2014 Random NFL Notes





I will be publishing all of my random NFL notes that I've listed on my NFL Picks pages here so you can easily look back at what I've written. This page will be updated each week during the season.




Random NFL Notes: Week 21:

1. I've been asked about my opinion on Deflate-gate by pretty much everyone I know. I seriously can't escape it. If I go to the gym, "Hey, Walt, what do you think about the Patriots?" At the bar: "Yo, Walt, what do you think should happen to those cheaters?" Even my parents and girlfriend sought my opinion. I haven't written about it because, well, I don't really care about it. I find the story incredibly boring.

I'm not quite sure why that is. Maybe it's because Tom Brady actually performed better when the balls had regulation PSI. Perhaps it's because other quarterbacks, including Brad Johnson, have come out and said that they've deflated footballs themselves. Or, it could be that the Patriots were already caught cheating, and Spygate was a billion times worse.

I don't even care about the Patriots cheating like this. I'm a big proponent of cheating unless you're hurting someone else. I'm not going to sit here and cry about it like Mark Brunell. In fact, I'm going to tell you that the NFL loves this whole scandal. It has everyone talking about it, and this Super Bowl has generated more buzz than it normally would have. The ratings are going to skyrocket for this game, making the NFL's negotiation for the next TV deal even stronger. If you're wondering why the league is dragging its feet by not talking to Brady or handing out a punishment, it's for that reason. If they penalized New England already, it would take the luster out of the story, and everyone would move on to something else. Instead, all anyone, except for me, cares about is Deflate-Gate.

Having said all of that, New England should be punished. Cheating's fine with me, but there should be a penalty to act as a deterrent; otherwise, everyone would do it. A big fine and a loss of a second-round pick sounds reasonable - assuming the NFL can find tangible evidence that the Patriots cheated. We already know that one of the ball boys went into the bathroom with the balls - perhaps to do unspeakable things to them along with his butt buddy Matt Millen - but there apparently is no concrete link connecting him and Brady/Belichick. One of them is most definitely involved - my money is on Tom "This is not Isis, so who cares lol" Brady - but the NFL has to actually come up with some proof.

Whether they do or not doesn't really concern me. Like I said, I don't really care about Deflate-Gate. I say if Brady wants to hold and caress deflated balls, let him.

2. I'm more worked up over Josh Gordon. Sure, he violated his rules of probation, and he's a complete imbecile, but is the league really going to suspend a guy for having a couple of drinks at his house?

Here's what gets me: There is no malice in Gordon's actions. He's doing dumb stuff, but DUI aside, he's not hurting anyone but himself. Meanwhile, the NFL was more than willing to give Ray Rice a two-game suspension for slugging his wife before the public became inexplicably outraged upon seeing the tape, when it was already known what Rice did.

Expanding on this is reader English Dave, who sent over this e-mail:

Ray Lewis murdered someone ... ah, let's forget about it. Ben Roethlisberger raped an underage girl ...ah, let's forget about that too. Josh Gordon has a beer at home in the offseason ...BAN HIM FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!! In fact, that's lenient, do they have the electric chair in Ohio?

Seriously, it's stupid. The league needs to take a step back and evaluate its idiotic rules.

3. Something dumber than the NFL's stance on Gordon? The Pro Bowl. Once again, I didn't watch it. In fact, I've never watched it. Not a single time. I've seen almost every preseason game in the past decade, yet I have never tuned into the Pro Bowl for even a minute. It just seems like a boring, stupid game to me. The players don't try, so what's the point? The preseason at least offers a chance to learn something about fantasy or to check out how the rookies are doing; the Pro Bowl, on the other hand, is utterly useless.

The ratings were down for this year's Pro Bowl, so perhaps the public is catching on to how crappy the game is. I think they should discontinue it. If I were in charge, I would just name the Pro Bowl rosters and give everyone on it $50,000 and a free trip to Hawaii. After all, being distinguished as a "Pro Bowler" is more significant than actually playing in the game.







Random NFL Notes: Week 17:

1. I've been asked to compile a Deion Sanders Anthology, just as I once did for Emmitt Smith. Deion can be entertaining, but he sometimes says the dumbest things on NFL GameDay Final. These are two examples:

"I know Drew Stanton is proponent to throw interceptions."

"Brian Hoyer and Josh Gordon don't have any chemistry betwince one another."

I think Deion was betwincing too much during grammar class and didn't learn much, as a result.

2. Speaking of analysts who have trouble saying things, I loved this interaction between Tom Jackson and Keyshawn Johnson recently:

Tom Jackson: The Steelers are led by the four Bs: Ben Roethlisberger. Le'Veon Bell, Antonio Brown and Martavis Bryant.

Keyshawn Johnson (looking confused): Where the four Bs at, Tom?

Derp dee derp.

3. I forget who interviewed him - I think it was Rick Reilly - but Brandon Jacobs had criticized fantasy football players after receiving death threats from people on Twitter after he had a bad game a couple of years ago. Someone actually threatened his life if he didn't play against the Vikings.

First of all, what crappy fantasy player would be that distraught over Jacobs not playing? Peyton Manning? Sure. Calvin Johnson? Absolutely. But Brandon Jacobs? You suck at fantasy. bro. Second, there's no need to take fantasy that seriously. Unless you're in a league in which the last-place team has to sacrifice a family member by burning them at the stake, there's no reason why anyone should be so worked up over fantasy.

Having said that, I hate it when former players like Trent Dilfer bash fantasy football, complaining that all people care about is fantasy. Dilfer and others are being stupid if they don't realize that the NFL is so popular because of fantasy. If it weren't for fantasy, Dilfer and his colleagues wouldn't be paid as much by ESPN to talk about the NFL, since fewer people would care. Way to insult the very people who are paying your salary, Trent!







Random NFL Notes: Week 16:

1. I've written about Johnny Manziel enough this week. I've called him Johnny Arena Football and referred to him as the worst quarterback of all time. I'm shocked ESPN hasn't picked any of this up, given how obsessed they are with him. They even posted this absurd graphic:



They're just trolling at this point, right? Whoever came up with this comparison should be executed. Seriously, just hang him/her right now. This is the dumbest thing I've seen in my life, and that's saying a lot because I constantly have ESPN on in my office. Their "next-gen" stats are often crap, but this is something else.

And ESPN wonders why everyone hates them...



2. One thing I won't be watching on ESPN is the Pro Bowl (is it even on ESPN?) The Pro Bowl is worthless, even in its new "fantasy" format, but I do like voting for the players. If you didn't see my Pro Bowl picks, check them out at that link.

3. Dez Bryant was an obvious receiver vote. He's been great this year. In fact, he's so phenomenal that he even owns the Eagles. He LITERALLY owns the Eagles. According to Wikipedia, anyway (thanks, Hal C.):









Random NFL Notes: Week 15:

1. Why am I not surprised that Daniel Snyder is about to fire another coach? It's getting ridiculous at this point, though I'm not going to criticize Snyder for making this particular inevitable move. He almost has to do it, as Jay Gruden and Robert Griffin haven't been able to mesh at all. The two have undermined each other, so it's either one or the other. Snyder has invested too much in Griffin to dump him, so Gruden has to be the one to go. It's not like Griffin is a sure-fire sunk cost yet, as he had a terrific rookie campaign, so the potential is there.

