Super Bowl LVI Live Blog

Welcome to my 16th-annual Super Bowl Live Blog. I’ll be posting comments like this throughout the evening every few minutes. Keep refreshing this page if you want to check out what I think about the game, announcers, commercials, etc.

You can also discuss Super Bowl LVI in the comment board below.

Follow @walterfootball for updates.

6:27: I’m late to start this because I was holding the baby as my wife was taking the dogs out. I’m here just in time to hear Phyllis from The Office talking about girls playing football.

6:28: Speaking of girls, I was shocked to see that Mickey Guyton was a female. When I saw the props on Mickey Guyton singing the national anthem, I assumed it was a guy.

6:29: Nice coin toss by Phyllis from The Office. Bob Vance taught her well.

6:31: Oh, cool, a movie about dinosaurs. Hollywood has never done anything like that before, so I’m excited to see it.

6:32: Speaking of movies, this live blog is brought to you by AMC. They’re not paying me directly, but I have a crap ton of shares.

6:33: I’m shocked The Rock is allowed to announce anything here. I thought he was getting canceled for something he said 40 years ago.

6:34: By the way, no crazy Super Bowl plans with the baby. My parents will be here soon. I invited a few people, but most of them have kids and can’t make it out on a Sunday. My friend Ben will be here, but everyone else has more important things to do than hang out with me.

6:35: Fancy new score graphics from NBC. I wonder if they’ll have those next year.

6:37: The first sack of the game is Matthew Stafford going down! I don’t think many expected that.

6:38: Rams go five-and-out. Nice job by the Cincinnati defense.

6:42: “No Ordinary Joe” reference from Al Michaels. That’s a good show. What’s great is reading people complaining online that they can’t follow it because of the three different timelines.

6:43: What great play-calling with runs up the middle on second-and-short and third-and-short!

6:44: The Bengals turn the ball over on downs because of their terrible play-calling. Sucks. For the record, I’m rooting for the Rams to win by 1-5 points.

6:46: Can’t wait to get my financial advice from babies. If the e-Trade ad people had half-a-brain, they would have filmed apes talking as a reference to AMC and GameStop.

6:48: Cooper Kupp with the first big play of the game. I guess good things happen when teams stop running the ball.

6:50: Darrell Henderson catching passes. RIP to those who played Cam Akers and Sony Michel on DraftKings.

6:51: Touchdown, Rams! Matthew Stafford hits Odell Beckham Jr. over Mike Hilton.

Rams 7, Bengals 0

6:52: Fatherhood has changed things for me already. I just had to sift through some children’s books PDF in Chrome because I was reading to my son last night.

6:54: Speaking of fatherhood, that was one of the reasons I’m not on location at the Super Bowl site. The other is California itself. I don’t have the proper documentation to go anywhere there, if you know what I mean.

6:56: Horrible pass from Joe Burrow to Chris Evans on third down. Burrow had happy feet in the pocket, likely because he didn’t know that the Rams have a mediocre pressure rate. Yet another example of mass media misinformation.

7:02: You know, if you ignore the fact that Netflix whores out 8-year-old girls to pervy Hollywood dudes, you can recognize that they have great programming otherwise. The Adam Project looks cool. Everyone knows about Squid Game, but Alice in Borderland is similar and perhaps even better. Archive 81 is awesome as well.

7:03: The Bengals force a three-and-out. Let’s see if Burrow has happy feet on the next possession again.

7:04: Nice color square commercial. I’m really going to buy that product.

7:07: Chase is on the case!!!

7:09: Tee Higgins almost catches a touchdown. Jalen Ramsey knocks it out of his hand. I have so much Higgins in DraftKings, so that’s a bummer. The Bengals settle for a field goal after the long Chase catch.

Rams 7, Bengals 3

7:12: The Bengals have been much better against the run than initially anticipated.

7:17: The Rams’ passing attack suddenly can’t be stopped. Beckham and Henderson take the team near the red zone.

