2008 NFL Power Rankings: Week 17
Week 16 Fantasy Performers, Defenses, League Leaders

1. New York Giants (12-3) – Previously: #1 – I’m glad I kept the Giants No. 1. Even when they were down 21-10 against the Panthers, I always had the sneaking suspicion that they would come back and at least make things interesting. I’m also glad that they scored a touchdown in overtime as opposed to settling for a field goal. Now, you may argue that I’m saying that because I took the Giants -3, and you would be correct. However, I’m always in favor of going for the end zone because there are so many things that can go wrong on a kick.
   
   By the way, I’d like to thank the Giants defense for putting up mad fantasy points for me against the Panthers. I was in the championship of the Yardbarker Invitational Fantasy League. Going into the Sunday night game, I was tied. I had New York’s stop unit. My opponent had Brandon Jacobs. It’s safe to say that I was completely debacled.
   
   
2. Tennessee Titans (13-2) – Previously: #3 – I’m really not sure what to make of Tennessee’s victory over Pittsburgh. The end result was a 17-point victory, but remember, Ben Roethlisberger fumbled on the Titans 1-yard line and then again in Tennessee territory. That’s at least 10 points right there. Also, the Steelers were whistled for simulating the snap count on a Tennessee field goal. The Titans were awarded with a first down and eventually scored a touchdown.
   
   With that said, I’m not going to completely dismiss Tennessee’s victory. They beat the Steelers without Albert Haynesworth and Kyle Vanden Bosch, which was really impressive.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-4) – Previously: #2 – Steelers fans: Don’t be angry at LenDale White for stomping on the Terrible Towel at the end of the game. He simply thought it was alive, and was trying to kill it so he could easily eat it as a quick snack. No disrespect. Just hunger.
   
   
4. Carolina Panthers (11-4) – Previously: #4 – The Panthers played better against the Giants than I thought they would. I suggested that they’d pull a Texas Tech – falling flat on their face after being overconfident in the wake of two monstrous home victories – but they hung tough and took the Super Bowl champs into overtime. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if they won the Super Bowl, even if they don’t claim their division and have to go on the road thrice in the playoffs.
   
   By the way, if you missed it, Carolina was flagged for pass interference for the first time all year on Sunday! That’s really amazing.
   
   
5. Indianapolis Colts (11-4) – Previously: #5 – Stupid Colts pick-six. I’ll have more on this later.
   
   Peyton Manning is the MVP this year. The defense has sucked. Bob Sanders and the offensive line have been banged up. Marvin Harrison joined a gang in the summer. Manning has been the one constant. I’d be scared to play the Colts in the Doggone Playoff.
   
   
6. Baltimore Ravens (10-5) – Previously: #7 – In the wake of the Walt Coleman debaclation, I’m willing to bet that all Ravens fans would appreciate any signs of crooked officiating.
   
   Check out this gem. I hope this guy bought his wife some nice gifts after literally hitting the 49ers moneyline.
   
   
7. Atlanta Falcons (10-5) – Previously: #8 – No one should be surprised that the Falcons won a big game in Minnesota. That always happens. I’m referring to the 1999 NFC Championship, of course, which was on the NFL Network on Friday night. Watching that contest for the first time since I was in high school, I remembered how amazing it was that the Vikings lost that game. Minnesota dropped a pair of routine interceptions on Atlanta’s tying drive. And we all know about Gary Anderson’s missed 38-yard field goal. It sucks because we were robbed of a great Super Bowl.
   
   By the way, it’s pretty depressing that Keith Brooking is the only player from that Super Bowl who is still with the same team.
   
   
8. New England Patriots (10-5) – Previously: #9 – I hate the new NFL Primetime, as I’ll note below, but they did something funny this week. For the Cardinals-Patriots highlights, they played some carnival music, showed all of the snow at Gillette and panned to a few Cardinals who were grimacing as the snow was pelting their face. Then, suddenly, ESPN showed the score, as Trey Wingo stated, “And that was the ball game.”
   
