhaff… I mean Martin Gramatica hits that field goal in Denver. By the way, I wrote last week that I was crying myself to sleep because I couldn’t find the blurb where I said that the foolish decision to go with Gramatica over Mehlhaff would cost them a couple of games. Well, with forum member SupremeWorldEmperor’s help, I’ve located it in my: 2008 Free Agents – Kickers page. Yesss… no more Tylenol PM destroying my liver!
10. Denver Broncos (3-1) – Previously: #5 – No Peyton Manning Pep Talk because the Colts are out of the top 10. Some people who need a pep talk are Eagles fans. I’ve never seen such a fan base depressed over such horrendous play-calling and timeout mismanagement. Maybe it’s because they’ve seen a decade of this crap.
    
    Funny story though – my friend was watching the Eagles-Bears game at a bar. When Andy Reid foolishly called a timeout before the aforementioned fourth down, every single person moaned and cursed. About 20 seconds later, someone yelled, “Don’t f***ing run the ball again!” The crowd roared in approval. Safe to say there was nearly a riot when Reid called another run toward his backup right guard with his backup running back.

32. St. Louis Rams (0-4) – Previously: #32 – Stupid Rams. They can’t even lose right. With Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson, Torry Holt and dozens more all speaking out against Scott Linehan, and with the news that the head coach would be fired in the wake of a defeat, I thought it was obvious that St. Louis would try to lose on purpose. Yet, the Rams inexplicably led 14-6 at halftime. What were they doing? Did they not want a despised coach to get axed?

Here’s an idea: Holt went to some of the Bills players before the game and said the following: “Hey guys, listen. We want to prove that we’re a good team, but we want to lose so that Linehan loser gets fired. How about you give us the lead at halftime, and then we’ll let you win. We’ll even let you cover so that the people who follow WalterFootball.com’s picks are happy. How does that sound?”
31. Detroit Lions (0-3) – Previously: #30 – Lions fans everywhere are glad Matt Millen was fired. I can’t blame them for being optimistic for the first time in years, but in reality, they really shouldn’t be. Bill Cowher’s not coming. A knowledgeable GM? No way. William Clay Ford doesn’t care about winning. He just wants to make money. He’ll hire another Yes Man like Millen. There’s a reason Millen wasn’t fired until Clay Ford’s son spoke out; Clay Ford thought Millen was doing a great job because he was a Yes Man. My suggestion? Find another team to cheer for until Emperor Clay Ford is taken down by a Jedi.

By the way, make sure you check out this week’s version of 2013: Emmitt on the Brink, which will be posted on FRIDAY. The Patriots take on the Lions. Who will be Detroit’s GM in five years? Find out on Friday.
30. Cincinnati Bengals (0-4) – Previously: #29 – Carson Palmer’s elbow injury was pretty enigmatic. It really came out of nowhere. He wasn’t limited in practice. He wasn’t on the injury report. It was just announced that he was out of the game two hours prior to the team’s matchup against the Browns. What happened exactly? Time for oddities!

8,000:1 – Palmer was really hurt.

10:1 – Palmer is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and needed a week off.

1:2 – Palmer was summoned to the warden’s office – I mean, owner’s office – so that he could work on Mike Brown’s ray gun.

EVEN – Palmer read my 2013: Emmitt on the Brink and realized that it’s in his best interest to get released on an injury settlement like Rudi Johnson.
29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) – Previously: #31 – RIP Survivor Players who went with Denver and Dallas. Anyway, I can’t believe Herm Edwards was even considering Tyler Thigpen over Damon Huard. Earlier in the week, Conservative Herm said he was “leaning toward Huard.” Leaning? Did Herm like the way Thigpen began the Atlanta game 1-of-11 for -1 yards and an interception? I need to stop analyzing Herm because it’s impossible to understand the way he thinks.
28. Cleveland Browns (1-3) – Previously: #27 – Congratulations on barely beating Ryan Fitzpatrick. Seriously. The Browns should be given some sort of gold star. And no, Romeo, you can’t trade that in for an Oreo.
27. Miami Dolphins (1-2) – Previously: #28 – The Dolphins were on a bye, so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Terrell Owens!

Hey, T.O. Thanks for joining me.

“T.O. gets out of his breaks, and when they bring the safety over the top, Tony’s gonna make his reads and look elsewhere, but T.O. is open all the time, so T.O. doesn’t know what the problem is.”

Huh? I didn’t even ask you a question. That’s not how interviews work. I ask you a question, and you answer them. And why are you speaking in first-person?

“Why is T.O. not featured more prominently on this site? T.O. sees you have a football field for your background. T.O. thinks T.O. should be in the background. T.O. should also be the logo. T.O. doesn’t know what the problem is.”

