2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 12
Week 11 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (9-1) – Previously: #1 – The Giants are heading for the Super Bowl. Barring injuries, nothing will stop them. Does anyone else miss the old, aloof Eli Manning? The guy who looked like he was dragged into the family business and wished he were some Wal-Mart stock boy instead? I miss that guy. I want to make fun of him again. And I want to joke about Tom Coughlin’s control issues. Giants backers may like the new Eli and Coughlin, but I’m not such a big fan.
   
   
2. Tennessee Titans (10-0) – Previously: #2 – I don’t understand how anyone can say that Kerry Collins deserves MVP consideration. He’s not even the MVP on his team! He has just two 200-yard passing performances all year. He has thrown for more than one touchdown only twice. If you put Collins on the Cardinals, are they still that good? No. If you put Kurt Warner on the Titans, are they better? Absolutely.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3) – Previously: #3 – I was glad to see the Steelers-Chargers game end 11-10, instead of 17-10 or 18-10. You may say, “Duh, you had the Chargers +5 as a pick!”
   
   While I’ll admit that’s a factor in my thinking, the Chargers were definitely the right side. Pittsburgh covering like that would have been the king of bad beats and really unjust for San Diego bettors. As a poker comparison, it would be like 7-2 off-suit beating pocket aces after catching a 2 and 7 on the turn and river.
   
   Steelers bettors may complain about the non-cover, but they had the wrong side. Get over it, and realize that like the NBA and college football, some NFL games are fixed.
   
   
4. Carolina Panthers (8-2) – Previously: #5 – If I’m a Carolina fan, I have to be really concerned right now. The Panthers haven’t played a good game since Week 8. They struggled against the Lions on Sunday and couldn’t shake off the Raiders two weeks ago. I’m not sure if they’ll be physically prepared for the Atlanta game this weekend.
   
   
5. Arizona Cardinals (7-3) – Previously: #9 – There’s not much to say about a blowout victory over the Seahawks – Seattle’s two late touchdowns were off Arizona turnovers – so I’d like to post some of the reaction to the larcenous ending of the Pittsburgh-San Diego game from Around the Horn:
   
   J.A. Adande: “The officials don’t understand the definition of a forward pass.” Congratulations, J.A. You are naive!
   
   Woody Paige: “The officials simply didn’t know how to call the play.” Congratulations, old man! You are naive!
   
   Bob Ryan: “I know there was no [larceny] involved. It was just stupidity.” Congratulations, fossilized man! You are naive!
   
   
6. Dallas Cowboys (6-4) – Previously: #14 – The Cowboys are back! Umm… maybe. It should be pointed out that Dallas, while 6-4 overall, is 5-2 with Tony Romo, with the two losses coming against 6-4 Washington and 7-3 Arizona. Romo has beaten the 6-4 Redskins and impressive 5-5 Packers on the road. Assuming Romo is OK, the Cowboys will be a force to be reckoned with going down the stretch.
   
   
7. Green Bay Packers (5-5) – Previously: #11 – I’m ashamed of myself that I moved the Packers out of the Top 10 last week. Look at their five losses: vs. 6-4 Dallas, at 7-3 Tampa Bay, vs. 6-4 Atlanta, at 10-0 Tennessee and at 5-5 Minnesota. I would have never imagined a 37-3 blowout over the Bears unless you told me Rex Grossman would be under center.
   
   
8. New York Jets (7-3) – Previously: #16 – Brett Favre didn’t lob up any punts for interceptions against the Patriots, to my surprise, so I guess I have to move the Jets into the Top 10. However, I wouldn’t count on Favre not self-destructing. It’s in his blood. He did it twice last year (at Dallas and in the NFC Championship), and I have to believe the Favre we know and love will resurface sometime soon. A big game at Tennessee could be the moment all non-Jets fans are waiting for.
   
   
9. Washington Redskins (6-4) – Previously: #4 – What’s up with the Redskins? They’ve scored more than 17 points in only one game since Oct. 5. It’s almost as if Jim Zorn became overconfident and began spending more time working on his tan.
   