I'm curious as to why Gruden was hired in the first place. It didn't make sense, as Gruden's offense doesn't fit Griffin's skill set very well. Because Griffin has been coddled too much, he needs someone to kick his a** like Bill Parcells. I don't know who's out there to possibly do that, however. Which estbalished coach wants to work for Snyder?

What really needs to happen is for Snyder and the front office to stop treating Griffin with kid gloves, but that's not going to happen.

2. Speaking of Gruden, I made a note of this back in Week 1, but I never had much of a reason to post it. Until now. ESPN's Britt McHenry, who looks like a real-life version of Barbie, was interviewing Gruden prior to the season opener. She asked, "What are your emotions right now?" His answer:

"My heart's racing ... because you're so hot!"

OK, he didn't say that last part, but I would have. It's rare that ESPN makes a quality hire, so I have to commend them for that. Unfortunately, they've made so many other terrible hires, including...

3. You have no idea how sick I am of Trent Dilfer. He sometimes has smart things to say, but I've always found him to be annoyingly pompous. He's taken it to another level with this Johnny Manziel-Brian Hoyer controversy. Dilfer has adamantly maintained that Hoyer should be Cleveland's starting quarterback throughout this entire ordeal. It's fine to have an opinion like that - even if he's wrong in saying Hoyer gives Cleveland the best chance of winning - but how Dilfer is conveying his thoughts is what's really bothering me.

If you didn't hear it, Dilfer called those in favor of Manziel starting "box-score enthusiasts." Dilfer has always carried himself as if he's the King of Football, and anyone who hasn't played has no idea what they're talking about. The "box-score enthusiasts" line really bothered me though because the Cleveland fans at the game, who have been watching Hoyer suck ever since Alex Mack got hurt, are most definitely not "box-score enthusiasts." Others, tuning into the game, who watched Hoyer sail countless passes over his receivers' heads, are certainly not "box-score enthusiasts." Are us "box-score enthusiasts" too stupid to realize that Hoyer, who has been woefully inaccurate the past four weeks, is actually playing well? Is sailing passes over everyone's head suddenly a positive trait that something us "box-score enthusiasts" don't get?

Dilfer, meanwhile, is committing two psychological fallacies: ad hominem and appeal to prestige. He's insulting those who never played football - "box-score enthusiasts," give me a f***ing break - and he only respects opinions of those who have played the game. Siskel and Ebert never directed or acted in movies, so were they just "box-office enthusiasts?" Were their opinions invalid? Of course not, so how is that any different for football?

Ugh. ESPN needs to get Dilfer off the air before I completely lose my mind.







Random NFL Notes: Week 14:

1. Congratulations to Ray Rice for winning the most pointless appeal of all time. Rice challenged his suspension, which should have never been more than six games in the first place, per Roger Goodell's own ruling. Rice can now play, but who's going to sign him? No one's going to risk a PR fiasco by acquiring him. If he were a half-decent quarterback, someone would give him a shot, but why would anyone have interest in a decrepit running back?

Rice may never play again, but he has a chance, at least. Here's what he needs to do:

1) Announce that he's an alcoholic. Even if he's not, he can blame the alcohol on the domestic abuse.

2) Cry on camera and apologize to all women across the globe.

3) Go to rehab (i.e. chill out by a pool at a fancy, alcohol-free resort).

4) Leave rehab and apologize to all women once again.

5) Sign with a team. Someone will do it because they'd look good giving him a "second chance."

6) Average 2.5 yards per carry and suck again.

This is the only route that'll work for Rice. He should totally hire me as his PR guy.

2. As for the other troubled player, I think it's complete bulls*** that Adrian Peterson is not getting time served for missing action this year. Again, Roger Goodell is idiotically going against his own idiotic rules. Peterson should be able to sue the hell out of the NFL and be able to play in Weeks 14-16. And I'm not just saying that because I have Peterson as a stash in most of my fantasy leagues.

In all seriousness, Peterson has suffered enough. Goodell can pretend he has a good moral compass by trying to tell Peterson how to raise his children, but there's no reason Peterson should have been banished from the NFL this long. I don't care if he bashed his son with Excalibur; a rule is a rule, and Peterson has been gone for six games.

3. On a lighter note, I need to post this e-mail from English Dave, who had the following complaint about the NFL's most senile ref, Walt Coleman:

Walt Coleman's decision not to overturn Vincent Jackson's fumble [against the Bears] has given me no other alternative but to write to him...

Dear Mr Coleman, It's English Dave here. You have made many horrifically bad calls in your career. However, yesterday you even managed to outdo your own epically low standards. You cost my beloved Buccaneers a certain touchdown in a game we may well have won. I just want you to know that I wish upon you a lifetime of pain and suffering. You are literally a disgrace to the human race. The mere fact that you are still alive, at the age of 136, is a complete and utter waste of oxygen. Your whole family are deeply ashamed that they have to share your name. If i was even remotely related to you, in any form at all, then I would be certainly giving a great deal of thought to ending my life, due to immense shame and embarrassment. Regards, English Dave.


I completely approve of this e-mail, especially after Coleman officiated the Denver-Kansas City game. Not that Coleman made any bad calls - for once in his officiating career - but I just got a bad vibe as soon as I discovered that he was the ref for that contest.




Random NFL Notes: Week 13:

1. I've been asked why I haven't begun compiling a Ray Lewis anthology like I did for Emmitt Smith. Lewis has been Emmitt 2.0, as ESPN inexplicably hired yet another former athlete who has no grasp of the English language. For instance, Lewis said the following two things recently:

"DeMarcus Murray what he does in his hands is the reason why the Dallas Cowboys was win. DeMarcus Murray is the bellcow in the Dallas... uhh... uhh... locker room right now."

"The Browns have a savvy offense - Mile Austin in the mix!"

DeMarcus Murray? Mile Austin? Who are these people? Was Miles Austin the plural of Mile Austin all along?

I would make more fun of Lewis, but unlike Emmitt, he actually (allegedly lol) killed someone, so I wouldn't want to (allegedly lol) be the second person on his hit list.

2. Speaking of former players who can't speak English, I found this amusing e-mail a while ago that I hadn't posted yet:

Heard this gem from Michael Irvin on a radio pregame show: "If you axe players they will tell you that it's tough to play when weather is an increment." My wife pointed out: "It's even tougher to play when weather is an excrement."

3. One more point on NFL Network: I work late, so I'm seldom up early in the morning. I think I may need to change that though. That's because I recently discovered that this is available on NFL AM, a show I've never seen before (thanks, Conrad). I have just two words:

Hello, nurse!




Random NFL Notes: Week 12:

1. I think I might make crappy fantasy trades a weekly staple of my NFL Picks page. That's because I keep getting dumb offers every single week. Here's one:

We get: Justin Hunter, Bishop Sankey and Josh McCown. We trade: Calvin Johnson, Brock Osweiler and Dexter McCluster.

This is a keeper league, so Hunter and Sankey aren't entirely useless, but why would we trade the best receiver in fantasy for three pedestrian players who have shown no signs that they'll be reliable starters? And why would we give away Brock Osweiler, who could be a starting NFL quarterback down the road, for Josh McCown?