   Seriously, it’s tough to praise the Patriots. Winning 47-7 is impressive, but not if your opponent doesn’t show up. New England could have played all of its backups and still won by 20-plus.
   
   
9. Miami Dolphins (10-5) – Previously: #13 – I’d like to copy-paste what I wrote the past few weeks because I think it still applies here, and I think Dolphins fans would love to read this:
   
   I’ve brought this up before, but I think the Jets would have been better off losing at Tennessee. They exerted so much energy in that two-game road trip that they’re just running on fumes right now. They look dead and unfocused – basically the same way the Redskins have played since beating the Cowboys and Eagles as visitors.
   
   It just seems like the Jets peaked too early and don’t really have anything left in the tank. They’ll likely scrape by Buffalo, but it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they finish the season with a 1-2 record at the very best.
   
   Well, I’m 2-for-2. Make sure you check my Week 17 NFL Picks on Wednesday to find out whom I’m taking in the huge Dolphins-Jets battle.
   
   
10. Dallas Cowboys (9-6) – Previously: #6 – Aurora Snowmo living up to his nickname. Who would have thunk it?
    
    By the way, it’s really crazy that Emmitt Smith has become the voice of reason concerning the Cowboys. Back in Week 2, Emmitt said the following of Dallas, “The Cowboys, they do not has any leaders in the locker rooms… room.”
    
    Jerry Jones should hire Emmitt as an adviser, though he’ll have to shell out some extra cash for an Emmitt-to-English translator.
    
    

32. Detroit Lions (0-15) – Previously: #32 – Some notes on the Lions:

1. Chris Mortensen suggested that the Lions could look at Scott Pioli as their next general manager. Yeah, not happening. Evil owner William Darth Clay Sidious Ford wants a Yes Man. Why do you think he kept Matt Millen around so long?

2. Meanwhile, Lions fans are going berserk that Darth Sidious Ford stated that he won’t be cleaning house after this season. Why are you people surprised? Ford doesn’t care about winning! He doesn’t care about the fans! He just wants your money. The only way you fans can change things is if you refuse to buy any tickets or merchandise. If no one shows up to Lions games, that could embarrass Ford enough to sell the team.

3. Why hasn’t Drew Stanton played yet outside of injury relief? Wasn’t he a second-round pick? Why are bums like Daunte Culpepper and Dan Orlovsky playing over him?

4. Call me crazy, but I think that Rod Marinelli wishes his daughter married a better defensive coordinator.

31. St. Louis Rams (2-13) – Previously: #31 – I wrote this in my last four Power Rankings. I’m doing the same thing now because it needs to be addressed.

Did you know that the 49ers-Rams, Bengals-Browns and Texans-Raiders games never happened? I watched the new, terrible NFL Primetime, and they didn’t cover those games. Chris Berman and Tom Jackson would have done so in the old version of NFL Primetime.

Apparently, the ultra-annoying Merril Hoge was too busy yelling incoherently, dishing out stupid nicknames (“He’s the bank teller because he asks you if you want to deposit or withdraw!”) and handing out fantasy advice (“Sit him! He does not hit the hole hard!”) to discuss these games. ESPN hates its viewers. That’s the bottom line. If they cared about their fans, they’d bring back the old NFL Primetime. What they’ve done with that show is a disgrace.

30. Cleveland Browns (4-11) – Previously: #26 – Well, the good news is that the Browns lost by only two touchdowns this week. The bad news is that they haven’t scored an offensive touchdown in five weeks! Said Romeo Crennel after the game, “Nom nom nom, Oreos, nom nom nom.”

29. Cincinnati Bengals (3-11-1) – Previously: #30 – During Monday Night Countdown, Chris Mortensen stated that there’s a good chance Marvin Lewis will be back next year. Why does Mort believe this? Time for oddities!

7:1 – Cedric Benson has vowed to drive drunk at every opportunity if Lewis is let go. Little do the Bengals know that Benson will do this anyway.

