Humor

Jerks of the Week: Feb. 17, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Week of Hell, Part 2: Power Outage If you’re a sensible person and live somewhere warm, unlike us idiots in the north who have to endure blizzards every year, you may not have heard about an ice storm that knocked out power for nearly…

Jerks of the Week: Feb. 10, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Week of Hell, Part 1: Stomach Virus I honestly have no idea how I’m typing this right now. I keep running to the bathroom every 10 minutes or so to dump liquid out of my mouth and/or buttocks. Sorry if that made you squeamish,…

Jerks of the Week: Feb. 3, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Cooking with Me I’ve recently realized that I don’t know what the hell I have in my refrigerator. My girlfriend Anti-Facebook Girl and I were too lazy to go anywhere one Friday night in the fall, so we ordered a tomato pie with bacon-and-cheese…

Jerks of the Week: Jan. 27, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Just Wright I don’t really like movies. People look at me like I’m a lunatic when I say that, but I really don’t. I enjoy some movies, but I’m just not a fan overall. I’m much more into TV because I can come back…

Jerks of the Week: Jan. 13, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Snowed In and Going Insane Remember when people were freaking out about global warming? Led by looney tune Al Gore, pimply faced a**holes who couldn’t get laid and ugly women with armpit hair stormed the streets in protest, warning us that we were destroying…

Jerks of the Week: Jan. 6, 2014 JERK OF THE WEEK: Christmas Shopping 2013 You may have noticed that I didn’t include any jerks I may have encountered at the mall during my Christmas shopping adventures in last week’s Twelve Jerks of Christmas entry. I absolutely found some jerks at the mall worth writing about,…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 30, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: The Twelve Jerks of Christmas I hate store hours on Christmas Eve. They don’t make much sense to me. I was working on my live 2014 NFL Mock Draft update, as I do every Tuesday afternoon, when my mom called me and reminded me…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 23, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: Toyotathon Commercials I have several holiday traditions that I cherish deeply. For instance, I go to my parents’ house on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. We used to stash the presents under the Christmas tree, but my parents’ cat, who is the biggest a**hole…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 16, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: My Elliptical – Struggles of a Fat Man As you may know, I like to swim for my workouts. This has been difficult over the years – fat women have tried to eat me, while naked men with their sagging, crusty balls patrol the…

Jerks of the Week: Dec. 9, 2013 JERK OF THE WEEK: Weird Food, Terrible Music and Rude Service There are three celebrations for every birthday in my family. The first takes place on the actual night of the birthday, where I go to dinner with my parents and sister (as we did recently in the…