That wasn't the worst deal of the week. Check this out:

We get: Eli Manning. We trade: T.Y. Hilton.

Uhh... what!? A young, top receiver for a declining quarterback? Why? It's not even like Manning would be an upgrade for us at quarterback, since our starter is Robert Griffin. I declined and replied with the following:

What the hell are you possibly thinking by offering this trade?

No response yet, unfortunately.

2. Dumb trades are occurring in that league all the time. For instance, someone traded Jordan Reed for the Browns' defense. That's right - rather than pick up a defense on the waiver wire, some clown decided that he needed to acquire Cleveland for a potential TE1.

Check out this other deal:

Team A gets: A.J. Green, Rams Defense. Team B gets: Matt Ryan, Markus Wheaton, Seahawks Defense.

Why do these idiots trade defenses? This effectively boils down to A.J. Green for Matt Ryan, since the defenses nullify, while Markus Wheaton isn't much of a fantasy player. I'm beginning to think I need to start offering some crappy fantasy trades of my own to take advantage of some of these idiots.

3. I need to discuss that NFL Shop commercial. You know the one I'm talking about - where the older lady talks about her "Vikings' family," and how her kids married/moved and became fans of other teams. Here it is if you haven't seen it:



What the hell is a "whole, entire family?" Why not "whole family," or "entire family?"

The main issue I have with this commercial is that her daughter Julie became a fan of the Cowboys just because she met Emmitt Smith. The thing is, Emmitt doesn't play for the Cowboys anymore, so why would she like them? And what the hell did Emmitt do to make her like Dallas? He was either the nicest person of all time to her and gave her money so that her mom could afford the absurdly high prices on NFL Shop, or Emmitt made sweet, passionate love to her.

One commenter on the YouTube page had similar thoughts:

"So did the one daughter bang it out with Emmett (sic)? How does just meeting someone make you a fan? Methinks 22 gave her the good D and THAT is what she's a fan of."

My thoughts exactly.




Random NFL Notes: Week 11:

1. Cleaning up some stuff from last week, I discussed a plethora of awful trades I had received in one of my keeper fantasy leagues. E-mailer Joe B. sent over the following about the proposed deals:

Wow Walt, this guy is brutal. Here is my question: why in the world does he have so many Jaguars and Titans on his team? Marqise Lee, Cecil Shorts, Denard Robinson, Jake Locker, Bishop Sankey. That is terrible team construction. Has he also offered you Shonn Greene or Chad Henne? Perhaps Mark Brunell?

I got a new trade offer, and no, it didn't involve Henne or Brunell. It did, however, include another crappy quarterback:

Austin Davis, Dwayne Bowe for T.Y. Hilton and Allen Robinson

Wow. WOW. In a keeper league, Robinson and Bowe were about the same prior to Robinson's injury (when this was sent), so this trade boiled down to T.Y. Hilton for Austin Davis. T.Y. HILTON FOR AUSTIN DAVIS! Did this guy smoke crack before pitching that trade? How could he possibly think that we would accept such a piece of s*** offer?

2. Speaking of idiots, I forgot to discuss the moronic protesters outside of the Vikings' game two weeks ago. Minnesota was hosting Washington, so naturally, the dumba**es in that state had to rally against the Redskins' team name. Countless people gathered - it looked like 50 individuals or so - all holding misspelled signs that accused the Redskins of being racist. All of these people looked genuinely hurt, almost as if every time they heard the name, it was like they were being stabbed in the heart. After all, their ancestors were brutally murdered and driven from their land.

No. Wait. I got that wrong. Their ancestors were the ones driving the American Indians from their lands. That's because all of them were white. There were no American Indian protesters outside of the stadium. That's right, the white-guilt idiots were in full force - 50 strong - to demonstrate their disdain for the Redskins' name. One bozo had a sign that said "Indians are people to!"

Yeah, Apu from the Simpsons is a person, all right. Way to point that out.

I love how these losers listen to the few people in the media making a stink about this. "Redskin" has never in the history of mankind been used as a derogatory name. Moronic protesters don't want to know the truth, and that's that "Redskin" is a term of endearment. That's why two American Indian high schools - one in Washington; the other in Arizona - use "Redskins" as their team mascot. No black schools use the N-word as their mascot, so anyone comparing that to "Redskins" is a clueless idiot.

3. I was accused of being an idiot earlier in the year. Of course, I always am, given that some fans aren't going to like the predictions I make for their favorite team.

I posted some hate mail from Jets' fans last week. I predicted New York to go 2-14, and I'm off to a good start. I try to stay unbiased, but I have to admit that I like it when teams fail after I get negative feedback from their fans. That's why this amused me:



If you missed it, a plane flew this sign last week during Jets' team practice. It was hilarious, though I wish the plane carried the words "Walt Was Right" instead. I wish I knew the home addresses of these hate mailers, so I could pay for a plane to do that.




Random NFL Notes: Week 10:

1. One of the minor reports this week was the reveal that Kelvin Benjamin ran a slow 40 so that he could be drafted by Carolina. There are plenty of holes in this story. How did Benjamin know that the Panthers wouldn't be turned off by his slow 40? How did he know another team wouldn't be deterred? And more importantly, why would he want to go to Carolina? If he had said his goal was to go to San Francisco or Pittsburgh (for their football legacy), Miami or San Diego (for the scenery), or Houston or Dallas (because of no state income tax in Texas), I would have believed him. But Carolina? I don't think I'd go there if anyone paid me.

2. A few weeks ago, I discussed my frustration upon receiving terrible fantasy trades. My friend Body Burner and I share a team in a dynasty keeper league that we just took over. The team was in shambles when we first started - we only kept Robert Griffin and Greg Olsen; the previous owner stupidly spent $63 on Frank Gore and had similar transactions - but we've done a nice job rebounding. Our running backs still suck - Chris Ivory is our only non-crappy player there - but we have Griffin, Calvin Johnson, T.Y. Hilton, Pierre Garcon (acquired for Olsen) and Antonio Gates, so we've been competitive. Of course, it's helped that the other teams overspent during the draft. One guy took Bishop Sankey for $63, while another grabbed Chris Johnson for $40. We had Johnson priced at $1, so all we did was laugh.

Other teams have taken notice that we actually have good players now. They've been offering us terrible deal after terrible deal for either Johnson or Hilton. Body Burner typed up a whole log of these awful trade proposals:

Houston have offered you a Trade in the AFC8: Wes Welker, Toby Gerhart, Andy Dalton, Denard Robinson and Marqise Lee for Antonio Gates, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Calvin Johnson and Lance Dunbar.

Take note that this occurred in Week 2, so it was before Robinson emerged. The guy called it a "blockbuster deal," even though Welker and Gerhart were washed-up garbage we wouldn't start, while Robinson and Lee were unknowns. Effectively, all we were doing was trading Megatron and Gates for a slightly better backup quarterback.

This guy kept offering us deals, but we kept rejecting him. We then had this exchange:

Houston: What are you looking for to get Calvin! I guess you need Daulton now and what else? Shoot me an offer. After this week, I don't know where I'm going. I'm hoping it's just one of those weeks! I've sent you numerous trade offers which you rejected. Why don't you tell me what you want?