5:1 – It’s in the government’s best interest that super genius Ryan Fitzpatrick continues to lose brain cells. This happens every time Fitzpatrick gets sacked. Fitzpatrick has lost 50 billion brain cells this year.

3:1 – There hasn’t been an arrest in like three days! All-time record!

EVEN – They’re not 0-15, which means they’re not the ones making dubious history for a change!

28. Oakland Raiders (4-11) – Previously: #29 – A public service announcement to say that Al Davis will make an appearance in this week’s edition of 2013: Emmitt on the Brink, coming on Friday! If you’re not familiar with Emmitt on the Brink, it’s basically a weekly spoof of the NFL.

27. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-10) – Previously: #27 – Jaguars and Chiefs: I hate you. Jacksonville blew a 14-0 lead as a 6-point underdog. Kansas City, meanwhile, choked away a 31-24 second-half advantage as a 4-point dog. Both didn’t cover. I had a combined eight units on the two teams. If you see me bashing my head against a cement wall, I’m not auditioning for The Happening 2: It’s Happening Again.

26. Kansas City Chiefs (2-13) – Previously: #25 – Read my Jaguars analysis to see why I don’t want to talk about the Chiefs right now.

At any rate, let’s discuss a coach who would be in this bottom 10 if it wasn’t for an inexplicable victory on Sunday. Jim Zorn called himself the worst coach in America. I don’t know about that – Scott Linehan, Art Shell and Marty Mornhinweg could all argue that – but Zorn is, without a doubt, the dumbest coach in America. Why in the world would you call yourself the “worst coach in America” if you’re on the hot seat? Why would you give Daniel Snyder a reason to fire you?

Jim, for crying out loud, if you keep saying things like this, Snyder is going to realize that you’re doing nothing but stealing his money! Just don’t open your mouth!

25. Seattle Seahawks (4-11) – Previously: #28 – Nothing positive to say about the Seahawks (have fun not getting Michael Crabtree after that win), so let’s use this space for my exclusive interview with Steve Mariucci, who will predict the winners of the Week 17 games!

ME: Steve, thanks for joining me! I’m looking forward to hearing whom you’re picking in Week 17.

MARIUCCI: “Thank you for having me, Walt! What a beautiful evening tonight. Tonight is such a beautiful evening.”

ME: Wow, you just might be the nicest guest I’ve ever had. OK, let’s get right to it. Eagles-Cowboys. Who ya got?

MARIUCCI: “Oh, good golly, these are just two fantastic teams. What fantastic teams they are, oh boy!”

ME: I wouldn’t call them fantastic. Let’s say, above average. Who’s going to win?

MARIUCCI: “Oh gee whiz, oh boy! Good golly, these teams are just so terrific, let me tell you!”

ME: Ugh, can you just say whom you’re picking?

MARIUCCI: “Oh jeepers… oh jeepers… oh jeepers…”

ME: STEVE!!!!!!!!!!!

MARIUCCI: “What?”

ME: Just tell me whom you’re picking! Dallas or Philadelphia!?

MARIUCCI: “Oh, good grief, Dallas is such a great club, but Philadelphia has some incredible athletes. This should be a very close contest, oh boy, it will be such a thrill to watch, let me tell you!”

ME: You’re not going to give me a winner, are you?

MARIUCCI: “Gee whiz, I can’t wait to talk about the next game, good golly!”

ME: Yeah, we’re not going to do that. I quit.

24. Green Bay Packers (5-10) – Previously: #23 – Some Packers-Bears notes:

1. What a crazy maneuver by Will Blackmon on Chicago’s second punt of the game. Trying to avoid a weird bounce, Blackmon, Green Bay’s returner, did something resembling a cartwheel to get out of the way. I don’t know if the local dodge ball team was watching this, but they should offer Blackmon a contract immediately!

2. The Bears had just two first downs in the opening half. They managed only 48 yards of offense in the first 30 minutes. That’s disappointing compared to this year’s results, but last season, that would have been great news.

