2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 10
Week 9 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (7-1) – Previously: #1 – For my money, the Giants are still the best team in the league. If they played the Titans on a neutral field, they would be favored. New York has a Super Bowl victory, and I trust Eli Manning over Kerry Collins in a big game.
   
   Wow… A year ago, I never thought I’d say “trust” and “Eli Manning” in the same sentence, unless it was, “I trust Eli Manning to throw six interceptions and drive Giants fans to a point of temporary insanity in an important contest.”
   
   
2. Tennessee Titans (8-0) – Previously: #2 – The Titans’ three-point victory against the Packers may not have seemed that impressive, but I believe it was. Tennessee just won a huge statement game on national TV against its biggest rival. It was only natural for the team to be flat against a non-conference opponent. Despite that built-in excuse, the Titans still beat a very good Packers squad.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) – Previously: #3 – In the Little Giants, there was a kid who couldn’t catch the ball, so he went to a super market and practiced hauling in rolls of toilet paper. Santonio Holmes should try this because he dropped three passes, including a long touchdown against the Redskins. Actually, you know what? I’m convinced Holmes was that kid! Seriously, Holmes looks like an adult version of him – and the time line even matches up! This can’t be a mere coincidence!
   
   
4. Washington Redskins (6-3) – Previously: #4 – When Pittsburgh won a challenge that reversed a Jason Campbell rushing touchdown, the crowd cheered. Why is this important? The game was in Washington! To sound like Bill Plaschke, shame, shame on you Redskins fans. Shame on you for not filling the stadium and supporting your team.
   
   
5. Carolina Panthers (6-2) – Previously: #6 – Bye. One more thing on the Giants. I switched on FOX’s pre-game show briefly on Sunday, and I saw an interview Pam Oliver had with Plaxico Burress. Talking about his son, Burress said, “My son does everything that I do.”
   
   Uhh… and this is good? Does his son show up late to school and detention, and talk back to his teachers? I don’t get why Burress would be proud of this.
   
   
6. Chicago Bears (5-3) – Previously: #7 – You have to really feel for Bears fans. They finally find their first Pro Bowl quarterback in about 350 years, and he gets injured against the pathetic Lions. Now, Rex “Five-Turnover Average in One Game” Grossman will once again have his chance to ruin Chicago’s season the next month.
   
   
7. Green Bay Packers (4-4) – Previously: #8 – Some notes on Green Bay:
   
   1. Though they allowed a long run to LenDale White, the Packers did a good job containing Chris Johnson to 89 yards on 24 carries.
   
   2. With Al Harris back, Green Bay looks competent against the pass again. The team held Kerry Collins to a completion percentage less than 50 and just 180 yards.
   
   3. Chris Berman called the Packers the “best 4-4 team in football.” I couldn’t agree more. And on that note, I had to check if I had any other 4-4 squads ahead of Green Bay just in case.
   
   4. Aaron Rodgers looks exactly like Michael Scofield. This makes me happy because if Wentworth Miller decides to stop doing Prison Break, the producers of the show can just ask Rodgers to take his place. All Rodgers would have to do is shave his head. No one would notice the difference!
   
   
8. New Orleans Saints (4-4) – Previously: #9 – Bye. Let’s discuss the Sunday night game:
   
   Let’s get one thing straight. If you can’t tell how I feel by these power rankings, I think the Colts and Patriots are both very pedestrian. You can read about New England in the overrated section of my NFL Picks home page. What surprised me is that Bill Belichick foolishly challenged a 12-men-on-the-field penalty in the third quarter. Belichick lost the challenge and consequently had a much-needed timeout taken away from him – all for what would have been a mere gain of five yards.
   
   Meanwhile, the Colts desperately needed a victory and barely beat a very mediocre team at home. Peyton Manning looked better than he has in recent weeks, but the stop unit, even with Bob Sanders in the lineup, couldn’t stop Matt freaking Cassel and BenJarvis Green-Ellis, whoever that is. The Colts may make the playoffs, but they have no shot at winning the Super Bowl, unless they really make vast improvements on defense.
   