Body Burner: I've told I don't think your team has enough to get Calvin. I don't want anyone on your team enough that I feel I can make a trade that we'd both be happy with.

Houston: He is not God! He only had 11 pts last week. Everybody has bad games. Whatever, I'll move on.

If he's not God, why does he want him so badly? Because Houston did not move on; he kept offering us crappy deals, including this and the following comment:

Houston have offered you a Trade in the AFC8 : Jake Locker, Bishop Sankey and Chargers for Calvin Johnson, Lance Dunbar and Ravens.

Comment: Wow, kind of hard to give you anything to improve yourself because you have what I have. 2 good TE, alot of average RB and no recievers. I figure you need a QB, if Locker doesn't work I can give you Glennon or even Daulton. Chargers D is alot better than the Ravens D. Locker is good and cheap and I was going to bring him back next year. Benjamin and Donnell are keepers for me.


"Chargers D is alot better than the Ravens D?" How did we reject this deal with that convincing argument, especially when he was willing to throw in Mike Glennon!?

We didn't even bother responding to that. Locker, Dunbar and the two defenses were all a wash, so all this trade boiled down to was Calvin Johnson for Bishop Sankey - and the two are both priced in the $60s!

Houston eventually decided that he wanted to get Hilton:

Houston have offered you a Trade in the AFC8 : Cecil Shorts and Bishop Sankey for Maurice Jones-Drew and T.Y. Hilton. Comment: If this doesn't work tell me what would? I don't get you new guys? you don't want to communicate or trade. In a keeper league and especially our league there is alot of trading goes on. I know the leagues where you pick just players every year that doesn't happen much. Anyway just let me know if you even want to trade Hilton or not. So I don't keep sending offers. You needed a 2nd RB all year. Sankey is a crap shoot. He might be a stud or just what he is now a 12pt guy. Who knows, but he is a huge improvement over Jones Drew. Shorts is the #1 in Jacksonville and finally healthy.

We continued to ignore him. Shorts and Jones-Drew both suck, so once again, this was Sankey for a top receiver. Hilton is obviously not Megatron, but we have Hilton for the next three years at $15. Why in the world would we want to deal him for a $63 running back who has shown nothing thus far?

The trade offers only kept getting worse...

Houston have offered you a Trade in the AFC8 : Shonn Greene, Bishop Sankey and Daniel Thomas for Calvin Johnson and Lance Dunbar.

Ooooohhh, we'd have a monopoly on the Tennessee backfield, and Daniel Thomas as a bonus! All for the low price of Calvin Johnson!

There have been many more awful offers sent by Houston. For two months, both Body Burner and I wondered why he would give us such s***ty offers - and then we discovered the reason. Houston was part of this deal last week:

Miami acquired 49ers, Cecil Shorts and Justin Forsett from Houston. Houston acquired Dez Bryant, Bobby Rainey and Josh McCown from Miami

Cecil Shorts, Josh McCown and the defense don't matter, so this trade is essentially Dez Bryant and Bobby Rainey (currently Tampa's starter) for Justin Forsett.

No wonder Houston kept sending us these terrible trades. I guess with enough perseverance, you can eventually rob another team.




Random NFL Notes: Week 9:

1. The big NFL story this week didn't have anything to do with any of the games. It was New Jersey trying to legalize sports betting and the NFL doing everything in its power to thwart the state's efforts. If you didn't hear, the league filed a restraining order on New Jersey, arguing that NFL betting would "cause harm" to the league. The U.S. District Judge agreed, granting the restraining order.

There are so many things wrong with this. First of all, Roger Goodell is an idiot. As usual. How could he argue that sports betting would "cause harm" to the NFL? People watch football primarily because of fantasy and sports betting. If anything, he's causing harm to his own league by trying to stop New Jersey's efforts. Hey, Roger, you know that if more people bet on games, more people will watch them, right? Why are you being stupid?

Second, the judge is an idiot. How could he buy the argument that sports betting would "cause harm" to the NFL? This bozo would probably grant a restraining order against oxygen to someone believing that breathing would cause him harm.

Third, the overbearing government, as usual, is destroying the economy. New Jersey is trying to do is strengthen its gambling industry, which is dying. Thousands of casino workers have been laid off as a consequence. The judge is single-handedly preventing unemployed people from going to work. I hope he can pay their mortgage/rent while he's granting these ridiculous temporary restraining orders.

And finally, if I'm New Jersey, I'd just say "go f*** yourself." I'd allow sports gambling. What's the government going to do, come in and arrest everyone? The government is dumb and wouldn't even know what to do. Politicians are idiots, and they'd probably spend 20 years arguing about what their next step should be, all while morons like Corrine Brown interrupt things to talk about how great their alma mater's football team is. Go Gata.

2. The other prominent piece of news was the reveal that some Seattle players are not in Russell Wilson's camp because they don't perceive him as being "black enough."

Lol wut? I could MAYBE - and I need to stress "maybe" - understand this if Wilson were not a good quarterback, and some of the players were trying to come up with excuses for him not to be the starter anymore, but Wilson is one of the top signal-callers in the NFL. Why the hell should it matter how "black" he is?

And what the hell does that mean, anyway? It's not the first time we've heard this; Donovan McNabb was accused of the same thing. I don't understand this concept. I feel like the people accusing them of not being "black" enough are just jealous of their status.

Oh, and why don't we ever hear that about white people? There have been zero cases of white players in a locker room not liking a white teammate because he's not "white" enough. Or maybe the story has never been broken. What if people aren't high-fiving Tom Brady because they don't think he's "white" enough? Come on, Brady, you need to act more "white" to get your high-fives. Eat some caviar and start dancing poorly!

3. If you're looking for sports memes, you may want to check out the Spleaze, which I was introduced to from my friends at FanDuel.




Random NFL Notes: Week 8:

1. You have no idea how pissed I am that there's a 9:30 a.m. game this Sunday - all so the NFL can test out how London contests fare in the afternoon. It's ridiculous. I like the idea of having games overseas, but screwing with the schedule like this is so completely asinine.

First of all, who's going to be up to watch this game? Fans of the Falcons and Lions fans won't be able to sleep in at all, so their entire Sunday is thrown off. More importantly, it's going to mess up people in fantasy leagues. Some fantasy players are going to forget to set their lineup, and I imagine that at least a few people will be so frustrated by this that they won't play fantasy next year, and thus won't follow the league as closely.

With that in mind, is anyone else surprised that Roger Goodell is once again hurting the NFL by doing something stupid? From screwing up the Ray Rice situation, to creating bad PR during the lockout, to filing a restraining order against New Jersey for sports betting, to moving the 2014 NFL Draft up two weeks, to setting this ridiculously early start time, Goodell has done nothing but undermine the NFL with his horrific decision-making. It's amazing that the league continues to allow Goodell to do stupid things. I'm seriously worried that he'll eventually do something that will really damage the league.