3. At halftime, ESPN polled the audience and asked if the Packers would be in the playoffs with Brett Favre. About 55 percent of the people said yes. It turns out that 55 percent of football fans are completely clueless. Not only has Aaron Rodgers outplayed Favre this year, the quarterback position hasn’t been Green Bay’s problem. It’s the defense!

4. Stating the obvious, Matt Forte is Chicago’s entire offense. The team couldn’t do anything when he was out of the lineup.

5. Poor Packers. They just can’t catch a break. Their field goal at the end of regulation was blocked. Chicago won the coin toss, as the coin bounced off Brian Urlacher’s head. The official and Urlacher obviously planned this in advance to secure a Bears moneyline victory.

6. The Bears will claim the division if they win and the Vikings lose. That’s a strong possibility, as Minnesota tends to suck at life in December.

23. Arizona Cardinals (8-7) – Previously: #16 – The Cardinals could be the first Bottom 10 team to ever make the playoffs. Seriously, their lack of effort since clinching the NFC West has been disgusting.

Here’s a theory: You know when you’re kid, and you hope that snow falls so you can get off from school so you can have snowball fights or play video games with your friends? Well, being from Arizona, the Cardinals never had a chance to do that. So, they were just compensating for this. They didn’t want to tackle anyone! They wanted to build snowmen with fans in the stands!


2008 NFL Power Rankings: The Rest:
11. San Diego Chargers (7-8). Previously: #20
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6). Previously: #11
13. Philadelphia Eagles (8-6-1). Previously: #12
14. New York Jets (9-6). Previously: #10
15. Minnesota Vikings (9-6). Previously: #14
16. Chicago Bears (9-6). Previously: #15
17. New Orleans Saints (8-7). Previously: #17
18. San Francisco 49ers (6-9). Previously: #21
19. Buffalo Bills (7-8). Previously: #24
20. Houston Texans (7-8). Previously: #18
21. Denver Broncos (8-7). Previously: #19
22. Washington Redskins (8-7). Previously: #22

1. Ravens (3.3)
2. Vikings (3.3)
3. Steelers (3.4)
4. Jets (3.6)
5. Eagles (3.6)
6. Titans (3.6)
7. Bears (3.6)
8. Giants (3.7)
9. Bengals (3.9)
10. Chargers (3.9)
11. 49ers (3.9)
12. Cardinals (4.0)
13. Saints (4.0)
14. Seahawks (4.0)
15. Patriots (4.0)
16. Dolphins (4.1)
17. Redskins (4.1)
18. Bills (4.1)
19. Jaguars (4.1)
20. Colts (4.3)
21. Buccaneers (4.4)
22. Cowboys (4.4)
23. Texans (4.5)
24. Raiders (4.5)
25. Browns (4.7)
26. Panthers (4.7)
27. Packers (4.7)
28. Falcons (4.8)
29. Rams (4.9)
30. Broncos (5.0)
31. Lions (5.2)
32. Chiefs (5.3)

1. Steelers (5.5)
2. Titans (5.9)
3. Ravens (6.0)
4. Eagles (6.1)
5. Redskins (6.2)
6. Bears (6.3)
7. Panthers (6.4)
8. Colts (6.5)
9. Cowboys (6.6)
10. Giants (6.7)
11. Buccaneers (6.7)
12. Packers (6.7)
13. Chargers (6.8)
14. Bengals (6.8)
15. 49ers (6.8)
16. Bills (6.9)
17. Saints (6.9)
18. Jets (7.0)
19. Falcons (7.0)
20. Dolphins (7.1)
21. Vikings (7.1)
22. Raiders (7.2)
23. Cardinals (7.4)
24. Browns (7.4)
25. Chiefs (7.5)
26. Patriots (7.5)
27. Broncos (7.6)
28. Seahawks (7.6)
29. Texans (7.7)
30. Jaguars (8.1)
31. Rams (8.2)
32. Lions (8.8)