If you weren’t such an ego-maniac, I’d believe you were kidding. But you’re serious, aren’t you?

“T.O. is always serious. Why haven’t you changed your Web site name to WalterFootballTO.com? Or better yet? TOFootballTO.com?”

Because that’s just dumb.

“T.O. is ending this interview until you concede that T.O. should be thrown to every single play, and that your Web site should be called TOFootballTO.TO.”


26. Atlanta Falcons (2-2) – Previously: #26 – I know Mike Smith is new to this head coaching thing, but can someone tell him that losing every road game by the score of 24-9 isn’t a recipe for success? Maybe Falcons fans can petition Roger Goodell to have Atlanta host all 16 games against crap teams like the Lions, Chiefs and Rams.
25. Oakland Raiders (1-3) – Previously: #25 – If Al Davis foolishly fires Lane Kiffin, I reserve the right to make fun of his age. I reserve the right to make jokes about his thirst for goat blood and his need to sacrifice young maidens to prolong his life. I reserve the right to hint as his senility. I reserve… oh wait, I already do this stuff anyway. Never mind.
24. San Francisco 49ers (2-2) – Previously: #22 – I can’t believe I was duped by Mike Martz. I drafted Peyton Manning in my Fantasy Touchdown league, so I needed a quarterback for Manning’s Week 4 bye. I looked at the schedule, and saw “49ers at Saints.” “Nice,” I thought. “New Orleans’ secondary sucks, and Martz is gonna throw the ball 5,000 times in that game.” I was more confident when Martz called O’Sullivan the best quarterback he’s ever coached. I actually believed O’Sullivan could put up 250 yards and at least three touchdowns, giving me 23 points – which is a ton in a Touchdown League.

Oops. O’Sullivan managed his 250 yards, but scored just one touchdown and threw two picks. That gave me a grand total of seven points, and I lost by 14. Never again will I trust Martz. He could tell me that the sky is blue, and I won’t believe him.
23. Houston Texans (0-3) – Previously: #24 – The Texans’ defense was so bad on Sunday, they were fooled on a fake punt in the first quarter. The problem? Jacksonville didn’t even have a punter on the field! The guy posing as a punter was a running back named Montell Owens.


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Indianapolis Colts (1-2). Previously: #9
12. San Diego Chargers (2-2). Previously: #11
13. Minnesota Vikings (1-3). Previously: #12
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1). Previously: #13
15. Baltimore Ravens (2-1). Previously: #20
16. Carolina Panthers (3-1). Previously: #14
17. Seattle Seahawks (1-2). Previously: #15
18. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2). Previously: #17
19. Chicago Bears (2-2). Previously: #19
20. New England Patriots (2-1). Previously: #21
21. New York Jets (2-2). Previously: #23
22. Arizona Cardinals (2-2). Previously: #16

1. Eagles (2.7)
2. Vikings (3.0)
3. Ravens (3.0)
4. Jets (3.1)
5. Steelers (3.2)
6. Seahawks (3.3)
7. Dolphins (3.4)
8. Buccaneers (3.4)
9. Bears (3.6)
10. Giants (3.6)
11. Cardinals (3.6)
12. Titans (3.8)
13. Bills (3.8)
14. Raiders (4.0)
15. Jaguars (4.0)
16. Bengals (4.1)
17. Texans (4.1)
18. 49ers (4.1)
19. Browns (4.2)
20. Panthers (4.3)
21. Cowboys (4.4)
22. Chargers (4.5)
23. Falcons (4.7)
24. Colts (5.0)
25. Patriots (5.1)
26. Rams (5.1)
27. Redskins (5.1)
28. Broncos (5.2)
29. Saints (5.3)
30. Packers (5.3)
31. Chiefs (5.6)
32. Lions (6.1)

1. Ravens (4.8)
2. Titans (5.7)
3. Panthers (5.7)
4. Steelers (5.8)
5. Bengals (5.9)
6. Giants (6.1)
7. Bills (6.2)
8. Bears (6.2)
9. Packers (6.2)
10. Redskins (6.4)
11. Falcons (6.5)
12. Chargers (6.7)
13. Colts (6.7)
14. 49ers (6.8)
15. Vikings (6.9)
16. Eagles (7.0)
17. Cowboys (7.0)
18. Saints (7.3)
19. Chiefs (7.4)
20. Cardinals (7.4)
21. Raiders (7.4)
22. Browns (7.5)
23. Seahawks (7.7)
24. Jets (7.7)
25. Buccaneers (7.8)
26. Texans (7.8)
27. Jaguars (7.9)
28. Patriots (8.0)
29. Broncos (8.4)
30. Dolphins (8.8)
31. Rams (9.0)
32. Lions (9.2)