2. I have no idea why I was watching SportsCenter this past week. That show used to be awesome, but now it's segment after segment like "COLD HARD FACTS BROUGHT TO YOU BY COORS LIGHT - WHERE HERM EDWARDS WILL GIVE YOU THE COLD HARD FACTS!" So horrible. This is just an excuse to sell advertising space outside of commercials. These "cold hard facts" have nothing to do with sports; instead, Herm, or some former illiterate player, just rambles nonsensically for a couple of minutes, allowing ESPN to cash its check from Coors Light.

In the particular segment that I watched, Lindsay Czarniak asked Herm if it was smart or not smart to reduce DeMarco Murray's workload in order to save the running back for the playoffs. Herm responded like this:

"IT'S NOT SMART! NOT SMART! NOT SMART AT ALL! NOT CLOSE TO BEING SMART! NOT EVEN CLOSE! I GAVE LARRY JOHNSON 416 CARRIES ONE YEAR! FOUR HUNDRED, SIXTEEN CARRIES IN ONE YEAR! AND HIS LEGS DIDN'T FALL OFF! HE RAN WELL! HE RAN WELL AFTER 416 CARRIES! DEMARCO CAN HAVE 416 CARRIES!"

Johnson did have 416 carries in one year - and then he completely dropped off after that. Herm completely ruined Johnson's career, so it's only natural that ESPN would have him on TV to give advice to the Cowboys on how to manage their running back's workload.

3. Murray, of course, is a fantasy stud. A future fantasy stud is Davante Adams. Fantasy Pros asked me to come up with a bold prediction for the rest of the year in fantasy football, and here's what I wrote:

Davante Adams will be a top-20 fantasy receiver in the second half of the season.

Adams is only Aaron Rodgers' third receiver, but we've seen the Packers support three wideouts in the past when Jordy Nelson, James Jones and Randall Cobb were all big producers. Adams has seen his playing time and involvement in the offense increase over the previous three weeks. He caught two of his three targets in Week 4 against the Bears, but had a touchdown called back because of a penalty. He managed to find the end zone in his next contest, though he secured only one reception. However, he actually tied the Packers for the team lead with four targets, as Rodgers barely threw (17 attempts) against a hapless Minnesota team that wasn't competitive.

Adams enjoyed somewhat of a breakout performance last week, as he hauled in six passes for 77 yards. He saw more targets come his way (8) than Cobb did (7). Adams played a career-high 62 snaps after being on the field for 37 and 46 snaps in the previous two contests. The Fresno State product is clearly becoming a larger part of the offense each week, and there's no reason to think the Packers will just stop utilizing him.

Here's the kicker: Adams could really take off if either Nelson or Cobb goes down. Cobb missed 10 games in 2013, while Nelson was out for four contests the season before that, so there is precedent for one of the top Packer wideouts getting hurt. If that happens, Adams could creep into the top 15 receivers to close out the year.




Random NFL Notes: Week 7:

1. With Jameis Winston being in the news, I figured I should mention how amusing it was that Johnny Manziel - or as e-mailer Jim V. called him, "Johnny Douchebag" - offered to mentor the current Florida State quarterback.

Oh, how great! I'm sure Winston can learn a lot from Manziel. This includes:

- How to look cool while rolling $20 bills in the bathroom.

- How to be completely unprepared in a preseason game.

- How to berate reporters asking you if you're taking your career seriously, with responses like, "I'm just a 21-year-old kid, living the life."

- How to help Emmitt Smith save the world from zombies.

- And of course, how to actually get away with stuff in college instead of being caught for signing autographs and stealing crab legs.

2. Speaking of Winston, one ESPN "personality" believes the Redskins will draft him. Jason Whitlock said this one day when he was ruining an episode of PTI. It sounded something like this, "NOM NOM NOM NOM REDSKINS WILL DRAFT JAMEIS WINSTON NOM NOM NOM NOM."

Right. So, after all the Redskins surrendered for Robert Griffin, they're just going to give up on him after two bad years? How does that make any sense? Maybe the Redskins will look into Christian Hackenberg in the 2016 NFL Draft if Griffin sucks/is injured next year as well, but 2015 is too soon.

I don't get why Whitlock is the go-to replacement for Michael Wilbon on the show, anyway. Is it because he's another large, bald black man? Listening to him is painful, and I groan every time he pops up on the TV during the introductions.

3. I need to discuss some idiots in fantasy football. I mentioned a few weeks ago how my friend Body Burner and I, who share a team in an auction keeper league, get offered the worst trades possible. Here's the latest one:

We trade Calvin Johnson to Team Denver (creative name) for Roddy White and Donald Brown.

Oh, how intriguing. So, to downgrade from Megatron to White, we get an injured, crappy running back!

We rejected the offer and immediately heard back from the guy: "If you're not going to accept this even trade, I can't make a deal with you!!!!!"

Wow, less logical than Whitlock. And probably fatter too.




Random NFL Notes: Week 6:

I wouldn't say my weekly random NFL notes cluttered these picks pages, so I'll keep them here. What I'm also going to do is store all of them in a Random NFL Notes section so that you can go back and read previous entries in the future.

Some random NFL notes I can't put anywhere else:

1. Something has to be done about these brutal Thursday night games. I'm not one of the people who wants them canceled because they present us with great betting opportunities - fading favorites prior to Thursday has been money - but they need to be more entertaining because unless the teams are very evenly matched, it's almost always going to be a blowout.

E-mailer Kevin J. had a great idea:

Ever see the movie Bad Santa? How about Bad Teacher? Or Bad Grandpa? Now there's this new sitcom called Bad Judge. WTF is wrong with Hollywood?

Well, I have an idea to help the NFL's revenue stream. I call it - Bad Thursday Football. Most of the content is already there. It would also feature Jim Nantz being an edgy jerk while wearing sunglasses and a backwards hat, and Phil Simms could get drunk with special guests (like Derek Anderson) and they'll run around pulling pranks all night. This would help CBS and NFL Network not lose 80% of it's viewers in the middle of the second quarter. If you know anyone in the NFL offices, we could pitch this idea and make millions just like all the other lazy people in Hollywood.


I love it. Maybe I should be Bad Web Site Writer where I respond to e-mailers sarcastically, make fun of grammatically inept TV analysts and post ridiculous articles where I berate a certain quarterback for his terrible hairstyle. Oh, wait...

2. Another e-mailer, Joe B., brought up a great point:

I totally agree with your theory that imbecile announcers saying "derp derp fantasy honk honk" is brutal to listen to. They clearly know nothing about how fantasy football works. However, have you seen this new Xbox commercial? This guy brings Drew Brees, Demaryius Thomas, LeSean McCoy and Marshawn Lynch into his office to ask them why he should start each of them in his fantasy league. Jimmy Graham is shown waiting for his appointment. Do these people expect us to believe someone has all these players on the same team, and is considering benching them? What is this guy in a 4-team league that starts 1 QB and 1 flex and that's it? I feel like fantasy football was more fun when not everyone knew about it.

Another thing is that the friend (?) in this commercial shouts to the interviewer, "His team is racking up the points!" So, not only is this guy deciding whom to start between Brees, McCOy, Thomas and Lynch; he's also doing so while games are going on. Yup, sounds realistic to me.