7:20: Touchdown, Rams! Stafford finds Cooper Kupp for the score.

7:21: Botched snap on the extra point!

Rams 13, Bengals 3

7:25: The Bengals have gotten to midfield with some passes to Tyler Boyd and Ja’Marr Chase.

7:29: Bengals to the red zone! So much for this Rams pass rush.

7:32: Joe Mixon touchdown pass to Tee Bag Higgins!

Rams 13, Bengals 10

7:34: The Bengals went right down the field on the Rams. There was no pass rush to be seen. I’ll be pissed if the Bengals don’t cover because the narrative favoring the Rams was completely wrong.

7:36: Who is Alex Morgan? Some player’s wife, maybe.

7:37: My friend Ben pointed out that Alex Morgan is some sort of a soccer player. No wonder I never heard of her. This isn’t a criticism of women’s soccer, but rather soccer in general.

7:38: Beckham with a drop … and an injury.

7:41: Ben bringing all the info. No one here knew what Stifler’s Mom’s name was, but apparently it’s Jennifer Coolidge.

7:44: My dad just told me he got carded when buying beer today. He forgot his driver’s license, so he couldn’t buy beer. He had to leave and go elsewhere. He’s 68!

7:45: Underthrown pass to the end zone! Interception!

7:47: An ad for Saturday Night Live? LOL. NBC couldn’t pay me to watch that crap.

7:49: Wow. Imagine flagging a team for a celebration penalty for making a big play in the Super Bowl.

7:51: So many celebrities! Los Angeles is so special!

7:52: The Rams’ pass rush finally showed up.

7:57: I’m winning $130 on DraftKings! Unfortunately, I paid $450 in entries. Sad.

7:59: My son watching his first Super Bowl:

8:00: We’ve reached halftime! The Rams are up 13-10, but the Bengals get the ball to start the second half.

8:03: This should be a good halftime show. It’s good that the NFL didn’t get old people to do it like Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. Oh, wait…

8:05: My son just sharted so loudly that you could hear it over the TV. So much for watching the game.

8:11: I’m a bit disappointed that Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg didn’t create a new song for the Super Bowl. You’d think they would with all the time they had to prepare for this gig.

8:13: I heard rumors that 50 Cents went to my high school, but dropped out. I’m not sure if this is true or not. The most famous person to go to my high school, by the way, was Bill Cosby, who also dropped out.

8:14: Did Mary J. Blige’s doctors clear her for that outfit? Good lord.

8:16: Holy s**t, I think Mary J. Blige legitimately had a stroke.

8:17: Who is this guy with the corn rows also having a stroke?

8:18: My wife just said he’s Kendrick Lamar. Oh, OK. Who is Kendrick Lamar?

8:20: Eminem should come out with some new music. He used to be so great, but he’s so irrelevant now. I wonder if these musicians just lose a passion for making music after making so much money.

8:23: Mary J. Blige is alive. Phew.

8:25: I imagine every single blue check on Twitter is talking about how great that halftime show was in an attempt to fit in with those they deem the peons.

8:26: The Olympics are starting after the Super Bowl? Zzzzzzz…

8:33: Touchdown, Bengals! Burrow hits Tee Bag Higgins with a bomb on the first play of the third quarter as Jalen Ramsey falls down.

Bengals 17, Rams 13

8:36: Stafford interception, off Ben Skowronek’s hands!

8:40: I have a lineup that’s 339th on DraftKings. Unfortunately, Odell Beckham is one of the six players…

8:42: “A catch by C.J. Uzomah Bin Laden.” – Chris Bermanism that never happened.

8:43: The Rams’ pass rush showed up again for the second time. They forced a field goal, giving the Bengals a touchdown lead.

Bengals 20, Rams 13

8:47: How sad is this? This lineup would have a chance at the million bucks if Odell Beckham didn’t get hurt.