   By the way, a member of another struggling offense, Adrian Peterson, was fined $5,000 for wearing a white skull cap. Only black sull caps are allowed. Good to see that the NFL has its priorities in order. Oh, and it’s pretty obvious that Goodell will use the five grand to build platinum and diamond statues of himself.
   
   
10. Indianapolis Colts (6-4) – Previously: #12 – No Peyton Manning Pep Talk this week. Manning wasn’t expecting to be ranked in the Top 10, so he spent all day Monday smashing the windows of Joseph Addai’s car because his running back dropped five dozen passes against the Texans.
    
    Before moving on, it’s worth noting that Matthew Berry had Tyler Thigpen as a start on Sunday NFL Countdown. Why is this important? Well, it’s not – I liked Thigpen as well – but Merril Hoge stated that he liked Berry’s pick because Thigpen can read defenses.
    
    Hey, don’t laugh – the ability to read defenses counts for 30 points each week in Hoge’s fantasy league.
    
    

32. Detroit Lions (0-10) – Previously: #32 – The Lions are getting close, but just can’t get over the hump. At least they haven’t given up. With Daunte Culpepper at quarterback, that would have been easy to do.

On another note, I’d like to thank the crappy new NFL Primetime for showing only one highlight of a Saints-Chiefs game that was high-scoring and pretty competitive until the fourth quarter. Chris Berman and Tom Jackson would have gone over the game and discussed the improvement of Tyler Thigpen; instead, Trey Wingo, Trent Dilfer and Tim Hasselbeck showed just one clip of a Drew Brees touchdown pass to Lance Moore. I really hate ESPN for ruining its best show. Barack Obama really needs to step in and do something about this.

31. St. Louis Rams (2-8) – Previously: #29 – Dennis Field, a former college roommate of mine and moderator of the picking widget on the NFL Picks home page, brought up a great point about the Rams.

Dennis said the following: “I was thinking, maybe you ought to look at the Rams like a bye week, and when a team has them coming up, look up that team’s bye week trends to figure out how they’re going to play.”

I really can’t argue with that. The only difference between playing the Rams and going on a bye week is that the only place the players can go is St. Louis (if it’s a road game). No Hawaiian or Mexican beaches allowed, unfortunately.

30. Oakland Raiders (2-8) – Previously: #31 – I wanted to say something about Jim Fassel’s love letter to Al Davis, but I need a lot of room to talk about how dumb the Eagles have proven themselves to be in Tie Gate. Let’s begin with another quote from Dennis, a die-hard Eagles fan who has defended Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb at every opportunity. Seriously, Dennis would criticize me whenever I’ve called for Reid’s firing and McNabb’s benching:

“I have so many people to accept ‘I told you’s’ from. Reid and McNabb, the poor man’s Buffalo Bills. At least they had a fun no-huddle offense to enjoy. The worst 5-4 team in history. You should put the Eagles in your Bottom 10 – if not exact bottom because unlike the other teams down there, they don’t even know they’re that bad yet.

“It’s going to be a very, Matt Millen-type long time before they turn it around. So many questions. Like why is DeSean Jackson three or four on the receiver depth chart? Why is L.J. Smith the No. 1 tight end? Why is a hurt Brian Westbrook getting so much work? Why is Hank Baskett, the only receiver taller than six feet on the team, like No. 5 or 6 on the depth chart? Punting was ridiculous. Did Reid not realize that a tie was the same as a loss?

“Anyway, probably the best thing that could of happened. Now hopefully, fingers crossed, they can lose out, if not have McNabb suffer some sort of injury, (isn’t he due for one?) Thanks, I’m done.”

If Reid and McNabb are losing unwavering loyalists like Dennis, their reign in the city of Philadelphia is over. I’ll be shocked if at least one of them is around next season.

29. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8-1) – Previously: #30 – Believe me, I’m going to discuss Donovan McNabb’s ignorance toward ties ad nauseam. I’ll have an exclusive interview with McNabb, and I’ll list the five dumbest Eagles, as many members of the team weren’t aware of ties as well.