   
9. Philadelphia Eagles (5-3) – Previously: #11 – Andy Reid is the master at beating crappy teams. The Eagles have “blowed out” the Rams, 49ers and Seahawks this year. If only the Eagles could play the NFC West every week. Reid’s problem is game planning for tough opponents as a small favorite or underdog. Reid is 1-8 in his previous nine games decided by four points or less, meaning Reid and Donovan McNabb choke when it matters most. For all of you wondering why McNabb puked all over the field in the Super Bowl, wonder no more.
   
   
10. Arizona Cardinals (5-3) – Previously: #12 – The Cardinals? In the Top 10? I’m not sure, but this may be the first time in the history of this Web site, which has been around since 1999, that I’ve ever ranked Arizona so high. Cardinals fans should build statues of Kurt Warner, Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald and Ken Whisenhunt. It doesn’t even matter if they get to the Super Bowl – Arizona fans have never enjoyed this sort of success.
    
    

32. Oakland Raiders (2-6) – Previously: #27 – If you’ve looked at the most recent update of my 2009 NFL Mock Draft, you may notice that I have Maryland receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey getting drafted earlier than Michael Crabtree. Yes, I watched Crabtree bulldoze two Texas defenders and score the winning touchdown on Saturday. Crabtree is awesome, and I’d love to have him on my team. So, what’s my rationale?

My thinking is that because Crabtree wears a black jersey and happens to be on a team called the Red Raiders, Al Davis may actually believe that Crabtree currently plays for his team. And besides, Heyward-Bey’s 40 time is much faster than Crabtree’s, so he must be the better prospect, right?

31. Detroit Lions (0-8) – Previously: #31 – If you haven’t heard, the Lions signed Daunte Culpepper to a 2-year deal. Congratulations, Lions! You have another crappy quarterback! Where’s Matt Millen when you need him? Millen would have never signed Culpepper – he would have pursued an overrated receiver instead. Hey, they’re cheaper!

Anyway, I don’t get what the Lions are doing, but I guess that’s only natural. Why are they messing around with Culpepper? Why were they planning on sticking with Dan Orlovsky before his timely injury? Both are failures. The Lions must start Drew Stanton to see if they need to select a quarterback come April. But of course, if Orlovsky hadn’t gotten hurt, Stanton would never have gotten the chance, Detroit wouldn’t have known what to do in the spring, and the franchise would have screwed up yet another draft. Like I said, it’s only natural.

30. Kansas City Chiefs (1-7) – Previously: #30 – I guess I haven’t been paying attention to the news, because I thought Larry Johnson was only in trouble for one assault charge. However, I found out yesterday that Johnson is being accused of assaulting four women. Four women! What’s this guy, a super villain or something? Is his logo that stupid triangle he makes with his hands after he scores a touchdown? And is there a super hero out there who can stop him? If not, I’d like to nominate renowned feminist Jerry Springer!

29. Cincinnati Bengals (1-8) – Previously: #32 – Both the Lions and Bengals suck at life, so I’d like to propose something. The two teams should trade current starting quarterbacks Dan Orlovsky and Ryan Fitzpatrick and see if anyone notices. They’d put up the same pathetic stats, but I don’t just mean on the field; I’m convinced none of their teammates could recognize the difference in the locker room, even though Orlovsky is hurt.

The Bengals and Lions need to do this to see if it would work. I think it would – until I see evidence that Fitzpatrick and Orlovsky aren’t the same guy, I’ll continue to believe that they are. They could make a TV show out of it called Quarterback Swap. If Hole in the Wall can stay on the air, Quarterback Swap would definitely get billions of viewers.

28. San Francisco 49ers (2-6) – Previously: #29 – Bye… Hey, Chris Berman isn’t the only one who gets to interview the presidential candidates! I’ve also conducted one-on-one interviews with John McCain and Barack Obama! Let’s do these one at a time. Let’s go with the incumbent party first.