3. I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss the hapless Jets. CBS' Will Brinson posted the following hilarious graphic on Twitter following the 31-0 loss:



Wow. Even crazier was what happened to Geno Smith. If you didn't hear, Smith missed a team meeting because he lost track of time while at the movies. That happens, but the explanation was appalling. Smith "lost track of time" because he counted the wrong way while trying to convert Pacific time to Eastern time.

That sounds like an honest mistake, but think about that for a second. How does a grown man not know how to convert Pacific time to Eastern time? That's my greatest take-away from this entire episode. The Jets' quarterback can't do basic math. Unreal.

Poor Rex Ryan. He's going to lose his job because of this. I mean, he dug his own grave by bungling the Tim Tebow situation, but that's been his only blunder as the Jets' coach.

I don't see why Ryan needs to be fired. His team sucks, sure, but anyone with a clue knew that going into the season. It's not Ryan's fault that his general manager provided him with garbage players. Ryan is still a fantastic coach in my mind, and if I were running a team, I'd hire him the instant the Jets let him go.




Random NFL Notes: Week 5:

I wouldn't say my weekly random NFL notes cluttered these picks pages, so I'll keep them here. What I'm also going to do is store all of them in a Random NFL Notes section so that you can go back and read previous entries in the future.

Some random NFL notes I can't put anywhere else:

I'd be remiss if I didn't write about Bill Simmons this week. I initially was part of the #FreeSimmons crowd on Twitter. I thought it was ridiculous that ESPN would silence Simmons for simply calling Roger Goodell a liar. Of course Goodell is a liar. It's so blatantly obvious that he is full of s***. I guess it's a good thing I don't work for ESPN, or they'd suspend me for several weeks as well. So much for freedom of the press, right? It's like we're in Communist Russia where people would disappear if they said anything bad about Stalin. Goodell, Stalin, same difference.

However, as Emmitt Smith would say, I've done a complete 360 on this. It seems ridiculous that ESPN would suspend Simmons for saying something bad about such an obvious liar, but Goodell and the NFL are partners with ESPN. The network makes so much money by being able to broadcast Monday Night Football, and guess where some of that money goes? Into Simmons' bank account. So, Simmons, in a sense, tried to undermine his own earning potential as well as the success of his own company. If ESPN didn't suspend Simmons and lost its NFL rights as a consequence, the network obviously wouldn't make as much money. Simmons wouldn't lose his job, but probably wouldn't be in line for any sort of raise. Meanwhile, some nameless underlings would probably have to be let go. All because Simmons had to declare that Goodell is a liar.

Simmons, during his tirade, said he would "go public" with information he has about ESPN if it suspended him. If so, where is he? Why isn't he saying anything he threatened to go public about? It's almost like Simmons wanted to be suspended so he could have three weeks off. Oh, and the PR he received for this is priceless.

Simmons now has a tough choice. If he wants to have integrity, he'll walk away from ESPN once his contract is up. The PR he bought will help him fund Grantland so he can pay his "young and up-and-coming" writers. Sure, he'll lose all traffic and money from ESPN, but if I can run a Web site with several employees, so can he. If, however, Simmons wants to have the greatest amount of success and make as much money as possible, he'll tuck his tail in between his legs and stay silent from now on. He'll lack all integrity, but it's the best career move.

I honestly wouldn't know what I would do. Well, maybe I would. Lacking all integrity, I'd storm into the ESPN offices and demand a raise. I'd point out all the press I received on Twitter and elsewhere, and argue that I could be just as successful on my own.

Maybe that's what this whole thing has been about. Did Simmons foresee this opportunity? We may never know, but if he stays with ESPN, perhaps that's an indication.




Random NFL Notes: Week 4:

1. I was disgruntled to see that the pre-game shows spent time talking about Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson again. That stuff was like so two weeks ago. Seriously though, it's just aggravating to keep hearing about it. How about, I don't know, actually talking about football? Or here's an idea: Delve into the players who are doing great things off the field. There are plenty of them, but the media continues to focus on Peterson and Rice because it sells. They're almost as bad as the real perpetrators.

Speaking of perpetrators, the most painful aspect of the Rice/Peterson discussions was watching Ray Lewis pretend to be sad during Sunday NFL Countdown. I wouldbe surprised that ESPN allows a murderer to sit on their set and discuss off-the-field actions, but I know just how incompetent ESPN is.

Oh, and it's not like Lewis really contributes anything. Here was his first sentence of the broadcast following the introductions: "The Arizona Cardinals has an opportunity today to take a huge step right now, and whoever wins this game will be in sole place of second place of the NFC."

Such great analysis. ESPN should hire more killers so we can get more insight like this.

2. If you didn't hear, companies like Crest and Procter and Gamble were set to kick off an initiative with the NFL to promote breast cancer awareness. However, they canceled their plans entirely in the wake of the Peterson and Rice news.

Wow. So these companies are going to stop promoting breast cancer awareness just because of a couple of a**holes? What scumbags. What does it matter what Peterson and Rice did in relation to breast cancer awareness? Like I said, there are plenty of good guys in the NFL, and there are awful people in every single company. We just know about the NFL's douche bags because they are public figures. And now we know there are douche bags at Crest and Procter and Gamble as well.

3. On a much less serious note, is anyone else upset that CBS and the NFL Network got rid of Thursday night intro music video they had last year? I'm talking about this one:



I've decided to make it a habit to listen to this song before each Thursday game. And by "listen," I really mean "looking at that a**."




Random NFL Notes: Week 3:

I'll be discussing Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice and Greg Hardy in this entry, thanks to what Adam Schefter called one of the "darkest weeks for the NFL."

Adrian Peterson: There's no doubt that hitting a child is infinitely worse than what Ray Rice did. Both are bad, but a 4-year-old is completely defenseless. When this story first broke, the sangy-vagged mouth-breathers on Twitter made it seem like Peterson punched his son, or something of that nature. That would deserve a year-long ban at the very least, even for a first-time offender.

However, Peterson's lawyer told a different tale. He said that Peterson hit his son with a switch (later revealed as a tree branch) and that Peterson received the same punishment when he was a child. Of course, his lawyer could be fabricating the truth, so I didn't think I could formulate an opinion on the Peterson situation until all of the facts were revealed. Other people didn't share the same sentiment, however. There were varying opinions on Twitter. Check out these two tweets that were made in the same minute:



However, CBS later released these pictures, showing the injuries that Peterson's son incurred. The first picture is of his back; the second is of his leg:



I'm all for disciplining children, even if it's spanking them or something of that sort, and I hate idiots in the media and government who think they can tell parents how to raise their children. But this just seems like it went too far. Unless Peterson's son hatched a legitimate plan to blow up a building, or something, I can't imagine what he could have done to deserve that sort of beating. Children can be a**holes, sure, but you can't give them lacerations like that. There's a line between discipline and child abuse, and it appears as though Peterson has crossed it.

With all of this in mind, I don't even know what sort of punishment Peterson should receive. I wouldn't give Peterson an indefinite suspension like Rice unjustly received - more on that later - but if the NFL wanted to suspend Peterson for the rest of the season, I could understand it. With all of the poor publicity the NFL has gotten recently, it should send a message that it won't stand for its players acting like thugs and causing harm to anyone.