For now, let me just state that I find it unbelievable that a starting NFL quarterback can either be that dumb or that ignorant (hopefully the latter). My sister knows nothing about football. She’s watched three NFL games since 2004. She knew about ties. Yet, professional players like McNabb, Correll Buckhalter and Omar Gaither had no idea.

There are three funny ways of looking at McNabb’s ignorance:

1. Following the coin toss, the official stated that if neither team scored in 15 minutes, the game would end in a tie. I guess McNabb was too busy shooting another commerical to pay attention.

2. In January 2003, the Eagles played the Falcons in the Doggone Playoff. Atlanta’s record was 9-6-1. McNabb probably spilled Chunky Soup on his newspaper and consequently couldn’t check the standings.

The third will be discussed in my McNabb write-up in the Top 5 Dumbest Eagles section.



28. Seattle Seahawks (2-8) – Previously: #27 – Nothing positive to say about the Seahawks, so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Donovan McNabb!

Donovan, thanks for joining me. I wanted to have you on to clarify something. After your tie against the Bengals, you said you weren’t aware that ties were in the rule book. I find that a bit ridiculous. You seem like an intelligent guy. You’re the quarterback of an NFL team. You were obviously under the influence of drugs when you told the media you didn’t know ties existed, correct?

“No, I’ve never heard of ties. No one ever told me this, and I’ve never been part of one, so how could I possibly know about them?”

Umm… because it’s common sense? Because 12-year-old football fans know about ties? I refuse to believe NFL players can be either that stupid or ignorant. Actually, I’m just falling for it again. You must still be hallucinating from eating too much Chunky Soup at halftime.

“Halves times? What is this halves times you speak of? I have not heard of this in my life!”

Uhh… you know the 15-minute break you take between the second and third quarters in every game?

“Oh! I thought that was a coin-kee-dink!”

Are you kidding me? Next, you’re gonna tell me that you’re not aware that receivers need to have two feet inbounds when making a catch.

“Two feets? I never had to make a catch, so I’m not aware of this. I’d like to see what happens once someone in college football puts one feets inbounds! They think it’s all one feets!”

Yeah, you’re definitely high of Chunky Soup. Get back to me once you’re sober.



27. Kansas City Chiefs (1-9) – Previously: #26 – I’m still not used to the Chiefs having a starting-caliber quarterback. It’s just weird.

At any rate, let’s begin the Top 5 Dumbest Eagles section!

Dumbest Philadelphia Eagle No. 5: Sheldon Brown (and Hugh Douglas). Sheldon Brown, one of the veterans on the team, boasted about his tie knowledge:

“I’ve been in the league seven years, so I know.”

Congratulations, Sheldon! I’m glad you’ve been in the league long enough to know about ties!

Meanwhile, former Eagle and current radio host Hugh Douglas stated that he currently is aware of ties, but didn’t know about them when he entered the league.

26. San Francisco 49ers (3-7) – Previously: #28 – I had something interesting to say about Mike Ditka and Mike Singletary, but I’ll save that for next week because…

Dumbest Philadelphia Eagle No. 4: Hank Baskett (and Greg Lewis). Interviewed after the game, Baskett told reporters of an exchange he had with fellow wideout Greg Lewis toward the end of overtime:

“G-Lew and I were sitting on the bench. I asked G-Lew, ‘What happens if no one scores?’ G-Lew didn’t know, and neither did I.”

How can NFL players not know the simple rules pertaining to their profession? Are firemen unaware that water comes out of a hose? Do doctors not know to use those paddles when someone flatlines? Does Shannen Doherty not understand that she needs to sleep with all her producers? Thank God that’s not the case.



25. Houston Texans (3-7) – Previously: #25 – Sage Rosenchoker to the rescue! The Eagles should sign Rosenchoker because…

Dumbest Philadelphia Eagle No. 3: Omar Gaither. Upon hearing about ties for the first time in his life, linebacker Omar Gaither said the following: “I wasn’t aware they changed the rule!”