Hey, Senator McCain, thanks for joining me! It’s an honor to be interviewing you and Senator Obama.

“Hello, my friend. Your my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Will you help me move into the White House when I win? I’m asking you because you’re a true friend.”

Umm… OK, I guess. So, what do you plan to do for our country?

“My friend, I know exactly how to end terrorism. I know where Osama bin Laden is, my friend. And if I’m voted into the White House, I will reveal my plan so we can finish off bin Laden and end this ugly war, my friend.”

You do? Why haven’t you told us this already?

“Heh? Told you what?”

Uhh… what you just mentioned… about finding bin Laden and ending the war?

“Heh? Who is bin Laden? Who are you? What am I doing here? Who am I? Is the year 1940 or 1941?”

Are you OK, Senator?

“In my day, shonny, I used to have to walk in 40 feet of snow, uphill both ways just to vote, my friend!”

But aren’t you from Arizona? There was 40 feet of snow in Arizona?

“Heh? What am I doing here?”

Let’s just get you back to your retirement home, Senator.

27. St. Louis Rams (2-6) – Previously: #26 – Hope you enjoyed my interview with John McCain. Now here’s Barack Obama!

Hey, Senator Obama, thanks for coming on for an interview!

“Hi, Walt. I think the Tennessee Titans are going to win the Super Bowl. I also think the Los Angeles Lakers will win the NBA title. Alabama will win the college championship. And North Carolina will prevail in the Final Four.”

Uhh… OK, I didn’t really ask you whom you liked in sports, but that’s fine. Let me ask you, what do you…

“Wait a second, Walt. I just noticed something. Your traffic has increased over the years. If you get any more traffic, I’ll have to take some of your hits and give them to sites that have less traffic.”

What!? Why would you do that!? That’s not fair!

“These sites with less traffic deserve an opportunity to grow and I want to get them that opportunity.”

But some of these sites you’re talking about aren’t updated every day, and their HTML doesn’t even work! Some haven’t even been updated in months!

“I can see that we won’t agree on this. If you’ll excuse me, I have to attend another rally. I’ll let you talk to my running mate, Joe Biden.”

All right… Hi, Joe, glad you could join me.

“Barack Obama sucks! He’ll be tested on his second day in office, and he’s going to fail! He’s going to fail miserably because Barack Obama sucks! You heard it here first!”

Wait… isn’t Senator Obama your running mate? Why would you throw him under the bus like that… actually, never mind. I wanted to interview the presidential candidates. Not the vice presidents. Despite what Governor Palin may believe, the vice president doesn’t do anything. So, I’m out of here. Peace, Joe Biden!

26. Seattle Seahawks (2-6) – Previously: #28 – Anyone who watched the Seahawks-Eagles game may have heard the following brilliant analysis by FOX color commentator Brian Baldinger:

“Look at Mike Holmgren. Just look at him. No one wants to be near him. Look at him. He looks like he wants to rip someone’s head off. Just look at Mike Holmgren, right there. Look at him. No one is standing around him. Look at that. It’s not surprising no one even wants to talk to him right now. Just look at him. He’s just so angry. Look at Mike Holmgren. Just look at him right now. Look at him.”

I’m not joking here. Baldinger actually said this. I’m not making this up!

25. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-5) – Previously: #18 – If you haven’t heard, Bengals offensive lineman Andrew Whitworth and Jaguars defensive tackle John Henderson got into a fight on Sunday, and were both ejected from the game. What were they brawling over? Time for oddities!

9:1 – Whitworth threatened to tempt Matt Jones with some cocaine, but Henderson came to his teammate’s rescue.

4:1 – Whitworth and Henderson wanted to catch the early-bird special at Country Kitchen Buffet.

3:1 – Henderson called Whitworth a “poopy-head,” to which Whitworth responded, “Henderson, your momma’s so fat, she’s as fat as you!”

2:3 – Whitworth and Henderson secretly met a few minutes earlier and agreed that this game sucked, so they staged a fight so they could go home early.