Update: Peterson was reinstated to the team, but then suspended once more. Bringing him back in the first place was ridiculous, and it's even more embarrassing for the team that they caved only because they were in danger of losing sponsors.

More Ray Rice: I discussed Ray Rice below, but there's something I don't understand about the penalty that the former Raven running back received. Quite simply, I don't get why Roger Goodell slapped Rice with an indefinite suspension. Yes, yes, the video was terrible, but the punishment went against the policies Goodell just implemented.

Goodell initially suspended Rice for two games, which was absurd. The commissioner then admitted that he made a mistake and installed a new policy: Those found guilty of domestic abuse would be out for six games for the first offense and then exiled with a life-time ban for the second infraction. Pretty fair.

So, with that in mind, why was Rice given an indefinite suspension? Goodell's new policies called for a six-game suspension for first-time offenders. Rice was a first-time offender. By the NFL's own rules, Rice should be out six games. It's almost as if Goodell overreacted to his own incompetence while issuing this penalty.

The kicker is that, according to reports, Rice actually told Goodell what happened back when this incident first occurred. Goodell apparently knew everything that happened this entire time, yet he still made numerous mistakes throughout this entire saga. He has to be completely embarrassed by all of this, and I could see him stepping down as a consequence. I don't think he should've been fired for "covering" this thing up, and I'm not going to call for his job, but he just seems to be in way over his head. Goodell has done some great things like expanding the NFL Draft and making sure the Redskins keep their name - to the chagrin of those same sandy-vagged mouth-breathers on Twitter - but he just looks awful by epically bungling what has transpired recently.

Greg Hardy: Oh, and why the hell is Greg Hardy allowed to play? Hardy also abused a woman, and unlike Rice, he's actually been convicted! Yet, he's not being suspended whatsoever? Huh?

What needs to happen for Hardy to get banned for six games? Does TMZ need to make sure another video surfaces for there to be an uproar? Does he need to smoke weed like Josh Gordon? What is going on here? Again, Hardy has been convicted. C-O-N-V-I-C-T-E-D. Rice was not convicted. Ben Roethlisberger was never convicted. Hardy has been, yet nothing has happened. He has received zero discipline.

Again, Goodell just appears to be asleep at the wheel. According to his past actions, Goodell will probably give Hardy a two-game ban or something. Because domestic abuse apparently doesn't happen unless there's a video involved - even if a judge says differently.

Update: Hardy was inactive for Week 2. It's embarrassing that the Panthers even let him play in Week 1, but at least they ultimately got it right.

4. On a lighter note, I wanted to discuss how terrible my friend Body Burner's one fantasy league is. I mentioned it during my Live Kickoff Blog. Here are some highlights:

- Dez Bryant fell to him at 2.12. He also landed Robert Griffin in the 11th round, and yet his league members complimented someone who chose Johnny Manziel a couple of picks later.

- Lamar Miller went in the third round. Body Burner chose Knowshon Moreno in the eighth, and he was criticized for it. Someone told him, "That pick was good for me."

- Someone chose Nick Foles with the final pick in the second round. BB asked, "Nick Foles?" The guy responded, "He's my sixth-ranked quarterback." Body Burner looked at the draft board and replied, "There were only three quarterbacks off the board..."

- "One of the guys in the league was saying how we can start two tight ends. He said, 'You can start Jeremy Graham or... what's another good one... Jermichael Finley.'"

Body Burner recently offered the following trade to a member in his league: Roddy White and Zac Stacy for Julio Jones. A fair swap. The member declined it and counter-offered: Julio Jones and Jeremy Hill for Roddy White and Zac Stacy. Basically, he made his deal worse.

Body Burner texted me after the Bengals' win: "I'd like to thank that guy for giving me Jeremy Hill and his 74 yards and touchdown for no reason."

5. Body Burner and I share a team in an auction-keeper league. We get offered the worst deals of all time. For instance, one guy offered us Shonn Greene, Andy Dalton, Eric Decker and Bishop Sankey (for $63!) for Calvin Johnson, Ryan Fitzpatrick and Kenny Britt. Basically, he wanted to unload three pieces of junk and an expensive rookie who's not even playing for Calvin Johnson.

We quickly declined, and he sent us an angry e-mail:

Do you have any interest in trading Calvin??? If not say something in the comments so I don't look like a jackass offering you trades! Don't be fooled by 1 good game by Calvin. He's not gonna win you games every week.

So, because Megatron isn't going to single-handedly win us games each week, we should deal him for garbage? This guy is such an idiot.

6. I forgot to mention CBS' TV stupidity in Week 1. There were a billion 1 p.m. games and only two that started at 4:25. CBS didn't carry any during the latter time slot because of... tennis!

Seriously, who cares about tennis? It's a neat sport to play, but who the hell watches it? I can only think of three reasons why to tune into tennis over anything else:

1. You lost your porn password, so you have to settle for watching chicks in skirts.

2. You want to root against Serena Williams because she A) looks like a golem and B) the media vomits whenever she does anything.

3. You have no friends and no life.

The worst part is that Serena beat the hot chick who was playing. I cried a little bit inside once I heard the news. The hot chicks should always win.




Random NFL Notes: Week 2:

This entire section will be dedicated to Ray Rice. If you somehow haven't seen the new Ray Rice video, here's the link. I'll discuss all aspects of it:

Ray Rice and the Video: I was pretty surprised when I saw that everyone on Twitter was outraged by the video. What Rice did sucks, but we already knew that he hit his then-fiancee and dragged her out of an elevator. I didn't understand why people were so outraged upon actually seeing the video. Adam Schefter said something like, "There's a difference between hearing about it and seeing it." Uhh... no, there's not. What did people think happened before seeing this? Did they believe that Rice prepared a lovely dinner for his then-fiancee, bought her flowers and then had his hand slip into her face while accidentally knocking her out? Why would anyone think that this was anything but a Little Mac vs. Glass Joe situation?

Everyone should've been just as angry when this story first surfaced, and that's when Baltimore should have released Rice, or at least given him an unpaid leave of absence.

Ray Rice and the NFL: I thought Rice should've gotten at least eight games back when this story first broke. I wrote that it was a complete joke that he was essentially given a slap on the wrist (two games), while Josh Gordon was banned for the entire year for testing positive for weed. I wouldn't have gone as far as to expel Rice indefinitely because taking away a first-time offender's livelihood for what could've been a horrible, drunken mistake seems over the top, but an entire year would've been appropriate.

Something that people find appalling is that the NFL "covered this up." Keith Olbermann, with an alarming amount of sand stuck in his vag, sounded off on Roger Goodell, demanding for the NFL commissioner to step down for the way he handled the situation. Olbermann was absolutely irate and dumbfounded that the league covered this up. Olbermann, as usual, was being a mouth-breathing moron. It's not like Goodell and his cronies covered up a murder or a plot to assassinate the U.S. president. Domestic violence is terrible, but there's no reason to be so incredibly angry about not wanting the video leaked. In fact, it's very understandable why the NFL and the Ravens made sure it didn't surface. It would've made the league and the team look bad anyway, even if Rice had been exiled.