Poor Gaither! He missed the news! They changed the rule 40 years ago, but Gaither must have been focused on something else when that occurred.

24. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-6) – Previously: #24 – David Garrard sucks this year. I don’t know what happened to him. Without Matt “Coke Zero” Jones, he couldn’t do anything. Speaking of a man who can’t do anything…

Dumbest Philadelphia Eagle No. 2: Andy Reid. After the game, a frustrated Jon Runyan, who heard that most of his teammates weren’t aware of ties, waved around the NFL rule book in the locker room.

The point is, how do some players on a team not know about overtime rules? It’s preposterous, and Andy Reid is to blame. I know it’s common sense, but great coaches like Tony Dungy make sure they go over everything and take nothing for granted. For the record, Dungy has a Super Bowl ring. Reid, on the other hand, has onion rings on his mind.

23. Cleveland Browns (4-6) – Previously: #23 – The Browns are way too consistent and predictable for my liking, so let’s move on to the king of ignorance:

Dumbest Philadelphia Eagle No. 1: Donovan McNabb. McNabb stated, “I’d like to see what would happen in the playoffs or the Super Bowl” once he learned about ties. That’s right, Donovan. If there’s a tie in the Super Bowl, they saw the Lombardi Trophy in half and award it to both teams.

Seriously, what’s wrong with these people? If you poll 1,000 football fans, 999 would know about ties. How are professionals unaware of this?

I’m so befuddled, I can’t do oddities this week. Reading all of those quotes I just post reduce mine’s IQ by 5,000 point!


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Chicago Bears (5-5). Previously: #6
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-3). Previously: #15
13. Atlanta Falcons (6-4). Previously: #7
14. Baltimore Ravens (6-4). Previously: #10
15. New England Patriots (6-4). Previously: #13
16. Denver Broncos (6-4). Previously: #22
17. New Orleans Saints (5-5). Previously: #17
18. Miami Dolphins (6-4). Previously: #19
19. San Diego Chargers (4-6). Previously: #21
20. Philadelphia Eagles (5-4-1). Previously: #8
21. Minnesota Vikings (5-5). Previously: #18
22. Buffalo Bills (5-5) – Previously: #20

1. Jets (3.1)
2. Steelers (3.1)
3. Vikings (3.2)
4. Ravens (3.4)
5. Cardinals (3.5)
6. Bears (3.6)
7. Giants (3.6)
8. Titans (3.7)
9. 49ers (3.8)
10. Dolphins (3.8)
11. Buccaneers (3.8)
12. Eagles (3.8)
13. Bills (4.0)
14. Seahawks (4.0)
15. Patriots (4.0)
16. Redskins (4.1)
17. Bengals (4.2)
18. Saints (4.2)
19. Chargers (4.2)
20. Jaguars (4.2)
21. Panthers (4.3)
22. Texans (4.3)
23. Cowboys (4.3)
24. Colts (4.4)
25. Raiders (4.5)
26. Falcons (4.7)
27. Packers (4.9)
28. Browns (4.9)
29. Broncos (5.1)
30. Rams (5.1)
31. Lions (5.3)
32. Chiefs (5.5)

1. Steelers (5.7)
2. Packers (5.7)
3. Titans (5.7)
4. Panthers (5.9)
5. Redskins (6.1)
6. Buccaneers (6.3)
7. Bears (6.4)
8. Giants (6.4)
9. Eagles (6.4)
10. Cowboys (6.4)
11. Bengals (6.5)
12. Ravens (6.6)
13. Colts (6.7)
14. Bills (6.7)
15. Chargers (7.0)
16. 49ers (7.0)
17. Falcons (7.1)
18. Raiders (7.2)
19. Saints (7.2)
20. Cardinals (7.2)
21. Vikings (7.3)
22. Jets (7.3)
23. Browns (7.3)
24. Dolphins (7.5)
25. Jaguars (7.7)
26. Patriots (7.7)
27. Broncos (7.7)
28. Chiefs (7.8)
29. Seahawks (7.9)
30. Texans (7.9)
31. Lions (8.7)
32. Rams (8.8)