24. Cleveland Browns (3-5) – Previously: #24 – Speaking of the Jaguars, I’m glad Matt Jones hasn’t been suspended yet, and I hope Roger Goodell doesn’t decide to keep him out of a few games. What good would suspending Jones do? I know he got in trouble for coke-related incidents in the past, but he hasn’t done anything like that in a long time. If you keep him out three weeks, what’s he going to do with all of his spare time? Suspending Jones would be more about punishment than rehabilitation, which is just wrong. Besides, if I couldn’t call the Jaguars wideout “Coke-Free Matt Jones” anymore, a piece of my soul would die.

23. Houston Texans (3-5) – Previously: #21 – The Matt Schaub injury has truly debacled me:

1. I had the Texans +5.5 over the Vikings. When Schaub hurt his knee and was subsequently replaced with Sage Rosenchoker, I knew that pick didn’t have a chance because Rosenchoker would do something stupid. Rosenchoker tossed an end-zone interception into double coverage in the third quarter.

2. I had Schaub as my No. 3 quarterback in my Week 9 Fantasy Football Quarterback Rankings. Schaub playing hurt for only 30 minutes qmeant that his stats weren’t up to snuff.

3. I have Schaub in three of my six fantasy leagues. That’s right – I’m in six fantasy leagues. I’m losing my mind here because I forget to pick up players in free agency in my free leagues. So, I guess you can say I was already getting debacled.




2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. Buffalo Bills (5-3) – Previously: #5
12. Atlanta Falcons (5-3). Previously: #16
13. Baltimore Ravens (5-3). Previously: #20
14. Dallas Cowboys (5-4). Previously: #14
15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3). Previously: #10
16. San Diego Chargers (3-5). Previously: #15
17. New England Patriots (5-3). Previously: #17
18. New York Jets (5-3). Previously: #23
19. Minnesota Vikings (4-4). Previously: #22
20. Miami Dolphins (4-4). Previously: #25
21. Indianapolis Colts (4-4). Previously: #19
22. Denver Broncos (4-4). Previously: #13

1. Ravens (2.7)
2. Jets (2.9)
3. Steelers (3.1)
4. Vikings (3.1)
5. Cardinals (3.6)
6. Dolphins (3.6)
7. Eagles (3.7)
8. Bears (3.7)
9. Giants (3.7)
10. Seahawks (3.7)
11. Titans (3.8)
12. Buccaneers (3.8)
13. Bills (3.8)
14. 49ers (3.8)
15. Panthers (4.0)
16. Redskins (4.0)
17. Patriots (4.2)
18. Bengals (4.2)
19. Texans (4.3)
20. Saints (4.3)
21. Chargers (4.3)
22. Raiders (4.3)
23. Colts (4.3)
24. Jaguars (4.4)
25. Cowboys (4.4)
26. Falcons (4.6)
27. Packers (4.8)
28. Browns (4.9)
29. Lions (4.9)
30. Rams (5.2)
31. Broncos (5.4)
32. Chiefs (5.8)

1. Steelers (5.6)
2. Packers (5.8)
3. Redskins (6.0)
4. Titans (6.0)
5. Panthers (6.1)
6. Bears (6.2)
7. Buccaneers (6.3)
8. Ravens (6.4)
9. Colts (6.4)
10. Falcons (6.6)
11. Cowboys (6.6)
12. Eagles (6.6)
13. Bengals (6.7)
14. Giants (6.8)
15. Bills (6.9)
16. 49ers (7.1)
17. Saints (7.1)
18. Chargers (7.1)
19. Jets (7.3)
20. Jaguars (7.3)
21. Vikings (7.5)
22. Browns (7.6)
23. Raiders (7.7)
24. Chiefs (7.7)
25. Cardinals (7.7)
26. Dolphins (7.8)
27. Broncos (7.8)
28. Patriots (8.0)
29. Seahawks (8.0)
30. Texans (8.0)
31. Rams (8.6)
32. Lions (8.9)