8:50: That lineup is now 2,337th because of this drive. Sad.

8:52: Philly Special? More like Los Angeles Poop Patrol.

8:53: Ugh, both teams hit a field goal of more than 33 yards. That prop is down the toilet.

Bengals 20, Rams 16

8:54: That Lay’s commercial was funny, but Rick and Morty deserve credit for those memory cuts.

8:57: Joe Burrow looked rattled in the pocket for the first time since the opening quarter, and he missed a throw to Chase. The Rams are getting the ball back, down 20-16.

9:00: Great Pringles commercial – except that the prospect of getting my hand stuck in the can makes me not want Pringles.

9:01: Ugh, don’t get me started on Law & Order. I root against everyone on the show, save for the criminals.

9:03: Stafford sacked on third down!

9:04: Stafford getting his knee looked at. Is it time for Wolflord!?

9:05: Ben bringing more info. The guy who played Mini Me in Austin Powers died in 2018.

9:07: No Wolflord, but we can enjoy this graphic:

Gotta hate that ultra-rare Hurtmore spell from Wolflord. Say goodbye to half your gold!

9:09: The Bengals should think about blocking Ambassador Von Miller.

9:11: Why can’t Cincinnati’s punter boot the ball longer than 35 yards? He sucks!

9:12: One more quarter to go. Another playoff nail-biter.

9:14: Cincinnati’s run defense has been so good tonight.

9:15: I don’t think Giants fans can believe Eli Apple just had some good coverage.

9:18: Burrow is hurt on the seventh sack. Uh oh.

9:21: As if Isaiah Prince wasn’t bad enough, he just crushed his team with a penalty. The Bengals really miss Riley Reiff. In other news, are you ready for some Brandon Allen Super Bowl action!?

9:22: I can’t get over Stringer Bell having a British accent.

9:24: Vote for Tee Higgins to win MVP! I have a 50/1 prop on it!

9:25: Rams go three-and-out again. Their passing offense has been dead without Beckham.

9:29: Holy crap, Renee Zellweger aged like 80 years during the pandemic.

9:32: Wow, Tyler Boyd with a huge drop on third down.

9:37: I wonder what Roger Goodell is saying to Russell Wilson … “Hello, hu-man quarterback, I am hu-man like you. If I weren’t hu-man like you, would I have a favorite day of the week? My favorite day of the week is – randomizing – Sunday. Sunday is my favorite day of the week because I am hu-man just like you.”

9:38: Roger Goodell is a farter, by the way. Big stop on third down!

9:39: Fourth-down conversion by Cooper Kupp! Less than five minutes to go!

9:42: Cooper Kupp to the 24! Less than three minutes to go!

9:43: Rams down to the 8 with an Akers run! Two-minute warning!

9:44: Before the game resumes, I want to say that I hope all you enjoyed the ad-free experience this weekend. Please consider subscribing to the ad-free premium product.

9:46: Stafford missed Jefferson wide open in the end zone!

9:48: Ugh, killer defensive hold on the Bengals.

9:49: I’m glad the officials made a big call because I was worried they didn’t have enough of a presence in this big game.

9:50: The officials have taken over this game. Terrible.

9:53: Touchdown, Rams! On their ninth try, thanks to the officials, Stafford and Kupp connected.

Rams 23, Bengals 20

9:55: Chase is on the case! Gain of 17.

9:57: What a time to give Samaje Perine the ball!

9:58: Game over. The Rams put too much pressure on Burrow. Ball thrown away, turnover on downs. Good thing the Bengals gave Samaje Perine a big carry!

Final score: Rams 23, Bengals 20

10:00: I’m going to have the Super Bowl LVI Recap at some point tonight. In the meantime, you can check out our 2022 NFL Mock Draft, 2023 NFL Mock Draft and 2024 NFL Mock Draft here. Thanks for reading my incoherent thoughts throughout this exciting Super Bowl!