Ray Rice and the Ravens: Oh, and don't believe Goodell or the Ravens when they say that they never saw the tape. Of course they did. If the hotel staff and TMZ had access to it, so did the NFL.

As much as people don't want to admit it, the NFL is a business. The league and all of its employees will do what makes them the most money. Naive communists might be against this, but that's just how it works. For the Ravens, having Rice on the roster made more financial sense to them - until the public saw this video. Once that happened, they were in jeopardy of losing sponsors, so it then made more sense to get rid of Rice.

All of this was fueled by economics, and no one should be surprised or appalled by it. That's just how the world works. But, in the end, Baltimore isn't taking much of a hit. People will forget about this in a month or so when the next controversy occurs. The Ravens and the NFL will continue to keep printing money, and Rice won't be missed at all because he was a declining has-been.

Ray Rice and ESPN: Excluding Rice and what he did, perhaps the worst part of this story was hearing some of ESPN's "personalities" discuss it. I found it absolutely ridiculous that the first person to talk about Rice on Monday NFL Countdown was Ray Lewis, who murdered someone more than a decade ago. If that wasn't enough, Keyshawn Johnson chimed in. The same Keyshawn Johnson who was arrested for domestic assault in the spring.

Half of ESPN's employees are criminals, so it should've been in their best interest to just ignore this story. After all, Rice will probably be employed by ESPN sometime in the near future. Apologizing to their new co-worker once that happens could be awkward.

Ray Rice and Janay Rice: I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss Janay Rice. Janay took to Twitter on Tuesday, expressing her displeasure that this video was leaked because she had to "relive the incident." Other people expressed similar sentiments - that TMZ (a piece of s*** company as far as I'm concerned) shouldn't have released the tape.

I don't have an issue with the video being out. Janay was already reliving this incident every single morning by waking up next to Ray. She could have just as easily left him and filed charges. Instead, she married him, opting for a life of fame and fortune. Ray is a celebrity, and with celebrity comes no expectation of privacy. If she wanted the "good" - talking about the money; not being married to a wife-beater - she has to accept the bad as well. I could see her having beef if this video surfaced and she already left him, but Janay opted to marry Ray. It was incredibly naive of her not to believe that this video wouldn't surface. Did she honestly think this would all just go away?

Ray Rice and other media: There were some derp moments from other media sources. My editor pointed them both out, so I want to give him credit. The first occurred when Rotoworld editorialized that "Rice is lucky he isn't in jail." No, he's not. That's why he married Janay. In most U.S. states, spouses can't be compelled to testify against each other. Back when the two got married, I remember my editor saying, "Ray Rice's attorney is a genius."

Also, "The smart money is on Rice never playing another snap in the NFL," also from Rotoworld. There's a chance Rice won't play again, but the smart money is not on it. Some may believe he won't play again, but most people won't be as angry a year or two from now. By then, Rice will come forward and claim some B.S. like he had a battle with alcoholism that he overcame. He found God, blah blah blah blah blah. He'll show remorse - or fake it like QB Dog Killer - and then Tony Dungy will offer to mentor him, and some running back-hungry team will sign him. Just warning you in advance.

On the bright side, when this happens, I'll refer to Rice as RB Wife Beater.




Random NFL Notes: Week 1:

1. As noted in my NFL Power Rankings, I will say "Redskins" as much as possible because of how stupid Phil Simms, Tony Dungy, Bob Costas, etc. are being. The whole controversy is idiotic, and it sucks that the media is focusing on these dopes rather than a real man like Mike Ditka, who had this to say about the Redskins team name.

Ditka is the man, unlike the soulless Phil Simms, hypocritical Tony Dungy (anti-Michael Sam, yet welcomes a deranged dog-killer?) and ultimate douche Bob Costas, and he's totally right. PC idiots are the absolute worst, and they're ruining this country. No sane person on this planet - attention-whore trolls don't count - is offended by the Redskins team name. There are two Native American high schools that have "Redskins" as their nickname/mascot, but don't tell this to the PC idiots, who will either ignore it or respond with some stupid cliche like, "You don't want to be on the wrong side of history." What history? There has never been a single person who used "Redskin" as a derogatory term for a Native American. It's never occurred. Why? Because "Redskins" is not offensive. Otherwise, freaking Native American high schools wouldn't use it as a nickname. Derp dee derp dee derp.

Ugh. I'm so tired of these morons and this entire controversy. But I'm sticking with my Redskins plan, so Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins Redskins.

I hope I made the great Mike Ditka proud.

2. Have you ever wondered what an NFL mascot's fantasy team looks like? I am friends with someone in the same league as Swoop, the Eagles' mascot. I'm 100-percent serious. Here's his fantasy roster (non-PPR):

QB - Nick Foles
RB - Reggie Bush
WR - DeMarco Murray
WR - DeSean Jacskon
WR - Golden Tate
TE - Zach Ertz
Flex - Anquan Boldin
Def - Panthers Defense
K - Stephen Gostkowski

BN - Cam Newton, QB
BN - Steven Hauschka, K
BN - Andre Williams, RB
BN - Cardinals Defense
BN - Knile Davis, RB
BN - James Jones, WR
BN - Robert Turbin, RB

It's quite apparent that Swoop doesn't read this site; otherwise, he'd know that you should avoid DeMarco Murray, DeSean Jackson and Cam Newton for various reasons.

Anyway, there are three things that stick out:

1) What's up with Murray, Jackson and Williams being on this team? Why would Swoop have players from NFC East rivals on his fantasy roster? Doesn't this go against some sort of mascot edict?

2) Two kickers and two defenses? WTF is that about? Why would anyone ever draft two kickers? Was Swoop that concerned Stephen Gostkowski was going to get hurt?

3) Speaking of Gostkowski, Swoop picked him in the SEVENTH ROUND!!! I'd call Swoop a "bird brain" for taking a kicker eight rounds too early, but that might be a little mean.

3. I'm going to list the worst preseason announcers next week. This is an annual feature, but I thought I'd hold it off until Week 2 this year so it wouldn't feel like I was just repeating content. Here's a preview though - a necessary one, as you'll see in the Chargers-Cardinals capsule:

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I may have found the worst announcer in NFL history. His name Ron Zappolo, and he's an old, mustachioed man who serves as the Broncos' play-by-play guy. Zappolo seemed oblivious as to what was going on at times, saying things like, "There's a timeout on the field; we'll be back" when the first quarter concluded. And when John Lynch, the color analyst, called Montee Ball and Ronnie Hillman "thunder and lightning," Zappolo responded with something along the lines of, "Oh, that's a neat nickname!"

What made Zappolo really stand out was his pronunciation of Jadeveon Clowney. He called him "Jadaevius Clowney," and he didn't do it once. He said "Jadaevius Clowney" a whopping three times, even after Lynch said his name correctly, so it wasn't even a slip of the tongue.

Zappolo then provided this tidbit: "The Texans could have went with a quarterback with the first pick in the draft. But they went with Jadaevius Clowney, which turned out to be a great pick."

It turned out to be a great pick? How does he know what? "Jadaveius" Clowney hasn't even played a regular-season game yet! My theory is that Zappolo is from the future. He's seen Clowney dominate, and he also knows that Clowney will eventually change his first name to Jadaevius.


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